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Careers/Job Impact This forum is for adults to discuss how AD/HD affects work and career.

 
 
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Old 11-13-17, 10:50 AM
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The end of my job may be approaching...

On the one hand, I get feedback from some colleagues who think I am doing a great job, that I am a fast learner. I am the youngest person at the company, making it hard to judge how well I am doing.

Personally, I feel that I am not doing so great, and some other colleagues also seem to see that, though it is not clear what they conclude (their conclusion may be 'he's a smart young person who wants to go too fast, but is struggling to get things done' (the best case) or 'he's too flaky and we can't rely on him, why did the boss hire this guy?'. I have struggled with every project so far, however I did complete some successfully. I got pulled from one project which was not going great (I am new in this field and the team was not able to train me, because they were struggling themselves) and now another project is not going great as well - it should have been finished two weeks ago and I think I need two more weeks to complete it. I have to build something that I have never done before, but no one can help me because even with my limited knowledge I am already the biggest expert in this field in the company.

On the one hand I fear getting fired, but on the other hand am longing for it. There are plenty of other opportunities out there, I just feel that I am not in the right place. I am more of a team player and right now I have to work on my own a lot. If I would be on my own, but in charge of my own job, then this could work very well, but my colleague is the one who is in charge and he is asking things of me that I find hard to pull off right now; I feel that the learning curve is just too steep, and I feel trapped.

Despite all of this uncertainty, I have decided to work hard on building my life, or rather, I will work on it patiently, step-by-step, without giving up. I refuse to put my head in the sand and let my life go down the drain. I will also do my best at my job, I prefer to leave on my own initiative then to get fired (even though I get money from the government if they fire me). I feel like I can perform better than I did before, if I stop worrying about how things will go (which just freezes me) and focus just on putting in the time and effort. Even if I fail, learning to fight under these circumstances will make me stronger and I can use that in the future. I realize that I am not that stress tolerant right now, and this seems to be a good opportunity to practice.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.
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