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  #1  
Old 05-23-13, 02:13 PM
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Really weird thing I can't stop

So, for a couple of years now I've had this issue where if I'm speaking to a women while we're sitting down or standing up and I cannot stop looking at their chest. I'm not looking at it directly but my eyes move down to look at once in a while and I cannot stop. This is just an example, but do you know how you can look at something in front of you(like a tv) and can look at something in the corner of your eye(door) at basically the same time? I keep looking at their chest and am not doing it directly but they notice. Just so awkward and wrong especially in something like a job interview, but I CANNOT STOP!

It gets weirder: I have no problem not looking at their chest if they aren't looking at me, but I can't stop when they look at me and are talking or I'm talking to them while looking at them. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for more than 10 years, and was recently diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive which I haven't received treatment for just yet but will.


Does this sound like something that is impulsive? Does anyone else have a similar problem or know why this is happening to me?
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Old 05-23-13, 04:43 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

I feel as though this happens to me too, very frequently. Just one of the many rather rude ADHD behaviors it's hard to control. It's not as bad as I am at bars with TVs (I'll stare at them no matter how interesting our conversation is) or in rooms where a lot of people are entering and leaving (I'll watch the door constantly), but I do feel as though some people have noticed.
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Old 05-24-13, 01:58 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

Quote:
Originally Posted by atSWIMtooboreds View Post
It's not as bad as I am at bars with TVs (I'll stare at them no matter how interesting our conversation is) or in rooms where a lot of people are entering and leaving (I'll watch the door constantly)
We have a lot in common, you and I.



I do the chest thing too, but I do enjoy boobies, so I never really thought about it.
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Old 05-24-13, 03:36 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

does it matter how big her breasts are?
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Old 05-24-13, 03:45 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

More mass -> Stronger gravitational pull =P
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  #6  
Old 05-24-13, 04:36 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

I thought it was just "being a man" that made me do that. Do non-ADHD guys not have this problem?

When I'm feeling down or depressed, that downward glance can seriously be the happiest moment of my day. I guess that's a sad comment on something or another, but it's true.
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Old 05-24-13, 07:14 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

That probably falls under the sub-heading of poor impulse control. Most men want to look, but learn not to because it is usually irritating to women. It's amusing to read about it in the abstract, but generally not so amusing to be the target.
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  #8  
Old 05-24-13, 07:26 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
does it matter how big her breasts are?
No, it doesn't.
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Old 05-24-13, 07:48 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

Quote:
Originally Posted by traze23 View Post
So, for a couple of years now I've had this issue where if I'm speaking to a women while we're sitting down or standing up and I cannot stop looking at their chest. I'm not looking at it directly but my eyes move down to look at once in a while and I cannot stop. This is just an example, but do you know how you can look at something in front of you(like a tv) and can look at something in the corner of your eye(door) at basically the same time? I keep looking at their chest and am not doing it directly but they notice. Just so awkward and wrong especially in something like a job interview, but I CANNOT STOP!

It gets weirder: I have no problem not looking at their chest if they aren't looking at me, but I can't stop when they look at me and are talking or I'm talking to them while looking at them. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for more than 10 years, and was recently diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive which I haven't received treatment for just yet but will.


Does this sound like something that is impulsive? Does anyone else have a similar problem or know why this is happening to me?
I'm not sure if it's exactly what you're describing, but I find that when my anxiety level is high I sometimes get fixated on *not* letting my gaze turn in inappropriate directions when interacting with women I don't know well, and the fixation with not looking makes it much harder not to.

For me, it's more an inattention and anxiety issue than an impulse control issue. I tend to space out and become unaware of my surroundings frequently, including where I'm looking. There've been more than a few occasions when this has happened on the subway and when my mind returned to the present I've found I've been staring at someone (men and women) and they're glaring at me. I also used to look down a lot, particularly when anxious, when talking to people.

So, when I'm in an anxious state generally, I sometimes worry I'll space out, or look down anxiously and come off as leering at a woman, and focus on not doing it. And, of course, nothing makes you want to look at something more than telling yourself "Don't look! Don't look! Don't look!"
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Old 05-24-13, 11:23 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
I thought it was just "being a man" that made me do that. Do non-ADHD guys not have this problem?
Actually, I also have this problem and I'm female and straight. It's like once I look at something I'm not supposed to I can't stop staring or obviously avoiding staring. It happens often with women's decolletage, but it could be anything I'm not supposed to look at. Like, for instance, the crotch of the psychologist who assessed me. Seriously, during the feedback session when he told me I had ADHD I suddenly got "the stares". Fortunately, we were talking about my favourite subject (me) so I got distracted from that mess pretty quickly.
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  #11  
Old 05-24-13, 11:54 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

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Originally Posted by pellen View Post
Actually, I also have this problem and I'm female and straight. It's like once I look at something I'm not supposed to I can't stop staring or obviously avoiding staring. It happens often with women's decolletage, but it could be anything I'm not supposed to look at. Like, for instance, the crotch of the psychologist who assessed me. Seriously, during the feedback session when he told me I had ADHD I suddenly got "the stares". Fortunately, we were talking about my favourite subject (me) so I got distracted from that mess pretty quickly.
Totally. I do the *** thing. I check out absolutely everybody's *** as a means to judge them somehow. Weird? Probably not. I have to assume its more hard wired than we think, ADHD or not. And the *** thing is allegedly a male trait to quickly sum up if the person is a healthy/viable candidate for procreation. But maybe I just like a good *** in jeans. It takes a lot of work to get one so maybe I am just appreciating it as they wish. Ha.

I also had an ADHD neighbor who could not stop staring at my chest when we spoke and it wasn't like they were actually out in view. I looked at it more as a nervous tic than anything. Who knows.

I do something weird, if we are sharing. I instinctively choose to breathe or not breathe as people walk by. Not for smell, but almost like a defense mechanism. As if my instinct says that they are bad people and I don't want any of their essence to interfere with me. I have done this since I was a kid. FREAK!
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  #12  
Old 05-25-13, 01:40 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

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Originally Posted by pellen View Post
Actually, I also have this problem and I'm female and straight. It's like once I look at something I'm not supposed to I can't stop staring or obviously avoiding staring. It happens often with women's decolletage, but it could be anything I'm not supposed to look at. Like, for instance, the crotch of the psychologist who assessed me. Seriously, during the feedback session when he told me I had ADHD I suddenly got "the stares". Fortunately, we were talking about my favourite subject (me) so I got distracted from that mess pretty quickly.
I'm a male who is straight and I do this when I speak to males also. I don't look at it directly or stare, but while I'm talking to them and we're looking at each other, my eyes glances down at their crotch. I'm looking at their face and my eyeballs glance down once in a while.

You know how you can look at something w/o directly looking at it? For example, I'm looking straight at my screen right now, but I can see the window in the corner of my eye w/o turning my head or moving my eyeballs to the right. When I'm speaking to a women, I'm looking at them directly but glance down at their breast without directly looking at them. Same with man, except it is down at their crotch.

I don't have this problem when they are not looking directly at me. For example, in a job interview or something when they are looking at paper work and speaking, this isn't a problem.

I know it sounds really weird and sorry for the odd post.
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Old 05-25-13, 02:06 AM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meagan View Post
That probably falls under the sub-heading of poor impulse control.
Agreed.

Quote:
Most men want to look, but learn not to because it is usually irritating to women. It's amusing to read about it in the abstract, but generally not so amusing to be the target.
Clearly true. I made several girls very uncomfortable in school because I couldn't stop staring. The more I tried to stop, the more I stared. Must be worse for younger people than for adults who (hopefully, generally) feel more secure.
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Old 05-25-13, 12:11 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

I sometimes get fixated on people mouths and don't realize it until they
say something like "do you read lips?" or "have I got something in my teeth?"
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Old 05-25-13, 08:55 PM
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Re: Really weird thing I can't stop

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Originally Posted by damnthedoodle View Post
More mass -> Stronger gravitational pull =P
OMG I didn't want to laugh at that but I couldn't help it!!
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