ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Adults with ADD > General ADD Talk
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-15-16, 07:31 PM
Jacksper's Avatar
Jacksper Jacksper is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Greece
Posts: 879
Thanks: 1,354
Thanked 1,772 Times in 638 Posts
Jacksper has disabled reputation
Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

This week was an especially tough week, especially at work, but I learned a lot from it and I want to share some of it. It was challenging for several reasons:

(1) I had to do a lot of things that I did not know how to do,
(2) I have to do most work by myself, my colleagues are working elsewhere, so I have to create structure in my own day and I have to call them by phone or email if I need help and
(3) I made a few mistakes in my communication, like not communicating when it was expected and
(4) I promised to do a lot of things for others, without thinking if I could really do it and I set some deadlines that I could not successfully meet. On top of that, I
(5) worried a lot about what other people think of me, thinking I struggled a lot more than others (the imposter syndrome),
(6) I started panicking, and this blocked the problem-solving part of my brain that I desperately needed.
(7) I spend way too much time on work, and little time on doing things in my free time (except visiting my brother yesterday, which was a conscious choice; I knew I had to take a break, and it was very "gezellig" (dutch for something like a combination of "nice, cozy, social" (there is no word for it in English ))).
(8) Because of all these issues, I feared that I may fail at this job.

So, yeah, I think you see that this week was difficult (and it is not over yet; 1 day remaining; and by the way, you may also see that most of the difficulty was just in my own mind, but still, I perceived it as real, so it created a LOT of stress), but man, it seems like all this difficulty brings a huge amount of wisdom in return. Here are some of the lessons that I (re)learned:

(1) It's ok if you don't know everything. No one knows everything. I asked some colleagues about it (they are all consultants like me), and they told me that they often don't understand what colleagues told me. Everyone has their own specialization, which at the same time means that they know little about some other topics (some of which I happen to know way more about).
(2) I should ask my colleagues for help more, in fact, I discovered that my colleagues do this a lot, sometimes they ask many hours or days of help from others. In the future (when I have more experience) I can help them more, but I already help them a lot (somehow I forgot about that). Today I talked a few hours on the phone with two different colleagues, who helped me with an issue via TeamViewer (they had remote control over my computer). I learn a lot from that!
(3) I learned that communicating is the most important thing, not only when you have good news (for a client or a colleague), but also (especially) when you tried something and it didn't work. I sent a lot of emails to people, sometimes telling them that I managed to take a few steps in the right direction, but that I am not done yet, just to keep them posted.
(4) I should not make too many promises, especially not when people don't ask me to. I should also not say "yes" to everything. In fact, I should stop accepting new tasks (when possible) and focus on finishing the things that I have on my plate now, so that I can get some old tasks off my plate and then I can accept some fresh new tasks in the new year.
(5) My colleagues also struggle a lot. I asked a few about it, and they told me that they sometimes are stuck with a single (seemingly small) issue for weeks at a time. It's part of the job in IT. Sometimes you can do some things quick, sometimes you have an annoying problem and you need to accept that there is a limit to what you can do.
(6) It's very important to stay calm, especially when there is a lot on your plate. With a calm mind, it's much easier to solve problems. Also, often there are no big consequences to making mistakes, and worrying about it is just a waste of time and energy. A lot of things that you perceive as "big problems" are only happening in your mind.
(7) I should allow myself to do more fun things in my free time. I am not approaching a burn-out or something, because a week like this teaches me a lot and what I learn from it I will use to improve my performance at work, and to become more happy and relaxed. I would say that I am really burn-out proof, paradoxically, because I really don't like to suffer when I don't need to. I am not super lazy, in fact I like to work hard, but I also want to get some satisfaction in return and I want to also enjoy life outside of work.
(8) I accepted that I may fail, and that I will even be ok. I should be honest, respectful and disciplined at work, and if that is not enough, I can leave this company without destroying my reputation. Every day I should focus mostly on that day only, and on what I can do to help and what I can learn. In return, if I have to leave, I will take a lot of experience and skill with me, that will surely help to get me a job. I am in a good field, I think it will only take me a few days/week/months (at most) to land another job. But, most importantly, I don't really think that I will fail. I think my employer is quite content with me, and he seems to really understand that I need some time to grow and get comfortable in this position, and he allows me to screw up, in fact, when I do, he doesn't call it a "failure" and helps me draw the lessons from it. Often he is a lot more positive about me than I am .

I hope that I am able to retain most of these lessons, so that I can keep improving my life (and maintain my sanity ). Perhaps the biggest lesson is that is ok to be a human, that it's ok to be "me" (or you ) and that you should just try to be the best version of yourself. Life is too short to worry about little things, and keep those things from really doing what you are meant to do (I realize that a lot of what I am saying is really cheesy, but I think it's true ).

Anyways, I hope you found that interesting. Thanks for reading, curious to read your thoughts!

Last edited by Jacksper; 12-15-16 at 07:51 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Jacksper For This Useful Post:
BellaVita (01-11-17), ginniebean (01-11-17), stef (12-16-16)
  #2  
Old 12-16-16, 09:01 AM
acdc01 acdc01 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,419
Thanks: 2,076
Thanked 3,073 Times in 1,581 Posts
acdc01 has disabled reputation
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

How are you feeling jacksper? We're you stressed out of your mind this whole week, feeling bad about yourself even though logically you know you shouldnt.

What I'm asking is whether you already logically knew these lessons but biology is overwhelming logic making 8t so you can't stop panicking anyway? If your reasons for feeling this way are biological, are there meds you can take that can help logic win the fight over biology?

Glad you got to spend some time with your brother. Hope this week isnt too common and future weeks are easier.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to acdc01 For This Useful Post:
Jacksper (01-10-17), stef (12-16-16)
  #3  
Old 12-17-16, 05:40 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 22,745
Thanks: 5,404
Thanked 27,014 Times in 12,061 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

For me, the biggest lessons I learn are always because of pain,consequence or difficulty. That sounds dark but its not. I had to suffer from drinking too much in order to gain perspective to stop. Very often something has to sting to prompt me to change.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

I've always been one of a kind. It just hasnt always been positive.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
ADDon1 (12-22-16), anonymouslyadd (01-11-17), Jacksper (01-10-17), Little Missy (01-10-17)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 01-10-17, 08:55 AM
Jacksper's Avatar
Jacksper Jacksper is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Greece
Posts: 879
Thanks: 1,354
Thanked 1,772 Times in 638 Posts
Jacksper has disabled reputation
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

Quote:
Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
How are you feeling jacksper? We're you stressed out of your mind this whole week, feeling bad about yourself even though logically you know you shouldnt.

What I'm asking is whether you already logically knew these lessons but biology is overwhelming logic making 8t so you can't stop panicking anyway? If your reasons for feeling this way are biological, are there meds you can take that can help logic win the fight over biology?

Glad you got to spend some time with your brother. Hope this week isnt too common and future weeks are easier.
I am feeling great again acdc! This week was actually a turning point for me. I feel I learned more in this week, than in some previous years. Last week I had another week that was this full of lessons, but that week I felt more positive (so an experience doesn't always have to be tough to be valuable).

My new mindset is much more positive. To describe it in full, I would need to type a long story. Maybe another time . But let me illustrate it by some really practical examples. I have started cooking again, something I wanted to do for ages but I never found the discipline. I decided to see it as a way to "honor" my body, to take good care of myself and as an activity that can be interesting/fulfilling in itself. This really works for me. Not only have I started cooking again, I actually enjoy everything about it. This allows me to sustain this change.

I have also changed the way I see exercising, working, doing chores, etc. It's no longer something that I try to "force" myself to do, something negative, an obligation. It's a way to celebrate life.

Another change I made is how I approach challenges. Every day (when I remember to), I try to do something that is hard. Something that I fear. My (positive) motivation is that I know in advance it's almost always very fulfilling. Last week I went on a date. It was scary at first (it's a long time ago since I dated), but I really liked it and it has expanded my horizons. Now I can do it more often, because I no longer fear it as much.

Also, I also have changed my views about habits. I always tried to do daily habits literally every day, and when (for whatever reason) I couldn't, it would be very likely that I would give up that habit completely, which is a total waste of all the energy that I put into building it. Now I no longer care about doing it daily, I try to find a way to get drawn into doing it (like I described above with the cooking). If I skip a day, it's not a problem, I don't have to "punish" myself, the most important thing is to do it the next day. Habits are a tool to get things done easier, they are not a goal in themselves.

Finally, I have gotten a better grip on my negative self-talk. Of course I still do it every now and then (being human; I see it as normal), but now I have a counter-voice in my head that defends me. It appears like a reflex. This helps me to self-soothe quickly and continue what I was doing (sometimes after a short break), instead of giving up and getting lost in feelings of shame and guilt.

We have spoken of this before acdc, but mindset really makes a lot of difference. To me, I would now say that my #1 issue (why I struggled so much in the past) was not ADD, but it was a mindset that wasn't working. Basically, I was too harsh for myself. Not saying ADD wasn't a factor, I can see how these two issues easily lead to a negative feedback cycle.

Anyways, I find it fascinating to experience how much of our reality can be shaped by our thoughts.

What do you think about this topic? Do you recognize these changes in mindset?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-11-17, 12:33 AM
anonymouslyadd's Avatar
anonymouslyadd anonymouslyadd is offline
Moderator of all seasons
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: .
Posts: 14,072
Blog Entries: 35
Thanks: 16,279
Thanked 15,876 Times in 8,030 Posts
anonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond reputeanonymouslyadd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
For me, the biggest lessons I learn are always because of pain,consequence or difficulty. That sounds dark but its not. I had to suffer from drinking too much in order to gain perspective to stop. Very often something has to sting to prompt me to change.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.

~Helen Keller
__________________
Read three reasons to never share your ADD here.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01-11-17, 06:20 AM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
Mr. BllVt
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anywhere I can
Posts: 14,512
Thanks: 1,259
Thanked 17,557 Times in 8,785 Posts
dvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

Jacksper, I just had this crazy thought. I'm sorry if it intrudes on your thread, and I hope it doesn't.

For some people, maybe one of the hardest lessons they learn is to avoid turning everything into a lesson.
__________________
Postmodernism, the school of 'thought' that proclaimed 'There are no truths, only interpretations' has largely played itself out in absurdity, but it has left behind a generation of academics in the humanities disabled by their distrust of the very idea of truth and their disrespect for evidence, settling for 'conversations' in which nobody is wrong and nothing can be confirmed, only asserted with whatever style you can muster.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to dvdnvwls For This Useful Post:
Jacksper (02-19-17)
  #7  
Old 01-11-17, 09:11 AM
Jacksper's Avatar
Jacksper Jacksper is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Greece
Posts: 879
Thanks: 1,354
Thanked 1,772 Times in 638 Posts
Jacksper has disabled reputation
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

dvdnvwls - Not sure what you are trying to say, is that meant as feedback?

Anyways, I do agree with you. But I'd rather err on the side of being too eager too learn, then being too stubborn. Anyways, I do think that you shouldn't go too far in both ways... life should be celebrated. you can miss a lot of enjoyment and meaning if you always are reflecting on everything.

I prefer to just be spontaneous in real-time and reflect afterwards, when I have a quiet moment for it, and if there is a need for it of course.

Quote:
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.

~Helen Keller
I completely agree with that quote! It's good to be willing to suffer, so that you can keep persevering with your goals, and even stay happy in the process (I have learnt to appreciate stoicism). I used to see suffering as something that should be avoided, but that made me very fragile.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-11-17, 01:44 PM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
Mr. BllVt
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anywhere I can
Posts: 14,512
Thanks: 1,259
Thanked 17,557 Times in 8,785 Posts
dvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
dvdnvwls - Not sure what you are trying to say, is that meant as feedback?


... you can miss a lot of enjoyment and meaning if you always are reflecting on everything.
What you said there, was mainly what I meant.
__________________
Postmodernism, the school of 'thought' that proclaimed 'There are no truths, only interpretations' has largely played itself out in absurdity, but it has left behind a generation of academics in the humanities disabled by their distrust of the very idea of truth and their disrespect for evidence, settling for 'conversations' in which nobody is wrong and nothing can be confirmed, only asserted with whatever style you can muster.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to dvdnvwls For This Useful Post:
Jacksper (02-19-17)
  #9  
Old 01-11-17, 02:56 PM
BellaVita's Avatar
BellaVita BellaVita is offline
Mrs dvdnvwls
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: -
Posts: 14,503
Thanks: 28,348
Thanked 18,885 Times in 9,300 Posts
BellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond reputeBellaVita has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Challenging weeks like these tend to be packed full of potential lessons

Thank you OP - I especially needed to hear that today.
__________________
What ifs are like poop. It's better to flush them right away, or the whole place will soon stink. - dvdnvwls
Remember life and then your life becomes a better world.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to BellaVita For This Useful Post:
Jacksper (02-19-17)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
10 Things Adults with ADD Would like their Partners to Know moxee33 Relationships & Social Issues 49 10-31-16 10:51 PM
Acceptance And ADD - My Story mADD mike Non-ADD Partner Support 47 11-29-12 01:57 AM
Help me to make sense of things delaney_kid Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 1 12-14-11 06:43 AM
My revised story of adhd undiagnosed, trying to take to first consulation today Jewelz81 Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 23 10-01-11 02:20 PM
Discovered many things about Dex this week. REDxdog Dexedrine/Dextrostat 4 11-14-08 12:08 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums