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  #1  
Old 02-24-16, 11:09 AM
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Happy Pink Shirt Day!

http://pinkshirtday.ca/

Today in Canada people (especially men) are encouraged to wear pink as a sign of solidarity to eliminate bullying.

I'd like to open a discussion here about bullying, specifically how to reduce/eliminate it.

Wouldn't it be amazing to grow up in a world without bullies?

Personally I feel that the term 'bullying' diminishes what it is and furthers the idea that it's a normal part of childhood, and the "boys will be boys" attitudes... I think rather than calling it bullying, we need to call it what it is:

Assault
Abuse
Harassment
Discrimination

I'm sure there are other words. Until we take the issue seriously and show everyone the real and permenant damage that is done, real change will be impossible.

Thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 02-24-16, 01:25 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Let's say there's some guy strutting around a college campus with a knife, randomly sticking some other guy that looks distracted or weak.

Instead of bringing in the police, the admins tell these guys to stand up to the "bully" and defend themselves.

The emotional wounds of being bullied are just as real and can take even longer to heal than the stab wounds do.
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Old 02-24-16, 02:07 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

I have always loathed the "blame the victim" mentality that so often gets attached to bullying.
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Old 02-24-16, 02:12 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Let's say there's some guy strutting around a college campus with a knife, randomly sticking some other guy that looks distracted or weak.

Instead of bringing in the police, the admins tell these guys to stand up to the "bully" and defend themselves.

The emotional wounds of being bullied are just as real and can take even longer to heal than the stab wounds do.
Wow..seriously??? Is that how most admins react???? Is that how any admins react?????

Standing up to a bully with a knife??? That is insane. Poor, poor kids. The workplace is an oasis of peace compared to that.
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Old 02-24-16, 02:27 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Wow..seriously??? Is that how most admins react???? Is that how any admins react?????

Standing up to a bully with a knife??? That is insane. Poor, poor kids. The workplace is an oasis of peace compared to that.
No.

I was saying that the admins respond differently to a knife or gun as a weapon than they do when the weapon is words or demeaning actions.

And that is a very real shame and problem.

We don't want another Columbine or whatever tragedy you can point out, but everyday the tragedy of bullying continues with authority turning a blind eye ...

and yes, blaming the victim for not standing up to the bully.
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Old 02-24-16, 02:30 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Oh...ok. And yeah, I agree. Bullying should be taken seriously. I still find every work place that I've worked in more pleasant and socially less stressful than school. It's so sad that kids have to deal with this. I'm sure it causes lots of long term damage.
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Old 02-24-16, 05:10 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

So how do we change it? How do we create a culture where behaving like a bully no longer carries rewards? How do we stop bullying that we see? What's the best way for someone who's bullied to respond?
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Old 02-24-16, 05:12 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmanMonkey View Post
So how do we change it? How do we create a culture where behaving like a bully no longer carries rewards? How do we stop bullying that we see? What's the best way for someone who's bullied to respond?
My dad used to pay the neighbor kids to beat them up.
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Old 02-24-16, 05:20 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

I think the only way to teach bullies that it's not acceptable to bully is to segregate them away from everyone else and let them bully each other.

For example one school I was at I had a whole gang of bullies come after me and all the school did was say oh dear what a shame and tut at the bullies, they didn't get detention or have the police speaking to them or anything. There were two ringleaders, the others were "hangers-on". I remember I got physically attacked by one of the ringleaders one time and the school didn't give a crap.
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Old 02-24-16, 05:25 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
I think the only way to teach bullies that it's not acceptable to bully is to segregate them away from everyone else and let them bully each other.

For example one school I was at I had a whole gang of bullies come after me and all the school did was say oh dear what a shame and tut at the bullies, they didn't get detention or have the police speaking to them or anything. There were two ringleaders, the others were "hangers-on". I remember I got physically attacked by one of the ringleaders one time and the school didn't give a crap.
Too bad you didn't live in my olde neighbourhood way back when. My dad took care of all the kids.
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Old 02-24-16, 06:09 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmanMonkey View Post
So how do we change it? How do we create a culture where behaving like a bully no longer carries rewards? How do we stop bullying that we see? What's the best way for someone who's bullied to respond?
I think there needs to be an understanding of the long-term effects of having been bullied.

There needs to be an understanding that words and actions can be just as harmful as weapons.

It needs to be taken seriously as an assault, and prosecuted.

But there needs to be more community service and less imprisonment.
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Old 02-24-16, 09:35 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

I once read an article about the "benefits of bullying" or something like that, like how getting bullied can help you grow and increase social skills and encourage people to work together and it was SO full of crap...

I agree bullying can cause so much harm.
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Old 02-24-16, 09:40 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Canada. What a great place.
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Old 02-25-16, 12:43 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by KarmanMonkey View Post
What's the best way for someone who's bullied to respond?
Based on my own experience, after trying everything else and not having any of it work, strong violence achieved results and stopped the bullying for good.

I donít like saying that, but thatís my truth.

---

For months, almost a year, a kid in my school would prank call my house at odd hours of the morning, e.g., 3:00am, most nights of the week.

This angered my parents, and eventually I started being punished for that kidís behavior...the usual stuff...being beaten, denied food, and so on.

I asked the kid to stop...nothing. I asked his older brother...nothing. I asked at school...nothing. I asked the police...nothing. I asked the phone company...nothing.

One day (after almost a year) I reached my point of no return.

I knocked him down and then used the cast on my (broken-but-healing) left arm to beat him with.

I will spare you the details save to say that his injuries were grievous, he did not get up on his own, and he required surgery.

He never bullied me again, and for that matter, everyone else who bullied me stopped doing so as well.

Profound violence got results that worked when nothing else did.

I donít feel good about saying that, but it was true for me.

Also, by choosing violence once, it stopped a repeating pattern of violence in my home...the pattern related to that kidís pattern of behavior, that is.

Thatís one of two times I have been violent in my life.

The other time was in stopping a rape.


Namaste,
Ian
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Old 02-25-16, 12:52 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Thanks Ian.

It is sometimes said "Don't stoop to the bully's level". Far too often, that is horrible advice. Unfortunately, in general, bullies do not have another ("higher") level at which they are capable of being engaged. Of course, it is hoped that they will develop that "higher" level at some point; but "at some point" is irrelevant to the present.
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