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  #1  
Old 03-18-06, 02:50 AM
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Unhappy Lying To Sister

I'm on a roll tonight starting threads...

I have this problem -
My sister read a book (she's a HUGE book reader), and she was all excited about it. It was some creativity motivational book. When I was visiting with her she asked me if I read it if she sent it to me. I said, "Sure!".
Then she frickin' went and sent it.
I've had many conversations with her over the phone since then and I've had to fake my way through, pretending I'd read the book. She loves talking about it, BUT I JUST CAN'T MAKE MYSELF READ IT! Everytime I try my brain breaks apart. I've posted before on my problems with reading books.
I'm feeling guilty about this charade, and I'm hoping the whole thing will just fade away and she'll quit talking about it so I can quit lying and eventually I can just pretend I don't remember any of it anymore, which would be true anyway even if I had read it. Well, maybe not as much as I don't remember it now
I really want to just read the stupid thing, but I can't.
I'd rather give myself over to a pack of man-eating moths.
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Old 03-18-06, 04:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chameleon
I'm feeling guilty about this charade...

I really want to just read the stupid thing, but I can't.
I'd rather give myself over to a pack of man-eating moths.
WHOA! I can SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relate to this!!
There are so many books that I would do almost anything to be able to read (including the textbooks required for my program *sigh*) but I just can't!!

I HATE IT!!!!! (hate it hate it hate it)

Although instead of moths, my usual lamentation is that I would rather pull out my own teeth (that's what it feels like I'm doing sometimes when I try to read)....although man-eating moths would certainly be a little more interesting .

And when the Strattera was working for me, I was actually able to read. I would read and read and read.....stay up all night and read for my courses because I could!! It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful!!!! It's been interesting being able to compare what it was like to be able to read (from a working memory/ADD point of view, not a 'reading' per se point of view) with again now not being able to. But I don't want it to be interesting anymore.....I just want to be able to read again - *sigh*. Now when I try to read a page, I'm back to wanting to throw the stupid book/article/paper out the stupid window!!! (and then going and pulling out my teeth).

Anyway, I'm rambling (took a bit of clonazepam just a bit ago to help me sleep which I haven't been able to do much the last couple of weeks since I came of the Strattera - I'm feeling a little chilled )....

What if you skimmed a little of the book? If ever I've been in situations similar to this (including feigning assignments based on material I've supposed to have read) I try to skim (look at chapter titles, pictures, diagrams, chapter summaries, etc....) to try to get enough of an idea that I can talk about it at least a little bit. I find that sometimes helps somewhat.

Again, sorry for rambling
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Old 03-18-06, 06:36 AM
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look guuys there must be one person on this forum who has read it ... In fact give me the title i love reading !! then in the next day or so we could sumarise in bullet points the relevent bits hows that carry on cheating !! sorry lying !! ha ha
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Old 03-18-06, 08:59 AM
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Online chapter summaries? I passed my Intro to Novel Studies course that way; the teacher told me it was "obvious" after the chapter tests that I had read things, unlike those people who don't do their homework!

Okay, you might not find anything unless it's a classic.


Seriously, though...

Come clean? It's not the world's greatest sin, and she's your sister, right? Explain that you'd really like to read it, but you can't, and you just didn't want to disappoint her.
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Old 03-18-06, 09:52 AM
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I personally would come clean, though that's based on my relationships with my sisters. Does yours know you have ADD? If so she's likely to be very understanding.
For a long time i used to lie about these things, but i have an issue with reading, i love books and have a bookcase full of ones i keep meaning to read, just waiting for hyperfocus to set in. But so often i either just sit there looking at the page making patterns out of the words, or daydreaming about something i just read, or part way through a book i'll read something which will remind me of another book i have on that topic and then i'll go off to read that, or go to search on the internet to learn more about a reference i just read.
This did make me feel ashamed and i'd make up lies to cover this up. However now i realise it was pointless and just gave me stress i didn't need.
Hopefully if you explain she'll take a more "ok, in your own time/when you feel up to it" attitude and stop going on about it.
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Old 03-18-06, 10:04 AM
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Its best to be honest about things at all times if possible. However a little white lie doesnt hurt now and again. Perhaps you can research the book on the net, read a synopsis and use that for your conversations about the book? If she asks things which werent in the synopsis, just say you are having a bad add day and cant concentrate

See what I mean about telling the truth? Even the white lies get complicated lol
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Old 03-18-06, 12:24 PM
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"Oh what a tangled web we weave...". As a reader I have been in that situation many times. I give away books alot. I've gotten to the point where I really don't expect them to read the books at all if not any time soon. I came to the realization a few years back that its asking alot to ask people to read a book. Its a pretty sizeable inconvienence to spend several hours, or days, with a book (or a person) that you are not "into". Especially an add'er. And my motivations are not always pure. It can be a pretty passive-aggressive act, to foist a book on someone. But I continue to do it. As personality glitches go, there are much worse, I guess. When I was dx'ed last December I went on Amazon and order copies of major add titles for all of my family. They aren't readers. I imagine that they are used as coasters, doorstops, scratchpads, etc.
Here's tip though. Take 1 hour. Read the first and last paragraph of each chapter. Then call it a day. Your sister will be satisfied that you read the book and you'll feel alot better.
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Old 03-18-06, 12:33 PM
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I would say to fake your way and get a summary from someone else, but then you might have your sister send you another book...


Since she is your sister, I would just tell her how you really want to read it but feel you can't.

OR

Try an audio book!
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Old 03-18-06, 01:30 PM
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I am adhd and I have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to reading something I am not interested in.

I read the local newspaper because it involves things that involve me and my family. Such as what local area is getting targeted for stolen bicycles or license plate stickers, or the selling price of local area houses, or who got an award etc... That's about it as far as my "worldly reading".

The only time I read a book is if I am on a mission to learn something. Such as, I have read just about every adhd/add/learning disability book at the local library.

But as far as reading a book for fun...not me. B-O-R-I-N-G.

When I went to college a few years ago, I had to read books and it nearly killed me. I'd read the same page over and over and not retain a word. I always got "A's" but it was very painful. It helped if I read outloud.

My sister is an avid reader of romance novels or scary books. I always tell her that she should be reading "self help" books such as adhd in denial books, or gamblers anonymous books, or why do I keep having to borrow money from everyone books or why cant I keep a boyfriend or husband books.....

Why don't you find a book that you want to read (one with a few pages and big print) and send it to her and then talk about the book for the next year and see how she feels.
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Old 03-18-06, 10:31 PM
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LOL adhdxyz! (love your nick btw)

I've tried skimming it. I've tried forcing myself through it. Nothing will work. The damn book is unreadable!
The same thing happened to my oldest (18). A client wanted him to set up a website selling his book. He gave my son the book to read so he could write a short nice review on it. He couldn't read it. It bored him to tears. He begged me to read it, I finally gave in, but I couldn't read it either. I tried over and over for weeks.
He finally had to ask someone else who read it.
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Old 03-18-06, 10:55 PM
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What a wonderfully frustrating situation to be in!

I think that honesty is probably the best policy but if it's been a while and you've kept up the appearance that you've read it you may not want to come clean. I only say this because it may just make your sister feel bad that you lied to her and only act to clear your conscience?! I may be wrong here.
I'm the same way though! I haven't had your guts so I always just admit it and say I didn't read it. Make no mistake it's not that I'm taking the moral highground I just assume I would never be able to pull it off! So many people have lent me books and it's just so hard to read a book that is not your pick AND even if it is something you are interested in there is just something about having to answer to someone that makes you rebellious. Or it does me at least! People just end up asking me for the book back a few months later and HEY at least it's not all dog-eared right!?
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Old 03-18-06, 10:56 PM
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Is your sister a big meanie?? Does she know all about your ADD??

I would just say.. I love you... I've tried to read this thing for you... but just ad this to my list of things i can't complete.

I would rather do the moth thing as to read a book i had no interest in
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Old 03-18-06, 11:03 PM
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It started out slowly. I had the book for a while, she kept asking if I'd read it yet, and I'd say I'd started it but not much.
Finally my guilt led me to try harder to read some, I got a bit into the first page. Then my sister started asking me about this chapter and that chapter and wasn't it wonderful? It had been SO LONG that I had the book and at first I said I didn't get that far yet, but then I had to start bluffing more, because it seemed so rude to not have read it yet. After all, I promised I would remember?
You're so right! Having to answer to someone makes me HATE the book.

Lettie, as a matter of fact she IS a big meanie! She knows about my ADD but we don't talk about it. My family thinks it's all B.S.
So it wouldn't go over well if I used it as an excuse for not reading the book.
She made me promise. I think I'm gonna have to keep bluffing - and plan to murder her.
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Old 03-18-06, 11:29 PM
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It's really interesting how concerned you are of upseting her and yet you say she and your family think that ADD is BS!! She doesn't seem as careful with your feelings! I'm the same. I always find myself protecting the feeling of others only to shake myself awake and realize that they often don't think twice about hurting mine.
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Old 03-18-06, 11:29 PM
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see if you can find a review or book club about it on line... if it's a pretty popular there should be something.... Post the name of the book with a big help..here. Maybe someone can help you.

..as for the plan.. i'll make you the same offer as i did with the photography guy...two for one
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