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  #1  
Old 06-01-19, 09:31 AM
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Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

My husband has ADHD and loses everything? How can spouses deal with this? I am so organized and he isn't. We have been married for 16 years and I am about to call it quits. I can't deal with his reckless behavior anymore. I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
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Old 06-01-19, 12:44 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Hi Gandy,

Yes, losing and forgetting things is normal. Has he tried a different med?
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Old 06-01-19, 02:23 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Try reading Gina Pera's "Stopping The Roller Coaster When Someone You Love
Has ADHD."
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Old 06-02-19, 08:16 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

My husband is not adhd and loses everything. I know how he thinks so am able to locate whatever he has lost most times and I am the one with adhd!! We got a buffet thingy last week with the intention that everything gets dumped on that. Yesterday he pressed the garage door remote to open it and drove in and prompty lost it. I think it's a bloke thing
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Old 06-02-19, 09:57 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

I am not adhd and am super forgetful. It really ****** me off, sometimes several times per day. I may go to the grocery market and realize I forgot my wallet. Or misplace my phone at home. Or go to the mall with the intentions of returning something & literally forget to. There are things I do - sticky notes on the back of my phone, reminders set on phone. But it doesn't always work. I think you have to accept his forgetfulness as partly unavoidable to make your rs work. Or you would if you lived with me anyway because I just can't completely fix it.
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Old 06-02-19, 10:51 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

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Originally Posted by qanda View Post
I am not adhd and am super forgetful. It really ****** me off, sometimes several times per day. I may go to the grocery market and realize I forgot my wallet. Or misplace my phone at home. Or go to the mall with the intentions of returning something & literally forget to. There are things I do - sticky notes on the back of my phone, reminders set on phone. But it doesn't always work. I think you have to accept his forgetfulness as partly unavoidable to make your rs work. Or you would if you lived with me anyway because I just can't completely fix it.
Exactly!
If others in our lives are frustrated by our symptoms, they should know that
we are even more frustrated at having so little control over these symptoms.
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Old 06-02-19, 06:04 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Exactly!
If others in our lives are frustrated by our symptoms, they should know that
we are even more frustrated at having so little control over these symptoms.
Yes. When you get to the point that you have to apologise for breathing because you are not meeting someone else's exacting standards it's time to walk away
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Old 06-11-19, 02:50 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gandy78 View Post
My husband has ADHD and loses everything? How can spouses deal with this? I am so organized and he isn't. We have been married for 16 years and I am about to call it quits. I can't deal with his reckless behavior anymore. I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
Do you have trouble working in a disorganized environment? If so maybe you're the one with ADD? Take the diagnosis test, you might surprise yourself.
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Old 06-11-19, 03:54 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gandy78 View Post
I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??
Yes, it is and this is essentially the disorder itself. (at least for me). When you use an item, you quite literally cannot SEE it anymore once you've finished the task. because your mind is already in the next task, along with 3 or 4 other things. So that means wandering around with readers, a can opener, a pen, a charger, the remote, etc etc in one hand and then setting it down in a random location or putting it in a pocket. This has gotten a lot better with meds but even so, i will go back into the kitchen sometime after breakfast and ok yay, i rinsed out my mug at put it in the sink; but there is still a knife and an empty yogurt container on the table.

please, don't take this personally.
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Old 06-11-19, 02:29 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

What reckless behavior are you referring to? Is it really about the organization mostly or is there something else going on?

I've had people move out or kick me out for the sole reason that I'm disorganized. Reminders did not work. What did work for me was to change my environment and to set up patterns. For example, I lose my keys, wallet, and phone sometimes. If he has this problem, there are phone cases that let you attach your keys and hold everything your wallet typically does. Then there are clips with attachable cords that let you hook all of it to your jacket. If he wears the same jacket all the time or just clips to a new jacket when he has to switch, he won't lose his stuff unless he loses his whole jacket. He can also set up find my phone so all this stuff can be easily looked up by him on a computer if he ever loses it so in effect he'll never really lose it. Another example is I can keep my place organized now. The only way I can do this though was to change my environment. I am a minimalist so I don't have much stuff to lose anymore and much less to clean. This helps a lot.

I do think your husband can get more organized with maybe an ADHD coach (or post some more specifics on what he loses all the time and maybe we can give you more ideas).

That said, your husband will most likely always be below average when it comes to organization. Can you be happy enough with that?

There are certain personality types that I'm not compatible with. People that sweat the little things that wouldn't ultimately affect happiness except they let them. People that have to do things in a certain way even if doing it in a different way would achieve the same results. I'm not trying to insult these people by the way. They are the way they are the same as I'm disorganized by nature.

Is your personality such a polar opposite to your husbands that you guys will never be able to find a happy compromise? If so, I'm not sure you can find anything that will work but if you can be happy with a compromise, I do think maybe he can improve a little in terms of organization if he hasn't been working with an ADHD coach or searching for solutions on a forum or something.
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Old 10-16-19, 07:14 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Sure hope the ADHD didn't win.
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Old 12-09-19, 08:33 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

I understand it’s frustrating but if it’s disorganization only, is it really an ending relationship problem ? It sounds like he tries, I mean isn’t that what counts right? Your making it sound like it’s the apocalypse Lol. Well I hope everything ends well.
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Old 12-10-19, 07:42 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gandy78 View Post
My husband has ADHD and loses everything? How can spouses deal with this? I am so organized and he isn't. We have been married for 16 years and I am about to call it quits. I can't deal with his reckless behavior anymore. I have suggested putting things back when he is finished. I have reminded him and nothing works. He also takes meds. Is this normal??

Now you have been married to him for 16 years and it has not driven you round the bend until now? Has something changed? Has he got worse?
Plenty of us do get worse in middle age. There are a couple of likely causes.
Worsening visual acuity is one.
I had similar issues and it drove me nuts.
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Old 12-10-19, 11:57 AM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

I think we have a SeaGull. OP hasn’t returned since starting thread.
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Old 12-10-19, 01:46 PM
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Re: Husband has ADHD and is driving me Crazy!

16 years and you're going to call it quits,.. because he loses things? He lost stuff for 16 years.. somehow you managed... but now you can't take it anymore?

Something doesn't sound right.
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