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  #1  
Old 05-27-18, 10:23 PM
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Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

I'm 25 and was diagnosed with ADD for the first time a year ago. My psychiatrist prescribed Adderall. I was initially skeptical of medications, but I gave it a try and the improvement was so significant. Most importantly I'm able to keep up with tasks at work, but I've also noticed a lot of improvement in my personal life, like housekeeping, completing projects, and even just being more engaged in conversations. I sleep much better and I'm much calmer now that I'm not worrying so much about what I haven't gotten done.

I haven't told anyone that I'm using Adderall. I'm afraid of negative reactions and I'm generally a private person anyway. But I feel guilty that I haven't even told my boyfriend. I know he would not approve. His brother has severe ADHD and takes Adderall. Even though his brother's life has obviously improved since starting meds (keeping a steady job finally), my boyfriend is still very critical of his brother's use of medications. He doesn't deny that his brother had ADHD, he just strongly believes it should be managed without medication.

I did tell my boyfriend that the psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADD and recommended Adderall. I just didn't mention that I actually picked up the RX and have been using it. I know this is something I can't hide from him forever, especially if we later get married and live together. But how do I tell him about it at this point? I'm hoping we can at least agree to disagree about the issue.
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Old 05-27-18, 11:53 PM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

You're an adult who is responsibly taking medicine to treat your medical condition. It's your decision if/when you want to tell your boyfriend. It's fine for your boyfriend to disagree with your decision, but he needs to respect your decision. If he can't even trust you to make your own medical decisions, then how can he trust you to be his life partner?

Why is your boyfriend so against ADHD meds? Obviously, he didn't come out of the womb with a grudge against Adderall, so something must have happened later in life that made him end up with this mindset. Given that his brother has ADHD, there's a relatively high chance that he himself also inherited the disorder. Perhaps he's jealous that your brother got treatment?
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Old 05-28-18, 12:20 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

My husband was against me taking meds. but he accepted it was necessary.

Better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. If you don't tell him then as well as the fallout from him being upset about you taking meds there will also be the issue of trust and keeping secrets from him.

And if you're going to get married it's important that you set the precedent that he doesn't get to dictate how you manage your own body. Regardless of how upset he might get.
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Old 05-28-18, 08:59 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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Originally Posted by paramarie View Post
---SNIPPAGE---

I know this is something I can't hide from him forever, especially if we later get married and live together. But how do I tell him about it at this point?
Hey PM, I really think the key is to not lie to him about it along the way. Then when it is appropriate, you tell him about it. If OTOH he finds out about it and confronts you, you are able to be open and forthright and say you never lied to him, you respect him, but you consider it a private matter and when the relationship progressed such that you each shared virtually everything you were going to tell him then if it hadn't come up beforehand, like now. GL, -LN
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Old 05-28-18, 11:50 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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Originally Posted by paramarie View Post

I haven't told anyone that I'm using Adderall. I'm afraid of negative reactions and I'm generally a private person anyway. But I feel guilty that I haven't even told my boyfriend. I know he would not approve.

I did tell my boyfriend that the psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADD and recommended Adderall. I just didn't mention that I actually picked up the RX and have been using it. I know this is something I can't hide from him forever, especially if we later get married and live together. But how do I tell him about it at this point? I'm hoping we can at least agree to disagree about the issue.
I’m sorry you feel you have to hide your ADHD treatment from your boyfriend. I think it’s time for a heart to heart talk with him. You shouldn’t need his approval for medication unless he’s your psychiatrist.

I think preparing for a discussion about it with him is important if you want him to know. Sounds like he needs to learn about the real struggles of ADHD and the benefits of proper treatment. Stats show that untreated ADHD can cause or make us much more susceptible to a host of co-morbid conditions. Like a higher risk of addiction (self-medicating), depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. Also, a greater risk of accidents, losing jobs, relationships etc.

I think you have to do what is best for you whether your boyfriend approves of it or not when it comes to your health.

Best wishes on a good outcome!
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Old 05-30-18, 12:50 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

I appreciate the helpful responses. It's not just ADHD medications in particular my boyfriend disapproves of, he tends to be skeptical of medication in general, thinking most conditions can be better fixed by lifestyle changes. When we are talking more generally about these issues, we respectfully disagree and I'm not offended. But a more personal disagreement will be hard for me to get over.

I'll look for an appropriate time to bring it up with him. I know he won't approve, but he'll likely tolerate it, like he does for his brother, which is good enough for me.
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Old 05-30-18, 06:59 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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Originally Posted by paramarie View Post
I appreciate the helpful responses. It's not just ADHD medications in particular my boyfriend disapproves of, he tends to be skeptical of medication in general, thinking most conditions can be better fixed by lifestyle changes. When we are talking more generally about these issues, we respectfully disagree and I'm not offended. But a more personal disagreement will be hard for me to get over.

I'll look for an appropriate time to bring it up with him. I know he won't approve, but he'll likely tolerate it, like he does for his brother, which is good enough for me.
That's good to hear. Best of luck with the discussion.

This might be way too far into the future for you to worry about right now, but if you two ever consider having kids, you'll want to have a discussion about the issue of medication for childhood ADHD. The ADHD genes run on both sides of the family.
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Old 05-30-18, 09:32 PM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
That's good to hear. Best of luck with the discussion.

This might be way too far into the future for you to worry about right now, but if you two ever consider having kids, you'll want to have a discussion about the issue of medication for childhood ADHD. The ADHD genes run on both sides of the family.
That's a good point. I have a 5 year-old daughter from my first marriage and she has all the obvious signs of ADHD. I've held off on getting her treatment since she's doing OK in kindergarten so far, but it's something I expect will become more of an issue in the future.

I told him today! It went well. He was surprised and not mad at me for hiding it, but felt sorry that I felt the need to hide it from him. He only briefly mentioned his own stance on it and said I'm the only one who can decide what works best for myself, so if I'm happy with my treatment, he supports it.
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Old 05-30-18, 11:44 PM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

Glad to hear your conversation went well. I’m glad he is open minded enough to accept it.

If you had diabetes and had to take insulin to function properly would he feel differently about that? Does he object to nessary medication for high blood presssure or cholesterol? Having to wear glasses or contacts to see?

To me taking Adderall is no different. I need it to function properly just like some people need the examples above.

Hopefully, someday your BF will understand the very real ramifications of ADHD and the necessity for treating it properly. Sounds like he had some preconceived ideas about ADHD and medication. He really just needs to understand the truth and hopefully, he will better embrace and support your issues, struggles and treatment.

That’s great you took the first step of telling him, well done.

Last edited by Greyhound1; 05-31-18 at 11:39 PM.. Reason: OCD typo
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Old 05-31-18, 01:56 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Glad to hear your conversation went well. I’m glad he is open minded enough to accept it.

If you had diabetes and had to take insulin to function properly would he feel differently about that? Does he object to nessary medication for high blood presssure or cholesterol? Having to wear glasses or contacts to see?

To me taking Adderall is no different. I need it to function properly just like some people need the examples above.

Hopefully, someday yoir BF will understand the very real ramifications of ADHD and the necessity for treating it properly. Sounds like he had some preconceived ideas about ADHD and medication. He really just needs to understand the truth and hopefully, he will better embrace and support your issues, struggles and treatment.

That’s great he took the first step of telling him, well!
I'm glad that everything turned out OK, too!

I don't think that hardly anyone would object to someone taking insulin if they needed it or to someone using eyeglasses or contacts to see better.

But I think that there is still quite a bit of stigma attached to using psychiatric medications and to mental health problems in general. I had a fairly negative opinion about such things myself before my own diagnosis and that's probably one of the reasons that it took me so long to get a diagnosis in the first place. I found out a few years ago that my mom was suffering from depression and took an antidepressant for a while back in the 90s but she never told me or my dad about it. She was probably worried about how we might react.

I regret that kind of attitude now and that my mom felt that she couldn't tell my dad and I what was going on. And I have regrets, too, because I really would have benefited myself if I had been diagnosed and put on a stimulant a lot earlier than what I was. Being diagnosed with ADHD was kind of a humbling experience for me and has made me much more compassionate when it comes to mental health issues. Hopefully, attitudes about this among the general public will continue to change for the better. This would allow more people who need help to get it because they wouldn't feel any shame in doing so.
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Old 05-31-18, 03:15 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

I am glad you told him. Knowingly hiding something is always a recipe for more deceit and dishonesty. You should never have to hide things you use to treat your health issues from your partner.
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Old 05-31-18, 10:32 PM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Glad to hear your conversation went well. I’m glad he is open minded enough to accept it.

If you had diabetes and had to take insulin to function properly would he feel differently about that? Does he object to nessary medication for high blood presssure or cholesterol? Having to wear glasses or contacts to see?

To me taking Adderall is no different. I need it to function properly just like some people need the examples above.

Hopefully, someday your BF will understand the very real ramifications of ADHD and the necessity for treating it properly. Sounds like he had some preconceived ideas about ADHD and medication. He really just needs to understand the truth and hopefully, he will better embrace and support your issues, struggles and treatment.

That’s great you took the first step of telling him, well!
He's not 100% against medicine, just thinks people should avoid relying on medications as much as possible. For example, he had high blood pressure and his doctor offered to prescribe him blood pressure medication. He told the doctor he'd rather try a low sodium diet for a while and see if that sufficiently improved the blood pressure. His blood pressure did improve with the diet change alone, but if it was still high he would have been OK taking medicine for it.

I see his point, but it's much easier to monitor a patient's response to treatment with a condition like hypertension than it is for mental health conditions. And for someone who doesn't have a mental health disorder it can be difficult to understand why other people can't just choose to change their behavior and fix themselves.
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Old 06-01-18, 04:20 AM
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Re: Hiding my prescription from my boyfriend

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He's not 100% against medicine, just thinks people should avoid relying on medications as much as possible. For example, he had high blood pressure and his doctor offered to prescribe him blood pressure medication. He told the doctor he'd rather try a low sodium diet for a while and see if that sufficiently improved the blood pressure. His blood pressure did improve with the diet change alone, but if it was still high he would have been OK taking medicine for it.

I see his point, but it's much easier to monitor a patient's response to treatment with a condition like hypertension than it is for mental health conditions. And for someone who doesn't have a mental health disorder it can be difficult to understand why other people can't just choose to change their behavior and fix themselves.
I guess I do not see his point. He is not a doctor. If he had high bp then he should consider meds because the chance of a stroke its way worse than giving into the "man" and taking a medication.
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