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Hi there, hope to learn more from this group.
Hi all, I am married, a mother of three, in my early 30s. I have suffered from ADHD traits all my life, just never had a name for it. I always knew I was "different".. from the very first day I stepped into a school environment. I had real difficulty making friends - very jarring, because at home with my family, I was so mouthy and social, but at kindergarten, I felt like nothing I say to anybody interested anybody, and I just did not know how to deal with the social rules. I've always been a very honest person (too brutally honest, as I have discovered to my cost, and has ruined a great many friendships or prevented them from developing). I can also get very passionate about stuff, go on about them forever and bore a great many people, I can get pretty hot-tempered and irrational at times... which I do try to curb - sometimes my self-control goes way overboard and I become known as a shy or reserved or even calm person... but deep inside, I'm hardly calm. I feel like an energetic ball of energy, always enthused about something, always wanting to learn more about something. I don't act my age and that has worked against me somewhat - making me seem immature.
I have also suffered bouts of social anxiety and social withdrawal as I get overly self-conscious about my verbal impulsivity and my unwitting knack for social faux pas. Also I have real difficulty keeping time. I have gotten to the point where I actually have to start preparing to go out TWO HOURS before I have to reach whatever place it is, just so that I will actually end up reaching there on time (and not even earlier). And this is a life lesson I've learnt, after getting into trouble with superiors from every job I've held in my youth due to poor timekeeping.
As a child I've often daydreamed. The daydreaming is no longer so prevalent these days, but my attention still just zones out at the worst of times. When I'm trying to pay attention to an important conversation, or when someone is talking to me, or at a lecture, etc... The worst was when I was starting learning to drive, my attention would wander when I stopped the car at the lights. It is so so annoying. And the funny thing is that I am actually aware of that happening when it happens - thanks to meditation and mindfulness training... And I feel almost crazy - like having two Me's in my brain - one is zoning out, the other one is looking at that happening and saying to myself "STOP IT!!! STOP ZONING OUT AND PAY ATTENTION!"
And when I wanted to focus, I didn't know what to focus on, as there were so many things to look out for... I really really hated driving - yet ironically was determined to learn it because I know it would open so many more doors for me career-wise and would make my life as a mother of 3 young children easier... Now after driving for a year, I have to say I'm more adept at spotting things to look out for, so I don't look like a scared bunny with my eyes darting every which way all the time (which can be quite tiring and ineffective) and am actually starting to enjoy it much more now and that enjoyment has the effect of helping me focus better... which is all quite strange I know. But with more understanding of ADHD, this is all starting to make a lot more sense to me now.
I have been doing a lot of inner work with myself these past few years and am learning more and more everyday. For instance, I wasn't even aware what ADHD really is or that what I've suffered with all my life is probably that - although I am living in England and as an adult, I know it would be very difficult to get a dx as I did not even grow up in England or have familial connections here anymore. Also I am an ex-home tutor and I know I can do very well in one-on-one situations but put me in a group of people and I am lost. I have kids who have traits of this too. But they manifest somewhat differently in each of them.
Anyway, I'm glad to have found this group and hoping to learn more from here...
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07-03-12, 08:48 PM
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