Why do we attract toxic individuals into our lives?

[Lloyd_]

Is it that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage more often than most and manipulative/toxic people can detect people like us from the crowd? How do we break this cycle?

[tudorose]

Look at your past. Are you an adult child of a narcissist or was there someone in your life who disempowered you? Start doing some reading about narcissism. Read about empath and narcissist and how to identify these ********.

[Lloyd_]

Originally Posted by tudorose

Look at your past. Are you an adult child of a narcissist or was there someone in your life who disempowered you?

Don't really have any narcissist parents.

[namazu]

Do we actually attract toxic individuals into our lives?

Or is it just that there are toxic individuals out there, and we (like others) happen to have the misfortune of having to deal with them sometimes?

Maybe I've just been very lucky, but I don't think I've had to deal with a disproportionate number of toxic people. (Then again, I don't have a good sense of how many toxic people most other people have to deal with!)

What kinds of boundaries are you having trouble maintaining, or in what ways are you being manipulated? In terms of breaking out of the pattern of these relationships, it depends a lot on the situation. Are these family members? Bosses? Coworkers? Frenemies? It's easier to cut ties and maintain boundaries with some than with others.

[SashaBV]

When it comes to romantic relationships, love or attraction can make us blind to faults. We see what we want to see. For all kinds of relationships, well, some people can really give off that charm or seem so friendly and help you out sometimes. Had a brother-in-law like that. He didn't want people to know about the OTHER side of his personality...cruel, sometimes violent, insulting, threatening. But he normally could act so nice, he could seem like a real good guy.

[Clavius78]

I decided to rid my life of toxic individuals one day. And now I have one friend left beside my wife and daughter. That's ok though, quality over quantity.

[Little Missy]

I give almost any one a first or second chance.

After that, they are CUT!

[Kaia.S]

To be honest: i think it's my low self-esteem that enables people to take advantage of me. I wanted to belong so much, was afraid to be alone, somehow wanted people to give me the love and attention that apparently i couldn't give to myself. And there are always people who feed on people like me, so victimhood becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

On top i found out, that i take things quite literally and don't understand communication with underlying intentions, especially when they're not so nice... as i'm having these unrealistic expectations that everyone has the same values. This knowledge helps me empowering the relationship with myself, i can trust myself, even when i'm not perfect.

I try to listen to the voice inside telling me if it's save or am i crossing my boundaries out of seeing more benefits to ignore them for the time being? I have lost almost everyone around me over the past years, which was also not so good for my self-esteem, but it still feels better to 'start over' with the real me, so no more adjusting, pleasing or making myself small. As it turns out, life is still bringing challenges in this area: opportunities to do it differently this time so i don't have to attract those drama's anymore.

[tudorose]

Whether you are the child of narcissist or not if you want to keep yourself safe from toxic people you need to learn all you can about narcissism, how to spot them and how to deal with it. Learn that and you'll be okay. don't learn it and the life lessons will keep repeating themselves. I wish someone had said these words to me in 2003 when I joined this forum. Would have saved me a lot of pain

[sarahsweets]

I think sometimes its how we learned to relate when we were younger but I believe it can be overcome. Once I saw how healthy boundaries were supposed to look I have been very fortunate at recognizing people and what their motives really are.

[mildadhd]

What do you mean by toxic individuals?

I wonder if I could be considered a toxic individual in some contexts/circumstances?

Like I can identify with the down out, in some way.

Sometimes I can feel the opposite, depending on how good or bad my day is going, etc.

I have mostly stopped giving other people money, took a long time to take care of myself in that way, if that is what you mean?




M

[Lloyd_]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Once I saw how healthy boundaries were supposed to look I have been very fortunate at recognizing people and what their motives really are.

I always ended feeling resentful towards people whom actually had good intentions or maybe there are some ulterior motives or perhaps I just never learned how to interact 'normally' with people without being on alcohol or on narcotics!

Alcohol makes certain people violent but it gives me the ability to interact 'normally' with people, slows my brain down and kills that inner dialogue.