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  #1  
Old 06-16-14, 06:12 AM
Drogheda Drogheda is offline
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is self worth our biggest enemy?

I've been thinking about this for a while. and ya a lot of this is my own journey but I'm seeing a pattern in a lot of posts. sense this is my only real outlet to talk in contrast to people with ADHD, I want to postulate for a second.

anxiety seems to come easy to us. we think about our past and that freezes us. we think about the people we want to be and get down on ourselfs. you can fill in the blanks but they all lead to bad habits.

I've found in myself that I have lost my place and that leads to group anxiety. I don't like my birthday because that shows me that I belong in some way, I am horrible 1 on 1 because then that means I have to contribute and I feel I don't have anything or that no one would like what I have to say. getting on edge, anxiety takes the social part of our lives and ravages it. all this is getting better thankfully as I keep pushing myself for social interaction and acceptance.

there have been a number of threads were people have expressed that when they are in a good mood and not bathed in anxiety, work, tasks and projects are easier, almost welcome. when you are in a good mood you feel worth, a connection and grounding.

the older you get the more you notice other people achieving things. graduated from a university, working the job they want to work, having a family while I would gander most of us haven't achieved what we want. when we are kids dreaming was the norm so self worth isn't much a problem. we go out with friends and have a good time and people talk, you feel worth because you can share those stories and make connections that stick. later on, you can't. that only leads to isolation and hits on your self worth.

I find it's a circle. you can't find your own self worth because you don't have anything to show. my friends a nurse, a carpenter, providing for their families and this is what they talk about... but it goes beyond that, they also can talk about future plans and just let go because they feel self worth. it's hard to find a place when you just say you can do this but never do it, you have this talent but you can't express it. talking about future plans is impossible because that is looking towards the future and you don't have your present lined up. so you have no space to call your own, you lack worth in a social setting and your mood sinks and that in turn leads to making things harder.

I have found that opening up and expressing myself is a form of self worth, talking to friends about old times. this has led me to be more active and build self worth from that. ticking away little by little at anxiety and productivity. now I am automatically doing things that once were a real problem because I am building inner confidence. by seing things in a relative light towards myself and my own conflicts, instead of comparing them to others. maturing I guess would be a good word. that leads to me being more open and sociable to people I would never have before, building more self worth and that goes straight into productivity. it's a slow process but it's starting to work in quantifiable ways. I find the best motivator is self worth, that feeling good/better about yourself.

so can anyone relate, thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 06-16-14, 06:20 AM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

I absolutely agree! Self worth goes to productivity, it's really a vicious circle sometimes and is just so hard to get to the point of true inner confidence. It's taken me years, literally.
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Old 06-16-14, 06:58 AM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

Self-worth has a profound impact on our lives, but there is a related concept that is a close second: a sense of control over our lives. The very nature of ADD compromises our sense of control.
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Old 06-16-14, 12:51 PM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

Quote:
is self worth our biggest enemy?

No our perception thereof is. . . . . If you feel worthless that does not make you worthless despite your own perception.

It is your perception of your lack of worth that is your own worst enemy, because you have worth even during times you do not see it.


Your examples are how you found a way to over come your negative perceptions other may have other ways to over come negative perceptions.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Carol View Post
Self-worth has a profound impact on our lives, but there is a related concept that is a close second: a sense of control over our lives. The very nature of ADD compromises our sense of control.

This is your perception NOT an an absolute truth for all. Example - People with personality disorders do not have control over their lives but they have an over exaggerated sense of self worth.


My perception is I refuse to let a diagnosis define my self worth. I do not control my life I modify parts of it as best I can this is a truth for me but not necessarily you. The best part is both approaches to life are okay, as long as the perception gets you where you want to be!
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Old 06-16-14, 02:20 PM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

It is mainly a problem insofar as we compare ourselves to other people. That is a normal human habit, but in our competition driven society it is much worse. Everything is geared towards rewarding the winners, those who are the best at things, and we are almost guaranteed to come last in line.

I have had to unlearn all that. This life is not a matter of me versus the world, it is about me, myself and I alone. It is about if I am able to achieve what I would like to achieve and whether I am able to be a little bit better than my old self every new year.
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Old 06-16-14, 02:57 PM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

I'm with Meadd on this one..... our sense of self worth is OUR sense of self worth and it is therefore self generated.... often early in life. Thereafter incoming information is filtered and adjusted to conform to our view of our place in the world.

In my view decontaminating our filters and learning to effectively compliment ourselves is an important part of living with ADHD. This is something pills don't do, though they can provide the organisational/relational space in which it can be undertaken.

It is also important to recognise the difference between a belief about oneself and a fact.... this is the heart of a lot of existential/humanistic psychotherapy.

I have noticed that when I felt my life was completely out of control it was mainly because I had exceeded my control capacity. My life was over-complicated.... now I have learned to simplify things I feel much better. The problem was not one of "control" it was one of understanding my own capacity and being able to say no to things.....

Part of this was my ADDery impulsivity.... but it's also a secondary effect of my family value system.

I have noticed that people with chaotic out of control lives frequently have a large number of conflicting "musts" and "shoulds" driving their actions.... so there's always the sense of being one step away from disaster. My own process has been decontaminating myself of all these musts and shoulds so I can work out more accurately what actually needs to be done.... which I've found is not nearly as much as I previously thought.
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Old 06-16-14, 03:36 PM
Drogheda Drogheda is offline
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

ya, symantic talk there but you are right there is a difference. I do have skills that other people don't have and value as a whole. it's learning to express these idea's about myself in a positive light and not negative self validation/house of cards and that is working.

one of the biggest keys I think is when I just stopped talking about what I'm going to do and just started doing. little by little, finding my own way. when you actually have something done that sense of self worth skyrockets for a bit. the next step is to realize (there is a difference between saying you have realization and ... uhh, REALIZATION) that if you keep on doing it becomes easier and your sense of self worth grows, and that breaks anxiety levering the hooks it has on us. it's an up and down spiral.

another is through therapy and unhinging my past self from what I am today. one of the crazy parts about therapy is that you start to forget on the surface some of the things you talked about but it's there on a deeper level. you unshackle some of the things and reset some of those filters. a few of the core problems I had when I went in are just not there anymore.
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Old 06-16-14, 03:52 PM
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Re: is self worth our biggest enemy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carol View Post
Self-worth has a profound impact on our lives, but there is a related concept that is a close second: a sense of control over our lives. The very nature of ADD compromises our sense of control.
this is more along the lines of what I'm asking. in this sense you are more or less letting ADHD control who you are, but is it defining? don't become your prognosis is something I take to heart. yesterday I could of gotten in a long argument but I stopped, in the past I would of gotten in that long argument.

I could just say I have ADHD and have little self control, I could of used it as an excuse but instead I walked away. I could not clean and not do music because I want to do these other things saying that I have ADHD but I chose not to and clean and do music. I could sit in the corner and not partake in life saying that ADHD has wrecked me in the past but I chose not to... not all the time but little by little it's getting easier (on all accounts)... and why is that?

is it because I have learned to accept that I am not defined by ADHD? I see some posts stating that *because I have ADHD -negative*. that, to me, is looking at your past failures and lumping yourself today in with those failures. "because I have ADHD" is a negative self validation
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