ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-09-04, 11:57 PM
Tara's Avatar
Tara Tara is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Middleboro, MA USA
Posts: 6,363
Thanks: 23
Thanked 493 Times in 229 Posts
Tara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to all
What would you like your Non-ADD Partner / Spouse to understand about you?

What would you like your Non-ADD Partner / Spouse to understand about you?
__________________
Tara
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tara For This Useful Post:
imaan86 (06-16-18)
  #2  
Old 10-10-04, 01:06 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: the depths of Lake Superior
Posts: 2,998
Thanks: 0
Thanked 39 Times in 26 Posts
waywardclam is on a distinguished road
Actually, Mrs. Clam has been pretty understanding lately.

I do wish that she wasn't so sensitive sometimes...
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-11-04, 02:46 PM
bunnystar's Avatar
bunnystar bunnystar is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 119
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 3 Posts
bunnystar is on a distinguished road
That I am intelligent.

That I don't purposefully not think of "us" or him because I'm being selfish.

How much I love him.

How it's hard for me to do things that seem simple to him

That I will never be perfect, that I will never function on the level he wishes that I could.

That I do listen, but sometimes I can't recall the information in my brain, that he has to remind me.

That I will always be clumsy. I am uncordinated and spastic and there is little more I can do to improve this. (yoga etc to improve balance...)

That seated activities are terriblely hard for me.

That I can't talk on the phone and have someone (him) saying stuff to me at the same time, it pretty much voids out both conversations and I can't hear/understand either of them so SHADUP!

The list is pretty long actually.....
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to bunnystar For This Useful Post:
imaan86 (06-16-18)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 10-12-04, 08:36 AM
f_wcomboadhd's Avatar
f_wcomboadhd f_wcomboadhd is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: cypress tx, (greater houston)
Posts: 508
Thanks: 0
Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts
f_wcomboadhd is on a distinguished road
that he will NEVER understand what i go through every day and its not easy
that i try very hard even if i look like i'm not b/c i'm recovering from my day by laying on my couch sleeping
that i don't cry or spazz out specifically to make him stressed
that when i constantly ask him "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?"
i'm just checking in b/c i feel that i may have screwed something up and i had no idea.
actually,
one of the biggest impacts of finding out i have adhd was knowing finally THATS WHAT IT IS b/c of all the problems it had been causing in my relationship w/ him and he has barely acknowledged that in the past he was thinking that i was 'wrong' and he was definitively 'right'
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to f_wcomboadhd For This Useful Post:
imaan86 (06-16-18)
  #5  
Old 10-12-04, 09:50 AM
EYEFORGOT's Avatar
EYEFORGOT EYEFORGOT is offline
can't remember diddly
 

Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Fantasy Land
Posts: 16,175
Blog Entries: 17
Thanks: 4,218
Thanked 6,055 Times in 3,094 Posts
EYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond reputeEYEFORGOT has a reputation beyond repute
1. I have always lived with this.
2. That I didn't know I had always lived with this.
3. That I probably will always live with this.
4. That the learning process for coping is two steps forward one step back.
(and sometimes that's the best it gets)
5. That I am more frustrated with myself for any regressions than he is with me.
6. Love and patience would work better than frustration and defensiveness.
7. That I understand he is human, so I will try to be understanding and reassuring(#6)
8. That I am human and will scr*w that up, too. (see #7)
__________________
Chel
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear & life stands explained.
-Mark Twain"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-12-04, 01:22 PM
Alex Alex is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 131
Thanks: 0
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
Alex is on a distinguished road
1. That my issues and thoughtlessness are entirely my own, they don't reflect on my opinions/feelings for her

2. That most of the time, when it looks like I'm doing nothing, I'm fighting myself mentally to do exactly what she's getting mad at me for not doing, and losing.

3. I need at least equal break-time to work-time. But I get three times as much done during my work-time as most people will, so it works out perfectly fine if you just leave me alone.

4. I haven't forgotten. I just can't initiate what I remember. Therefore, nagging at me to do what I'm struggling already to do myself only makes me angrier, both at myself for failing and at her for nagging.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Alex For This Useful Post:
Kasie B (10-17-18)
  #7  
Old 10-12-04, 02:54 PM
bunnystar's Avatar
bunnystar bunnystar is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 119
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 3 Posts
bunnystar is on a distinguished road
Awww. your post makes me so sad. I know how you feel, I do that "are you mad at me"? thing a lot, more lately than ever before. It's like if I hear any tone of displeasure in his voice, I assume that it is something that I have done, somehow I have let him down.... again.

I was telling my doctor how I have tried to get my husband to research ADD to understand it, but when we talk about it, he spouts off tips he has learned to help fix me. "I read that people with ADD need to be on a schedule, like we need to put the things you need to do on a dry erase board..."

I was so ticked, the point was to understand my behavior with you're research not to find answers to magically fix it. My doctor then explained that I needed to understand that men are "fixers" and it is in their nature to want to give solutions, that it is hard for him to just merely understand and except.



Quote:
Originally Posted by f_wcomboadhd
that he will NEVER understand what i go through every day and its not easy
that i try very hard even if i look like i'm not b/c i'm recovering from my day by laying on my couch sleeping
that i don't cry or spazz out specifically to make him stressed
that when i constantly ask him "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?"
i'm just checking in b/c i feel that i may have screwed something up and i had no idea.
actually,
one of the biggest impacts of finding out i have adhd was knowing finally THATS WHAT IT IS b/c of all the problems it had been causing in my relationship w/ him and he has barely acknowledged that in the past he was thinking that i was 'wrong' and he was definitively 'right'
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-12-04, 04:48 PM
Stabile's Avatar
Stabile Stabile is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,729
Thanks: 2
Thanked 71 Times in 53 Posts
Stabile has a spectacular aura aboutStabile has a spectacular aura about
What the heck, I want my ADD partner to understand all those things about me, too.

Kay feels the same way about me. We're just too busy to be perfect, I guess, so we occasionally lose sight of the things we should know the best.

(In case anyone missed the point: I'm as big a bonehead as ever walked, sometimes.)

What I'd like anyone to recognize, ADDer or not, is that sometimes I'm seeing things that they aren't, and since I would never suggest something completely stupid, if it seems like I am, maybe that's one of those times?

I'm not a dummy, dang it! Figure out what I mean, or at least have the grace to ask! Maybe I made a mistake, eh?

Kay and I both mess this up occasionally; why wouldn't we? Everybody only has a certain box of rusty old tools, and when you use them, incorrect assumptions come along for the ride.

We blind ourselves by using tools appropriate to life (and brains) sixty thousand years ago. No wonder we get caught.

Oh, well. Maybe it’s time for some new ones…
__________________
Peace. --TR =+= =+=

"There is no normal life, Wyatt.
There's just life. Get on with it."
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-12-04, 04:59 PM
f_wcomboadhd's Avatar
f_wcomboadhd f_wcomboadhd is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: cypress tx, (greater houston)
Posts: 508
Thanks: 0
Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts
f_wcomboadhd is on a distinguished road
ok stabile.
i'm confused. are you two ppl? or what. and if so, who has add and who doesn't?please explain.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-12-04, 06:01 PM
Stabile's Avatar
Stabile Stabile is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,729
Thanks: 2
Thanked 71 Times in 53 Posts
Stabile has a spectacular aura aboutStabile has a spectacular aura about
So sorry, f_wcomboadhd.

(That's female with combo AH/HD, right? Alright…)

We're Tom and Kay, and we have an AD/HD family. We both take Adderall and Ritalin (no, not at the same time), as does our son Bryan.

We're both professionals that have spent over thirty years doing private research into human communication, the logical structure of the brain, and theories of mind and consciousness.

Part of the reason that it's taken that long is that we have a family and other jobs, too (although I'm playing hooky right now). But the main reason is that it's a really difficult and deep area. And we're nowhere near to done with it.

What we have been able to understand to date has important repercussions for ADDers, because it is the first and only theory of human brain function that predicts AD/HD. So far, it's doing a remarkably good job of explaining what happens to make us like we are, and why strange things happen to us when we interact with others.

It's lots of fun, and it really helps. But it's also a lot like quantum mechanics, in that the theory is in some ways counterintuitive and can be extremely difficult to comprehend.

It shouldn't be too surprising, I guess, that there is a profoundly mystical aspect to truly decoding how the human mind works. If it were straightforward, someone would have had it figured out by now.

So, yes, there are two of us. Kay is a forum member who probably hasn't posted anything yet; we've been posting together for so long that she can't seem to break the habit.

But we talk on our cell phones all the time, and I print out or read posts to her sometimes, or leave a thread open for her to read when she gets home at nine or ten or eleven or whatever. Once we've figured out what we want to say, I type it into the computer, and we both edit it.

(So, I'm her secretary, I guess…)

I hang out online far more than she does, and since she's a Director of Nursing as well as a Director in the corporation that owns the facilities for which she's responsible, she doesn't have much time for new hobbies.

For something like this, I write and edit it, post it and she reads it later.

Was that more information than you ever wanted? (grin…) Oh, well. Welcome to the forums.
__________________
Peace. --TR =+= =+=

"There is no normal life, Wyatt.
There's just life. Get on with it."
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-12-04, 06:19 PM
Nucking_Futs's Avatar
Nucking_Futs Nucking_Futs is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 7,573
Thanks: 5
Thanked 44 Times in 36 Posts
Nucking_Futs has a spectacular aura aboutNucking_Futs has a spectacular aura about
I thought a lot about this thread before I posted. I wanted to be sure exactly what I needed from my husband and I guess it all comes down to one thing. Not all my issue's with memory have to do with ADHD, I'm tired and I wake up tired. So, I kept track of everything I did in an average (everyday setting) so that he could see that I may be inattentive but it's not ADHD, I may be cranky but it's not ADHD, I may be quiet and disorientated but it has nothing to do with ADHD or depression. So, I kept track of Sunday and gave him the note I believe things will change for the better around here.

A day in my life:
Worked from 10:30pm to 7:30am in a long term care facility.
Went grocery shopping after work and got home around 9:30am.
Made breakfast and took an hours nap before church at 11:00am.
Showered and went to church at noon until 1:00pm.
Came home cooked lunch and started supper.
Did laundry and cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, living room and Garrett's room while riding rough shod over the kids to do their chores and take care of their pets.
At 2:00 pm Koda had a football game.
At 4:00 pm Lexi had a dance recital about 30 minutes away.
Got home at 6:00pm and had supper.
Took a nap until 8:30pm and then got up and showered and went into work.

Doug's day
Got up at 9:30am and helped carry in groceries.
Bathed the baby after breakfast
Church
Koda's football game
Lexi's recital
Took care of the kids while I napped.

Sundays are Doug's only days off so I dont' ask much of him. I just wanted him to stop telling me that I'm slipping on my ADHD management. I did not mean to make him feel guilty but he said there are a lot of things and places that he could have helped me more. So, I'm praying hard that things will get a little easier and we've decided that leaving the baby during the week at the sitters until noon so I can get a couple more hours of sleep would be a lot more beneficial then my funeral costs-I admitted that on my way home I set the cruise and thought now would be a good time to take a nap, luckily something kept nagging the back of my brain that there was something really, really wrong with that picture. lol
__________________
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!!"

Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-12-04, 07:22 PM
Stabile's Avatar
Stabile Stabile is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,729
Thanks: 2
Thanked 71 Times in 53 Posts
Stabile has a spectacular aura aboutStabile has a spectacular aura about
Yikes!

But I can't believe you left out keeping that list. That's what would have taken all my concentration.

Great experiment, though. And good for you two...
__________________
Peace. --TR =+= =+=

"There is no normal life, Wyatt.
There's just life. Get on with it."
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-12-04, 09:36 PM
Nucking_Futs's Avatar
Nucking_Futs Nucking_Futs is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 7,573
Thanks: 5
Thanked 44 Times in 36 Posts
Nucking_Futs has a spectacular aura aboutNucking_Futs has a spectacular aura about
The list doesn't count...it was just a piece of paper and a crayon I carried in my pocket and wrote on as I was doing other things so it didn't take any time out of my day and I'm used to writing lists on the run or I forget to do the simplest things.lol
__________________
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!!"

Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-16-18, 01:50 AM
imaan86 imaan86 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
Thanks: 8
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
imaan86 is on a distinguished road
Re: What would you like your Non-ADD Partner / Spouse to understand about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by f_wcomboadhd View Post
that he will NEVER understand what i go through every day and its not easy
that i try very hard even if i look like i'm not b/c i'm recovering from my day by laying on my couch sleeping
that i don't cry or spazz out specifically to make him stressed
that when i constantly ask him "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?" "are you mad at me?"
i'm just checking in b/c i feel that i may have screwed something up and i had no idea.
actually,
one of the biggest impacts of finding out i have adhd was knowing finally THATS WHAT IT IS b/c of all the problems it had been causing in my relationship w/ him and he has barely acknowledged that in the past he was thinking that i was 'wrong' and he was definitively 'right'
Im the same!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
ADD and Romantic Relationships Andrew Relationships & Social Issues 14 10-17-14 10:07 AM
My view about ADD roots : short term memory problems in modern life xav General ADD Talk 8 06-21-10 01:04 AM
Free ADD Teleclass. The Imperfect Guide to Starting an ADD Support Group ADDCoach4u ADD Events 2 01-09-10 03:43 PM
For Your Information Andrew Forum Guidelines 0 03-20-05 12:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums