ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Adults with ADD > General ADD Talk
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-26-11, 03:29 PM
xav xav is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: France
Posts: 203
Thanks: 49
Thanked 85 Times in 53 Posts
xav has disabled reputation
How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

As i said before i have been very ill.

(very ) slowly my health return to normal and hopefully my some of my former strength will come back too.

Now and probably until the end of summer i can't do much in my house or garden so i have time to think .

And as i look back to the last years , first the illness of one of my son and for the last 3 years my badly managed own illness ( thank to the docs !! ), i can't stop the feeling that a large piece of my life hass fly away, without any usefullness, without any positive result just day by day confronting many problems.

Now, as i sit in my garden i can't escape the feeling that i haven't done enough during these years and i ask to myself if it was just life or if it was ADD mixing badly confusing feelings ??

How do you manage such situation ?
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to xav For This Useful Post:
Bluerose (05-27-11), buddy (05-27-11), LaVieEnRose (05-27-11)
  #2  
Old 05-26-11, 03:44 PM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,375
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,633
Thanked 16,267 Times in 8,229 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Oh, I am so sorry for your suffering Xav, and it is very ok for how you are feeling. After I was diagnosed, I kind of felt robbed because of my lack of knowledge.

In some ways I see your physical illness as a major factor on your life. I'm not sure how long you have known about having ADD nor how long you have sought treatment.

For me, I have tried to make the most out of every opportunity even if it meant having to suffer through bouts of anxiety and fear. I've known how emotions like fear have impacted me from trying new things. I don't let them stop me nearly as much as they used to.

Consider the past few years as a loss, but consider your knowledge and insight now as a gain.

*hugs*
__________________
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

~Paulo Coelho
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to anonymouslyadd For This Useful Post:
ADDisme2010 (07-26-11), xav (05-26-11)
  #3  
Old 05-26-11, 03:50 PM
sarek's Avatar
sarek sarek is offline
Moderator of mind and heart
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New Hobbiton, NH, the Netherlands
Posts: 12,004
Thanks: 8,718
Thanked 21,271 Times in 8,601 Posts
sarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Anon already said a lot. Over time I have gradually learned the art of living by the day. I wont spend more time than is necessary in the past or in the future and than only if it makes me feel better. But reflecting on all the could have beens and should have dones is a no-no.

Being in the moment, in the here and now is much better. After all, the here and now is the only time you can really affect. I once saw a quote which said that regrets are when you think back of the past hoping that it will change.
__________________
May you be blessed.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to sarek For This Useful Post:
ADDisme2010 (07-26-11), AddledSquirrel (07-31-11), aeon (07-27-11), anonymouslyadd (05-26-11), imreallyjin (12-12-11), xav (05-26-11)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 05-26-11, 04:17 PM
xav xav is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: France
Posts: 203
Thanks: 49
Thanked 85 Times in 53 Posts
xav has disabled reputation
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
.. I kind of felt robbed
exactly the word i was looking for to express my feelings these weeks.

thanks.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to xav For This Useful Post:
LaVieEnRose (05-27-11)
  #5  
Old 05-26-11, 04:19 PM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,375
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,633
Thanked 16,267 Times in 8,229 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xav View Post
exactly the word i was looking for to express my feelings these weeks.

thanks.
Welcome.
__________________
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

~Paulo Coelho
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-26-11, 04:21 PM
Lunacie's Avatar
Lunacie Lunacie is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: south-central Kansas
Posts: 19,379
Thanks: 20,761
Thanked 26,080 Times in 12,169 Posts
Lunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

One good thing about having ADHD is that my time sense is wonky. The past isn't something I can change, and the future is too far away to worry about (I'll probably be sorry about that in another dozen years).

I had some years that were "wasted" because of poor health, as well as undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety, and untreated depression. I wish all doctors were as smart as they think they are.

Anyway, the way I see it at this point in my life is that sometimes the only thing we have to show for it is that we survived. And given some of what I've endured, that's not really such a small achievement.
__________________
ADD is not a problem of knowing what to do; it is a problem of doing what you know.
-RUSSELL A. BARKLEY, PH.D.


As far as I know, there is nothing positive about ADHD that people can't have w out ADHD. ~ ADD me
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Lunacie For This Useful Post:
bunnypancake (06-02-11), Possum (05-27-11)
  #7  
Old 05-26-11, 04:21 PM
xav xav is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: France
Posts: 203
Thanks: 49
Thanked 85 Times in 53 Posts
xav has disabled reputation
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
... consider your knowledge and insight now as a gain.

*hugs*

That's probably the root of my problem : i can't see any knowledge obtain through these years. Just the vacuum feeling to manage one problem after another.

It's just not what i have been working for since the beginning of my adult life.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to xav For This Useful Post:
LaVieEnRose (05-27-11)
  #8  
Old 05-26-11, 04:36 PM
xav xav is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: France
Posts: 203
Thanks: 49
Thanked 85 Times in 53 Posts
xav has disabled reputation
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek View Post
...
Being in the moment, in the here and now is much better. ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post

sometimes the only thing we have to show for it is that we survived.
You both say something true but something in opposition to my inner feeling :
probably because coming of a too much poor family ( and very dysfunctionnal ) i think that surviving day to day is never enough, if in my youth i have feel that way i have never been able to escape misery.

( in the above maybe i should write : i physically feel that surviving day to day can never be enough , to better explain the strenght of this inner feeling )

Lunacie, in no way i mean to diminish what you have lived through .

To put it short since 17 years to 30 years old i work very hard and on my own to build a better life for my wife and children, and now i realised that all these efforts had very few utility / results in the succeding years because of illness and that i have been not usefull to resolve these problems. For me managing problems is almost the same has being not able to cope with problems . A problems is something intellectual , like maths computers or astrophysics, not something with sentimental or medical consequences that i was unable to escape, the same for me of being unable to escape poverty .

And now, i have to live with these....
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-26-11, 04:45 PM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,375
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,633
Thanked 16,267 Times in 8,229 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xav View Post
That's probably the root of my problem : i can't see any knowledge obtain through these years. Just the vacuum feeling to manage one problem after another.

It's just not what i have been working for since the beginning of my adult life.

I feel like this is the first time you have considered what I posted. Please be patient with yourself. I assure you, it took me years to see it this way and the help of many people to model after.

Some of it has to do with staying positive, which takes so much practice as well as again, the help of models.

I'm a huge fan of modeling and Social Learning Theory by Al Bandura. The reason why I have come to the conclusion to think this way is, because I felt like it would serve my best interests. Also, I've seen so many people think this way, which made me feel like there must be something to this. As I've battled to make sense of my failures, their are people out their who have chosen to see positives in their struggles/failures.

This is where I'm at Xav.
__________________
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

~Paulo Coelho
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-26-11, 04:50 PM
xav xav is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: France
Posts: 203
Thanks: 49
Thanked 85 Times in 53 Posts
xav has disabled reputation
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

I have read before some boudhist texts. But , i feel simply out of place if i stop to be responsible/in control of my life.

I know it's complex. But i'm looking for different experiences may be to have some ideas how to guide myself...

thanks.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to xav For This Useful Post:
LaVieEnRose (05-27-11)
  #11  
Old 05-26-11, 04:53 PM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,375
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,633
Thanked 16,267 Times in 8,229 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
One good thing about having ADHD is that my time sense is wonky.
Is wonky something I would see in the DSM or Merriam-Websters dictionary? LOL.
__________________
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

~Paulo Coelho
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 05-26-11, 05:54 PM
Lunacie's Avatar
Lunacie Lunacie is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: south-central Kansas
Posts: 19,379
Thanks: 20,761
Thanked 26,080 Times in 12,169 Posts
Lunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
Is wonky something I would see in the DSM or Merriam-Websters dictionary? LOL.
Of course it's in the dictionary. Do you think I make words up randomly?

I don't know if it's in the DSM, but it should be!
__________________
ADD is not a problem of knowing what to do; it is a problem of doing what you know.
-RUSSELL A. BARKLEY, PH.D.


As far as I know, there is nothing positive about ADHD that people can't have w out ADHD. ~ ADD me
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lunacie For This Useful Post:
anonymouslyadd (05-27-11)
  #13  
Old 05-27-11, 08:30 AM
Bluerose's Avatar
Bluerose Bluerose is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 5,808
Thanks: 3,178
Thanked 3,338 Times in 1,909 Posts
Bluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond reputeBluerose has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xav View Post
As i said before i have been very ill.

(very ) slowly my health return to normal and hopefully my some of my former strength will come back too.

Now and probably until the end of summer i can't do much in my house or garden so i have time to think .

And as i look back to the last years , first the illness of one of my son and for the last 3 years my badly managed own illness ( thank to the docs !! ), i can't stop the feeling that a large piece of my life hass fly away, without any usefullness, without any positive result just day by day confronting many problems.

Now, as i sit in my garden i can't escape the feeling that i haven't done enough during these years and i ask to myself if it was just life or if it was ADD mixing badly confusing feelings ??

How do you manage such situation ?

Iím dealing with something, not ADD and yet I do relate all too well. It took a long time to be clearly diagnosed and if I allow myself to look back there is a lot of pain and struggle involved, and not just to myself. A lot of seemingly lost years. But I am managing to come to terms with it - just.
__________________
Iím an expert in nothing but my own life.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Bluerose For This Useful Post:
peripatetic (07-26-11)
  #14  
Old 05-27-11, 12:18 PM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,375
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,633
Thanked 16,267 Times in 8,229 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Of course it's in the dictionary. Do you think I make words up randomly?

I don't know if it's in the DSM, but it should be!
Oh wow, it really is a word. I just looked it up.
__________________
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

~Paulo Coelho
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 05-27-11, 12:51 PM
Lunacie's Avatar
Lunacie Lunacie is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: south-central Kansas
Posts: 19,379
Thanks: 20,761
Thanked 26,080 Times in 12,169 Posts
Lunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond reputeLunacie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you cope with time (years ) goes away ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
Oh wow, it really is a word. I just looked it up.
... still totally off topic ...

I love words like that. One of my favorite games is Balderdash - where you're given a real word and asked to make up definitions for it, then take turns reading the read definition and the made-up ones and everyone votes for the def they think is real. Abso-freaking-lutely hilarious, and a way to learn some new words.

I don't remember where I first read/heard "wonky" but it seems like I've been using it my whole life.
__________________
ADD is not a problem of knowing what to do; it is a problem of doing what you know.
-RUSSELL A. BARKLEY, PH.D.


As far as I know, there is nothing positive about ADHD that people can't have w out ADHD. ~ ADD me
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lunacie For This Useful Post:
anonymouslyadd (05-27-11)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New Years Theme for 2010 - What's Yours? innaminute General ADD Talk 18 01-22-10 09:58 PM
This is a vent...I'm probably wasting my time. Trooper Keith Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD 12 09-28-05 01:50 AM
Do you ever get too tired to cope? momof3boys General Parenting Issues 5 11-23-04 11:50 AM
Jane Pauley shares her story: Former Dateline NBC co-host talks @ struggle w/illness Andi Bipolar 14 09-15-04 09:38 AM
How to Tell If You Like Your Job ... And How to Start Over If You Don't Keppig Careers/Job Impact 1 02-07-04 01:24 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:09 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums