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Old 01-06-19, 02:35 AM
spidergirl spidergirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2019
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Hi! New user, needing support

Hi everyone, new user here.

I was evaluated with ADHD (Inattentive type) early this summer. It explained a lot. I never did that well in school, even though my teachers all thought I was brilliant. I have an incredibly hard time keeping up with regular life stuff. I've always been way messier than other girls. Even though I have a lot of ideas for projects, none of them seem to get off the ground. I'm learning now that's normal for us, and normal for girls to never be diagnosed until later in life.

I'm trying to figure out what kind of treatment works for me. It's been hard. I've tried a few different medications so far, but none of them have felt good. I went on Wellbutrin, first -- I was interested in stimulants but didn't want to push for them, since I didn't want my psych to think I was just chasing pills. It really, really helped with my focus once I went up to 300mg. But, it made me nauseous, angry, and my emotions felt flat. I don't like the idea of being on antidepressants right now; I just want to focus! I don't need my feelings messed with!!

Next was Adderall. I stayed on it for a few months, but the anxiety never went away. I had a constant pit in my stomach for hours on end. Some days it was so bad I felt like I couldn't move. Then, when it wore off, I crashed hard. Even more anxiety, shaking, stuttering... I would be shut down for at least an hour.

I'm on Vyvanse now. It's weird. Sometimes it doesn't feel like much, sometimes it feels super harsh. It feels... fragile. Like, I need to eat perfectly, sleep perfectly, get the exact right amount of exercise, basically take absolute perfect care of myself with no margin for error. And if I don't, I get so jittery I can barely do anything.

I had a really, really bad day with my medication today. Almost right after I took it, I had a turbo anxiety spike. I couldn't shake the feeling until about 9 hours later, about when my meds wear off. I've barely eaten today. I had friends over, but I felt so withdrawn I didn't really enjoy it. My body felt terrible in ways I can't quite describe... I felt checked out, but like my insides were vibrating. It sucks. I feel like a slave to my medication.

I am so frustrated. I'm starting to think that I may never find a medication that works for me. What if my body just isn't made for these drugs? What if I never get it together? What if I just coast through life at 50%... forever?

Thanks for reading. I really need to know that I'm not alone right now.
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DanielGM1970 (01-10-19), Rebelyell (01-06-19)
 

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