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  #1  
Old 04-18-07, 11:35 PM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

Suicide is when one is possessed and trapped by the inner demons of turmoil, anguish and despair, leaving one to do the tightrope walk between life and death one says to herself in the midst of her sad, dark and gloomy world "oh my oh my where is the light", to one it could be a game of eeny meeny miney mo which way shall I fall oops a daisy feeling crazy around the neck goes the noose going...life is slowing draining away, going....the lost soul is slowly released from it's shell, gone....there she hangs lifeless yet peaceful no more pain for her, all she leaves behind are loved ones in a crying mess asking WHY??




NOTE: Suicide is an extremely serious issue and those considering it should really talk to someone about and get help and those around that person should PAY ATTENTION!!, suicide doesn't discriminate it can happen to ANYONE from ANY walk of life!

LET'S STOP THE CARNAGE NOW!!!!


WHERE TO GET HELP: Lifeline 131114 (24 hour phone counselling)
Mental Health QLD (07) 3271-5544 (for QLDer's)

Anyone living overseas or intestate Australia please seek help at the nearest local mental health facility!

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Old 04-04-08, 11:41 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

The one reason I am still alive today is for my family. If you have ever lost a family member you are very close to at a way-too-early age then you understand the indescribable pain it puts you through. Surviving family members of people who commit suicide are put through an even greater hell.
I was 100% sure that there was nothing out there that could help alleviate the pain and suffering I felt everyday growing up. Trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel of despair. Talk to a psychiatrist as soon as possible if you are feeling suicidal. It can be treated.
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Old 04-25-08, 10:19 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

Kurt.

I lost my beloved grandmother at 17 and that was one of the hardest things in my life and I live with regret that I couldn't say or do certain things to prove that I loved her and that I was a worthy person.

I'm not suicidal and haven't been for a long time.

Selena
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Old 04-26-08, 02:52 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

I wanna die.
....I just can't kill myself.

my sprituality screams at the thought (I'm freelance spiritual)

....it's like throwing a book away in the middle, because you don't like how it's going

I was't always like that.
..... I use to love life.

but, my drug addiction changed all that.
......it rotted out some barriors in my brain.
decayed some morals.

I can never go back,
.........because I'm afraid if i do, the string that holds my sanity together will snap.

I'll get the guts to pull the trigger.
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Old 04-26-08, 05:30 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

I wonder what the suicide rate is for ADHD people? I wonder how many people who died by their own hands were really victims of undiagnosed/untreated ADHD? Sometimes I wish I was dead. Growing up and feeling like a failure every day can really get you down. Despite trying my hardest to be good my mother constantly told me I was stupid and lazy and to this day I still have trouble telling myself that it's not true. I'll get revenge on her someday. Success and happiness are the best revenge. If I kill myself she will win.
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Old 04-26-08, 07:36 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

dude, that's her damage, not yours.
....you should NEVER have been told you are stupid.

Belive me she'll pay for her own actions in the end.
.....and you are wonderful.
we're all here to learn lessons.
.......we're all very bright, but, we don't always pay attention to the same things
other people do.

and thats good.
....someone has to watch the stuff others overlook.

*hugs*
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Old 04-28-08, 12:33 AM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

I've spent a great deal of my life with the thought of suicide constantly with me. Mostly during my years as an active alcoholic, but also during the first few months I got sober. For me, suicide was a back door - a way out - because I was trapped. Trapped in my miserable life with no way out and nothing working and life is living hell. So the thought of suicide became my comforting friend. Still, I was afraid to give life up, afraid what death would really mean, but if there came a time where I could stand the pain no longer - suicide was there. A friendly doorway to release and freedom...

But thank G** something in me didn't want to die, and I kept on trudging, kept on hoping that there was a reason for hope, and eventually got sober. Then started the long journey of learning how to deal with the emotional problems that caused me to drink in the first place.

Yeah sure, some crappy stuff happened in my childhood - much less crappy than most, probably. Regardless, there is no longer any point in blaming anyone or anything for my life, or expecting people to understand - because if they haven't been there, they can't understand. The responsibility is now mine and no one else's. Man, I used to hate hearing that...but it's an "unfortunate" truth.

I've seen all kinds of doctors and psychiatrists and therapists and clergy in my life, and no one ever "fixed" me. Yes, they can be of great help if one is ready to step up and help themselves, but it took me a long time to get there. Seems I didn't actually want to change, I just wanted to stop hurting.

So here I am in my 40's, feeling like an 8 year old inside, just starting to learn what it all means. I haven't had the thought of suicide for many years, and understand now that I was never really trapped. There were always other ways out that I turned a blind eye to because they were too frightening. Doorways that would mean change, work, talking to people, admitting things I was deeply ashamed of, taking very real action such as going to rehab or hospital, facing reality, having people find out that I'm a fraud - that I was never what I appeared to be.

Ironic that one would find the idea of suicide less frightening than these things. But these are the doors to true freedom. They are always there, if you're not too afraid to look.
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Old 05-19-08, 08:14 PM
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Unhappy Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

I know exactly how you feel and I am hoping to try very soon. I know how it is to see everything you work for be swept under the rug like you don't exist. I know what it's like to have children that deserves a better mother and I know what it is like to wish my husband had a better partner. And when my youngest wishes she was ADHD like her mom and older sister so she could be like us. Yes, I wish I could end it all. You think you work hard in college and grad school to watch it all slip away.
You actually volunteer to teach 7-8 graders ecology to think you might make a difference. Beleive me when I say I haven't and I wish I was dead. I know how you feel and I am trying to rectify the situation.

Last edited by poisoniv61; 05-19-08 at 08:22 PM.. Reason: spelling...yes it sucks still
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Old 11-23-08, 04:38 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

what do you do when you don't trust the shrinks, social workers, doctors, where do you go !!!
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Old 11-23-08, 05:29 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

.........

Last edited by goddessonahiway; 11-23-08 at 05:45 PM.. Reason: was about my brother.. decided not to share. Sorry for the edit.
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Old 11-24-08, 07:24 AM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

thats okay goddessonahiway (mercury rev??) some things are just too painful.
take care love whitestripes x


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Of all the things i'v' e lost in life its my mind i miss the most !
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I'm so happy cause today I found my friends, there in my head.(lithium by kurt cobain)

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Old 11-24-08, 11:45 AM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

Yes, mercury rev.

Thanks for your understanding. I promise, it means a LOT.
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Old 08-23-09, 09:51 PM
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Unhappy Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

Well, as for being over 30...I'm 42. I just found out I'm ADD (inattentive) and I'm not yet on a medication. I just posted this message on a thread that dealt with employment, but as you can see, it deals (alot) with suicidal thoughts. I'm really struggling with them tonight.

I'm going into my sixth year of unemployment. I've had some jobs in that time, but they were either part-time, short duration, or I was fired for reasons you most likely can guess. Nothing ever made sense to me until I was diagnosed. I often felt like I was adrift in my own life - like so many things were outside of my control. Not realizing that I had ADD, I tried to explain my experiences as stemming from my other disabilities...tried to understand them in terms of Depression, Sleep Apnea, Epilepsy.
And while some of the things made sense as the results of sleep deprivation, chronic depression, and just a low self-image, the puzzle peices didn't really come together for me until I was told that I had the inattentive form of ADHD and started to read about it. I now feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes, but it hasn't made my life suddenly all rosy.

Put simply, my wife is sick of me not working. I want a job (that won't make me feel like I'm dying a little bit more each day) and did actively look for one when I was first laid off. But now, I've reached a point where I don't even need to be rejected by another prospective employer - I save them the time and do it myself. Why would anyone want to hire me? I wouldn't hire myself! These are the thoughts I have.

For awhile my wife was okay with the notion of me being a "house-husband". But I'm always tired, I have no energy or ambition. I frequently get very broken-up, low-quality sleep, and when I get depressed (which is often) its hard to do anything. Add to this the various traits associated with ADD (which I at first only could explain as some kind of OCD...I have a few OCD traits) and somedays almost nothing gets done. This has led to increasing resentment on my wife's part over the fact that I "never do anything". I maintain that I do work around the house, sometimes very hard, but my tendency to never totally complete anything makes it hard to tell.

I don't blame her for being angry, really I don't. But here I am now, after years of this, and our marriage has been badly wounded by it. She frequently threatens to throw me out, and I know that someday she probably will. I have no money of my own, and nowhere to go.

There are things that I do that bring me comfort...that give me a feeling of escape from the pandemonium of my life. But she controls everything in my life at this point, and doesn't want me to engage in my hobbies unless/until I find work. I don't feel like I can find work/keep a job until I get my ADD under control, if thats even possible. Her reaction to the news of my diagnosis has been mixed. I get the impression that she sometimes thinks "oh great, another excuse he can use" and I think at times that its the straw that broke the camel's back...that she is starting to look at me as a person with so many defects I can't really be a good spouse to her.
Or maybe she's not the one who feels that way...maybe I am.

One night, when we were fighting about something related to this, she said "all I want is to have a normal husband". I know what she meant, someone who helps pay the bills, helps fulfill the duties around the house, etc, etc. But it stabbed me pretty deep, because all I could hear was "I just want someone who isn't so screwed up".
So my reaction was to say, "Well you can't have that! You're never going to get that from me, because I'm NOT normal, and these problems aren't going to magically go away!" Again, I don't blame her for feeling the way she does, and I want to make her happy, I want to satisfy all her needs. I feel like a failure so much of the time.

So...where do I even begin? What do I do? I mean, I know that I have to get on some sort of treatment...there was just a delay initially because my insurance wouldn't cover the first Rx the Doc suggested. But in the meantime...I just feel so overwhelmed, and so devoid of hope. My life seems like its all fear and pain, and I want desperately to escape from it. Thats when the depression really gets its claws into me and starts dragging me down. I fantasize so often about killing myself, and the release it would bring. I don't know where to begin...I don't know how to become the Dependable Working Man my wife wants/expects when I have everything I can do some days to not end my own life.
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Old 08-23-09, 10:52 PM
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Re: View on Suicide...may be distressing!! (help in Australia)

Okay, now is not the time for me to be going into this subject, but I just have to poke my head in and thank Crazygirl79 for raising the subject. It's important to get it out there every once in a while to make people think, evaluate and make informed decisions on where to turn next.

Peace be with all,
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