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  #31  
Old 06-26-06, 12:25 AM
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It's not dumb at all lilthings. Were you ever bullied? Just because it's online doesn't make it any less hurtful. "sticks and stones" may be a good thing to consider but honestly name calling, harassment and threats feel just as bad on here as in life.

I think if you got someone privately messaging you that they thought you were bad, evil, stupid, etc. that you would feel at least a little offended and possibly your privacy violated. It takes a very solid and sure person to even be able to shrug that off somewhat. If you are vulnerable or hurting this can be very traumatic.

For many reasons bullies (who are hurting and damaged themselves) lack basic empathy or compassion and feel the only way to gain power over their universe is by removing power from someone else. It's schoolyard bullying on a cyber level.

I've seen on a forum I frequently visit the cyber bullying first hand. The anti-med groups come over from the ritalindeath and ritalinkills sites (where they are prompted to do so) and flood the forum with insults, threats and lies. They try to make the people there looking for help feel they are either bad parents or self-deluded. They get kicked out only to come back and PM people telling them terrible things like the meds they need are poision and that ADHD is merely lack of self-control.

Bullying is bullying regardless of the venue. Please don't try to minimize it's affect merely because you haven't experienced it.
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  #32  
Old 06-27-06, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GlenW
It's not dumb at all lilthings. Were you ever bullied? Just because it's online doesn't make it any less hurtful. "sticks and stones" may be a good thing to consider but honestly name calling, harassment and threats feel just as bad on here as in life.

I think if you got someone privately messaging you that they thought you were bad, evil, stupid, etc. that you would feel at least a little offended and possibly your privacy violated. It takes a very solid and sure person to even be able to shrug that off somewhat. If you are vulnerable or hurting this can be very traumatic.

For many reasons bullies (who are hurting and damaged themselves) lack basic empathy or compassion and feel the only way to gain power over their universe is by removing power from someone else. It's schoolyard bullying on a cyber level.

I've seen on a forum I frequently visit the cyber bullying first hand. The anti-med groups come over from the ritalindeath and ritalinkills sites (where they are prompted to do so) and flood the forum with insults, threats and lies. They try to make the people there looking for help feel they are either bad parents or self-deluded. They get kicked out only to come back and PM people telling them terrible things like the meds they need are poision and that ADHD is merely lack of self-control.

Bullying is bullying regardless of the venue. Please don't try to minimize it's affect merely because you haven't experienced it.
She said the site was dumb, not the subject. I think her point was that they have over-defined bullying on that site. I can see her point and I have been bullied, controlled, ect. But some of the things on the list are also ADHD traits, like flitting from subject to subject and coming away feeling like you have not had a proper conversation. It's kind of information overload.
The other thing is that it is very easy to get caught up in the drama of it(online bullying) and adhders tend to gravitate to conflict because it is a self-medicator. Sometimes we need to examine why we are getting caught up in the cyber bullying. Unless they know our name and addresses, does it really matter that much if someone is saying mean things to us or about us on the internet? Most email and message services make it pretty easy to block people from contacting us. Even in this forum, if you find someone to be totally obnoxious for whatever reason you can just put them on your ignore list and never even see their posts. If you don't let them engage you then it is pretty hard for them to push your buttons. I just wish it were as easy in real life.

I can see where the site would be helpful for someone that hasn't read the info before. I found the book Controlling People by Patricia Evans helpful too - though not directly defined as bullying, if you have a tendency to let anyone control you then I think you find yourself being bullied more often. Strangely enough my now ex saw me as a bully because I wouldn't cooperate with his definitions of me. He is textbook narcissit though so I had to learn to see him as the sick individual he was in order to take my life back. I think that is how I learned that there are some people in the world that there is just no point in having a conversation. If you believe what they tell you about you then you might as well crawl in a hole and die and be done with it.
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  #33  
Old 06-27-06, 08:48 PM
william tell william tell is offline
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WOW, Things like that get me excited edit. the Bullies I am refering to
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  #34  
Old 06-27-06, 09:05 PM
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lol, you would be excited by that wouldn't you?
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Old 06-27-06, 09:12 PM
william tell william tell is offline
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I save my feelings for this site

Really other forums are very much like this one, it's tough to get people riled up
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  #36  
Old 06-27-06, 09:32 PM
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Why would you want to get people riled up? Are you a cyber bully incognito? Or do you have a hidden agenda?
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  #37  
Old 06-27-06, 11:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by william tell
WOW, Things like that get me excited edit. the Bullies I am refering to
Are you making fun of what I said or do you have some other point you're trying to make?

I didn't make up what I said. Many adders are thrill seekers in many different ways. Driving fast, putting off doing things that you know will **** your life if you don't get them done, over spending, compulsive masturbating, robbing banks, ect. One of the many things that helps create the necessary brain chemicals to increase focus is being in a dysfunctional relationship.

Anyone that is ADHD and has been in what they call an abusive relationship, myself included, needs to look at what part they have played in being in it. Rather it is the tendency to be attracted to people that do not treat you well or because you are drawn to the passion of a contentious relationship. I used to like the feeling of being in love - it broke the boredom. Being married to a narcissist broke me of that.

What about you? Did you learn your lesson yet?
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  #38  
Old 08-20-06, 02:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RhapsodyInBlue
Holy cow! LOL

That website is amazing! LOL

The amount of information (Just on bullying) on that site is incredible!

Very interesting!

Thx!
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  #39  
Old 08-23-06, 01:59 PM
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I'm just currently myself dealing with an internet bully. This is great information!
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  #40  
Old 12-25-06, 03:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinceptor


I've surprised a few myself when they thought they cornered a wimp....

Ken
Yeah before I was diagnosed and knew how to deal with my shortcomings, I was always a target for these "bullys". Wasn't untill about my early 20's that I finally took on one of these people head-on and not shy away. I give my psychology class I took in college allot of credit.

Funny part is these people are usually very weak mentally. Also have a very low self-esteem and poor image of themselves. They try to cover this up by finding someone that is good-hearted/empethetic(like me) and take advantage of this with verbal assults hoping to break us, so they can feel better about themselves. Kind of like a villan defeating a super hero and zapping the energy from them and making them stronger.

The reason why I say they are usually weak, is because they are hoping their offensive assault will work and you will just give in. Any sort of counter-attack from you and they will usually fold.

I encountered a said bully a few years ago. In the past I would try to avoid this person and walk around in fear. This time however, I had a plan. Whenever he made an offensive remark, I would just respond with sarcasm such as "OK, yep, uh huh". Then whenever I walked around him, I would stare at him confidently and smile. All this showed him that I was not backing down. Believe it or not, out of nowhere he started being friendly with me! Basically his plan backfired and he was going with a "If you cant beat 'em join em" approach.

Of course I denied his attempts to be friendly with me. But this proved that he underestimated me. Just like an over-aggressive boxer who is throwing wild punches hoping to connect and all it takes is one well timed counter-punch to send him down.
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  #41  
Old 12-25-06, 03:39 AM
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I should mention that in the post above I was refering to how you combat real life physical bullies. With online forum/chat bullies it's far easier to just ignore them. Simple as that.
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  #42  
Old 12-25-06, 06:55 PM
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I just recently read some e-science news that, well, pointed out the obvious--prior successes primes the brain to weather subsequent failures without stressing out. I think that the general discombobulation often found in ADD life (which varies from person to person, of course) can affect one's self-confidence a lot and leads to a lot of apprehension in very normal situations. If you look confident, you're not likely to be targeted. I think that shows up in body language that others can read. However--one of the friends I made in college was a big galoot (topped me by about 6" and outweighed me by 50lbs) who later told me that he admired the fact I never seemed intimidated by him. I never told him it was more of a deer-in-headlights freeze-up than a cool, calm meeting of the eyes. It worked, though. I guess that's what you call taking advantage of your ADD. XD
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  #43  
Old 01-12-07, 02:21 PM
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I have been forced out of two jobs by workplace bullies. I was doing a great job but they picked apart everything I did, demeaned me, and added a HUGE amount of pressure to my life.

Unions are currently fighting for legislation for anti-violence in the workplace and bullying is a violent behavior which is included in that.

60% of bullies are women and many of those are bullying other women. It is a huge problem and actually does major harm to people who are designated groups which can include those with disabilities such ADHD.

It's been an accepted practice in our society for a long time but its been studied a lot better in the last two decades. There is no doubt in my mind lithingsADDup it seems like most people are bullies because its acceptable to bully.

There are those though who are trying to educate people about bullying. There are just even more who want to ignore the problem because they don't want to consider themself a bully.

I do not tolerate bullying. But as I've mentioned above, I've lost two jobs because of it. My work was great in both jobs, but management still sided with the bully (both times my superior) despite all the information I provided to them.

I was considered that I just didn't "fit" well with the companies.
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  #44  
Old 06-20-07, 10:51 AM
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This is all rather disturbing. I feel rather conflicted.

One side of me is very distinctive because I have been "bullied", though I do prefer the term DISCRIMINATED much better since "Bullying" is all seen completely innocent and is tolerated by most third-party people; like teachers.

That is where my conflict begins. I do not see "them", the bullies, as evil-do'ers. I see the teachers as evil. I see the parents as evil. I see anyone who tolerates such injustice as discrimitory and such actions should be held accountable by law. When a teacher or parent actively ignores such oppression and discrimination then the mental injustice needs to be clarified.

"The only true evil is when good men do nothing."

Do you understand? The bully is only doing what he was taught to do.
If you really want to blame someone then blame the parents.



Look ... I am Generation-X, Ok? So why dont we just pull up a quote from Kurt Cobain himself:

"It is time now for all the "fortunate" ones, the cheerleaders and the football Jocks to strip down naked in front of the entire school at an assembly and plead with every ounce of their souls for mercy and forgiveness. To admit that they are wrong. They are representatives of Gluttony and Selfish values and to say that they are sorry for condoning these things will not be enough, they must mean it. They must have guns pointed to their heads, they must be petrified to ever think of being stuck up, self righteous, segregating, guilt spreading, a** kissing white-right wing republicans of the future. Kill the Rockefellers."


theres a brief glimpse into the mind of an entire generation for you folks outside of the influence. The "good men and women" need to start doing "good" things. Its really as simple as that. If the whole world just stays quiet ignoring everything nothing is ever going to get done. As I said in my thread about my past and how I got here: So many things can be so easily avoided if we simply talked about it. Most people think bullying is "no big deal" just like domestic violence is "rare".

Yes, that makes me angry. But we all understand this. Im not picking fights. Im just saying we have to correct the wrongs we see instead of just sitting on our "armchair". No one likes an armchair jockey. If you want to run in the race then grab a freakin' horse and giddyup. Talk is cheap. Otherwise we are going to have more and more people just like Kurt who end up grippin the barrel with sweaty hands.

Donate to a charity that fights this crap. Donate your time and become a mentor for a kid that has no one. You dont even have to fill out any forms. Just walk over and ask him how he is. Invite him over to play PS2 games with you. Get him out of the situation. But if you carry this neutral bullcrap that most cops believe in then you are going to hit a brick wall.


MEDIATION IS FOR ADULTS, MODERATION IS FOR CHILDREN.
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  #45  
Old 02-27-08, 05:45 PM
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Re: Research:Internet Bullies And Attention Seekers

I found this site to be a saving grace when it comes to dealing with internet bullies and safety and dealing with harassment.

http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/index.shtml

It can tear a person's self worth apart when these types of people exploit your weaknesses and make the experience of coming online feel extremely unsafe.

The best advice I have to anyone is to ignore it, it is sad that there aren't federal laws protecting us from this yet, but it will come soon. Us ADDer's are usually good people and when coming online and being oblivious to certain cues can cause a person's life in the real world to be ruined, because we are oblivious as to how to deal with people like this, websites like this are always worth the look. I wish I had checked this site or thought of doing it 6 months ago because I would be better off.

I am not going to get into my personal situation because it has nothing to do with this site at all but I have come to a 'dead end' with my experience of being harrassed and slandered online, as far as anything I can do about it, and a lawsuit would be time consuming and the result if any, wouldn't be enough to compensate for how awful I feel about being slandered and having fictitious accounts of things that didn't occur being made up by the perpetrator.

I am not perfect, nobody is, but nobody deserves to have to be harrassed, questioned and humiliated by people because of this type of behavior. I am aware that the stress associated with this occurring with me has caused me to be unstable, but I am moving on from this and I am glad that ADDForums is a safe place I can come to and not worry about this occurring to me. Kudos to the Admins for making ADDF a safe place.

But read this site carefully though, it will give you good tips on how to respond to this (like ignoring it, wish I would've done that sooner but I am now and that is all that counts).
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