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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 08-10-17, 07:22 PM
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Nothing that unique; just need to vent

My husband is an overall very kind and understanding person. He's helped me a lot with becoming more organized (mostly because he is naturally good at that, and takes care of most of our bills, etc.)

However, sometimes he just does. not. get. it.

There are two tasks in particular I've been trying to remember to do for months: change my address and update a very important piece of paperwork for work. I only think about them at random times, like when I'm at the store and can't do it right then, or in bed in the middle of the night. I mean, you guys know how it is.

Today, I actually remembered BOTH the things! Miracle! During my lunch break, I filled out the neccesary paperwork stuff online, but there's a $30 processing fee. My husband and I "pay" ourselves every Friday so we don't overspend. Since it's Thursday, our spending account has less than $30. I texted him and asked if I could use our savings account (and then just pay ourselves $30 less tomorrow). He didn't get why it was so urgent and asked if I could just wait until tomorrow.

Then, at home I remembered to change my address. It's actually a very easy process online, but for some dumb reason my card isn't matching up with the billing address, so they can't verify my identify. Once again, my husband is like, "Just go to the post office and do it on Saturday."

In both cases he doesn't get why it's so urgent. It's not that either has to happen today; it's that I know I won't remember tomorrow! He says things like, "I don't know what to tell you. Just write it down or something." Like that's some sort of genius move that only he's thought of. If writing it down solved the issue, I wouldn't have so much trouble remembering!

I am so infuriated and hurt right now. It feels like he has no ability to understand where I'm coming from and no interest in trying to figure it out. If I don't get this paperwork taken care of I could lose my job, and yeah, that should be important enough for me to magically remember it. BUT IT'S NOT. I've forgotten every single day since June and now I have less than a month left.

And on top of everything else my mother in law is visiting so I feel like I can't discuss this openly because I don't want to argue with him in front of her. (She's great; don't get me wrong - I just don't want to have a heated discussion or argument while she is visiting.)
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Old 08-11-17, 12:34 AM
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Re: Nothing that unique; just need to vent

I 100% get the feeling of it having to be done now, right this second after it's been put off for months and the consequences could be big.

I would be hurt too. Your husband doesn't get it and probably never will just like we will probably not magically begin to remember to things like NT's. It's almost two-sides of the same coin.

I don't have any real advice but I hope you guys are able to talk soon.
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Old 08-11-17, 05:11 AM
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Re: Nothing that unique; just need to vent

Does your husband know a lot about adhd? Does be understand the difficulties beyond this situation? Has he read about adhd and its deficits?
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