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  #61  
Old 05-23-13, 12:29 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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i think i went through a time of feeling sorry for myself. i wont take legal medication, i feel in my mind it will take away my spirit, once i get something in my head i cant shift it, its now been 40 years since i took medication for anything. i dont know if its adhd related but i dont ever grieve, not parents, brother or old friends.
I think whatever makes you LIVE and seek some balance, some joy, some grief, a little of everything makes us humans and is good. I personally avoid all extremes. For me the to medicate or not to medicate question is the grief. It's also societal or peer pressure influenced and I don't believe anyone but myself can really 'treat' me. I like being on meds and notice when I'm off meds now I am always running like an engine...and take no time to smell the roses. I've had good experiences on and good off...but when times are tough, I'd rather be on the meds with no grief or guilt feelings at all. Hang society's 'mores'. i don't think someone on meds or drugs are bad - it's not for me to judge. I don't want to be judged, conversely, and don't care for it but ignore it when I see it being thrown like shade over me. Kill 'em with kindness is my motto, now.
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Old 06-28-13, 04:36 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

After fours years of medication and therapy Im finally feeling like the black cloud I have over my head isn't so onimous. But it has been a struggle of cycling thru the grief cycle

The same medication I took as diet pills in the seventies is now being prescribed as ADD medication. It took this long to accept that adderal isn't a cop out for losers.

Back then poeple use to tell me I was nothing but a loser and that I would end up institutionalized. I struggled for years to prove the world different which involved covering up my add screwups.

There were times when I thought I was crazy. So called friends used to get thier jollies making fun of my forgetfullness,ability to lose things standing in one spot,fender benders and the list could go on and on.I always felt subhuman

Also the bullying many of us have had to endure thru the school years hasnt helped the self esteem much either.

Yes the grief process goes on and on. learning how let things roll off my back has been the hardest along with forgiving myself.

I finally found an adhd support group. That helps being face to face with poeple going through the same struggles.

Thanks for hearing me out.And I hope this makes sense.

goofycook.
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Old 06-28-13, 06:52 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

yeah Goo Man

it made perfect sense and validates much of my exp with 'humans' so-called

thanks for your input - wishing you days that are 'better and better' ( that's what we say to people who say 'how r yu' and u know they mean 'when r u gonna die?'

lol
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Old 06-28-13, 07:30 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

This article has so much relevance for me right now. Grief is exactly what I feel. I have only realized recently how ADHD has affected my life. I only now am able to realize this is 100% a condition I suffer from although not diagnoised. I feel so much grief for the things I can't change. Its only right now I've understood that if I had been aware of it, I could most definately have changed so many things. Done SO much differently by just being aware of my ADHD. I feel shame that I've been so selfish. Its so hard to admit to myself. I've just admitted to my boyfriend of 9 yrs the part I've played in the breakdown of our relationship. Now that I'm aware, I'm able to do things differently. I just feel so much guilt, grief & shame that so much cannot be undone. I'm generally such a positive person, this feeling is so strange. Recent circumstances just resulted in me behaving like I never have. I feel so out of control. Trying not to sound sorry for myself, I'm not. The sudden realization of it all just results in a lot of guilt & grief. This forum was a huge eye opener for me to see that. Thank you. Time to make amends. Now that know I have no excuse to take positive steps forward.
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Old 06-28-13, 07:38 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Goofy, finding a support group must be awesome! That's one of the few reasons I can think of to move away from this very kid-centric place, where the only support groups are about treating and parenting kids. Not so helpful if you're middle-aged, single, childless, and being suffocated by your job!

OTOH, maybe I could get some nice couple to adopt me and help with my treatment.
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Old 07-10-13, 11:41 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

my personal answer to your question about reading is that, not surprisingly, I would get lost reading books to the procrastination of everything else, and then the Internet opened up a whole new world of interesting topics to read about -again distracted letting everything else slide .... so love to read, but sometimes have to stop cold turkey in order to get things done. Perhaps meds will eventually help balance reading time.... as well as all other activities in general. (month 2, 1st 30mg upped to 40mg Vyvanse). Also, in reading through some of the posts, it seems that many ADDers gravitate and respond to reading/writing for support rather than seek traditional "in-person" support. I think that's why it took me so long to seek help - no internet in my younger days. So thanks to you and everyone else that posts their experiences and advice.
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Old 07-18-13, 11:23 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Hello everyone -

I finally got the strength to sign up to this site and actually WRITE something after been on here for weeks reading other peoples posts and seeing that I'm not the only person dealing with all these issues.... And that there IS hope....

Like a lot of people, i used to think ADD/ADHD meant, someone really hyper, jumping off the walls type of person. TOTAL opposite of me. I've always suffered from depression and been on antidepressants for a year now (totally sucks cause i still feel like i'm not happy). So I went to my psychiatrist last week whining and furious because i'm sick of taking these pills that obviously DONT work. So he's making me go see the psychologist today to get tested for ADD/ADHD because he feels there's something else going on aggrevating my depression. Which I think he's totally right and I'm just freaking out right now because I'm NOT ready to hear I have ADD/ADHD.......

I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW!!! My appt is at 5:00p.m today, I'm at work, palms sweating, a knot in my stomach i can't even eat... I'm totally losing it...!

So I figured today would be the PERFECT day to sign up to this forum and get some advice from people who have gone through this, and how they copped, and just experiences in general to make this crazy head of mine realize that I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!

Now I'm just curious... What is this doctor going to do to find out if i have ADD/ADHD? Do i have to talk a lot? (I have serious socialphobia and detest talking with people i don't know). Am i going to find out right away before the session is over? Is she going to give me new meds right away? Pleaseeeee I'm begging you guys to inform me as much as possible... I am completely losing my mind...
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Old 07-22-13, 11:57 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Today I was officially dx'd. I am lucky because my son was dx'd a few years ago, I read heaps of material on ADHD, and we changed our home lives/expectations/behaviours as a result. So I have an ADHD friendly home, and marriage, already adapted.

I also shared heaps of info with close friends/trusted extended family members so they knew how best to interact with my son, so I don't need to introduce it to them either. This is a huge relief actually, because I understand how challenging it is to explain it to skeptics or the ignorant the first time around.

Oddly, (actually, not odd) I experienced a bit of grief today; I think it's the 'missed opportunities and being misunderstood' phenomena. I don't intend to dwell on the past, but I do intend to make sure all my adult siblings know of my dx, as some of their young kids are evidencing ADHD symptoms and are already being selected out at school for additional support.

Anyway. It's been great to read everyone's different experiences in this thread. Thanks.
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Old 07-23-13, 01:38 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

The grief after diagnosis is important, for the reasons you note. But don't be surprised if you need to "dwell on the past" a bit more than you anticipate. One of the therapeutic exercises recommended in the adult diagnosis is to re-tell the story of your life, from the perspective of your ADHD.
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Old 07-23-13, 02:19 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by Illumination View Post
Oddly, (actually, not odd) I experienced a bit of grief today; I think it's the 'missed opportunities and being misunderstood' phenomena.
I've felt the same way. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 07-23-13, 10:53 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by perfezione View Post
Now I'm just curious... What is this doctor going to do to find out if i have ADD/ADHD? Do i have to talk a lot? (I have serious socialphobia and detest talking with people i don't know). Am i going to find out right away before the session is over? Is she going to give me new meds right away? Pleaseeeee I'm begging you guys to inform me as much as possible... I am completely losing my mind...
The ultimate focus in therapy is making your lifestyle and your environment more ADHD friendly. That is more teaching than talk therapy. Traditional psychotherapy isn't very helpful in ADHD, because you can vent all the feelings and negative thoughts you want, but it won't make your dopamine and norepinephrine activity adequate for motivation, suppressing distractions, etc.

However, you WILL need to understand your entire life -- not just your present and the way you plan future changes, but also your past -- in terms of ADHD. Your identity shouldn't just be your ADHD, but undiagnosed ADHD can affect your life more than your realized at the time. Retelling the story of your life can be an important therapeutic process for many people. I know it has helped me.

I had a terrible grief process. I guess it was because I had more years of bad behavior and bad decision making to grieve.
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Old 07-24-13, 04:40 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I find that I just stumble on grief, often unaware of what it's about. Once I understand it, dealing with it almost always leads me to the past. It's not actually dwelling on the past; it's seeing how the ADHD has affected my life so I can figure out how to do things differently.

It was a huge relief to finish my last day at work on Friday, but I've still been irritable and prone to tears. I knew it had something to do with our division chief, B, but I couldn't quite pick it out. Today my CBT therapist helped me get to the point of it--for several years after he hired me, B was an awesome mentor, kind and caring, teaching instead of criticizing, teaming up instead of directing. He motivated me to keep on task without issuing orders or nagging. He cared about my well-being, and helped me find ways to lighten up on myself. That didn't make the work any easier to do, just made it more rewarding. Then he moved to the top position, and the new manager has no interest or ability whatsoever in managing or offering support; he can't relate to someone else's thought process, so he tried to get me to do things the way he does. I muddled along for a while, but my confidence lagged and he just couldn't understand my pleas for help.

What's said is that B and I don't have anything to talk about outside of work. He can't imagine the uncertainty or what kind of life I'm going to have, to say nothing of mentoring me. He's a very square, very conscientious guy, a devoted father and grandfather and a pillar of a community that's as far from my natural habitat as it could be. Both of us know we're just miles away from each other in our personal lives, and both of us are sad about it.

But then I think of all of the people in all the places I've been who I could have kept in touch with but never did after I went to a new job, a new state, a new career. I missed them and told myself I'd moved on, but deep down I thought I was lazy and callous. Now I know it was ADHD which made the very idea of maintaining a relationship over distance and time sound insane. I could barely maintain a friendship in context when I saw someone every day; how could I pretend to connect when contact meant planning and effort?

I've cared for so many people, but have never admitted how much I've lost simply by not being able to stay in touch. People with the travel, work and personal experiences I've had usually have a rich tapestry of friends and acquaintances, but I can hardly remember the names of the people who've mattered the most. It's a kind of poverty I can hardly bear.

OK, it's terribly late, and I'm tired from crying while writing this. I was going to go to bed early enough to be awake before the brutal heat of the day kicks in, but it was good to write this. Maybe I should print it and paste it into my journal, because painful as it is, this work is what will carry me to the other side. If nothing else, I might just maintain occasional casual contact with B. Maybe that's the kind of thing that people who aren't me just do.
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Old 07-27-13, 07:44 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Wow I am glad I read this. Since I've gone from thinking I have ADD, being sure enough to seek treatment, and to being a few months into at least some form of treatment I've been going through this grief cycle. Some days it's step 2 and then next is 5, or all, or none, or whatever, but now I'm just glad I have a little bit of a better understanding about what is going on in my head. Whole reason I joined this forum is because I have no clue how to make heads or tails out of anything right now. Being unemployed, thinking about how much potential I've wasted, and trying to figure out how to fix my life has been driving me nuts. And what's made it worse is I'm trying to take responsibility for my own actions but it's hard not to be angry about all the people who I feel like should have noticed as I was growing, and how I was diagnosed as a young kid but even when I was suddenly going from straight A's to failing no one thought to even mention that diagnosis to me. Which of course feeds back to me trying to shirk responsibility--not sure how much of that should be in quotes or if at all--and then that further reinforces my negative feelings about myself. At least I know what's going on in my head isn't weird. Makes me feel better.
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Old 07-27-13, 10:08 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

AnthonyV,

If I read correctly, you were diagnosed as a boy, but no one told you? Did your parents work with you on your homework, stuff like that?

Wow, that IS a lot of grief. It is kind of crazy like that, too, all over the place, not a linear thing at all. Hang in there.
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Old 07-28-13, 02:41 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Sorta. I lived with just my mom and was a latchkey kid so I grew up pretty self sufficient. I didn't really start having school issues until I was in middle school and by then I'm sure my mom thought it had more to do with bullying than anything else. Actually, I didn't start failing until high school and even then it was just because I would never do homework.
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