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  #31  
Old 07-22-18, 04:46 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
I guess I've already suggested to you before just to not work period since you can afford to do that. Just seems like everything would be easier that way to me. But maybe it's bad advice from me due to circumstances in your life that I'm unaware of.
The thing is I love working. If things were perfect, if all I had to do was code all day long or do my own research with no pressure, neither social nor professional and if everyone was really nice and exactly the right amount and type of sociallness that is perfect for me then I'd really.love to work.

I need the structure that I get from work. I don't do well having to organise my own time theoretically I can imagine it must be great not having to work and being able to do something else that's really fulfilling. It I'm not self motivated enough. I don't thrice when left to my own devices.
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  #32  
Old 07-22-18, 04:50 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Yes and no. The career I have now is new for me and has been difficult since day 1. Getting the 2nd degree was difficult, working in the field is difficult- everything about it is. I am trying to fit a square peg into a round hole essentially. I was not/am not cut out for this line of work and I'm now accepting that and moving on.



In my last career and related jobs, I did well, very well in some of them. I felt confident and energized. People asked for my ideas and opinions. It made the difficulties of the second one that much harder. Yes, there were some bumps that I look back now see were ADHD- related for the most part but it is nothing like what I've experienced in the my current career. I wasn't diagnosed until I was into the schooling for the second career at 40 years old.


I am trying to get a job that is sort of a mix of both. They do exist and I've applied to one already but haven't' heard anything yet.
You sound similar to.me. I'm in a field that I find moderately interesting (and I love bits of it) but apart from the very very narrow bits that I've specialised in it doesn't come naturally to me. Ive got huge gaps in my knowledge maybe because my early education was not in this field (not that I remember anything fron my degree). It's interesting but I do find it hard and I'm not sure I'm skilled and knowledgeable enough. It doesn't help that im much older than most of the people I work with closely but only have a fraction of the knowledge and skills they have.
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  #33  
Old 07-22-18, 08:58 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

I know only one way that really works : sport.

If your brain is busy replenishing glycogen, it won't bother you with "what is X now thinking about me?' BS.
Easy, isn't it ?


Do unto your brain as it does unto you
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  #34  
Old 07-22-18, 10:56 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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I need the structure that I get from work.
I think the extra need for structure is part of having ADHD. I myself am definitely still working on that.
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  #35  
Old 07-23-18, 10:18 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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Originally Posted by userguide View Post
I know only one way that really works : sport.

If your brain is busy replenishing glycogen, it won't bother you with "what is X now thinking about me?' BS.
Easy, isn't it ?


Do unto your brain as it does unto you

Do you mean to take part in sports/exercise?
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  #36  
Old 07-23-18, 10:41 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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You sound similar to.me. I'm in a field that I find moderately interesting (and I love bits of it) but apart from the very very narrow bits that I've specialised in it doesn't come naturally to me. Ive got huge gaps in my knowledge maybe because my early education was not in this field (not that I remember anything fron my degree). It's interesting but I do find it hard and I'm not sure I'm skilled and knowledgeable enough. It doesn't help that im much older than most of the people I work with closely but only have a fraction of the knowledge and skills they have.

A lot of people in my field (Nursing is the field for those who don't know) are more than 20 years younger than me and are often more knowledgeable and more confident. Yes, there are some parts of it that I am fine with, on par or better than others but as a whole, I am not as good as my peers. I have knowledge gaps d/t working memory issues and the stress and terrible experience I had in nursing school caused "a lot not to stick," I think. The lack of confidence and low-self esteem while working in this field makes it so much worse.



It really is a square peg in a round hole situation. I really need to apply to more jobs!
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  #37  
Old 07-25-18, 07:32 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

It's getting slowly better. I keep telling myself. Who is this and why do I think they have the right to judge me. It's still hard and more often than not I still avoid people. I really have to.make a conscious effort to leave my comfort zone or to at least pretend I don't care.
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  #38  
Old 07-26-18, 01:33 PM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

I wish I could tell you exactly what it was that clicked in my mind that made me stop worrying what people thought of me, but I will say that that moment was the most freeing moment in my entire life. I spent far too much of my life trying to live in a way that I thought would make people accept me more, And truth be told, it made me miserable 24 hours a day.

Just look at it this way. If you spend all of your time trying to fit into some mold to please or impress people, you're not going to be happy yourself, and if you aren't happy, there's no way you're going to make anyone else around you happy. The people in your life who love and care about you want to see you happy, and if they have expectations that you need to be someone you aren't, or say or do things that don't reflect who you truly are, then they're probably not the kind of people worth hanging out with anyway. Do your best to surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, not who you think you should be.

I don't want it to sound like this is an easy solution. It took me years of struggling and self analyzing to come to this conclusion, and quite a while longer to actually put it into practice. It takes work, but I promise you, the end result is worth every single bit of the effort.
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Last edited by Funky1; 07-26-18 at 01:35 PM.. Reason: Typos
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  #39  
Old 08-11-18, 05:33 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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How??

I'll put it to you bluntly, grow thicker skin, immunize yourself. I probably beat myself up worse than anyone else could so their antics have no affect on me BUT my antics always surly have an affect on them.
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Old 08-11-18, 05:38 AM
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Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?

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I will say that that moment was the most freeing moment in my entire life. I spent far too much of my life trying to live in a way that I thought would make people accept me more, And truth be told, it made me miserable 24 hours a day.



Sounds as if you had the same Revelation that I did and truth be told when people see this in you after being around you long enough they're the ones who will eventually break down and admit how miserable they really are!!
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