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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships. |
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#1
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![]() Is it that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage more often than most and manipulative/toxic people can detect people like us from the crowd? How do we break this cycle?
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#2
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Look at your past. Are you an adult child of a narcissist or was there someone in your life who disempowered you? Start doing some reading about narcissism. Read about empath and narcissist and how to identify these ********.
__________________
Half human, Half alien |
#3
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Don't really have any narcissist parents.
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namazu (08-12-19) |
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#4
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Do we actually attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Or is it just that there are toxic individuals out there, and we (like others) happen to have the misfortune of having to deal with them sometimes? Maybe I've just been very lucky, but I don't think I've had to deal with a disproportionate number of toxic people. (Then again, I don't have a good sense of how many toxic people most other people have to deal with!) What kinds of boundaries are you having trouble maintaining, or in what ways are you being manipulated? In terms of breaking out of the pattern of these relationships, it depends a lot on the situation. Are these family members? Bosses? Coworkers? Frenemies? It's easier to cut ties and maintain boundaries with some than with others. |
#5
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
When it comes to romantic relationships, love or attraction can make us blind to faults. We see what we want to see. For all kinds of relationships, well, some people can really give off that charm or seem so friendly and help you out sometimes. Had a brother-in-law like that. He didn't want people to know about the OTHER side of his personality...cruel, sometimes violent, insulting, threatening. But he normally could act so nice, he could seem like a real good guy.
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Lunacie (08-13-19) |
#6
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
I decided to rid my life of toxic individuals one day. And now I have one friend left beside my wife and daughter. That's ok though, quality over quantity.
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#7
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
I give almost any one a first or second chance.
After that, they are CUT!
__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969 |
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SashaBV (08-13-19) |
#8
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
To be honest: i think it's my low self-esteem that enables people to take advantage of me. I wanted to belong so much, was afraid to be alone, somehow wanted people to give me the love and attention that apparently i couldn't give to myself. And there are always people who feed on people like me, so victimhood becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
On top i found out, that i take things quite literally and don't understand communication with underlying intentions, especially when they're not so nice... as i'm having these unrealistic expectations that everyone has the same values. This knowledge helps me empowering the relationship with myself, i can trust myself, even when i'm not perfect. I try to listen to the voice inside telling me if it's save or am i crossing my boundaries out of seeing more benefits to ignore them for the time being? I have lost almost everyone around me over the past years, which was also not so good for my self-esteem, but it still feels better to 'start over' with the real me, so no more adjusting, pleasing or making myself small. As it turns out, life is still bringing challenges in this area: opportunities to do it differently this time so i don't have to attract those drama's anymore. |
#9
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Whether you are the child of narcissist or not if you want to keep yourself safe from toxic people you need to learn all you can about narcissism, how to spot them and how to deal with it. Learn that and you'll be okay. don't learn it and the life lessons will keep repeating themselves. I wish someone had said these words to me in 2003 when I joined this forum. Would have saved me a lot of pain
__________________
Half human, Half alien |
#10
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
I think sometimes its how we learned to relate when we were younger but I believe it can be overcome. Once I saw how healthy boundaries were supposed to look I have been very fortunate at recognizing people and what their motives really are.
__________________
President of the No F's given society. I carried a watermelon? |
#11
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
What do you mean by toxic individuals?
I wonder if I could be considered a toxic individual in some contexts/circumstances? Like I can identify with the down out, in some way. Sometimes I can feel the opposite, depending on how good or bad my day is going, etc. I have mostly stopped giving other people money, took a long time to take care of myself in that way, if that is what you mean? M
__________________
"When people are suffering mentally, they want to feel better—they want to stop having bad emotions and start having good emotions." (-Temple Grandin) |
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Roxx1980 (08-28-19) |
#12
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Re: Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?
Quote:
![]() Alcohol makes certain people violent but it gives me the ability to interact 'normally' with people, slows my brain down and kills that inner dialogue. |
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Roxx1980 (08-28-19) |
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