Hospital

[peripatetic]

Should I go?

Probably everyone thinks I should be able to keep it together, but the voices are worsening and I cut up the sheet.

I'm on a treatment order and he just left so provided the meds work...

I've been on so many APs and combinations and years in hospital plus the six weeks of other treatments. I mean, what the **** else is there and they're back snickering at me and encouraging me but also playing repeater and running commentary.

I ******* hate what this ailment has done to my life and it's not getting any better.

[psychopathetic]

Yes. Please go

There's nothing wrong with needing some help Per-Pers. Please don't be angry with yourself or feel guilty about anything. I don't think anyone who loves or cares about you will judge you for needing to go to the hospital for a bit till you can start feeling better again.

And that's what the hospital will do for you, they'll help you to feel better again.

You can be angry at me if you need to be...but I really do think you should go.

You are incredibly brave Pers. I'm so sorry you go through all that you go through /cry

(((((((Peri)))))))

[CharlesH]

Originally Posted by peripatetic

Probably everyone thinks I should be able to keep it together, but the voices are worsening and I cut up the sheet.

Sorry if I'm ignorant of your situation. I just didn't know what you meant by "everyone." Have you explicitly sought their opinions regarding this, or are you guessing at what they think?

My personal opinion is that if you don't feel safe, you might as well check yourself in for an evaluation. Worst case scenario is that they'll tell you that you don't need to be inpatient. And there's no shame in just making sure.

Of course, I don't want to seem like I'm minimizing the process of hospital eval. It can be an emotionally draining ordeal, to say the least. Perhaps there's a middle ground option? Could you call your therapist/psych to get their opinions?

You don't need to feel bad about reaching out to your mental health providers. It's their job to take care of you, and you're being a responsible patient by keeping them updated.

[midnightstar]

peri please go to the hospital, we want you to be safe

[peripatetic]

Charles it's a situation where I signed a treatment order agreement and didn't already go up because I talked my way out of it. I just don't want to be trapped there.

[CharlesH]

I totally get that fear! Inpatient can be a horrible ordeal. But so can untreated psych illness. Do what's best for your safety and mental health.

Obviously, you know your own situation better than I do. FWIW, my opinion is that if you're unsure of whether to go there, it'd be best to be safe and go.

[Fuzzy12]

I think you should peri. I think you are keeping it together amazingly anywaY but even then I think if you can get help then definitely definitely definitely go for it. Maybe going to hospital is a way of keeping it together. Really...anything that helps (or might help)

[Greyhound1]

Originally Posted by peripatetic

I just don't want to be trapped there.

I know how much you hate it and I have no doubt it sucks being trapped in IP.

The problem is the alternative. You are trapped now within your mind and only getting worse. Either way, you are trapped already.

At least with IP you will have help and a chance to get better. Without it, along with your withdrawal from others, all you would have are the voices. The voices will gain more power and control and you will become worse is my fear.

I hope so much your increased meds. kick in soon and you can be safe and get more well at home.

[namazu]

Hi everyone,

Peri got in touch with me to say that she went to the hospital this afternoon.

She won't have internet access while there, but meanwhile she said it was OK for me to pass along that she's safe.

- N.

[midnightstar]

Namsy can you pass on my well wishes to her?

[psychopathetic]

Thank you so much for the update Namzy.

[namazu]

Sure thing!


Peri says hello to everyone.

[Fuzzy12]

Originally Posted by namazu

Sure thing!


Peri says hello to everyone.

Hi Peri.

[peripatetic]

thank you, n, for updating everyone!

so, obviously i went IP. no friday dance, but we did get to watch a movie every night as our meds kicked in. i also met some really great people (fellow patients) who i might keep in touch with. there were a couple of folks who really made my stay not suck at all really except i got 5150'ed, so when i wanted to leave i couldn't. but after the 72 hours was up, they wanted me to stay to finish titrating up on a med and said if i agreed to stay voluntarily for 48 hours they wouldn't push for a 5250 and i wouldn't have to have a hearing if i contested the stay.

so, in short....i ended up only spending about five days IP, which might be a record shortest stay i've ever had...! now i'm at a residential program where i have considerably more freedom (i.e. any freedom whatsoever) and it's for a week or two. that's why i'm able to be online.

anyway, i want to thank everyone on this forum for engaging me when i was unwell and being supportive and letting me vent about disturbing things. i truly appreciate those of you on this thread and who've posted on other threads i started/replied to posts i made. there's one person in particular i feel i can't thank enough for sharing her insight, having the courage to stand up to the voices i was hearing, and who reached out to me and kept in touch with me when she could; i.e. correspondence on here and when i had my mobile and was awaiting transport to the first and then second locked facilities. namazu: you are an amazing friend, thank you. x


PS: i just now realised that people probably have no idea what those numbers mean. 5150 is a 72 hour hold; 5250 is a two week hold; 5260 is another two week minimum hold. and they stack on each other. i've been on all three in the past, but only had the 5150 this time. so, technically, i could've had a case for leaving after it expired on wednesday at 2:00, i think...unsure on the exact hour because i was obsessing over it and so tried to block it out so i wasn't doing an hour by hour, minute by minute countdown. but if i'd said, ok, i'm leaving, they would've said, ok, you're going to attend a hearing to decide if you'll be leaving now or staying for two additional weeks. and just FYI...we never win those hearings. maybe people who have different diagnoses do, but if you've got schizophrenia, you lose. so ...they really worked with me. staff were super helpful and respectful, i mean, as respectful as one can be when checking you every fifteen minutes round the clock and making you strip for a skin check on entry...i could go on and on about the little indignities, but you catch the drift.

this might've been my most productive hospitalisation even if duration-wise it was one of the shortest, if not THE shortest.

[psychopathetic]

Amazing job Peri! You are very brave!!

(((Hugs)))