ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-08-12, 09:00 AM
Raye's Avatar
Raye Raye is offline
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Drowning in Lake Erie
Posts: 3,077
Thanks: 3,862
Thanked 2,881 Times in 1,485 Posts
Raye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond reputeRaye has a reputation beyond repute
I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

I'm newly diagnosed, and I've posted a ton here so far, I just have so many questions about ADD, I want to know all about it.

I posted in a previous thread that I'm having a hard time accepting this diagnosis. My boyfriend, whom I live with, is ADHD and so far is a great support system. His answer to my question about acceptance made some sense, but my question here is with both of us having this, is it going to make or break us? We've been living together for some time, his ADHD is well under control now with Strettera, and sometimes I am even jealous of his ability to interact with strangers and his good moods.

I'm afraid of quite a few things

1. The meds won't work for me, and he'll get sick of the way I am and leave me.

2. The fact that we have almost the same major impairment in life, will we be able to function normally together?

3. One or both of us one day not being able to get access to our meds and cause complete chaos and our lives crumbling.

Am I jumping the gun here? Worrying needlessly over things that haven't happened yet? Is it something I should just take day by day and wait it out?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-08-12, 12:33 PM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,176
Thanks: 5,744
Thanked 32,575 Times in 15,084 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

Well it depends...Hubby and I are both ADD and irronically his deficeits compliment my strengths and vice versa so together we make a whole. We're like the wonder twins but without the special rings.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
BR549 (04-08-12), Lisa_Mac (04-08-12), namazu (04-08-12), RedHairedWitch (04-08-12), spunkysmum (04-08-12)
  #3  
Old 04-08-12, 01:52 PM
spunkysmum's Avatar
spunkysmum spunkysmum is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Northeast Iowa, USA
Posts: 3,114
Thanks: 3,985
Thanked 2,811 Times in 1,492 Posts
spunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond reputespunkysmum has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
Am I jumping the gun here? Worrying needlessly over things that haven't happened yet? Is it something I should just take day by day and wait it out?
The questions would vary, of course, but when you think of it, in just about every relationship whether they are ADD or NT or have other disorders, or any combination thereof, the people involved could come up with a list of questions and fears and uncertainties about the future. If conventional wisdom is to believed, people are often attracted to others who are their diametrical opposites, and that would HAVE to raise some concerns at some point for those people. My point is that there are always going to be questions and concerns about what the future may bring for two people in a relationship because the future is a crapshoot anyway. What makes the difference is the level of commitment each person has to the relationship. The more determined you are to make it work, the better chance you have. The less you stress about the small stuff the better. The more you work at preserving and improving the relationship the better. The more you put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider their needs to be as important as your own, the more successful you'll be at making it work together.
__________________
Trying to avoid being late by showing up really early is like a man trying to avoid peeing on the right side of the toilet seat by aiming at the floor on the far left.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 04-08-12, 03:36 PM
silivrentoliel's Avatar
silivrentoliel silivrentoliel is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: the end of the road
Posts: 5,833
Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 4,946
Thanked 6,302 Times in 3,471 Posts
silivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond reputesilivrentoliel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

The answer to your questions are "it depends." How long have you guys been dating? If your undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD (btw, ADD and ADHD are the exact same thing) hasn't driven him nutty yet- it probably won't. I get on better w/ people who have ADHD better than I do those without- it's easier- some kind of unspoken understanding. Of course, the NTs around us can't keep up w/ the conversation, lol, but they are just thinking or listening too slowly
__________________
dx: ADHD (1987), GAD (2012), Depression (2013), Cyclothymia (2013), & OSA (2014)

Follow ADDForums on Twitter & Facebook
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-08-12, 03:42 PM
sarek's Avatar
sarek sarek is offline
Moderator of mind and heart
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New Hobbiton, NH, the Netherlands
Posts: 12,004
Thanks: 8,718
Thanked 21,271 Times in 8,601 Posts
sarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

There is often this kind of special magic between two ADDers. That should work to your advantage.
Expect all kinds of chaos and mayhem to happen but at least its the kind of mayhem both of you know to expect.
__________________
May you be blessed.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-08-12, 05:32 PM
gatorADDe's Avatar
gatorADDe gatorADDe is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 410
Thanks: 241
Thanked 247 Times in 141 Posts
gatorADDe has a spectacular aura aboutgatorADDe has a spectacular aura about
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

I don't understand why you say you've been living together for some time and just recently diagnosed and NOW you're concerned if its gunna work? I wouldn't suspect that the label would change the situation much, unless he was attracted to your shortcomings or something... Jealousy from the advancements of a partner can destroy a relationship and that's what it kinda sounds like is goin on from your post. I doubt that just ADHD will tear you apart if things have been okay up to this point, but insecurity and jealousy will. Everyones biology, impairments, and response to a particular treatment can be vastly different so I don't recommend you always compare his progress with your own if it's really ADHD your worried about getting in the way...
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-08-12, 10:00 PM
Michiko74's Avatar
Michiko74 Michiko74 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,418
Thanks: 562
Thanked 1,622 Times in 803 Posts
Michiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

Obviously you have a few concerns about how ADHD is going to effect your relationship. That's normal, and perfectly understandable. Are you jumping the gun? Maybe in some of your so called conclusions. However, ADHD can bring stresses into a relationship, so it's smart to consider how they may impact the relationship between you and your boyfriend.

1. The meds won't work for me, and he'll get sick of the way I am and leave me.
As you might be aware, medication is only one part of the ADHD puzzle. And that medication won't 'hide' your ADHD. It merely manages the symptoms so that you may learn the techniques to manage the ADHD better. At the end of the day, you still have ADHD. All you can do is to manage your ADHD to the best of your abilites. If despite this it is beyond his ability to be a good partner to you, than yes, the two of you may have to part ways. But while you may focus on how your behaviour impacts him, don't forget to consider it's a two way street. If he is unable to manage his ADHD, so that he cannot be a good partner to you, than you may have to consider parting. That said, how does your boyfriend deal with people who are different? Is he a patient, tolerant person? Is he easily overwhelmed? While you cannot perdict with absolute certainity what he will or won't do, you should have some idea how he may approach this situation.


2. The fact that we have almost the same major impairment in life, will we be able to function normally together?
I think because each person's ADHD is different, there's no reason why the two of you cannot live harmoniously.

3. One or both of us one day not being able to get access to our meds and cause complete chaos and our lives crumbling.
I don't know either you or his ADHD. I know personally that while medication helps, it's not the glue that holds me together. I think what would send my relationship into chaos faster is poor communication, vs. lack of meds. The two of you need to literally s-p-e-l-l out in words what you need and what you mean. Don't assume anything. For example, he may need to watch tv by himself for 20 minutes when he gets home. Or you need to have a run before you're ready to recieve him. It's important that if you have specific coping methods, that you let each other know before hand what they are so no hard feelings are had by either of you.

I will also say that while your boyfriend is a great support, be careful that you do not make him your only resource. If you are having difficulty, it's best sometimes to involve other people. People who may have the skill and knowledge to help you cope.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Michiko74 For This Useful Post:
namazu (04-08-12), Raye (04-17-12)
  #8  
Old 04-08-12, 10:10 PM
Metalmommaa's Avatar
Metalmommaa Metalmommaa is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Ludowici, ga
Posts: 21
Thanks: 7
Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts
Metalmommaa is on a distinguished road
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

My husband and I are both ADHD and we fit very well together. But I don't think Add/ADHD have anything to so with it. It's all about the heart and what it wants.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Metalmommaa For This Useful Post:
Raye (04-17-12)
  #9  
Old 04-08-12, 10:22 PM
TheChemicals's Avatar
TheChemicals TheChemicals is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,887
Thanks: 670
Thanked 2,400 Times in 1,331 Posts
TheChemicals has disabled reputation
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

keep us updatedon how it goes. Im very interested.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to TheChemicals For This Useful Post:
Raye (04-17-12)
  #10  
Old 04-09-12, 12:20 AM
gracious_mama's Avatar
gracious_mama gracious_mama is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 81
Thanks: 123
Thanked 71 Times in 42 Posts
gracious_mama has a spectacular aura aboutgracious_mama has a spectacular aura about
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

I am very interested to know of your progress. I would love to know if a relationship with two people with ADHD being TREATED can make it work because I know from experience if you both have it and one is in complete denial and remains untreated then it definitely won't work. This could answer the question for me that is always in the back of my mind, would it have worked if he would have agreed to get help?

I wish the very best of luck to you and I hope to hear that despite the challenges you guys make it!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-09-12, 12:58 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
Guest
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,795
Blog Entries: 3
Thanks: 5,871
Thanked 1,995 Times in 1,112 Posts
Crazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

If you both put the same amount of effort and hard work into this relationship then yes it should...

Selena
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-09-12, 01:42 AM
ginniebean's Avatar
ginniebean ginniebean is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 11,786
Blog Entries: 27
Thanks: 22,964
Thanked 21,936 Times in 7,993 Posts
ginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond reputeginniebean has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I'm ADD, my boyfriend is ADHD. Is this going to work?

As long as you don't ask for your own portion of the house and insist the common area is his too, you should be OK.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My NEW ADHD Research Summary: Out of Pure Frustration With Lack of Current Knowledge! MedStudent82 Ritalin 11 05-26-12 02:34 AM
My NEW ADHD Research Summary: Out of Pure Frustration With Lack of Current Knowledge! MedStudent82 Adderall 6 02-10-12 03:15 PM
Attention Disorders at work Keppig Careers/Job Impact 50 06-18-10 02:00 AM
Women, ADD, Work and Home Keppig Careers/Job Impact 0 08-25-03 01:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums