ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Non-ADD Partner Support
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-27-20, 02:19 AM
throwaway123 throwaway123 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: US
Posts: 5
Thanks: 2
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
throwaway123 is on a distinguished road
Brought up his ADD and now I'm not sure if I came off as intrusive

I posted about a man friend (dx ADD) who pretty much fell off the face of the earth, blocked me which was preceded by him stressing about some family issues -- that was about 3 weeks ago. Things were great between him and I prior, but this is not the first time he has withdrawn like this. The first time he was spiraling down from losing his job, losing his home, hesitating about our "interaction" but yet still wanting to see me, had very low self esteem, said we started that whatever between us at a bad time.. etc. We were friends first then it evolved to being romantic. Difference is that the first time, he broke up with me but was confused about his feelings. Second time there was no breaking up, he snapped at me, said he's not mad and just disappeared.

I read so many ADD forum posts, Reddit posts, found that some people do withdraw when they are stressed out and shut people out. Ok. It's not about me, leave him alone and just maintain those kind thoughts in my head..... except this quarantine situation is not helping! My mind kept repeating those instances that I misjudged like when he said "let's go do this" or "let's go here" - no follow through. His lack of eye contact especially in the beginning. Those times that he said he'd call but never did, and the next day oblivious to the fact that I waited for it. Mood swings. Random inappropriate things that he blurt out.. etc I took all of those things personally, and equated that to how of little value I am to him. I couldn't help myself so I sent him an email a few days ago basically saying that I've been reading about ADD, wish I had done that as soon as he mentioned it so I was able to understand and communicate with him better, that I didn't make wrong assumptions and take things personally, and apologizing if I projected my anxiety on him. I also realized that I hinted at a few things with him which he didn't pick up. Both on text, on the phone and in person which he didn't pick up. I don't know if that's ADD related. He casually mentioned early on that he took Adderall in the past for ADD, and I didn't bother understanding what that meant. I ended the email saying I hope he's taking care of himself, hoping he's able to decompress and have more time for family matters.

I didn't get any response, which I expected....kind of. I mean, there's a pandemic going on. I called that same day and found out I'm not blocked anymore. Now I don't know if that's even appropriate for me to bring ADD up. Is it offensive/intrusive for me to talk about it like that?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-07-20, 06:00 AM
Kunga Dorji's Avatar
Kunga Dorji Kunga Dorji is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,843
Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 1,632
Thanked 6,357 Times in 3,009 Posts
Kunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond reputeKunga Dorji has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Brought up his ADD and now I'm not sure if I came off as intrusive

You have to be able to talk about things relevant to the relationship ( and ADHD is hugely relevant to the relationship)-- but just when is the bigger question mark.
__________________

Whenever you see a crowd all rushing in the same direction on any one issue, run in the opposite direction.

There is neither fun nor profit to be had in polishing the brass knobs on a bandwagon.
Nicholas Nasseem Taleb.


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Kunga Dorji For This Useful Post:
Lunacie (04-07-20), throwaway123 (04-15-20)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums