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Old 07-01-18, 01:02 PM
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Checking Back In For the Summer

Signing back in to ADDF now that itís summer.

I hope everyone is safe and well. Have poked around in a couple of threads and I see some good

The school year went really late this year, 7 snow days, my second latest school year ever. It was also really really busy, I forgot my rules about limiting gigs and travel. I overdid it in the fall, keeping up with all the traveling and gigs with the big band, but also trying to start up a new little band with a friend to have something for after the planned big band break up. I have 4 more festivals with the big group this year. Whew. Glad itís a smaller number.

I got really really sick a couple times too. In the spring I thought I broke my rib coughing but really I injured what must have been a tendon cuz there was no break but it took probably 2 months to really heal! Ow.

We hired an awesome new colleague, but I think heíll be leaving the year after next, so itíll be back to the drawing board /again/. It is sad that he might leave.

BUT my principal agreed to hire an aid part-time to help the specials teachers! Iím kind of holding my breath about being hopeful, but the idea is that it could help with the workload. I hope it does help.

Weíve been talking about ways to restructure some of the big school performance traditions. Itís so much work, there used to be 2 music teachers, and I donít handle the strain well all the time, though the finished product with the kids is so cool!!! I think there will be more changes coming...

Iím having trouble with motivation, task-initiation, mood, focus...my therapist was sort of weaning me off therapy and I was shrugging and going along with it. Like, sure, whatever, whatís the use of anything really. Do what you want with me. Iím hopeless. But last session she was like, hm, maybe not. In fact, I think you maybe need to get meds re-evaluated. She said my affect was noticeably different, less focused, more tired, less eye contact. Discussed thoughts on maybe addition of anti-depressant type thing might be helpful. Had I had a blood panel recently? Maybe thereís another reason for being tired? Letís figure out a plan to see a psychiatrist and keep some appointments around traveling in the summer. That was nice, Iím glad she thinks there are solutions out there to try.

Talked to doc about that and there was a psych in the practice who I could see for free, they were going to have her call me but she hasnít. I feel nervous about new meds. But summer is kinda like, the perfect set up to try new meds so, gotta call them.

New boy. Well since January. He is an extroverted critical care nurse and plays music, sings, and dances. He is determined to have relationship, make money, pay off school debts, get a house and a dog and a cat and a garden and have a nice little family. Er, I mean a big family. He says he canít wait to grow up cuz heís been old for a long time. (Heís 37 ::facepalm: He is funny, I like it when he makes me belly laugh. IMO he is an ADHDer too and weíre pretty messy and bad at time management. That is overwhelming for me but he just kind of bounces eagerly through it all. Though I realized he tries to copy the things that I do to build structure. He has said I am better at organizing than I think I am. He loves to be busy. I have enough anxiety for the both of us. So actually I think weíre a pretty good balance for each other.

Iíve been frequently tired angry and irritable though. Itís hard I just...I donít know. I worry a lot. Iíll be faced with an unpleasant possibility and I go to worst possible scenario in my brain in 3 seconds flat. I mean itís really like fast forward through all the scenes cuz I know whatís going to happen and it is going to be the worst. Then Iím angry that that might be on the horizon. Then Iím snippy. Then people are confused, surprised, or boy makes kicked puppy face. Then Iím guilty and angry at myself. Then Iím crying. Uuuuuuuuugh.

But I had a nice day yesterday and a nice evening before that. Played music, went dancing, drinks and cards at a table with 3 ADHDers that was fun. Next day pancakes for breakfast, boy tried to help me through meditating a little, practicing being in the moment and clearing my head, then a jog through the forest in the heat and humidity, followed by a swim in the creek. Aaaah.

When I was working at my previous school, I made regular daily exercise a priority and I did notice that my tendency for negative self talk about myself kinda eased up. I wasnít happy, because I hated where I was living and I hated my job, but I didnít blame things on myself. Anyways, exercise prolly a good thing to try.

Also if anyone has suggestions for an apartment with a lot of skylights, basically a green house set up, and getting the heat down in the summer, that would probably help with the irritability also. Xp
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  #2  
Old 07-01-18, 02:22 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

It's wonderful to see you back here, wonderful willow
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Old 07-01-18, 02:50 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

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Originally Posted by willow129 View Post
Iíve been frequently tired angry and irritable though. Itís hard I just...I donít know. I worry a lot. Iíll be faced with an unpleasant possibility and I go to worst possible scenario in my brain in 3 seconds flat. I mean itís really like fast forward through all the scenes cuz I know whatís going to happen and it is going to be the worst. Then Iím angry that that might be on the horizon. Then Iím snippy. Then people are confused, surprised, or boy makes kicked puppy face. Then Iím guilty and angry at myself. Then Iím crying. Uuuuuuuuugh.
I wish there was an easier way to help you with this. Sometimes I play a "game" I call "the worst". I will write down the issue and write down all the horrible worst cases scenarios that could happen. Then I will right down how it could possibly work out. Then I put that list away and look at it the next day or later and am able to zero in on what actually makes sense.
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Old 07-01-18, 02:57 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Willow129?

Who dat?

You know who dat is?

I no know who dat is!
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Old 07-01-18, 03:13 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

OH YEAH!!!

I REMEMBER WHO DAT IS AGAINED!!!!

IT'S THAT WILLOWBUG!!!...THE ONE WHO PLAYED THE CLARINET JUST FOR ME AND CAPTURED A BIT OF MY HEART!!!

I remember now! lol

((((((((((((((BUGS))))))))))))))

Well hi there Little Bugs!
It sure is nice to see you and to get an update from you!!

...
I feel bad that you're coming back to the forums when they're the quietest I've ever seen them.

Sorry you got so sick! Does your rib ever hurt anymore? Or are you completely recovered from that?

Why is your new colleague going to leave?

Quote:
I’m having trouble with motivation, task-initiation, mood, focus
Yeah...me too. As usual. Even medicated. Having a friend to do things with is helping a bit.

Glad your therapist sounds like they're going to start picking things back up with you though.
Even though I'm really doing pretty darn good in life right now...I think I'd fall apart if my therapist started to wind our sessions down.

I hope over the summer you and the new psych can find some meds to help next school year!

As for the new boyfriend?
He's not good enough for you.
None of them are.
NEXT!



Oh and here's my suggestion for an apartment for you!




.......

I /hearts.jpeg you Bugs!! It's so nice to hear from you!!

(((Bugsy-Bugs)))
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Old 07-02-18, 12:00 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Sarah that’s a really good suggestion actually. I like to write so, I think that would slow me down a lot, and engage me in something that holds my attention. Thanks. Wish I’d looked at that last night cuz that coulda helped me through my panic moment getting ready for a gig this coming weekend actually. I really can mess myself up sometimes. I’m gonna remember to try that. Thanks!

OOO PSYCHOOOOO!!! HI FRIEND!!! I RENEMBERS YOU TOOO ::e-squeeeeeeze!!!::

My cat has been walking around my apartment looking for the darkest little corners. He was just eyeballing the closet behind my giant jaguar onesie costume and underneath the very chaotically stacked tenting equipment. But he’s just a little too big. But it was cute to watch hahaha. Now he’s under my desk all splayed out.

Oof. I tacked sheets over the skylights and I am now imagining that my plants (who think this is like the best apartment everrr) are pouting a little.

It’s brutal in here. 92 degrees inside and I do have an air conditioner :O
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Old 07-02-18, 12:12 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Quote:
Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
OH YEAH!!!
I feel bad that you're coming back to the forums when they're the quietest I've ever seen them.

Sorry you got so sick! Does your rib ever hurt anymore? Or are you completely recovered from that?

Why is your new colleague going to leave?



Yeah...me too. As usual. Even medicated. Having a friend to do things with is helping a bit.

Glad your therapist sounds like they're going to start picking things back up with you though.
Even though I'm really doing pretty darn good in life right now...I think I'd fall apart if my therapist started to wind our sessions down.

I hope over the summer you and the new psych can find some meds to help next school year!

As for the new boyfriend?
He's not good enough for you.
None of them are.
NEXT!



Oh and here's my suggestion for an apartment for you!




.......

I /hearts.jpeg you Bugs!! It's so nice to hear from you!!

(((Bugsy-Bugs)))
Quiet forums - WE CAN FIX THAT ::runs around yelling for like 2 seconds::
Oof never mind. Iím gonna join kitty under the desk for the rest of the day actually.

Itís odd that a lot of my interests or places where I feel like I belong have been quieting down lately. And I myself have had less time to put into them...dancing is the other one...

New colleague - his goal has always been this sort of administrative position at the high school where he grew up and it is opening soon. Heís been working really hard to boost his resume for the job and is even stepping back from coaching (which he loves) to take some more classes for his resume. Anyways, he did tell us this at the beginning. When we interviewed him, but we didnít realize that position would be opening so soon. He really has done well, his first year of teaching, I think the higher up position will still involve teaching, but also pay waaay better. He will be a master teacher. I feel heartbroken to lose him soon but I also know we need to offer candidates more in this PE job we have here, or of course they will go elsewhere. We expect a LOT and itís a part time kinda dead end job. ::sigh:: anyways, things to talk to the principal about.

Thanks for your empathy Psycho. Yeah, friend work parties. I was thinking about that last night. My therapist has encouraged me to do that many many times. She probably, like, knows what sheís talking about, or something.............
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Old 07-02-18, 12:14 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Oh! One nice thing about the colleague is he said after a year in this job, his resume looks awesome now because of the variety of things he’s had to do Haha. So truuuuue
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Old 07-02-18, 01:46 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

haha how sad would it be if he applied for the career he wants...and was turned down for turning in his resume and being deemed as over qualified!
Oh...? Not funny?! lol
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Old 07-04-18, 06:56 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Haha, glad to have you back on ADD-forums, Willow. Not much to say right now 'cause I'm listing to some exellect live '80s stuff. That female funk drummer knows what she is doing... And that hair of hers, it radiates out about 2 feet.
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Old 07-09-18, 10:14 AM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
haha how sad would it be if he applied for the career he wants...and was turned down for turning in his resume and being deemed as over qualified!
Oh...? Not funny?! lol
::hides giggling behind hands:: oh no Iím vverrrrrryyy sad you didnít get your job and I didnít have to do interviews during the summer!! I reeeeally really wanted to!!!!

So far it seems like weíre at least safe for next school year.
Havenít heard anything about interviews for hiring an aid though.......hmmmmmmmmm

I have a bandmate with radiating hair as well! Do you think it helps with the music making?? Is that what Iíve been missing this whole time???
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Old 07-12-18, 02:42 PM
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Re: Checking Back In For the Summer

Well, Colleague took another job. Uuuuuuuuggghhhh here we go summer interviews. Argh. And more people who are supposed to be helping, and have no prior experience. Why. Why. Why. Why am I in this ridiculous position. This doesn’t have to be like this, I don’t need to endure here. I love the kids but this is set up so poorly. I don’t need to carry the weight of it if the people in charge can’t figure out better solutions.

In other news, I had an appointment with a psychiatrist this morning. I was so nervous about it! But it went really well, she thinks keeping the Adderall the same right now, but exploring treatments for anxiety will help. Will start Prozac tomorrow.
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