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  #76  
Old 05-24-18, 09:07 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
I actually did get stuck in a shower once. Was washing my back and my shoulder seized up on me. I had to yell for help.

Thankfully only one of my disks seems to be degenerated. And it's not causing that much of an issue at this point.

I could never use one of those carts. Oh, I'd feel horrible. And I look younger than I am. Grocery store here has been doing order online and pickup so I just did that. Only costs 5 bucks. I still do it but now it's because I'm lazy.



Honestly the best thing I do for my fibro is hot yoga. I really wouldn't be able to take it. Gabapentin not only doesn't work on me it makes me f-ing stupid. I can't follow a simple conversation. I had to have my team lead explain something to me 4 TIMES. It was horrific. Let alone trying to get my work done. Moving seems like the opposite of progress if you're dealing with fibro but it does actually help if you haven't already started an exercise of your choice. Actually I'd also suggest trying a sauna. Might have the same effect. I did some very basic tai chi for a bit as well. NOT as easy as it looks. My rheumatologist suggested water aerobics because it's low impact.

I just never f-ing listen and go find the most hardcore thing I could do and do that instead.
Yeah, it took me awhile to accept the idea of using an electric cart for shopping.

First I did the online order and pickup, but sometimes it's good to see what's

new with my own eyes. And it's a chance to get out. I still have to walk into the

story and stand up to reach things from top shelves. So that's good I think.


I did physical therapy for 6 months, after doing the stretches and workouts

I'd sit in a chair with a lovely moist heat pack at my back. It felt so good but

none of it was helping with the overall pain.


So I tried 3 months of chiropractic (again) and the doctor was always going on

about putting ice on my back. None of that helped with the overall pain either.


The primary care doc had me try about 6 different pain meds over the course of

a year, for both back pain and migraines. Very little help from any of them.

Then one day he'd been called out of town and I saw his PA ... OMG she actually

listened to me, listened to how long I've been living with these pains, what I've

tried that hasn't worked . . . and she ordered the xray first. With a follow up for

an MRI and a referral to the spine specialist.

Why the hell did it have to take 40 years for someone to hear me and order tests?
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  #77  
Old 05-24-18, 09:14 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

I'm going to give a suggestion that helped me out and, has worked for a few other's as well.

it's to help figure out the "loops" in the :you:. that is, who you are really talking to, someone in the present or the past.

and turdoise (sp) saw this as well

"You're not fighting for THEM anyway. You are fighting for YOU. Hell fight just to spite me"

Often times in the past (heh) I would say "you..............." and other words in the present, not fighting or talking to people in the present, but fighting people in the past.

what I found was (and I actually figured this out through meditation to really parse it in therapy) was that these's you's and these fights would have a "face" attached to them, as in, I would say you and in my minds eye I could see the person I was really talking to, who wasn't the person in the present that I was talking to.

most of these are fights that had no resolution point and other people projecting their judgment onto *you*, that in turn create an echo, your own judge get's replaced by their own judge.

the cure for that is CBT and to be honest with yourself on who it is you are really talking to.
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  #78  
Old 05-24-18, 09:14 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
All my issues are currently under control. For all intents and purposes I've made it through to the other side. And I KNEW I would never get better. Not with how bad I was. I'd never be able to do anything again.

I was wrong.

And I'm here to tell other people that they are wrong.


And it took a lot of time and a lot of work to get here. I fought tooth and nail. All in order to be told I'm projecting my own issues onto a forum where I'm giving out steps to try to get better. I'm pretty sure I don't need to say if you don't like it, don't read it. If it doesn't help you it doesn't help you. But if there is a single person out there it DOES help then job done. We can go back and forth forever. What people think of me stopped mattering to me a long long time ago.

I am a single mother with a "good job" making "good money". I have a "nice car". Saving up for the house. I have real life friends. I'm dating someone and it is not a toxic relationship. I volunteer. I do yoga. I meditate. Just did a 5k on Saturday. (Yeah, those two doctors that said I would never run again: F U) I'm a member of the events committee at work and will be running a large scale event on my own. I kayak. I hike. I'm hoping to be back to working towards my skydiving license this year. Just went through a mild cycling phase that I believe is from the Risperdal but seems to be okay now. I still have minor upsets but major victories.
……...

The big thing is to figure out what YOU are thinking and what is the DEPRESSION(ailment of choice) thinking. Because if it's depression those two things are very, very different. It's a lens you see everything through. At some point you can't imagine life without it. I was scared as hell medication would make me not me anymore. But it saved my life. Some people are concerned about meds and I say pfft. Living proof. Right here. What I loss with medication I do not miss. Few stray side effects. Some just plain odd.
I do appreciate your enthusiasm, LyrinMeow. But one thing that bothers me is that you make it sound as if almost any of us can get all our issues under control, have a "good" job, make "good" money, and have a "nice" car, if we take our medications and change the way we think.

Changing how we think (possibly as you suggest through CBT) and taking medication can certainly help a great deal, although not everyone even has access to competent therapists or doctors/psychiatrists who know how to treat ADHD. But even if they do, this is not going to fix everything.

Some of the things that are still a problem for me, for example, come directly from the ADHD itself. The stimulant I'm on has produced positive results in some things, whereas in others it has not had much effect. No amount of positive thinking is going to make these things completely go away.

Also, I would consider myself to have moderate ADHD, but some people have much more severe cases than me. Many of us, maybe most of us, might be able to achieve significant improvements in our lives, but not all of us will ever get all our issues under control and be able to have a good job, make good money and own a nice car.
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  #79  
Old 05-25-18, 12:16 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Let me know how that goes.

I'm looking to start an adult ballet class in late June. I already did the hip hop class. Now I can body roll both forwards and backwards. For all those times in life you just need to body roll. Like, while being introduced to your son's first date.

The ballet class requires pink leather ballet shoes. Do I look like I wear pink shoes? I guess I do now. Supposed to be excellent for the core. I'll let you know how that goes.
I started a separate thread for this in the fibro section. To trade positive ideas for what has worked.
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  #80  
Old 05-25-18, 06:17 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
I do appreciate your enthusiasm, LyrinMeow. But one thing that bothers me is that you make it sound as if almost any of us can get all our issues under control, have a "good" job, make "good" money, and have a "nice" car, if we take our medications and change the way we think.

Changing how we think (possibly as you suggest through CBT) and taking medication can certainly help a great deal, although not everyone even has access to competent therapists or doctors/psychiatrists who know how to treat ADHD. But even if they do, this is not going to fix everything.

Some of the things that are still a problem for me, for example, come directly from the ADHD itself. The stimulant I'm on has produced positive results in some things, whereas in others it has not had much effect. No amount of positive thinking is going to make these things completely go away.

Also, I would consider myself to have moderate ADHD, but some people have much more severe cases than me. Many of us, maybe most of us, might be able to achieve significant improvements in our lives, but not all of us will ever get all our issues under control and be able to have a good job, make good money and own a nice car.
Like I said. We can't all be astronauts when we grow up.

The problem is at least some if not more people are wrong to say they can't. I was wrong. I was completely non functional. But I was wrong. My problems are different than yours so I can't compare apples to oranges. But I can say "Hey look, fruit." And not everyone will end up where I am. My friend is on disability and only works 16 hours a week. And that is perfectly fine. She is happy. I never tried to define success but I stick by the claim that you can become an even better you if you keep fighting. But if you are not in a place where you are happy, do something, don't rot away. Don't just give up. It's very, very easy to grow complacent.

I have to be on my 20th anti psychotic at this point. And if this one doesn't work I'll get another. Every day is still a fight for me but as of now it's a fight I'm still winning. Some days it's really f-ing hard to get out of bed. Some days my brain is obsessed with suicide. Sometimes I just can't get everything I wanted done done in a day. And some days are just really sh-ty.

If someone doesn't have the resources they need (I think I said before but I could be wrong.) I will gladly research in their area to see what I can find. I was unemployed with no money. I went to a center for low income people and it was free for me. They even gave me basically free medication (5 dollar copay). Without that I would have gotten nowhere. Be dead by now actually. This is an ADHD forum but we have other flavors of mental illness here too. Such as bipolar and depression. Those two things can be life threatening. They are also often co morbid.

I wish I knew 10 years ago what I know now. That's the entire point of the thread. And I never gave a guarantee where you would end up. That's for you to decide. But if you want a job go for it. At least try it and see where it goes. I know on the US under disability you get somewhere around 8 months where you can work and get your disability. So trying doesn't hurt anything. Also if you do that and pass the mark it's still pretty easy to get back on disability once you've already been on it. I know that because I know someone that did it and unless being a d-bag qualifies you for disability, he shouldn't have been able to get back on it.

I say go big or go home. You just might surprise yourself.
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  #81  
Old 05-25-18, 10:28 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
Like I said. We can't all be astronauts when we grow up.

The problem is at least some if not more people are wrong to say they can't. I was wrong. I was completely non functional. But I was wrong. My problems are different than yours so I can't compare apples to oranges. But I can say "Hey look, fruit." And not everyone will end up where I am. My friend is on disability and only works 16 hours a week. And that is perfectly fine. She is happy. I never tried to define success but I stick by the claim that you can become an even better you if you keep fighting. But if you are not in a place where you are happy, do something, don't rot away. Don't just give up. It's very, very easy to grow complacent.

I have to be on my 20th anti psychotic at this point. And if this one doesn't work I'll get another. Every day is still a fight for me but as of now it's a fight I'm still winning. Some days it's really f-ing hard to get out of bed. Some days my brain is obsessed with suicide. Sometimes I just can't get everything I wanted done done in a day. And some days are just really sh-ty.

If someone doesn't have the resources they need (I think I said before but I could be wrong.) I will gladly research in their area to see what I can find. I was unemployed with no money. I went to a center for low income people and it was free for me. They even gave me basically free medication (5 dollar copay). Without that I would have gotten nowhere. Be dead by now actually. This is an ADHD forum but we have other flavors of mental illness here too. Such as bipolar and depression. Those two things can be life threatening. They are also often co morbid.

I wish I knew 10 years ago what I know now. That's the entire point of the thread. And I never gave a guarantee where you would end up. That's for you to decide. But if you want a job go for it. At least try it and see where it goes. I know on the US under disability you get somewhere around 8 months where you can work and get your disability. So trying doesn't hurt anything. Also if you do that and pass the mark it's still pretty easy to get back on disability once you've already been on it. I know that because I know someone that did it and unless being a d-bag qualifies you for disability, he shouldn't have been able to get back on it.

I say go big or go home. You just might surprise yourself.
The message is good, but the presentation is still . . . off.

Clearly you want to encourage people to try whatever might give them a better life

but it sounds like what we've all heard too often "You're just not trying."

"You can do this if you will just try."

But maybe the person is already trying

or has been trying and is so tired of it not working that they've given up . . .

for now.

Sometimes when you're running a 5K race you need to stop long enough to

chug a bottle of water and take a few good breaths.

What would you say if the other runners looked at you with scorn and called

you a quitter for taking a short break?

Maybe some have truly given up, it's not just taking a break, they're done trying.

Help needs to be different at that point than just saying "Keep trying, you'll make it!"


I don't know if I'm saying what I think or what I feel, or saying anything clearly.
I just want the damn migraine to go live somewhere else.
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  #82  
Old 05-25-18, 04:01 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Today I had a meeting with my boss. He goes "Never stop learning. You stop learning you stop being useful." Yeah I can take a break (if I had time). But not for long. Not enough to backslide.

Today I noticed that looking over the past two weeks I simply haven't been trying hard enough. Or maybe even not in the right ways. To myself I flat out said I'm not trying hard enough. And to me that's fine. I can fix that but *only* if I see it and acknowledge it. I'm in luck that I've already found what I need to be doing.

There is nothing wrong with false starts and dead ends. Just try something else if what you currently do isn't working. I'm sure at least a few people out there are NOT trying hard enough. Grantee it. And some people are fighting the wrong battles. And some people that have just given up. And that is a sad thing.
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  #83  
Old 05-25-18, 04:18 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Sometimes I just can't get everything I wanted done done in a day.

If someone doesn't have the resources they need (I think I said before but I could be wrong.) I will gladly research in their area to see what I can find
the reason you can't get everything done you want done in a day is because you are stuck in people pleaser mode it looks like.

helping other's is great and all, but priority is set on "you", as in yourself L. let me ask, you are helping all these other people, are any of them helping you? or are you just being a doormat for other's?

the "try harder" issue comes up again and again, I get the connotation but I always see it paired with people pleaser syndrome.

a: we all have a mental reserve of resources based around our own needs.
b: when we give out this mental reserve, we don't have enough reserve for ourselfs.
c: you (L) aren't other people, so it's impossible to try harder for someone else because you are not someone else, you are you. as in I can say I am Drogheda, you have to do that with yourself.
D: we aren't other people so we don't know how to try harder or sometimes even try for them, this is just human nature.
e: in affect(effect?) when you are saying "try harder to help other's" what you are saying is you will try harder to be me. that's silly, you(L) aren't me, you are yourself. I know how I operate, you(L) don't, so how could you know how to try harder at being myself (I'm using myself as an example but this is put into broader perspective.

we can only try harder to be ourselves for ourselves and for no one else, not loved ones, not anyone but ourselves. it is only then that you(L) can know what it means to help other's.

in effect, by trying to help other's, you are self sabotaging yourself. I get the want to help other's and I understand how great it feels, but until we help ourselfs can we even understand what really helping anyone is about, at all.
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Old 05-25-18, 07:41 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Hi lyrinmeow. I’m Dave

I think a lot of us here have had the moments we believe we find the answer to everybody’s truth

It’s likely your altruistic nature wanting to share it with it. Thanks for the information

You seem a little sensitive. Are you positive you’re doing so well. Or is there something you’d like to talk about?
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Old 05-25-18, 07:59 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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the reason you can't get everything done you want done in a day is because you are stuck in people pleaser mode it looks like.

helping other's is great and all, but priority is set on "you", as in yourself L. let me ask, you are helping all these other people, are any of them helping you? or are you just being a doormat for other's?

the "try harder" issue comes up again and again, I get the connotation but I always see it paired with people pleaser syndrome.

a: we all have a mental reserve of resources based around our own needs.
b: when we give out this mental reserve, we don't have enough reserve for ourselfs.
c: you (L) aren't other people, so it's impossible to try harder for someone else because you are not someone else, you are you. as in I can say I am Drogheda, you have to do that with yourself.
D: we aren't other people so we don't know how to try harder or sometimes even try for them, this is just human nature.
e: in affect(effect?) when you are saying "try harder to help other's" what you are saying is you will try harder to be me. that's silly, you(L) aren't me, you are yourself. I know how I operate, you(L) don't, so how could you know how to try harder at being myself (I'm using myself as an example but this is put into broader perspective.

we can only try harder to be ourselves for ourselves and for no one else, not loved ones, not anyone but ourselves. it is only then that you(L) can know what it means to help other's.

in effect, by trying to help other's, you are self sabotaging yourself. I get the want to help other's and I understand how great it feels, but until we help ourselfs can we even understand what really helping anyone is about, at all.
It's soooo hard to break the people pleaser mentality. I've come a long way in that regard but often find myself slipping back into my old ways.

I used to think I had to save the world. But I was dying in the inside. Now I just don't care as much. Other people are responsible for their own problems.

It's still a work in progress.

No one is okay really. The goal is just to be stable really. To me it doesn't matter what I have or have achieved if I'm not stable and if I'm compulsively people pleasing then I'm screwed.
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Old 05-25-18, 11:31 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

it's all about balance.

I do think based on the psychology that people with adhd are, not dogmatic, no that's not the right word, we have doggedness.

heh, this is going to sound a little rough(ugh), but for me, it was figuring out that other people would basically throw a ball and I would chase it, well, just like most of human nature it's either us or someone else who rings pavlovas bell. when it is someone else, we don't figure out how we operate other than to jump through hoops so to speak.

reprocessing that energy is a tall order, what energy to put where and when. I know that, for myself atleast, the issue of working inside a box has always been tedious, but then again, boxes are basically templates that we can hone that energy through.

right now, for myself, my hoopjumping is strictly related to college work and emergencies. emergencies are where (again painting with a broadbrush) people with ADHD shine, or atleast one area. our impulsive energy, man, heh, I can run into danger with disregard for myself, might as well reprocess that energy like a laser, or warp drive

and that's been tough, I think just like you (or a bit, sense you have some insight on the stuff you said above) I've had to become completely comfortable with being alone to really accept myself the way I am, identify all these things in myself, so I can accept others and not be manipulated (a ball!!)

the try harder thing has been cliched to death that I think that it means multiple things to multiple people. for me, I'm already going at warp speed most the time anyway, trying harder is all about identifying ones own strengths and weaknesses and figuring out how to get everything working for you (and ya I'm trying to develop my own super ego, the you that you can identify with that is no one else's voice but yours but other's can identify with as well)


etc,etc. ugh, right now I am a bit frustrated, therapy was great today until the last little bit where my adhd kicked into full gear, well at least I'm identifying when that happens.

Last edited by Drogheda; 05-25-18 at 11:41 PM..
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Old 05-26-18, 02:02 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

I reckon a lot of people with ADHD put others first because they have been abused and rejected and just want to be accepted.

I was called lazy, thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate and a damned idiot every day. I am none of those things but my mother had me believing that I was so in a desparate attempt to be accepted I did the opposite, became a doormat and played right into her hands and the hands of many narcissists thereafter for the next 40 odd years.

Now I'm aware and wiser and my radar is up. If someone doesn't feel right I stay away and assess from a distance and I don't go ouy of my way to help others as I've been taken advantage of too many times.

Boundaries is something that I wish I had understood 20 years ago but I had to get hurt many times over before I stumbled upon the answer of why my life had always been so ****.

To me that has been the biggest area of progress that I've made since my first visit here in 2003. The answer for feeling less **** has been to get the toxic people out of my life.

I'm not gonna say it's the answer for everyone but my advice is that if you have a low self esteem or sense of self worth then do some reading on narcissism and identify whether this is relevant to you.

Adhd attracts narcissists because of how we are and finding that out was my personal 'this is how life works' moment.
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Old 05-26-18, 08:36 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
I'm sure at least a few people out there are NOT trying hard enough. Grantee it. And some people are fighting the wrong battles. And some people that have just given up. And that is a sad thing.
Well of course there are some people on this forum who have given up. What are you plan to do about that? Are you letting these people affect you? You can't do anything about those people, so why waste an ounce of mental energy worrying about those people?

And I don't trust myself to be an accurate judge of whether someone has given up. Perhaps they are simply in a stage of healing where what they currently need most is a place to rant. Or maybe they have indeed already given up, and they are just pointlessly whining on this forum and trying to soak up sympathy from others. How are we supposed to tell the difference? We can't. And I won't try to.

Instead, I try to offer validation for those who are asking for validation, and advice for those who are asking for advice. And I'm not going to let myself take it personally if other people waste away their lives. I've already got my hands full worrying about my own

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There is nothing wrong with false starts and dead ends. Just try something else if what you currently do isn't working.
I disagree. Sometimes, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. I'm not saying that people shouldn't try new ways to improve themselves, but they ideally should get input from therapists/trusted friends and family, etc beforehand. It is very possible to make things worse, especially when people's executive functioning is impaired (ADHD impulsiveness, comorbid bipolar, immaturity, lack of sleep, etc).
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Old 05-26-18, 11:27 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Well of course there are some people on this forum who have given up. What are you plan to do about that? Are you letting these people affect you? You can't do anything about those people, so why waste an ounce of mental energy worrying about those people?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's an empathetic person who wishes she could help people?

What the **** is wrong with that?

Quote:
I disagree. Sometimes, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. I'm not saying that people shouldn't try new ways to improve themselves, but they ideally should get input from therapists/trusted friends and family, etc beforehand. It is very possible to make things worse, especially when people's executive functioning is impaired (ADHD impulsiveness, comorbid bipolar, immaturity, lack of sleep, etc).
So by your own words...I hope you don't give anyone advice or suggestions...because you know...you could possibly make things worse for them!



...
I know you don't like me Lyrin (I must be on your ignore list? You don't seem to ackowledge me anymore. Not that I blame you.)...but some of the replies you've gotten here just **** me the heck off.

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Old 05-26-18, 11:58 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's an empathetic person who wishes she could help people?

What the **** is wrong with that?
I like empathetic and helpful people. I don't enjoy it when someone portrays this forum as being a hangout place for useless whiners. See the difference?

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So by your own words...I hope you don't give anyone advice or suggestions...because you know...you could possibly make things worse for them!
I specifically was asserting that it *is* possible to make things worse. And that there *is* such a thing as a bad idea.

No, I do not believe that advice can only come from professional therapists. Please read what I actually said.
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