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  #1321  
Old 06-08-18, 03:38 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

I think I may well have stumbled into the best therapist I've ever had.
And I didn't even like or believe in her at first! lol

lol I keep typing things up. But I want this to be a short post, so I keep deleting it.

(Lmao...I just did it again! , just deleted a bunch of stuff!)

Things are just working out well with her. She fully believes that I'm ADD with no hesitation, she strongly believes in me and my future, she's running what's turned out to be a truly amazing wellness/support group.

You know, I'm waiting for things to fall apart and for me to have a crash. I've been making such big strides in life lately over the past few months. Big changes. When's it fall apart on me like it always has?
But damn...I'm really starting to gain hope just yet that the past doesn't HAVE to dictate the future completely. That I can do this!

I made a decision to myself late last year that 2018 was going to be the last year of my life.
But dang...with her, and her group, and my case manager and my new found old lady person (lol) friend...damn. I just might make it guys!
And I'm putting real effort into things right now. I've explored CBT before, but was always so closed minded to it for some reason.
But I've been actively working it, and though I've got a long ways to go with it...that's okay! I'm proud to just be taking it seriously! To being open to it!

If I can just get over this crippling self hatred guys! These horrible negative thoughts I have towards myself...I really think I'd find that inner man I get glimpses of here and there and truly find a life I'd truly be proud of living.

And I really think this therapist may well be capable to helping me get there.

....
Okay this was long again lmao. I give up!
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  #1322  
Old 06-08-18, 03:59 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

And I just want to stop myself and touch on my fears about not being able to change because I've fallen so many times in my past.

Dang it...the past DOESN'T have to dictate the future. I CAN change and even though it's a heck of a lot easier to remember all the big failures in my life...I've had some great ones too!

And a saying I say goes something like "If something doesn't change...I never change". Well things HAVE changed. Major things have changed in my life, some very sad things, but also some great things as well!
And I KNOW I'm strong enough for change...I also know I'm scared of it and would rather avoid it most the time...but...I'm not alone right now. I've got some very solid support in my life as is. There can be serious power in numbers!

I can change.
I can learn to forgive and to love myself.
I can not only find employment I'll enjoy and be super proud of...but that I can maintain that job for an extended period of time!

It's okay that I have doubts. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to walk into my future slowly and with caution.
Just as long as I realize that I CAN change.

Just wanted to type that up. I'm trying to do more and more of this kind f thing. Challenge my old negative thoughts and beliefs.
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  #1323  
Old 06-08-18, 05:48 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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And I just want to stop myself and touch on my fears about not being able to change because I've fallen so many times in my past.

Dang it...the past DOESN'T have to dictate the future. I CAN change and even though it's a heck of a lot easier to remember all the big failures in my life...I've had some great ones too!

And a saying I say goes something like "If something doesn't change...I never change". Well things HAVE changed. Major things have changed in my life, some very sad things, but also some great things as well!
And I KNOW I'm strong enough for change...I also know I'm scared of it and would rather avoid it most the time...but...I'm not alone right now. I've got some very solid support in my life as is. There can be serious power in numbers!

I can change.
I can learn to forgive and to love myself.
I can not only find employment I'll enjoy and be super proud of...but that I can maintain that job for an extended period of time!

It's okay that I have doubts. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to walk into my future slowly and with caution.
Just as long as I realize that I CAN change.

Just wanted to type that up. I'm trying to do more and more of this kind f thing. Challenge my old negative thoughts and beliefs.
I'm so glad to read this from you!

It can certainly make a difference if you connect with the therapist.

I was having a lot of difficulty with my anxiety when I started CBT

and the therapist did help me with that.

Later I joined a CBT group and another member and I were helpful in

encouraging each other to move beyond self-blame and to change thinking.



Yeah, it's natural to be scared of failure when it's happened in the past.

But it's okay to have some hope that things can change in a good way too.
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  #1324  
Old 06-11-18, 05:49 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

My poor old lady friend has been stressed out this weekend cause her dang insurance has been giving her a lot of grief. We were going to go do some things today, but she had to make some calls and jump through some hoops to try to get things figured out with them.

So I'm going to go get her a lemonade at a restaurant here in town that she's in love with and go hang with her at her house for a bit.
Give her a shoulder to lean on, and an ear to listen to her frustrations.
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  #1325  
Old 06-11-18, 06:40 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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My poor old lady friend has been stressed out this weekend cause her dang insurance has been giving her a lot of grief. We were going to go do some things today, but she had to make some calls and jump through some hoops to try to get things figured out with them.

So I'm going to go get her a lemonade at a restaurant here in town that she's in love with and go hang with her at her house for a bit.
Give her a shoulder to lean on, and an ear to listen to her frustrations.
Judging from my daughter who has to deal with a lot of insurance hassles
having a real face-to-face opportunity to vent is helpful.

Bless you for your compassion and empathy.
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  #1326  
Old 06-11-18, 10:47 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

She's great. We get along so well .

She was on the phone ALL day .
I said it was for insurance, and I meant that it was about her social security. I don't get everything that's going on...but it has something to do with her medicare health insurance and they were going to stop it or something.
For some reason they also had it that she owed them money...and they were going to deduct it from her social security check next month.
Long story short, she got most of it figured out. They're going to continue giving her medicare, and she no longer owes them money.
So good for her. But what a mess.
I don't understand what all happened.
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  #1327  
Old 06-11-18, 10:57 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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A new vape shop opened in my town
Trying a new slim e-cig today, just snap in the cartridge, nothing to fill
I first talked to a friend of the guy working there ( thought she did, also)
She asked me where i was from, in the states i said minnesota, she said "OMG! You betcha!"
She had lived in St Paul for 10 years, taught in the french language immersion school

That is awesome!! Very, very low odds, I'm sure!!
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  #1328  
Old 06-11-18, 10:57 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

Also, I just want to get this off my chest...

One thing that does bug me with my new found (old! /giggle) friend...is that sometimes I can very CLEARLY tell that she's stoned and not quite with me fully.

Now she's very open about her marijuana use. And her smoking it doesn't bug me a bit. In fact I've made it clear I'm fully okay with her doing it around me as long as she never tries to get me to do it with her. And she does smoke it in front of me, and it's no bigger of a deal to me then if she lit up a cigarette.
She's been doing pot on a daily basis she says for 48 years now. It's just a part of her life. She also is hoping to quit. It's one of her big goals in the group we go to a couple times a week. And she did quit for a week here a few months ago...but she had a pretty big mental breakdown so started back up.

So her using isn't what bugs me. I actually find it pretty cool/amusing that such an old lady like her is a total pot head .

It's that we'll be having a conversation and I'll say something and I can just tell she's off in lala land and isn't grasping what I'm saying. Like she's not really hearing me.
And it's just frustrating.
My dad would do the same thing (though he wasn't high or drunk) and I always felt a bit hurt by it. Like I wasn't worth listening to or something.

Just an observation.

I think I may bring it up to her someday. I'm sure she'd be more than open to talking about it without being put off by it.
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Old 06-12-18, 12:08 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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That is awesome!! Very, very low odds, I'm sure!!
it really was!
also, the pack of 2 refill cartridges: 7 EUROS.
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Old 06-12-18, 10:04 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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She's great. We get along so well .

She was on the phone ALL day .
I said it was for insurance, and I meant that it was about her social security. I don't get everything that's going on...but it has something to do with her medicare health insurance and they were going to stop it or something.
For some reason they also had it that she owed them money...and they were going to deduct it from her social security check next month.
Long story short, she got most of it figured out. They're going to continue giving her medicare, and she no longer owes them money.
So good for her. But what a mess.
I don't understand what all happened.
It's reassuring and horrifying at the same time to know that the system
is just as screwed up in other states as it is in Kansas.

My son-in-law has been dead for a couple of years and my daughter just had
to spend a bunch of time on the phone last month sorting out whether
social security or medicaid was paying for my granddaughter's medical bills.
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Old 06-12-18, 05:25 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

Only 2 days left until the WORLD CUP
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Old 06-12-18, 06:03 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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Only 2 days left until the WORLD CUP
Sounded like the heralding of trumpets from your brain!
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Old 06-14-18, 02:30 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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Sounded like the heralding of trumpets from your brain!
It was
It starts today!!!
But with the time difference with Russia, i won't be able to see the opening ge at 5 pm.

64 games! There is so much hyoe and marketing and commercials,
Also 20 years ago france won and channel 1 ran this brilliant documentary with a summary of each game and excerpts of long interviews with each player;

And the reason why defensive line player lilian thuram scored 2 goals in one game, the only 2 he ever scored, was that when they walked out on to the firld with italy in the quarterfinals, his teamate of the regular season, tfrom parma, said to him " this game is ours"; and thurmam said to himself " hell no, this game is ours!" ! And so the score was still tied after overtime,and france won the goal shootout. possibly the most amazing moment in sports i have ever seen.

Also they had a veteren's game with most of the 1998 team, on tuesday
They were really happy to be playing and just joking around about their age weight, etc. ( a lot of them are now consultants on various sports channels)
Some got emotional, one broke diwn in tears,he said i" never said it before but i llove you guys.

Deschamps of course wasnt there, already in Russia, because he is now the coach for France.

Ok this will not be my first world cup ramble
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Old 06-16-18, 10:07 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

Matt 'Guitar' Murphy RIP
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Old 06-16-18, 03:04 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

I'm back online-ish. In a residential program for a week or two but out of IP!
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