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  #1  
Old 03-30-05, 11:50 AM
RhapsodyInBlue RhapsodyInBlue is offline
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Post Research:Internet Bullies And Attention Seekers

This is a subject that I think we all should be aware of. No one is immune from unwanted PM's, emails, attention seekers and bullies. I am very susceptible to these type of people , and decided I no longer want it in my life. ADHD is enough !

Please do not minimize what you read here, as it is for the safety of all concerned.

Take Care of yourselves, and of each other! Don't be paranoid, but be alert.

Last edited by Andrew; 09-07-08 at 08:40 PM.. Reason: URL removed...no longer working.
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  #2  
Old 03-30-05, 11:55 AM
RhapsodyInBlue RhapsodyInBlue is offline
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Don't think I posted this in the right place, Kima. You can move it. You have my permission! Not sure where to post it!


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Old 03-30-05, 12:50 PM
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I think this might be apropos.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...271#post163271
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Old 03-30-05, 01:15 PM
RhapsodyInBlue RhapsodyInBlue is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itschaotic
Thank you Ian. That is a very profound post. I needed to read something like that today.
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Old 03-30-05, 01:42 PM
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Viktoria and Ian, thank you so much for both of your posts. How incredibly interesting and helpful. I really did not know anything about cyber-bullying until reading your link Viktoria, but I can look back and realise I came across a few "bullies" on other forums. Incredible reading.

And Ian, until reading your post, I didnt realise that I have problem with this same issue. I look forward to learning from it and applying it to my own situation.

Once again, a wealth of information here! Bravo!
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Old 03-30-05, 06:08 PM
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Victoria-

I hope someone will give this post a "sticky" thingy, so it won't get lost.

In fact, it would be wonderful if we could recognize and avoid these types on

the internet and in life!

Thanks for the contribution.
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Old 03-30-05, 11:43 PM
RhapsodyInBlue RhapsodyInBlue is offline
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Crazymama, I have had lots of them; I usually collect them, and don't ask me why, but it's usually the attention seekers, and as I am a soft touch I end up being any forum's shrink when the problem really is that they simply want attention and not "friendship". Right now, I'm a little tired myself

Thank you Stuck. I often think that as ADD'ers we can be a little too trusting at times. A little naive, and as there are many teenagers here, it cannot hurt them and us to be on the lookout for this type of behavior.

Thank you for the replies, you're both sweet
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Old 03-31-05, 03:52 AM
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These are two fantastic posts. Thank you, Ian and Viktoria. I will have to spend some more time reading them. Once through and only a bit sticks, but I have answered Stuck's request and made it a sticky so I can always get to it easily...

Kim
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Old 04-08-05, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RhapsodyInBlue
This is a subject that I think we all should be aware of. No one is immune from unwanted PM's, emails, attention seekers and bullies. I am very susceptible to these type of people , and decided I no longer want it in my life. ADHD is enough !

Please do not minimize what you read here, as it is for the safety of all concerned.

Take Care of yourselves, and of each other! Don't be paranoid, but be alert.
Wow! Did you read the victim profiles?...A lot of them are exactly the signs of ADD. That does clear some things up! I have been able to dodge the bullies for a long time but I have an ADD woman friend at work that "attracts" them...I am the only one that ever believes her... One of her bullies actually fits the psycopath description..
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Old 04-09-05, 03:11 PM
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Good website! I'll have to spend some time rummaging there...

But I do have to make a few comments...

If I read Lynn Weiss correctly, pw AD/HD can be (but not inevitably) either easy victims of bullying or practicioners themselves. Her list of AD/HD "bad coping strategies" (as I call them--she calls them "the three faces of ADD") include both victims and victimizers, and it's all about feelings about not being in control of your life. One response is to "implode" and helplessly internalize other people's bossiness--it's understandable when she says that, of the three possibilities, they suffer the worst damage.

Another is to become a control-freak yourself, and hyperfocus on not letting anyone you interact with have any effect on your life that you don't control, including having their own lives. I've personally witnessed both strategies in action.

So, detachment is a good thing to practice, because overreactivity is something most pw AD/HD (of course I speak for myself) have to deal with. But it seems to me there is a place for constructive assertiveness training when the aggression goes the other way and passively accepting it is no solution but perpetual victimhood.

I notice that the profile of the "typical bully" includes expertise in verbal duelling, something a ditzy ADDer like me naturally finds hard to match. How can you defend yourself against a sudden verbal assault that shakes you up twice as bad as it would if you weren't an ADDer? How is "blup-gulp-huh?" an effective verbal riposte?

Another thing I noticed immediately was a thorough attempt to connect bullying with Antisocial Personality Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Very informative, but I get nervous when "behavioral disorders" start getting lumped together in the diagnostic manuals (I'm talking about the US DSM, here). AD/HD is still lumped, in the most revision of the DSM with "Disruptive Behavior Disorders" (such as Conduct Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

This is why I mentioned Weiss's "three faces" idea, because the underlying dynamic in the behavior of a "difficult person" with AD/HD is quite different from that of a psychopath, yet, despite the gradual de-demonization of AD/HD in the DSM, it still remains linked by association (via CD).

Ken
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Last edited by vinceptor; 04-09-05 at 03:18 PM.. Reason: AD/HD
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  #11  
Old 05-06-05, 05:50 AM
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Quote:
If I read Lynn Weiss correctly, pw AD/HD can be (but not inevitably) either easy victims of bullying or practicioners themselves.
Which Lynn Weiss book? would like to check it out!!!


Quote:
notice that the profile of the "typical bully" includes expertise in verbal duelling, something a ditzy ADDer like me naturally finds hard to match.
Some times uhhhh is not such a bad response. I guess I have tendancies of both sides because I go from Huh-what?? to assertiveness, and walking off if that don't work (I get physically followed and it has happened) I become Super Witch in less than .02 seconds. I am usually goofy, silly, gangly,sort of gal!! Most people think I am dingie and I usually am I like to have fun!!! Some people don't like fun??? they want to argue. Okay!! When I go from goffy to a mouth with brains (I can be good with words too) now that will put a look across a bullies face words can't describe!! I guess the HUh-what??? comes close.

I can do this for a while but in the long run dealing with some one who has control issues gets to be a tedious time consuming, energy depleating drag and one must eventually move on!!!!!! If they aren't listening then there no need for talking time to get a walking---->away!!!!
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Old 05-06-05, 06:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823
Which Lynn Weiss book? would like to check it out!!!
"Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults, Practical Help and Understanding"--3d edition, 1997.

Pretty old stuff by now, but her insights into the kind of alligators we wrestle (she is an ADDer, too) are still worthwhile.


Quote:
... (I can be good with words too)...
There's always that, too. I think no one can swordfight with words (when their adrenalin's up) like someone w ADD.

Quote:
... now that will put a look across a bullies face words can't describe!! I guess the HUh-what??? comes close.
I've surprised a few myself when they thought they cornered a wimp....

Ken
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Old 05-07-05, 11:04 PM
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Thanks vinceptor for the title of that book. I added it to the list of book I want to "check out".
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Old 05-07-05, 11:22 PM
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You're welcome. A tape about ADD by Dr. Weiss (loaned by a therapist, I have no idea how to get it) was what finally convinced my wife that everything I had been telling her about needed to be taken seriously. I have a lot to thank Dr. Weiss for.

Ken
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Old 05-08-05, 10:23 AM
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I think that is a really dumb site. It is nuts to list over a hundred "traits" of bullies. According to that site, most of us are bullies.
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