ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-01-19, 09:31 AM
gandy78 gandy78 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Elizabeth City
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
gandy78 is on a distinguished road
Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

My husband has ADHD and loses everything? How can spouses deal with this? I am so organized and he isn't. We have been married for 16 years and I am about to call it quits. I can't deal with his reckless behavior anymore. I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-01-19, 12:44 PM
mrzyphl mrzyphl is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: ontari-ari-ari-o
Posts: 242
Thanks: 117
Thanked 217 Times in 111 Posts
mrzyphl is a jewel in the roughmrzyphl is a jewel in the roughmrzyphl is a jewel in the rough
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Hi Gandy,

Yes, losing and forgetting things is normal. Has he tried a different med?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-01-19, 02:23 PM
Lunacie's Avatar
Lunacie Lunacie is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: south-central Kansas
Posts: 19,785
Thanks: 21,442
Thanked 26,703 Times in 12,472 Posts
Lunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Try reading Gina Pera's "Stopping The Roller Coaster When Someone You Love
Has ADHD."
__________________
ADD is not a problem of knowing what to do; it is a problem of doing what you know.
-RUSSELL A. BARKLEY, PH.D.


As far as I know, there is nothing positive about ADHD that people can't have w out ADHD. ~ ADD me
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lunacie For This Useful Post:
aeon (06-01-19)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 06-02-19, 08:16 AM
tudorose's Avatar
tudorose tudorose is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Oz
Posts: 4,298
Thanks: 5,198
Thanked 5,503 Times in 2,385 Posts
tudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

My husband is not adhd and loses everything. I know how he thinks so am able to locate whatever he has lost most times and I am the one with adhd!! We got a buffet thingy last week with the intention that everything gets dumped on that. Yesterday he pressed the garage door remote to open it and drove in and prompty lost it. I think it's a bloke thing
__________________
Half human, Half alien
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-02-19, 09:57 AM
qanda qanda is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: nowhereland
Posts: 413
Thanks: 117
Thanked 290 Times in 179 Posts
qanda is a glorious beacon of lightqanda is a glorious beacon of lightqanda is a glorious beacon of lightqanda is a glorious beacon of lightqanda is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

I am not adhd and am super forgetful. It really ****** me off, sometimes several times per day. I may go to the grocery market and realize I forgot my wallet. Or misplace my phone at home. Or go to the mall with the intentions of returning something & literally forget to. There are things I do - sticky notes on the back of my phone, reminders set on phone. But it doesn't always work. I think you have to accept his forgetfulness as partly unavoidable to make your rs work. Or you would if you lived with me anyway because I just can't completely fix it.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-02-19, 10:51 AM
Lunacie's Avatar
Lunacie Lunacie is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: south-central Kansas
Posts: 19,785
Thanks: 21,442
Thanked 26,703 Times in 12,472 Posts
Lunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by qanda View Post
I am not adhd and am super forgetful. It really ****** me off, sometimes several times per day. I may go to the grocery market and realize I forgot my wallet. Or misplace my phone at home. Or go to the mall with the intentions of returning something & literally forget to. There are things I do - sticky notes on the back of my phone, reminders set on phone. But it doesn't always work. I think you have to accept his forgetfulness as partly unavoidable to make your rs work. Or you would if you lived with me anyway because I just can't completely fix it.
Exactly!
If others in our lives are frustrated by our symptoms, they should know that
we are even more frustrated at having so little control over these symptoms.
__________________
ADD is not a problem of knowing what to do; it is a problem of doing what you know.
-RUSSELL A. BARKLEY, PH.D.


As far as I know, there is nothing positive about ADHD that people can't have w out ADHD. ~ ADD me
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Lunacie For This Useful Post:
aeon (06-02-19), stef (06-03-19), tudorose (06-02-19)
  #7  
Old 06-02-19, 06:04 PM
tudorose's Avatar
tudorose tudorose is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Oz
Posts: 4,298
Thanks: 5,198
Thanked 5,503 Times in 2,385 Posts
tudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Exactly!
If others in our lives are frustrated by our symptoms, they should know that
we are even more frustrated at having so little control over these symptoms.
Yes. When you get to the point that you have to apologise for breathing because you are not meeting someone else's exacting standards it's time to walk away
__________________
Half human, Half alien
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tudorose For This Useful Post:
aeon (06-03-19), stef (06-11-19)
  #8  
Old 06-11-19, 02:50 AM
Lloyd_ Lloyd_ is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Athens, AL
Posts: 307
Thanks: 5
Thanked 321 Times in 156 Posts
Lloyd_ is a glorious beacon of lightLloyd_ is a glorious beacon of lightLloyd_ is a glorious beacon of lightLloyd_ is a glorious beacon of lightLloyd_ is a glorious beacon of lightLloyd_ is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gandy78 View Post
My husband has ADHD and loses everything? How can spouses deal with this? I am so organized and he isn't. We have been married for 16 years and I am about to call it quits. I can't deal with his reckless behavior anymore. I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
Do you have trouble working in a disorganized environment? If so maybe you're the one with ADD? Take the diagnosis test, you might surprise yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-11-19, 03:54 AM
stef's Avatar
stef stef is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: west of Paris
Posts: 18,530
Thanks: 37,958
Thanked 27,391 Times in 13,270 Posts
stef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gandy78 View Post
I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
Yes, it is and this is essentially the disorder itself. (at least for me). When you use an item, you quite literally cannot SEE it anymore once you've finished the task. because your mind is already in the next task, along with 3 or 4 other things. So that means wandering around with readers, a can opener, a pen, a charger, the remote, etc etc in one hand and then setting it down in a random location or putting it in a pocket. This has gotten a lot better with meds but even so, i will go back into the kitchen sometime after breakfast and ok yay, i rinsed out my mug at put it in the sink; but there is still a knife and an empty yogurt container on the table.

please, don't take this personally.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to stef For This Useful Post:
acdc01 (06-11-19), aeon (06-11-19), Lunacie (06-11-19), namazu (06-11-19)
  #10  
Old 06-11-19, 02:29 PM
acdc01 acdc01 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 3,222
Thanks: 3,053
Thanked 4,131 Times in 2,131 Posts
acdc01 has disabled reputation
Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

What reckless behavior are you referring to? Is it really about the organization mostly or is there something else going on?

I've had people move out or kick me out for the sole reason that I'm disorganized. Reminders did not work. What did work for me was to change my environment and to set up patterns. For example, I lose my keys, wallet, and phone sometimes. If he has this problem, there are phone cases that let you attach your keys and hold everything your wallet typically does. Then there are clips with attachable cords that let you hook all of it to your jacket. If he wears the same jacket all the time or just clips to a new jacket when he has to switch, he won't lose his stuff unless he loses his whole jacket. He can also set up find my phone so all this stuff can be easily looked up by him on a computer if he ever loses it so in effect he'll never really lose it. Another example is I can keep my place organized now. The only way I can do this though was to change my environment. I am a minimalist so I don't have much stuff to lose anymore and much less to clean. This helps a lot.

I do think your husband can get more organized with maybe an ADHD coach (or post some more specifics on what he loses all the time and maybe we can give you more ideas).

That said, your husband will most likely always be below average when it comes to organization. Can you be happy enough with that?

There are certain personality types that I'm not compatible with. People that sweat the little things that wouldn't ultimately affect happiness except they let them. People that have to do things in a certain way even if doing it in a different way would achieve the same results. I'm not trying to insult these people by the way. They are the way they are the same as I'm disorganized by nature.

Is your personality such a polar opposite to your husbands that you guys will never be able to find a happy compromise? If so, I'm not sure you can find anything that will work but if you can be happy with a compromise, I do think maybe he can improve a little in terms of organization if he hasn't been working with an ADHD coach or searching for solutions on a forum or something.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to acdc01 For This Useful Post:
aeon (06-11-19), Lunacie (06-11-19), namazu (06-11-19), stef (06-11-19), tudorose (06-12-19)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:06 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums