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  #91  
Old 05-26-18, 01:30 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Please read what I actually said.
I did. That's why I got so annoyed.
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  #92  
Old 05-26-18, 02:03 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's an empathetic person who wishes she could help people?

What the **** is wrong with that?



So by your own words...I hope you don't give anyone advice or suggestions...because you know...you could possibly make things worse for them!



...
I know you don't like me Lyrin (I must be on your ignore list? You don't seem to ackowledge me anymore. Not that I blame you.)...but some of the replies you've gotten here just **** me the heck off.

(((Lys)))
Of course we empaths wish we could help others when we see they're hurting.


Heaping shame on them for giving up isn't helping though.

Nor does blaming others for not doing something to help.

Compassionate listening or a shoulder to cry on may be what they really need.

Insisting that they get off their duff and try something ... anything ...
is probably only adding pressure to someone who feels like
they have the weight of the world holding them down.

We don't have any training in how to help someone who is clinically depressed,

we can only share what helped us.

They may or may not be ready to hear ideas.
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  #93  
Old 05-26-18, 02:20 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Everyone seems really concerned for my well being.

I can assure everyone I'm fine.

I'm so medicated even normal people see me as rock solid. At work, as leading for volunteer groups, as a mom of a special needs child, by my roommate.

Offering to help someone on a forum doesn't mean I'm mentally unstable. And really no one here has gotten my goat. It doesn't really phase me. I'm known for seeming inappropriate, being eccentric, and being abrasive. You get better, not perfect, so I am what I am. I'm always working on myself but I'm not holding my breath about being more socially acceptable. It's not on the top of my to do list.
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  #94  
Old 05-26-18, 02:29 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
Everyone seems really concerned for my well being.

I can assure everyone I'm fine.
Are you saying you don't want me to defend you here?
Cause I hate standing up for people who don't appreciate it.
My dad use to pull that **** on me all the time when I'd defend him against my mom.
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  #95  
Old 05-26-18, 02:34 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Insisting that they get off their duff and try something ... anything ...
is probably only adding pressure to someone who feels like
they have the weight of the world holding them down.
It's call tough love. Everyone else here can be as supportive as they want. I want someone to read that and go "oh maybe I could try harder" or "oh maybe I can find a better way" or maybe even "I gave up but maybe I could try again".

I been in all the above scenarios. But just like my back (and the other person with back problems) I was getting a lot of "oh well just accept it", "It won't get better", "there is we can do for you". And I believed it on both occasions. For a time.

F- that. To both. My spine surgeon told me to grow a pair and get off my ***. So I did. And I put the other two doctors to shame. And it was hard. Both on account of my back and on account of my fibromyalgia. I didn't need sympathy. I needed someone to tell me I could actually do what I wanted to do. I had lost the belief that it could be done. I was afraid to do anything. That I'd injure my back more, or that I'd aggravate the fibromyalgia. I was afraid to do anything. And I see it on these forums. People says "i want this", "I wish I could do this", "I'll never get better", etc. Then do it! The biggest hurtle to overcome is your own mind.

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  #96  
Old 05-26-18, 02:37 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
Are you saying you don't want me to defend you here?
Cause I hate standing up for people who don't appreciate it.
My dad use to pull that **** on me all the time when I'd defend him against my mom.
Whoa, settle down there. You do what YOU feel you should do. If you want to defend me because you believe it, sweet. I'm not requiring you to. I'm not out to manipulate anyone.

And no I don't hate you and I haven't blocked you, silly. I haven't blocked anyone actually.
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  #97  
Old 05-26-18, 02:44 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

I'm going to say it...and I know it's going to **** a lot of people off...and you know what? Bleh!

...
Anyone think that maybe there's some hard truth to what Lyrin has to say, and we just don't want to face that truth for whatever individual reason we each have...and that's why we're reacting to her so strongly and negatively? We don't want to face the truth?

I know people wont agree with me on this.
But it's just a thought I'm throwing out there.
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  #98  
Old 05-26-18, 02:47 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Whoa, settle down there.
Sorry Lys >.<'
This thread has me a bit worked up.
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  #99  
Old 05-26-18, 03:18 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

"Caribbean Queen, now we're sharing the same dreams"

if you catch my drift, i know psycho does
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  #100  
Old 05-26-18, 03:24 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Quote:
Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
It's call tough love. Everyone else here can be as supportive as they want. I want someone to read that and go "oh maybe I could try harder" or "oh maybe I can find a better way" or maybe even "I gave up but maybe I could try again".

I been in all the above scenarios. But just like my back (and the other person with back problems) I was getting a lot of "oh well just accept it", "It won't get better", "there is we can do for you". And I believed it on both occasions. For a time.

F- that. To both. My spine surgeon told me to grow a pair and get off my ***. So I did. And I put the other two doctors to shame. And it was hard. Both on account of my back and on account of my fibromyalgia. I didn't need sympathy. I needed someone to tell me I could actually do what I wanted to do. I had lost the belief that it could be done. I was afraid to do anything. That I'd injure my back more, or that I'd aggravate the fibromyalgia. I was afraid to do anything. And I see it on these forums. People says "i want this", "I wish I could do this", "I'll never get better", etc. Then do it! The biggest hurtle to overcome is your own mind.

'Tough love' is just a pretty name for 'I know what you need better than you do.'

I don't need another parent, or another authority figure.

I need someone who will take a moment to try to understand me,

to care about me,

to listen to what I'm thinking and feeling,

to help me sort stuff out so I can make my own good choices.


Don't push me (us) to do something scary . . .

share options, make suggestions, encourage me (us) to try.



I don't see any of the members here telling anyone to "just accept it"

or "this is as good as it gets." Where did that even come from?
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  #101  
Old 05-26-18, 03:30 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Of course we empaths wish we could help others when we see they're hurting.


Heaping shame on them for giving up isn't helping though.

Nor does blaming others for not doing something to help.

Compassionate listening or a shoulder to cry on may be what they really need.

Insisting that they get off their duff and try something ... anything ...
is probably only adding pressure to someone who feels like
they have the weight of the world holding them down.

We don't have any training in how to help someone who is clinically depressed,

we can only share what helped us.

They may or may not be ready to hear ideas.
whats empath?

part of the gift part of ADHD?
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  #102  
Old 05-26-18, 03:31 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
So by your own words...I hope you don't give anyone advice or suggestions...because you know...you could possibly make things worse for them!
Again, I ask that you read what I actually wrote.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
I'm not saying that people shouldn't try new ways to improve themselves, but they ideally should get input from therapists/trusted friends and family, etc beforehand.
I never wrote that only professional therapists can give advice. I never wrote that nobody on an online forum should be giving advice. And yes, I do believe that it is very possible to give bad advice. And yes, I myself often give bad advice. And yes, I will keep offering advice if people ask for it.

My broader point (because I don't want to make this thread all about me) is that I disagree with Lyrin's advice in post #82:

"Just try something else if what you currently do isn't working."

My personal opinion is that this is bad advice. I think it's, at best, an unhelpful cliche. At worse, it's an recipe for regret. This is not an attack on anybody. I'm just expressing my opinion about that particular piece of advice. People are free to disagree with me. And if they want to follow that piece of advice, then I certainly respect their right to do so.
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  #103  
Old 05-26-18, 03:41 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
Again, I ask that you read what I actually wrote.



I never wrote that only professional therapists can give advice. I never wrote that nobody on an online forum should be giving advice. And yes, I do believe that it is very possible to give bad advice. And yes, I myself often give bad advice. And yes, I will keep offering advice if people ask for it.

My broader point (because I don't want to make this thread all about me) is that I disagree with Lyrin's advice in post #82:

"Just try something else if what you currently do isn't working."

My personal opinion is that this is bad advice. I think it's, at best, an unhelpful cliche. At worse, it's an recipe for regret. This is not an attack on anybody. I'm just expressing my opinion about that particular piece of advice. People are free to disagree with me. And if they want to follow that piece of advice, then I certainly respect their right to do so.
so you think you should keep doing the same thing over and over if it isnt working and just expect different results? sounds....well, insane,lol
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  #104  
Old 05-26-18, 03:50 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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so you think you should keep doing the same thing over and over if it isnt working and just expect different results? sounds....well, insane,lol
No, that is not what I am saying.

When people makes changes to their lives, it *could* result in improvement. On the other hand, it *could* lead to worsened outcomes.
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  #105  
Old 05-26-18, 03:55 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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whats empath?

part of the gift part of ADHD?
I think it's possible that more of us with adhd are empaths,

but no, I don't think only those with adhd are empathetic.

It does seem to be connected with high sensitivity.

Research has been done that links being an empath
with high scores of inborn sensitivity . . .
and with high risk of depression.


Psychology Today published an article about this:

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Should You Change?
A sensitive person's brain is different: Research points to some advantages.

(can't share the link because that page has advertising)

There are links at the bottom of the page to research on HSP.

And there's a link to a TEDtalk about it.
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