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  #106  
Old 05-26-18, 05:42 PM
Drogheda Drogheda is offline
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by tudorose View Post
Adhd attracts narcissists because of how we are and finding that out was my personal 'this is how life works' moment.
ya, I've dealt with my share of narcs, my ex really worked me over. that stuff is really water under the bridge. I'm more competent at identifying manipulation, projection(I did so in my response to you, and I think you picked that up) and echo's.

that aside my particular trigger in therapy was a bit different. please don't take this as boasting because I know how the mere mention of this can elicit response from other's, and that fact alone makes it difficult to ever really talk about this to anyone other than my therapist. and I'm saying this because while I was writing this out yesterday I think I found the crux of the matter.

when I was a kid, I was one of those guys that could figure out math by just experimenting with math. in geometry, I would just figure it out. science, I was spectacular at. the kids at school would come to me for help in various subjects, I was often the teachers pet. I'm pretty empathetic, so the advice other's would come to me for wasn't just for academics. growing up I become pretty confident in computers (programming in middle school).

the arts and science where my jam. I picked up the guitar at age 14 and have never looked back. I remember once playing the drums for the first time and being better than a drummer(one of my friends) who had played them for a couple of years, I hurt his feelings just by being myself.

my therapist told me the other day that "you and I(the therapist)know you are more intelligent than a significant portion of people in the world, and you are gifted in many area's, use it". it's hard to take that kind of compliment, while true, the very nature of me saying anything about that that elicits negative reactions in other's while being really empathetic always get's to me.

heh, it's a story that really is echoed by many people like myself. I'm in a facebook group dedicated to people on the right of the bell curve who go through the same struggle.

there is a point in the life of someone like me (again, I've heard this same thing from other's) when at around the age of 14 or so the role shifts. before the shift it's a good thing to be intelligent(and at that age, crap I didn't know, I just thought everyone else did the same kind of mental work I did), after, when other's learn their own limitations while I'm not limited in that way, ya.

the role might of shifted from being intelligent as being a good to bad thing (and ya I'm using those terms lightly, I've gotten over all the good and bad business), but other's come to you for help never stopped. while before that point everyone accepted me for who I was, after that point, I was the weird, strange guy who was still smart. that's the twist, that's why it's been so hard to accept the compliment and that part of myself.

I use the term other's loosely(not everyone), I have several particular people in my minds eye that stand out. they would still come for help, but at the same, backhand me for being intelligent. the weird part was how I just got stuff or did my work or just knew.

I remember a couple of semesters ago I had astronomy, I did the entire semester in a weeks time and Aced the class. someone wanted to bribe me for test answers, that was a no go but the person was persistent.

I learned, just like most like myself, to put on a mask to blend in. or that being, to hide my intelligence, you know this part of myself that I had to stop showing.

so it's a real balancing act. when to show it, when to blend in, learning who I can talk to about this stuff, who I can't, that it's just one part of myself and not the full array of emotion that make up human kind, when to play fair, when to take off the handicap. and I mean that, when I go full speed in class and beat other's some can show real resentment towards me.

in physics the same deal happened, my professor who is a real deal scientific researcher came up to me and said "you know, some people are taller than other's", I knew exactly what he meant but felt threatened, I couldn't take the compliment then either.

and it's all because of the old slighted backhand. now that I know that, have perused my memory to untwist that twist, i can accept the compliment and really want to tell my therapist thanks next time I see him.
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  #107  
Old 05-26-18, 05:52 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
I know on the US under disability you get somewhere around 8 months where you can work and get your disability. So trying doesn't hurt anything. Also if you do that and pass the mark it's still pretty easy to get back on disability once you've already been on it. I know that because I know someone that did it and unless being a d-bag qualifies you for disability, he shouldn't have been able to get back on it.

I say go big or go home. You just might surprise yourself.
Well, maybe your friend did that in the past, but I wouldn't count on a person on Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or SSI being able to get back into those programs very easily once they've left them. And even staying in them is becoming more difficult. In fact, it's becoming more difficult to get any sort of help at all.

Some states are now requiring people to work at least 20 hours per week to receive food stamps or Medicaid. Of course, they don't take into account that many poor people have a hard time getting to a job because they don't have a car and live in areas without good public transportation.

The Washington Post had an article last month about how difficult it is now to get SSDI. The article starts off with an story about a captain who was medically retired from the US Army for PTSD and received an “individual unemployability” determination from the Department of Veterans Affairs. He was considered by the Army to be at high risk for suicide. He applied for SSDI in 2012, and now, 6 years later and after numerous denials and appeals, he's still waiting to find out if he'll finally get help. According to the article, "The current number of pending hearings [for people applying for SSDI] is about 986,000 and the average wait for a hearing decision is 600 days." And most people get denied several times and have to appeal and go through several hearings.

The way our system works, you're either considered totally disabled and not able to work at all or your pretty much totally able bodied. There's really no secure in-between place for someone who is partially disabled and can only work part-time. But a job like that probably wouldn't have any health insurance and in some place, such a person couldn't support themselves on a part time job. And if a person on SSDI or SSI works a little bit, they might get a continuing disability review and get kicked out.
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  #108  
Old 05-26-18, 06:41 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
Well, maybe your friend did that in the past, but I wouldn't count on a person on Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or SSI being able to get back into those programs very easily once they've left them. And even staying in them is becoming more difficult. In fact, it's becoming more difficult to get any sort of help at all.

Some states are now requiring people to work at least 20 hours per week to receive food stamps or Medicaid. Of course, they don't take into account that many poor people have a hard time getting to a job because they don't have a car and live in areas without good public transportation.

The Washington Post had an article last month about how difficult it is now to get SSDI. The article starts off with an story about a captain who was medically retired from the US Army for PTSD and received an “individual unemployability” determination from the Department of Veterans Affairs. He was considered by the Army to be at high risk for suicide. He applied for SSDI in 2012, and now, 6 years later and after numerous denials and appeals, he's still waiting to find out if he'll finally get help. According to the article, "The current number of pending hearings [for people applying for SSDI] is about 986,000 and the average wait for a hearing decision is 600 days." And most people get denied several times and have to appeal and go through several hearings.

The way our system works, you're either considered totally disabled and not able to work at all or your pretty much totally able bodied. There's really no secure in-between place for someone who is partially disabled and can only work part-time. But a job like that probably wouldn't have any health insurance and in some place, such a person couldn't support themselves on a part time job. And if a person on SSDI or SSI works a little bit, they might get a continuing disability review and get kicked out.

That's strange. Everyone I know got on it pretty easily. My roommate just got re approved with very little effort. The woman I know on it who works coordinated with a case worker (I don't know if it's actually social services or something particular to that clinic). She's been doing her 16 hours a week for years now. And the d-bag I know that shouldn't be on it worked fine for 4 or 5 years, got fired, and decided he couldn't find exactly what job he wanted so he went back on it. Also with little effort. Maybe it's a state thing.

I think with anything like that there (SHOULD) be a social services network set up to help you with getting/maintaining services and know what your rights are (at no cost). The clinic in my area does it. Going at it alone can be overwhelming.

Also Veteran services I'm always suspicious of. They have a lot of their own network set up for that kind of thing and the track record is absolutely horrific. Like when they got nailed for faking VA hospital records to make it look like patients were seen in the 60 or 90 days they were supposed to. To the tune of some of those waiting dying or committing suicide from not being seen. Can't remember if it was psych, medical center, or both.
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  #109  
Old 05-26-18, 07:22 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
I think with anything like that there (SHOULD) be a social services network set up to help you with getting/maintaining services and know what your rights are (at no cost). The clinic in my area does it. Going at it alone can be overwhelming.
That clinic sounds amazing. And rare!

If you feel comfortable sharing, what is the name of the clinic? No worries if you'd rather not say.
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  #110  
Old 05-26-18, 07:28 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Quote:
Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
That's strange. Everyone I know got on it pretty easily. My roommate just got re approved with very little effort. The woman I know on it who works coordinated with a case worker (I don't know if it's actually social services or something particular to that clinic). She's been doing her 16 hours a week for years now. And the d-bag I know that shouldn't be on it worked fine for 4 or 5 years, got fired, and decided he couldn't find exactly what job he wanted so he went back on it. Also with little effort. Maybe it's a state thing.

I think with anything like that there (SHOULD) be a social services network set up to help you with getting/maintaining services and know what your rights are (at no cost). The clinic in my area does it. Going at it alone can be overwhelming.

Also Veteran services I'm always suspicious of. They have a lot of their own network set up for that kind of thing and the track record is absolutely horrific. Like when they got nailed for faking VA hospital records to make it look like patients were seen in the 60 or 90 days they were supposed to. To the tune of some of those waiting dying or committing suicide from not being seen. Can't remember if it was psych, medical center, or both.
Yea it’s easy by me too. I know a dude who gets it. Can’t work supposedly cause of mental stuff. But he’s good enough to run around all day doing whatever it takes to get dope money
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  #111  
Old 05-26-18, 07:32 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
I think it's possible that more of us with adhd are empaths,

but no, I don't think only those with adhd are empathetic.

It does seem to be connected with high sensitivity.

Research has been done that links being an empath
with high scores of inborn sensitivity . . .
and with high risk of depression.


Psychology Today published an article about this:

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Should You Change?
A sensitive person's brain is different: Research points to some advantages.

(can't share the link because that page has advertising)

There are links at the bottom of the page to research on HSP.

And there's a link to a TEDtalk about it.
So empath means empathy? So everyone but psychopaths ?

I know it’s a thing in the adhd community to say we have more empathy and I tend to believe we may feel others feelings stronger

But it also seems we as a whole are poor at perspective taking
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  #112  
Old 05-26-18, 07:38 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Friendly reminder: Political discussion is prohibited on the open forum.
If y'all wish to opine on federal or state policies regarding disability programs or VA services, please do so in the Debates section.
If you need the password to the Debates section, please send a private message (PM) to me or any other supermoderator.
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  #113  
Old 05-26-18, 08:15 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by daveddd View Post
So empath means empathy? So everyone but psychopaths ?

I know it’s a thing in the adhd community to say we have more empathy and I tend to believe we may feel others feelings stronger

But it also seems we as a whole are poor at perspective taking
It's like adhd, everyone forgets to charge their phone or where they put the keys,

when it happens several times every day it's different.

Everyone has empathy (except psychpaths and maybe a couple of others) but
when you can walk into a room and tell that people just got done arguing there
. . . that's different, that's being an empath.

When the person you're talking to has a broken toe (not an obvious injury)
and you can't focus on the discussion because your own toe is throbbing . . .
that's different, that's being an empath.

An empath who doesn't have adhd would be more likely to realize that their
toe wasn't hurting before they started talking to the person with the broken toe.

An empath with adhd is likely to struggle with perception and wonder what
they did to make their toe hurt, worry that it's a sign of diabetes, stuff like that.
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  #114  
Old 05-26-18, 08:20 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
It's like adhd, everyone forgets to charge their phone or where they put the keys,

when it happens several times every day it's different.

Everyone has empathy (except psychpaths and maybe a couple of others) but
when you can walk into a room and tell that people just got done arguing there
. . . that's different, that's being an empath.

When the person you're talking to has a broken toe (not an obvious injury)
and you can't focus on the discussion because your own toe is throbbing . . .
that's different, that's being an empath.
thats interesting, i didnt know it had been delineated like that

this book aboiut ADHD by phil mollon makes a lot of reference to this and ADHD, thanks for filling me in with a more solid definition

https://books.google.com/books?id=Eh...ta_1_mylibrary
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  #115  
Old 05-26-18, 08:24 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
Well, maybe your friend did that in the past, but I wouldn't count on a person on Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or SSI being able to get back into those programs very easily once they've left them. And even staying in them is becoming more difficult. In fact, it's becoming more difficult to get any sort of help at all.
I'm on both social security disability and SSI...and last time I checked a couple of years ago...they give us 9 months in my state (Wyoming) to work as much as you want while remaining on social security.
They also put you back on disability with very little resistance if you've used up those 9 months and lose the job for any reason for a certain period after that...I think it's 5 years in my state.
I don't know how other states work...but I feel very lucky in having a state that does so much. There's even a government funded place called voc rehab that will provide you with a lot of things you might need to become employed. College or technical/training programs, clothes, computers...all sorts of things.


Being on social security disability has been both a godsend for me...but it's also had some negative impacts on me. It's allowed me to become comfortable somewhat in life. I no longer HAVE to be employed to keep a roof over my head (I live in low income housing because I'm disabled), to afford doctors/therapists/meds, or to eat.
And so yeah...me being who I am...It's been hard for me to get up and try for employment.

Don't get me wrong though...I WANT to work. I can't stand feeling like such a bum. And I really do think I can and WILL eventually finally land a job and stick it out. I'm just slow moving and there just some stuff I need to work out (working on it with a therapist now! I'd love to find meaningful employment here this summer).

Another problem though with getting a job...is that because of my past (I'm talking as far back as when I was a kid)...I've always quit on big projects. My last job I had I only lasted like 2 months. The job before that I lasted for about a week.
And these quits are ******* DEVASTATING on me. They wreck me emotionally and destroy my self-esteem and self confidence. And it takes me months to get over that...as well as adding to my fears of just being a big loser who's never going to make it because I always quit!

I don't know how to move past this...but I haven't given up just yet. I've still got a flame flickering inside. I'm working on some CBT with my therapist to change some of that negative self talk. The voice in my that tells me how much of a loser I am, and reminds me all the time of how much I've quit in my past and will always quit.
I think if I can change that...or at least stop believing in it...I have a real chance of doing this thing.

I'm just slow at changing.

...
Sorry for the long post haha...I don't even know why I'm rambling on here.
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  #116  
Old 05-26-18, 08:32 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Drogheda View Post
please don't take this as boasting because I know how the mere mention of this can elicit response from other's, and that fact alone makes it difficult to ever really talk about
Hey, great post. Thanks for sharing. I've known people in school like you...who hasn't? But I've never heard what it might be like for them growing up. Your post was eye opening and well worded.
And you didn't come across at all as you boasting. Not to me anyhow.

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Old 05-26-18, 09:38 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
Sorry for the long post haha...I don't even know why I'm rambling on here.
You're not rambling. I thought it was a good post.
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  #118  
Old 05-26-18, 11:32 PM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

"Did the whole semester in a weeks time"

"Have an IQ that no one believes"

"Got my 2 graduate degrees in a year, have the doctorate coming up next year after my new album comes out"

Where have I seen this before?

When will it stop is the better question; or perhaps, when will this fiction go away?

Last edited by namazu; 05-27-18 at 12:39 AM.. Reason: Insulted other members.
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  #119  
Old 05-27-18, 01:11 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

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Originally Posted by Batman55 View Post
Where have I seen this before?

When will it stop is the better question; or perhaps, when will this fiction go away?
I don't think that this thread has taken on this theme. Then again, there have been over 100+ posts already, so I don't have time to comb through each post. Perhaps a couple people might have mentioned it, but it seems like your post is only going to draw more attention to it...which is counterproductive for your wish for it to "go away"?

And what makes you think it's a "fiction?"

There are ADHD people with high IQs. And with low IQs. And with medium IQs. So what? Everyone is allowed to speak their own truths. As long as they are respectful of each other.
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Old 05-27-18, 01:15 AM
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Re: Here's how this sh- works

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda View Post
ya, I've dealt with my share of narcs, my ex really worked me over. that stuff is really water under the bridge. I'm more competent at identifying manipulation, projection(I did so in my response to you, and I think you picked that up) and echo's.

that aside my particular trigger in therapy was a bit different. please don't take this as boasting because I know how the mere mention of this can elicit response from other's, and that fact alone makes it difficult to ever really talk about this to anyone other than my therapist. and I'm saying this because while I was writing this out yesterday I think I found the crux of the matter.

when I was a kid, I was one of those guys that could figure out math by just experimenting with math. in geometry, I would just figure it out. science, I was spectacular at. the kids at school would come to me for help in various subjects, I was often the teachers pet. I'm pretty empathetic, so the advice other's would come to me for wasn't just for academics. growing up I become pretty confident in computers (programming in middle school).

the arts and science where my jam. I picked up the guitar at age 14 and have never looked back. I remember once playing the drums for the first time and being better than a drummer(one of my friends) who had played them for a couple of years, I hurt his feelings just by being myself.

my therapist told me the other day that "you and I(the therapist)know you are more intelligent than a significant portion of people in the world, and you are gifted in many area's, use it". it's hard to take that kind of compliment, while true, the very nature of me saying anything about that that elicits negative reactions in other's while being really empathetic always get's to me.

heh, it's a story that really is echoed by many people like myself. I'm in a facebook group dedicated to people on the right of the bell curve who go through the same struggle.

there is a point in the life of someone like me (again, I've heard this same thing from other's) when at around the age of 14 or so the role shifts. before the shift it's a good thing to be intelligent(and at that age, crap I didn't know, I just thought everyone else did the same kind of mental work I did), after, when other's learn their own limitations while I'm not limited in that way, ya.

the role might of shifted from being intelligent as being a good to bad thing (and ya I'm using those terms lightly, I've gotten over all the good and bad business), but other's come to you for help never stopped. while before that point everyone accepted me for who I was, after that point, I was the weird, strange guy who was still smart. that's the twist, that's why it's been so hard to accept the compliment and that part of myself.

I use the term other's loosely(not everyone), I have several particular people in my minds eye that stand out. they would still come for help, but at the same, backhand me for being intelligent. the weird part was how I just got stuff or did my work or just knew.

I remember a couple of semesters ago I had astronomy, I did the entire semester in a weeks time and Aced the class. someone wanted to bribe me for test answers, that was a no go but the person was persistent.

I learned, just like most like myself, to put on a mask to blend in. or that being, to hide my intelligence, you know this part of myself that I had to stop showing.

so it's a real balancing act. when to show it, when to blend in, learning who I can talk to about this stuff, who I can't, that it's just one part of myself and not the full array of emotion that make up human kind, when to play fair, when to take off the handicap. and I mean that, when I go full speed in class and beat other's some can show real resentment towards me.

in physics the same deal happened, my professor who is a real deal scientific researcher came up to me and said "you know, some people are taller than other's", I knew exactly what he meant but felt threatened, I couldn't take the compliment then either.

and it's all because of the old slighted backhand. now that I know that, have perused my memory to untwist that twist, i can accept the compliment and really want to tell my therapist thanks next time I see him.
I'm of average intelligence. A number of years ago there was a thread on here and I found I was in the minority. Most people were way above average. Some members of mensa. A lot with post grad degrees.

I don't see it as boasting. But don't be ashamed of it either. If people are jealous that's their problem.
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