ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-08-18, 11:03 PM
blue592 blue592 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 53
Thanks: 41
Thanked 25 Times in 15 Posts
blue592 is on a distinguished road
Crazy feelings

Hello,

First off, thank you so much for your help. Iím a 26 year old girl who has never been in a relationship. My dating experience consists of dating people for no longer than about two weeks and some sexual experimentation (but not sex yet). Iím writing because I feel so strongly about someone I feel physically ill and somewhat insane. I met a man last week who I was instantly attracted to from the moment we met. The chemistry was incredible from the get-go. Iím not sure I ever truly experienced this before. Immediately I thought, ďI have a crush on him.Ē I found myself faintly thinking about our relationship 30 minutes into knowing him. I tried to dismiss how intense these feelings really were because I didnít want to get hurt and I thought I was making it all up in my head. He is a very attractive and charismatic man and I thought I was just falling prey to that. We are aspiring musicians and actors and met at a performance. So after the performance the group of us went out to dinner. At dinner, he and I couldnít stop looking at each other and smiling. I assumed with his charismatic nature he was probably like this with everyone and chastised myself for always falling for these types of guys. By the end of the night, he told me he found me very attractive. I was elated to hear this, but still paranoid that he probably treats everyone this way. You can see how low my self-esteem is. He gave me a ride home and I 100% by accident, took his bag of books with me from his car. Part of me was ecstatic about getting to see him again to give him back his books and part of me felt scared. At this point weíd definitely be seeing each other again. We arranged for me to return his books back to him and of course it ended up being a date.

Before I move on, let me add some details about him. I knew he was older than me, but it turns out he is an entire 25 years my senior. Additionally he has a primary career as a professional athlete and is insanely wealthy. All of this is starting to freak me out (in good and bad ways).

The date ended up being an absolutely amazing day of us hanging out from early morning until late at night. We went to the beach, we rode bikes, and sang together in his apartment which has the most amazing view of manhattan I have ever seen.

He kept telling me that he felt something special right when we met, and that we had a rare connection. He told me itís rare to feel this way about someone. I confessed that I assumed he experiences this with every woman and he said no, not at all. All day he kept telling me how much he loved my quirky mind and how beautiful I was. While we did not have sex, we were sexually intimate all day and fooled around a bit. I havenít been touched like this in so long and given our intense emotional connection, it felt amazing. He was very nurturing to me in certain conversations and I felt like he truly understood me. It felt unbelievable to be praised and paid attention to. By the end of the night we were cuddling and kissing non-stop like a couple and it felt so natural.

This is the first time Iíve felt this intensely about a person. Every time I have feelings for someone I just assume that it will go badly and that it wonít result in anything but heartbreak and unrequited love (because, to be honest, itís happened in the past). But the first couple days after seeing him I felt joy and excitement beyond belief. I caught myself smiling and daydreaming nonstop and had butterflies in my stomach. The feelings of joy crashed into anxiety and sadness eventually though. The self-doubt and not feeling good enough finally set in. Ever since I met him Iíve felt a combination of extremely high highs and extremely low lows. I havenít been able to eat or sleep well. My mind is constantly on him. My stomach and chest feel hot and uneasy. Iím hot then Iím cold. I have never experienced such intense PHYSICAL sensations before tied to my emotions. Is this normal?

He is out of the country and it is agonizing that I wonít be able to see him for at least 3 weeks. It feels like a year. Additionally I too am leaving for a music training program this weekend and still have to pack and make last minute preparations and canít focus one bit. Iím very worried that what needs to get done wonít before Saturday. Also I want to be as focused as possible when Iím there and Iím worried this will get in the way.

Another thing that keeps freaking me out is his status in life. I am very intimidated by his wealth and success and paranoid that I am too ordinary and not good enough for it. I also keep assuming he must have a big ego if heís a pro athlete and that rich but I think maybe these are just judgments. I love that he is so much older than me, but that too intimidates me.

How can I deal with these extremely intense fluctuating feelings? Last night I was trying to pack for Saturday and had a panic attack. These feelings of panic alternate with feelings of giddiness and joy and itís all just extremely intense and scary.

At this point I feel like, Iím in love with him even though we only had one date. When he gets back should I be upfront about the fact that I want to be with him? Would it be okay to ask him where he sees this going? I donít want my heart played with. I experience anxiety and depression and have severed relationships with my parents and have a lot going on now. I feel like I canít make it through a major heartbreak right now. What should I say to him?

What are your general thoughts on all this? Iím feeling very intense and
vulnerable and it is scaring me. It feels lonely not to be able to talk to anyone about this. I canít thank you enough for taking the time to read this and giving me advice.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-09-18, 05:39 PM
Restoration08 Restoration08 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: North Beach
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Restoration08 is on a distinguished road
Re: Crazy feelings

Hi Blue. I was just wondering if there is anyone you really trust to sit with and talk this relationship through. I'm probably much older than you and have been through several relationships. Some good and most, not so good. I felt abandoned by my mom, birth father and step dad, therefore, I made tons of mistakes and was used and abused because of lack of advice and more so from "following" my strong desires. This is intense and reminds me of my younger self. It almost always feels so (pretty much) all of the emotions that you've described, in the very beginning. I hope you really take things slow with this man and I pray that you will find someone in your "circle of family and friends" to check in on you. My friend was in law enforcement and has shared some sad stories about young girls dating men that they hardly knew. I'd hate for any young girl to date a man 25 years her senior and no one has any knowledge of the relationship, the person or your whereabouts. Please be careful and please protect your heart. I'm concerned about you and I hope you see this response as that. Someone here, truly concerned about you and his intentions. Again, please go slow and stay in the public view while dating until you really get to know one another.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Restoration08 For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (09-21-18)
  #3  
Old 09-21-18, 12:28 PM
DanielGM1970's Avatar
DanielGM1970 DanielGM1970 is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: The Sprawl, USA
Posts: 164
Thanks: 129
Thanked 128 Times in 74 Posts
DanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to all
Re: Crazy feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue592 View Post
Hello,

First off, thank you so much for your help. Iím a 26 year old girl who has never been in a relationship. My dating experience consists of dating people for no longer than about two weeks and some sexual experimentation (but not sex yet). Iím writing because I feel so strongly about someone I feel physically ill and somewhat insane. I met a man last week who I was instantly attracted to from the moment we met. The chemistry was incredible from the get-go. Iím not sure I ever truly experienced this before. Immediately I thought, ďI have a crush on him.Ē I found myself faintly thinking about our relationship 30 minutes into knowing him. I tried to dismiss how intense these feelings really were because I didnít want to get hurt and I thought I was making it all up in my head. He is a very attractive and charismatic man and I thought I was just falling prey to that. We are aspiring musicians and actors and met at a performance. So after the performance the group of us went out to dinner. At dinner, he and I couldnít stop looking at each other and smiling. I assumed with his charismatic nature he was probably like this with everyone and chastised myself for always falling for these types of guys. By the end of the night, he told me he found me very attractive. I was elated to hear this, but still paranoid that he probably treats everyone this way. You can see how low my self-esteem is. He gave me a ride home and I 100% by accident, took his bag of books with me from his car. Part of me was ecstatic about getting to see him again to give him back his books and part of me felt scared. At this point weíd definitely be seeing each other again. We arranged for me to return his books back to him and of course it ended up being a date.

Before I move on, let me add some details about him. I knew he was older than me, but it turns out he is an entire 25 years my senior. Additionally he has a primary career as a professional athlete and is insanely wealthy. All of this is starting to freak me out (in good and bad ways).

The date ended up being an absolutely amazing day of us hanging out from early morning until late at night. We went to the beach, we rode bikes, and sang together in his apartment which has the most amazing view of manhattan I have ever seen.

He kept telling me that he felt something special right when we met, and that we had a rare connection. He told me itís rare to feel this way about someone. I confessed that I assumed he experiences this with every woman and he said no, not at all. All day he kept telling me how much he loved my quirky mind and how beautiful I was. While we did not have sex, we were sexually intimate all day and fooled around a bit. I havenít been touched like this in so long and given our intense emotional connection, it felt amazing. He was very nurturing to me in certain conversations and I felt like he truly understood me. It felt unbelievable to be praised and paid attention to. By the end of the night we were cuddling and kissing non-stop like a couple and it felt so natural.

This is the first time Iíve felt this intensely about a person. Every time I have feelings for someone I just assume that it will go badly and that it wonít result in anything but heartbreak and unrequited love (because, to be honest, itís happened in the past). But the first couple days after seeing him I felt joy and excitement beyond belief. I caught myself smiling and daydreaming nonstop and had butterflies in my stomach. The feelings of joy crashed into anxiety and sadness eventually though. The self-doubt and not feeling good enough finally set in. Ever since I met him Iíve felt a combination of extremely high highs and extremely low lows. I havenít been able to eat or sleep well. My mind is constantly on him. My stomach and chest feel hot and uneasy. Iím hot then Iím cold. I have never experienced such intense PHYSICAL sensations before tied to my emotions. Is this normal?

He is out of the country and it is agonizing that I wonít be able to see him for at least 3 weeks. It feels like a year. Additionally I too am leaving for a music training program this weekend and still have to pack and make last minute preparations and canít focus one bit. Iím very worried that what needs to get done wonít before Saturday. Also I want to be as focused as possible when Iím there and Iím worried this will get in the way.

Another thing that keeps freaking me out is his status in life. I am very intimidated by his wealth and success and paranoid that I am too ordinary and not good enough for it. I also keep assuming he must have a big ego if heís a pro athlete and that rich but I think maybe these are just judgments. I love that he is so much older than me, but that too intimidates me.

How can I deal with these extremely intense fluctuating feelings? Last night I was trying to pack for Saturday and had a panic attack. These feelings of panic alternate with feelings of giddiness and joy and itís all just extremely intense and scary.

At this point I feel like, Iím in love with him even though we only had one date. When he gets back should I be upfront about the fact that I want to be with him? Would it be okay to ask him where he sees this going? I donít want my heart played with. I experience anxiety and depression and have severed relationships with my parents and have a lot going on now. I feel like I canít make it through a major heartbreak right now. What should I say to him?

What are your general thoughts on all this? Iím feeling very intense and
vulnerable and it is scaring me. It feels lonely not to be able to talk to anyone about this. I canít thank you enough for taking the time to read this and giving me advice.
Wow, this sounds like 5-10% it could be amazing and 90% bad news. Everything he said in your own paragraph about how he went on about how special you were, different, etc. is just classic classic user manipulator stuff. He probably picked up on the fact that not only are you younger, but maybe a little insecure in life and is using that as an in.

I agree with the last poster that 1) You discuss this with a counselor or at least an older and wiser friend or trusted family member, and 2) you stay in public when meeting the man, and 3) don't agree to anything involving money or financial. I'm also a little concerned that he is now "out of the country", plus the fact that you've already been physical.

Exactly how good of an "athlete" is a, let's see, 26+25, 51 year old man? Is he retired? Have you Googled him? How do you know he is "insanely wealthy"? He could be staying in a nice hotel, driving a rented car, wearing his one nice suit. Seriously.

I don't know, this just feels wrong. Do some research on him, if he is as well-known and successful as he says he is. Do you know anyone who actually has known him personally for longer than this past week? Just some things to check into before you proceed. There's nothing wrong with May September romances if they are based on honest intentions and integrity, but don't jump in blindly.

D.
__________________
Consider others. - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Be yourself, and the rest will follow.

Breathing is not optional. - Dr. Raymond Wertheim

What do you care what other people think? - Arline Feynman, to her husband, American physicist Richard P. Feynman

D.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to DanielGM1970 For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (09-21-18)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 09-21-18, 01:30 PM
DanielGM1970's Avatar
DanielGM1970 DanielGM1970 is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: The Sprawl, USA
Posts: 164
Thanks: 129
Thanked 128 Times in 74 Posts
DanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to all
Re: Crazy feelings

And let your friends and/or family know exactly where you are when you meet with the man. The more integrated with the rest of your life and out in the open your relationship is, the better chance it has of being safe and real.

If he insists on isolating you in some way or seems to be keeping anything under wraps, then definitely don't ignore those signals.

D.
__________________
Consider others. - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Be yourself, and the rest will follow.

Breathing is not optional. - Dr. Raymond Wertheim

What do you care what other people think? - Arline Feynman, to her husband, American physicist Richard P. Feynman

D.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to DanielGM1970 For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (09-21-18)
  #5  
Old 09-21-18, 03:41 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 20,071
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,482
Thanked 30,292 Times in 13,958 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Crazy feelings

I remember feeling this way. The excitement, the anticipation, not being able to focus on anything else, going over a very tiny little detail of our interactions a million times. And the insane mood swings too even at that time if elation. But most of all i remember the excitement and just feeling so bright and alive. sometimes emotional dysregulation can he pleasant as well. Not saying that your emotions are dysregulated but mine are and always have been. Both positive and negative and the highs can really he incredibly high.

Anyway, having said that I'm really sorry but I agree with the others. This man sounds dodgy. I think, you are right to be concerned. There are just so many red flags all over this. Like telling you that you had a special connection ajd how rare that is. I wouldn't worry so much about the age difference expext that I'd definitely expect someone of his age to act a lot more maturely and cautiously when dealing with someone so much younger. He's moving way too quickly. I know it feels nice but it's actually really inconsiderate and even careless to promise (or hint at it) someone so much so quickly.

Also, did you know he was a professional athlete (or used to be) or wealthy or did he tell you that? There's nothing wrong if he is but it would be worrying if it was something that he let slip into the conversation.

I'm really sorry to be a downer but this guy doesn't sound trust worthy. Proceed (if you decide to) very carefully and with no.expectations. Stay safe.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
DanielGM1970 (09-22-18)
  #6  
Old 09-22-18, 06:09 AM
DanielGM1970's Avatar
DanielGM1970 DanielGM1970 is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: The Sprawl, USA
Posts: 164
Thanks: 129
Thanked 128 Times in 74 Posts
DanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to allDanielGM1970 is a name known to all
Re: Crazy feelings

Fuzzy,

Good that she hears a warning from a woman, too. Sounds like we're all in agreement on this one.


Blue, maybe you'll hit the jackpot with this guy and prove us all wrong. If it was me, I would actually go on one more date with this guy. I would just make sure all of the safeguards and precautions and preparations we've mentioned in the thread above were in place before then. That way you can enjoy yourself knowing you've done your due diligence, and if he is bad news, you'll have saved yourself a lot of heartache and ensured your own safety.

D.
__________________
Consider others. - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Be yourself, and the rest will follow.

Breathing is not optional. - Dr. Raymond Wertheim

What do you care what other people think? - Arline Feynman, to her husband, American physicist Richard P. Feynman

D.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-22-18, 06:26 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,099
Thanks: 5,733
Thanked 32,450 Times in 15,034 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Crazy feelings

The most important thing you can do is trust your gut. I do not mean trust your heart or even your head (because those will tell you everything is peachy if you want them to ) I mean if you get that feeling deep down that something is off walk away.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
anonymouslyadd (09-22-18), DanielGM1970 (09-22-18)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Need help: hurting someone's feelings BellaVita Relationships & Social Issues 31 04-07-15 02:43 AM
How to battle difficult feelings Jacksper General ADD Talk 13 11-20-13 04:06 AM
Withdrawal help!!!?? i AM SLOWLY GOING CRAZY? dcdennis Dexedrine/Dextrostat 1 07-08-12 09:52 AM
I think I am really crazy. mycutepup Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 8 05-20-12 07:17 PM
ADD..Who can relate to this? I want to know YOUR feelings, and THOUGHTS!!! Rosie 2487 General ADD Talk 13 01-18-12 05:47 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums