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  #16  
Old 12-07-17, 10:21 AM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Don't overthink.
Might as well tell me not to breathe, lol.

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Do things because you want to do them, but never because you feel that it's necessary to do them. You're early into a relationship, the only pressure you're under is the pressure that you're creating for yourself in your own mind. There really isn't any pressure at all.
Very good points, thank you.
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  #17  
Old 12-07-17, 10:26 AM
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Re: That awful feeling

Nope, guys experience the exact same thing. However, a lot of men generally have an anxiety of talking to women over the phone for the first time. It's hard enough for men to deal with rejection by a simple text message. But to actually hear a womans voice rejecting them can feel daunting. There's also the worry of him having to "think on his feet" during a phone call. He doesn't have the time to plan out what he's going to say to you like he does with text messages. So there's the additional anxiety of saying or wording something in such a way that would make him come across as undesirable.

At least, this is my experience. I obviously can't speak for all men as clearly some men are absolute wizards when it comes to talking to women. Although often through a lot of practice and rejection dealing in the process.
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  #18  
Old 12-07-17, 10:42 AM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Nope, guys experience the exact same thing. However, a lot of men generally have an anxiety of talking to women over the phone for the first time. It's hard enough for men to deal with rejection by a simple text message. But to actually hear a womans voice rejecting them can feel daunting. There's also the worry of him having to "think on his feet" during a phone call. He doesn't have the time to plan out what he's going to say to you like he does with text messages. So there's the additional anxiety of saying or wording something in such a way that would make him come across as undesirable.

At least, this is my experience. I obviously can't speak for all men as clearly some men are absolute wizards when it comes to talking to women. Although often through a lot of practice and rejection dealing in the process.
Yeah, I definitely have some phone anxiety, too. But I think my anxiety meds have been helping things, or else I might not have even been able to talk to him at all!

I do get the sense he's kind of shy and feels more comfortable talking through text. On our first date, even though our conversation flowed nicely and went really well, I still couldn't get a sense of what he thought about me. At the end, I told him I thought it went well and asked him what he thought and he said he thought so, too, but seemed kind of uncomfortable and wouldn't even look at me! Then, before I even made it home, I was getting texts from him about how much he enjoyed it and everything. I was like, ok then, I guess he does like me? And then he didn't hesitate to set up a second and third date at the same time, lol. The funny thing is, I even asked him if he was a little shy, and he said he used to be, but not anymore. Ok, buddy, I'm on to you.
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  #19  
Old 12-07-17, 11:47 AM
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Re: That awful feeling

I looked back at my phone’s call logs to see how long I had spoken with my sweetie back when it all began. Over a few days, there were several 90-minute to 2-hour calls. Gabbin’, dontcha know.

As far as how to approach things, trust your gut, your heart, and your head...trust yourself...because no one else is going to be wiser than you in that situation.

I don’t tend to become anxious when speaking with women. There’s a lot to explain that, but I’ll just say it is usually a relaxed and engaged psychoemotional space.

Also, I like to engage in a mannered, friendly way, and that has a rhythm and a sequence of turns and exchanges, and in general, women know how to do that, whether in person or on the phone. By comparison, men are overall just dreadful at this sort of thing. That’s my experience of things, anyway. Must be that female brain of mine.


Cheers,
Ian
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  #20  
Old 12-07-17, 01:00 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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I looked back at my phone’s call logs to see how long I had spoken with my sweetie back when it all began. Over a few days, there were several 90-minute to 2-hour calls. Gabbin’, dontcha know.

As far as how to approach things, trust your gut, your heart, and your head...trust yourself...because no one else is going to be wiser than you in that situation.

I don’t tend to become anxious when speaking with women. There’s a lot to explain that, but I’ll just say it is usually a relaxed and engaged psychoemotional space.

Also, I like to engage in a mannered, friendly way, and that has a rhythm and a sequence of turns and exchanges, and in general, women know how to do that, whether in person or on the phone. By comparison, men are overall just dreadful at this sort of thing. That’s my experience of things, anyway. Must be that female brain of mine.


Cheers,
Ian
Yeah, it's funny that we were just talking recently about men having female brains. This guy definitely has the opposite of a female brain, lol. I don't think he could be any more of a man. He's pretty blunt and not "politically correct", but I'm the same way, so we are able to joke about stuff and it's fun. I was looking for someone who likes to joke and doesn't take things too seriously, and he is definitely that way. It's just a very comfortable, easy-going feeling when we talk, whether it's through text, phone, or in person. He's a "country boy", so not eloquent, but one of the things I've noticed is that he actually listens to me. Like, when we're in person and I'm talking, he looks at me, doesn't fidget around, stays silent and waits to make sure I'm done talking before he responds. Like, I feel like he actually wants to hear what I'm saying, and that is something new to me. Of course, it's too early to tell if that will last, lol, but it's a good start.
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  #21  
Old 12-07-17, 07:44 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

So of course after posting all that, he called me tonight just to talk.
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  #22  
Old 12-07-17, 07:48 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
Yeah, I definitely have some phone anxiety, too. But I think my anxiety meds have been helping things, or else I might not have even been able to talk to him at all!

I do get the sense he's kind of shy and feels more comfortable talking through text. On our first date, even though our conversation flowed nicely and went really well, I still couldn't get a sense of what he thought about me. At the end, I told him I thought it went well and asked him what he thought and he said he thought so, too, but seemed kind of uncomfortable and wouldn't even look at me! Then, before I even made it home, I was getting texts from him about how much he enjoyed it and everything. I was like, ok then, I guess he does like me? And then he didn't hesitate to set up a second and third date at the same time, lol. The funny thing is, I even asked him if he was a little shy, and he said he used to be, but not anymore. Ok, buddy, I'm on to you.
Perhaps he's just sending you mixed signals? The common tactic of the "player".
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  #23  
Old 12-07-17, 07:52 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Perhaps he's just sending you mixed signals? The common tactic of the "player".
No, I may not know him well yet, but he's definitely not a player, lol. I've dealt with those and he's not one of those.
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  #24  
Old 12-07-17, 07:55 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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No, I may not know him well yet, but he's definitely not a player, lol. I've dealt with those and he's not one of those.
Perhaps you've just dealt with bad players? A skilled player is anonymously clever.
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  #25  
Old 12-07-17, 08:04 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Perhaps you've just dealt with bad players? A skilled player is anonymously clever.
Lol, if you met him you would know pretty quickly that he's not a player.
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  #26  
Old 12-07-17, 08:07 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Lol, if you met him you would know pretty quickly that he's not a player.
Well ok. But from what you're saying, it sounds like he's sending you mixed signals to keep you "wondering" about him. Men usually can't do this by accident.
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Old 12-07-17, 08:16 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

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Well ok. But from what you're saying, it sounds like he's sending you mixed signals to keep you "wondering" about him. Men usually can't do this by accident.
Because he was a little shy the first time I met him? He hasn't kept me wondering about him. He has been honest from the start with how he feels about me and his actions have been matching what he says.
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Old 12-08-17, 02:02 PM
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Re: That awful feeling

Well, he called me this morning and we talked on the phone for awhile. He said he prefers talking on the phone, over texting, but said people seem to prefer texting these days, so he thought I would prefer that. I so love talking to him on the phone, so natural and no awkwardness. Our personalities are so complimentary.
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