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Old 10-03-04, 10:30 PM
One on One One on One is offline
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I'm afraid to even attempt anything anymore!! - ADHD

I don't know if I have an intense fear of failure or what it is, but I can't find the motivation to do anything anymore...and it's been like this for years. I don't know.

Some background....after high school, I was extremely motivated because I knew I had underachieved and I saw friends going onto more "prestigious" colleges than myself. So, my freshman year in college, I hit the books hardcore and made my life miserable. I made no effort to enjoy college because I was intent on transferring to a "better" school. I got close to a 4.0 and was accepted at a very good school. I ended up not going to that school, though, because it cost too much. I was, however, REJECTED from several others because one year doesn't make up for four years of slacking. I ended up transferring to a school that was pretty much on the same level academically (and I'm so glad I did because I would hate it at a snotty, prestigious college).

I have a feeling that I am still jaded by that year of my life where I worked really hard and failed at my goal. My goals were misguided, but nonetheless I was REJECTED by the college I wanted to attend at the time. I look at it as a blessing in disguise (now wishing I hadn't even wasted my time in college in the first place), but perhaps my subconscious doesn't see it the same way.

I'm not sure if this is the reason behind my motivation struggles, but it might be. I should be looking for a job these days since I graduated college, but I have no motivation to do so. Even if I lazily submit a resume online, I don't go to interviews. I was invited to an interview of a really good paying job, but I didn't go because I didn't want to go through the hassle of interviewing if there was no guarantee and I didn't even know if I would like the job. The only jobs I have motivation to go for are crappy retail jobs that pay next to nothing because I know they'll get back to me quickly and hire me.

I feel like I'm afraid to even try anything anymore. I don't want to start doing anything difficult because there's always the possibility of failure and it just scares me. I know that if I don't try anything hard I can't fail.

OK, after writing all this out I know that I do definitely have an intense fear of failure that i can't get over. I get online and I have plans to get a lot accomplished, but I end up just browsing these forums and others. I can't even get the energy to make a resume. Any job that requires a resume or cover letter I pretty much don't even want to go through the hassle of applying to.

Has anyone dealt with this or know how to overcome it? It really sucks....looking back, I've been doing nothing for the past 3 years or so.
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Old 10-03-04, 11:35 PM
atllady42 atllady42 is offline
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Your not alone!

I know exactly how you feel, I've been feeling like that for a long while...but I keep trudging along, one failure after another. This last one almost did me in, but I have to keep going for my kids who have been the ones that suffered the most through all my crazy impulsive behavior. I'm trying to get a hold on my ADHD, trying to make sense of this crazy life.
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Old 10-03-04, 11:53 PM
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charlie charlie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by One on One
... I can't even get the energy to make a resume. Any job that requires a resume or cover letter I pretty much don't even want to go through the hassle of applying to.

Has anyone dealt with this or know how to overcome it? It really sucks....looking back, I've been doing nothing for the past 3 years or so.
One on One,
I would suggest that you make the effort and go to an employment agency that takes a percentage of your pay after you are hired. They will create your resume for you and you are under no pressure to accept any job you don't feel comfortable with.
Hey send me a rough draft and I'll even attempt to create a resume for you if you like.
Wondering though are you dx'd yet, on meds?
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Old 10-04-04, 12:03 AM
One on One One on One is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlie
One on One,
I would suggest that you make the effort and go to an employment agency that takes a percentage of your pay after you are hired. They will create your resume for you and you are under no pressure to accept any job you don't feel comfortable with.
Hey send me a rough draft and I'll even attempt to create a resume for you if you like.
Wondering though are you dx'd yet, on meds?
I'm just going to work a menial job for a while, I think. I don't plan to live in the area much longer so I don't want a permanent job. Plus, I am not ready to work in an office environment again. Thank you for your offer, though.

I have not been diagnosed yet and I don't know if I plan to. I might consider it once I am off my parent's health insurance and have my own since I don't want them to be able to find out. I'm not really too keen on meds, either. I feel that I can do this myself (and of course with the support of these boards!)
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Old 10-04-04, 12:26 AM
cameron cameron is offline
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One on One....

look, you sound fairly young..I am 35 and have been dealing with LD/ADD problems since I was first diagnosed(with LD) in the 4th grade..I have had CONSTANT life struggles...terrible job history(btw, read my post in the general ADD forum, it will give you an idea of my current situation), relationship disaster's, you name it, I have had problems...

I am going to put the caps on for this sentence, because its important....YOU NEED TO GET DIAGNOISED, TRY MEDICATION, OR THERAPY, JUST DO SOMETHING! you can't let your problems become out of hand! I know, I was like you in my 20's...no diagnosis(I only knew I had Learning disabilities), no medication, nothing to treat the ADD issues...believe me, if you don't do anything, things might be good for a while, but out of nowhere you might get into problems after problems...then it just feels like you are in a never ending cycle(this is where I am currently)...so I hope you get the help you need. You might think you can deal with all this stuff on your own, but believe me, very few people with ADD can.....not wanting to do a resume, and look for jobs is not to healthy..I know I am EXACTLY like you!

You sound a LOT like myself(especially when I was in my 20s)....
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Old 10-07-04, 05:28 PM
theobjr theobjr is offline
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I feel the same way. I am so used to failure in every endeavor, I've come to expect it. I think I don't have experiences of success in any area to draw upon. I come into a new situation imagining what will go wrong. That in itself may be the problem. I'm starting to try and imagine success, I mean actually spending some time sitting down and actually imagining what it would be like to succeed in a given situation. I am going to imagine success in every single detail before every thing I attempt from now on.
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