ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ADD/ADHD > General Parenting Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-13-18, 06:15 PM
LyrinMeow's Avatar
LyrinMeow LyrinMeow is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Ohio
Posts: 327
Thanks: 139
Thanked 330 Times in 195 Posts
LyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to behold
14 year old boys

So I'm wondering if anyone has any idea how to get a 14 year old boy to be less 14 year old boyish. He has autism and ADHD. Not currently taking meds. He's sits around like a lump on a log. He'll come out of his room occasionally and we'll have a short conversation or I'll ask him to do something. Otherwise it's just log.

He loves computers and video games. He likes to create levels or build things in sandbox modes. He wants to be a programmer. I do talk to him about my job and he does seem interested in that.

But he won't DO anything. "Here, free choice of classes at the fine arts academy." "Nah." "Want to take a hike?" "Nah" "Ok we are going to a birthday party." He sits off on his own playing games and ignore the other kids. He was mostly interested in the idea of free food. So even when I make him do something he doesn't actually *do* anything.

I mean, I was glad he didn't really talk to people because I didn't want to have to talk to people either. But we are supposed to be trying to go beyond my personal stubborn limits.

Am I destined to be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole until he gets older? He does art class and robotics class when school is in but he becomes more log like in the summer months. But beyond that he doesn't want much to do with mom. Or the outside world.

I've been watching veeeery closely for signs of depression or mood swings with a bipolar mom in the picture. So far have no signs. He's actually extremely positive for the most part.

Disclaimer: this is my one and only child. I have no basis of reference.

But is there a way to get a 14 year old boy to come out of his shell and do something? I know he wouldn't do well at like a camp facility. Maybe an overnight camp but I'd have to be on call.

But even things for us to do. Like go to the arts museum. He didn't seem very happy about that one but I still want to go. Got some stirring from him a the science museum. He does like the zoo. But you can only go so many times.

And come kayaking with me? Forget it. You get hot, sweaty, the sun is too bright (light sensetivity) and he has bad balance. I was hoping to get him to try a lake paddle where you don't have to really go anywhere. Or the river I was on where you could stand up in it.

I don't know I'm just trying to come up with interesting things to do to spend time with him and bond with him. Any previously 14 year old boys have any tips?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-13-18, 06:52 PM
Fraser_0762's Avatar
Fraser_0762 Fraser_0762 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the clouds?
Posts: 5,190
Thanks: 4,093
Thanked 6,474 Times in 3,091 Posts
Fraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: 14 year old boys

Yep, sounds like me when I was 14. At nearly twice the age now, can't say i've really changed much. But hey, i'm still here!


Try looking at it this way. He could be out and about causing trouble, getting mixed up with the wrong crowds, taking substances, breaking laws... etc.


He seems like someone who just likes to keep to himself and there isn't much wrong with that. Some people are just like that. He's more than likely glued to the internet and finds it easier to communicate with people behind a screen, rather than in person where more subtile social cues are involved.


Social interactions can be overwhelming and exhausting with autism, because it requires so much more effort to try and read inbetween the lines, when it comes so much more naturally to most people.


On a more positive note, he has an idea about what he wants to do as a profession when he's old enough to work. Perhaps see if there are any programming courses in your area for young people. It could be a good opportunity for him to meet some like minded people and pick up skills early.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fraser_0762 For This Useful Post:
LyrinMeow (06-16-18), stef (06-14-18)
  #3  
Old 06-13-18, 08:17 PM
CharlesH CharlesH is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 634
Thanks: 118
Thanked 355 Times in 243 Posts
CharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to allCharlesH is a name known to all
Re: 14 year old boys

Quote:
Originally Posted by LyrinMeow View Post
He loves computers and video games. He likes to create levels or build things in sandbox modes. He wants to be a programmer. I do talk to him about my job and he does seem interested in that.
Is there some way that you could help him channel this interest into a productive outlet? If he could get some real world experience, then he'd have a better idea of whether he wants to keep pursuing it. He might find out that he actually dislikes it. Or maybe he'll love it, and maybe it'll even encourage him to develop more social skills so that he can collaborate with other programers.

Also, speaking generally, teenage boys want to hang out with other teenager boys (not with their parent). In fact, teenagers are evolutionarily programmed to feel disgust towards their parents.

Last edited by CharlesH; 06-13-18 at 08:35 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CharlesH For This Useful Post:
LyrinMeow (06-16-18)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 06-14-18, 12:24 AM
stef's Avatar
stef stef is offline
Zen moderator
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: west of Paris
Posts: 18,287
Thanks: 37,001
Thanked 26,922 Times in 13,080 Posts
stef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond repute
Re: 14 year old boys

That's just not an easy age, because you can't just bring him to some generic Kid's Activity anymore, and he can't go on outing on his own if it's not nearby.

(actually I hated those, because of course there were other parents and i had to "pretend to be normal and know what I was doing" and be sure also get on the right bus, leave on time etc.)

what about going to see a movie? an outing with not too much interaction, in a nice, cozy place. we really enjoyed those and we still like to watch a good film. He must have been 9 or 10 when star wars, with anakin as a kid and the pod racing, came out, i said to him afterwards, "oh don't go off and become a jedi!" one of my classic "wtf, mom?" moments...

we both love watching sports. if you have some shared interest even watching tv can be bonding. I spent many happy hours watching Dragon Ball, i ended up really liking it. If you don't like chic flic kinds of things, it's very cool having a son
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to stef For This Useful Post:
LyrinMeow (06-16-18)
  #5  
Old 06-14-18, 01:52 PM
Caco3girl Caco3girl is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: atlanta
Posts: 762
Thanks: 93
Thanked 711 Times in 441 Posts
Caco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud ofCaco3girl has much to be proud of
Re: 14 year old boys

When my son was 14 he had what is called brain fog. I often waved my hand in front of his face, he wasn't really there. The medication helped a LOT with that, but so did age. He didn't "get" his peers, they were into different things than him.

Being Autistic, not sure you weren't already dealing with a square peg round hole situation.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Caco3girl For This Useful Post:
LyrinMeow (06-16-18)
  #6  
Old 06-15-18, 10:27 PM
foreverbeach11 foreverbeach11 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
foreverbeach11 is on a distinguished road
Re: 14 year old boys

Teenage years can be really tough. Your doing a good job trying to get your son out of the house. Have you thought about asking him what he would like to do? I know he likes the computer and video games. Have you considered maybe going to a local store or gaming store and let him show you some computers or games? He liked the zoo and the science museum. I know kids can do the same thing over and over again and still enjoy it. For example, they can watch the same movie hundreds of times and still enjoy it. If he enjoys the zoo and the science museum, maybe that is the way to get him out of the house. I know it can become monotonous but it may be a good starting point for getting out of the house and he enjoys it. The best to you.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to foreverbeach11 For This Useful Post:
LyrinMeow (06-16-18)
  #7  
Old 06-16-18, 02:47 PM
LyrinMeow's Avatar
LyrinMeow LyrinMeow is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Ohio
Posts: 327
Thanks: 139
Thanked 330 Times in 195 Posts
LyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to beholdLyrinMeow is a splendid one to behold
Re: 14 year old boys

He's got a programming class next year in high school I believe. And like I said he is interested in hearing what I do at work.

It isn't so much that I want him to be social I just want him to do things and enjoy doing them. I'm not terribly social but I'm active.

He does have friends he communicate with through text but he's never asked to go to their houses or to have them come here. He's not even shunning me for kids his own age lol.

He's not a big fan of movies but I'll check with him and show him what's playing and see if he wants to go.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice Please...5 year old, K placement...not working. OhBoy3 Primary & Secondary Education 2 10-18-12 09:43 AM
DDNOS, or, I'm a 9 year old. Trooper Keith Other Co-Existing Conditions 58 06-18-11 12:16 AM
Harsher sentence urged for caged boys' parents Andrew ADD News 0 10-16-04 06:55 PM
Company Sends Wrong Drug For Boy's Prescription Andrew ADD News 2 09-16-04 11:37 PM
Boys will be boys - London, England, UK Andrew ADD News 0 08-21-04 08:31 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:02 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums