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Old 08-02-13, 07:05 PM
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9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Hi,

As you may know, I talk about my studies in another thread, it's quite a challenging month. Frankly, it's just tough. But man, I learned so much, I actually found some pieces I've lost or never developed.

1) I learned to fight! I learned to get myself to go against my lack of focus and just work. It went with ups and downs, but I feel much more powerful now. I feel I can get more done in a day then I did before, because I just went on working and had some good days, some bad.
I also fought for my studies socially. I asked help from friends in my studies, a lot of them offered it, which was super! I asked for another chance to finish my report from my supervisor, which he gave - he said I will have to redo it. This was early this month. After this weekend I'll have 60% of my report finished, I hope he will give me another extension. Anyways, I will fight for that too and then get it over with!

2) I learned really a lot about myself in respect to giving up on things. I've had two weeks that I didn't do much, because I was so overwhelmed by the situation. I learned that there are certain triggers that cause me to give up; lack of overview (so I need to plan well and divide something in very small bits), too much stress (so I need to get that stress out of my system), fear of failure (so I should accept that I have to learn and fail sometimes), too much external pressure (so I should conscious about this and not let external things control my behaviour like this), too much distraction (so I should learn to limit myself and cut out unnecessary distractions). Well, I learned these triggers, I still have them, but at least I understand a lot better why I sometimes give up on things for a while.

3) Stress is another area that I learned in. I had so much stress this month, which came to a maximum yesterday when I had to talk with my study supervisor about how things are going with this report. I feared this so much, and the conversation was really tough, but it was good. Anyways, I learned that stress coming from things you can't control is something you should avoid at all costs.

4) Professionally I learned that you should not stretch deadlines because you're perfectionistic about what you should deliver. Supervisors are professionals, you should not give them reasons to have patience with you, but you should just show your work. If you're not happy with it, just hand it in, so you can talk about your work instead of why it is not going well. I don't need psychological advice from them, and they don't like to give it, I want them to help me make a good report and that's also what they expect to be working on. Also, I learned that I should work with a very detailed plan, that I should cut a big project in really small tasks and say when I am going to do what, to avoid that I have to face the project as a whole and just can keep working on small parts, step by step.

5) I actually cried about my studies the last two days. It's VERY rare that I did that, long ago, but it was SO necessary! It's been 8 years now that I am in this bachelor, I've made all the mistakes that you can make, I faced my ADD problems, but I always kept my feelings about this shut. I feel so relieved that I have come to a point that I break, I feel a part of me has become alive again. It's difficult, but it's good too.

6) I had some very difficult conversations that were very good, because I showed people the real me that's scared to death about this studies, that feels SOOO guilty and ashamed about his mistakes and that needs help. I mentioned the talk with my study supervisor. She gave her perspective on what I was doing, which was difficult to take, but she also said that it was her job to help me get to the finish line. I said that ADD was really a trouble for me and that I should stop only showing the good things that I was doing in my studies, but also tell her about the problems I have.

I told my parents on the telephone that I was scared to death about this situation, I said sorry for not listening to their advice. My mother said that they will help me financially to finish, that they will support me in every way. They even accept it if I have to do a new internship to finish, which was a relieve. I am so happy with these parents.

And I talked with several friends about my situation and shared also my feelings with them, which they appreciated.

Basically, I feel like I am human again, that I can be myself - don't let my shame, guilt, pride and fear keep me from opening up, but share these.

7) I learned a lot about keeping myself organised in a practical way. Groceries, keep my room clean, etc. Have been working on this a lot through this year, but everything is working pretty well now and it starts to get easier. Also, I don't obsess about these things as much as I used to, I've let go of the idea of doing this perfectly, instead, I just try to be organised enough so I can be free and productive.

8) I learned to give things the right priority and not to let other things get in the way - Today I just quit my summer job, out of the blue. They will not be happy about it, at all, but I have the right to quit, I don't need the money right now and I need the time to finish my studies. I made the decision very quickly, I did not like to do it, but it was necessary. Now I feel very much relieved, because I now actually have time in August to finish two of the last three things that I need to finish for my studies!

9) Finally, I learned that I need to have fun activities every day; I learned that reading fiction is a very nice entertainment, that exercise does a lot of good; mountainbiking, running, walking, swimming. It's very nice and good to get rid of stress, improve focus and so forth.

Man, this month! I hope I survive it - I hand in my report on Monday and if he sees that it's improved a lot, which it has in my opinion, I hope he gives me some weeks to finish it. If I know that, I can finish this period and I can be really happy about all I've learned, because I got through it successfully.

If I have to redo my internship, I will still be happy about all I've learned, because 9 lessons like this, I can tell you that I've had years that I did not learn 1 lesson on this level!
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Old 08-02-13, 08:08 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

That's awesome. Of course, humans learn by repetition, so be prepared to
keep practicing these lessons over and over.
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Old 08-03-13, 12:30 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

That's true, I will have to relearn them many times, but what has happened is that I really feel so different now; all these extremely stressful moments led to a lot of emotions and tough conversations, my study required me to get working hard, get my priorities straight, make some difficult choices like quitting my summer job and cancelling my vacation.

Of course you can't become a totally different person in one month and I don't even think there's a need for that, but I certainly became much more mature and real through all of this which was something that was necessary, and I like it that I now feel much more about my study and that I now talk much more about it with friends and family, not "it's going ok, better and better", which was true for some time, but also "it's hard, I don't want this. In part it's my fault, but I have learnt enough now, I don't want to face the consequences". Yeah, I really don't want that, and I just keep on working through this weekend to get more and more results to hand in. But at least I've learnt a lot and I know there are people who support me.
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Old 08-03-13, 12:51 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Wow this is truly fantastic, make sure you sit down and write everything down so you can remind yourself latter. I can't tell you how many times I would have this kind of epiphany and not be able to remember it later.
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Old 08-03-13, 01:34 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Love it!
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Old 08-04-13, 12:16 AM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Amazing.
You have learned more in a month than I have in 6 yrs & several meds.
I'm going to save your post & use it in the hope it may better guide me.
Thank you.
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Old 08-06-13, 12:04 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Thanks! I hope you may learn these things in a less stressful way, though if I have to choose between a relaxed time of no learning and a stressful time of learning a lot, I choose the second. I mean, on reflection . If I really would be able to choose I would probably choose the first and don't care that I don't learn anything, but well afterwards you think that you "hm, perhaps I should make myself useful".

I think it's really success vs happiness. Success requires boring work, stress and everything that normal people don't like, and we AD(H)D people really hate. Happiness requires the lack of those things.

Happiness and success can be combined, but that requires some luck and good idea and a lot of planning ahead to get there.

I hope that from this I've learned some lessons on how, and especially why, to do the third; planning ahead. I hope that I'll be able to do some work every day and avoid too much stress.

@Tabbycat - thanks! what do you find of interest? what are you doing in life? is it going well?

just interested.
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Old 08-06-13, 12:16 PM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

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Old 08-08-13, 08:54 AM
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Re: 9 important life lessons I learned in this month!

Thanks Fuzzy . Been wondering for some time... how are you doing now?


I wanted to give a quick update on this post. I just reread my list of lessons in my OP that I wrote 6 days ago. My experience with writing down such experiences of what you're going through is that your interpretation of a situation changes after time. I thought it would be interesting to see if it has.

Well, about all the 9 lessons - they're all still very relevant lessons. Some lessons meant an abrupt change, most were more gradual and still on-going.

I'll keep checking this list and make sure that I'll internalize all of them. One interesting observation si that all of the lessons I desribe have common theme: making life less complicated; talking about things, showing your work, just letting your emotions go, preventing stress, fighting for things instead of giving up, preventing fleeing from situations, getting rid of things that threaten your most important and just having some fun between work.

A lot of it is about balance, about doing the right thing at the right moment, not obsessing about stuff, not worrying, getting rid of negative stuff and adding more positive stuff to your life.

What were your best lessons of the last weeks/months/years? How do you make sure you learn from your experiences? I think that's quite a challenge - but also quite important, I don't think learning is an inevitable outcome of experience.
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