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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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  #16  
Old 07-30-04, 10:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaimegerise

Oh and one more thing....I think that asking "is there anything positive about people with ADD" is like asking is there anything positive about people ... who like ketchup on everything..

Wait.. I have ADD and as a kid I put ketchup on EVERYTHING.. I still would if I wasn't too old to get away with it...
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  #17  
Old 07-30-04, 12:11 PM
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The whole answer lies within YOU and only YOU. What do you have to offer? How far are you willing to go to make your relationships work? Are you willing to work hard? But, most of all are you ready to love and accept yourself? Because, until you can accept yourself and love yourself as old and cliche as it sounds nobody else will be able to fully accept you.

Everyone has flaws whether they are ADD or not. The question is are you ready to turn your ADD into an asset or a disability?
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  #18  
Old 08-01-04, 10:34 AM
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Smile

If you leave your partner only because of ADD then I believe that you are making a mistake. I also have a partner with ADD and yes, there are ups and downs, but the relationship can work out. People with ADD are not the cause of all relationship problems, it takes two!! Hang in there.
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  #19  
Old 08-01-04, 01:50 PM
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I am the one with ADD.
My partner does not..
I was recently diagnosed with ADD - but have been with Ray already for years.Before
we knew I had it.Before I started to take Strattera.
It doesn't make him no difference.
He is the most easy going person I know.
There is no problem between us BECAUSE of the ADD.
My son is severe ADHD and Ray (my boyfriend) loves my son like his own.Has raised him for the past years like his own son.
I asked the question out of curiosity,because all I read on the non ADD board was nothing nice.I wondered how we ADDers were perceived by non ADDers.
You see I have only a few friends (females) because they (my few friends) don't care if I don't call them all the time.I forget.I don't want to hold nobodies hand or have them hold my hand.BUT they call me-without being upset because I forgot to call them.
Matter of fact I have friends that call me just to remind me:don't forget to come to so and So.'s baby shower the day prior and call me a few hours before the event.
They accepted me the way I was BEFORE I was diagnosed with ADD "and I was just forgetful".They know I am there when they need me.
But also I am not from the USA and come out of a different culture.So maybe that let's other people cut me some slack so to speak.
I was just curious like I said to find out how non ADDer perceive us.
I believe it is the women that complained about us the most.
But then like I said,I come out of a different culture and a lot of the things I see around me that men and women do here .... or expect from each other is very different to what I was brought up with in Italy and Germany
So maybe the people around me don't know where my different culture stops and the ADD begins??
I am fighting with my english language today.
I hope I expressed correctly what I was attempting to say.

Simona
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  #20  
Old 08-01-04, 02:22 PM
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Simona, your English is great And I understand completely
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  #21  
Old 08-01-04, 07:41 PM
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Simona you said it all beautifully!
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  #22  
Old 10-17-04, 01:09 PM
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Hey Simona,
You put up that link to the Misunderstood Minds site right? THANK YOU!!! That site is freaking awesome! I did the first one about reading, and I cried because that IS ME!! That is how I see things and hear things and the fact that some people would go to the trouble to create such an awesome interactive experience of what goes on in our heads is so encouraging. I am hoping to show my professors this, hopefully then they will realize it's real and get a better picture of what is going on in my head. Thank you so much!!!!!
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  #23  
Old 11-07-04, 08:41 AM
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The nature of the title of this thread is quite insulting to me personally.

To suggest that people with ADHD are always to blame is common place and entirely unjustified.

Here are a few characteristics of an ADD'er I know and love intensly

1) Willingness to give absolutly everything of herself in the name of Love

2) Loves life and greatly values life, even the insects...... routinely rescues moths, spiders, etc and places them tenderly outside so they may continue to live.

3) Raises orphaned baby birds and animals and then sets them free to enjoy their life. (after teaching them survival skills for living free)

4) Has given enormously of her time in a voluntary capacity to teach art to the elderly, to the extent of being nominated by all of her senior students for the very highest national award......(and recieving it)..... by the Leader of the Country she lives in.

5) Excells in her own profession by using ADD hyperfocus skills.

6) Is generous even to the extent of depriving herself to give to others in need.

This person is an ADD'er..............now I ask, how many non-ADD'ers have these same qualities?
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  #24  
Old 11-10-04, 03:01 AM
TriciaReed TriciaReed is offline
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Lightbulb

There are ALOT of very positive things about people with ADD...My husband has pretty severe ADD. He is very intelligent (common for ADDers) and he can fix literally anything! :-) He does do things that are annoying like space out during conversation and not put things away but the annoying things are truely unimportant in the long run right? I mean who of us in 30 yrs is gonna say "man I sure wish I would've made my husband put his clothes away more!" I seriously doubt it!
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  #25  
Old 11-10-04, 11:33 AM
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The question is flawed. The reason it's flawed is 'hidden' from normal sight, but we can see it, if we aren't afraid to use our abilities.

There isn't any real answer. People having/being AD/HD set off alarms in normals (and themselves). That creates social friction.

But friction is a funny thing. Rub your hands together real fast for a minute, so they heat up. Which one made the heat?

If we try really hard to be normal, then we can make it worse for ourselves than if just didn't try at all, ever, which is another unfortunate option.


Quote:
Originally Posted by CryForHelp
Wow, that site misunderstood minds just about knocked me out of my chair! Is that really what my son experiences every day?? I didnt complete one test fully or correctly. I couldnt concentrate or understand a word of it. The more I tried to focus the harder it was to comprehend. Thanks for opening my eyes!!
Except…

That's not what it's like to have/be AD/HD at all. The illusion that the experience is like that is wrong. I had no trouble reading the text in the first test, but when it actually started to fade completely out, I quit.

What was my score? I couldn't be bothered fooling around with something that isn't true, so my score is zero, if you're keeping that kind of score.

If you keep score like that in a relationship, you might as well give up before you start.

Why do ADDers think that the web tests are familiar? We listen to normals, and try to see ourselves the way they do. Here's the truth about distraction, regardless of how any individual may interpret it:

What distracts us about a phone ringing isn't the phone ringing. We have no problem with that. What distracts us is the responsibility we feel for paying attention to the phone, in case it rings, because we are responsible for answering it.

Whatever else we try to do, a tiny part of ourselves is devoted to paying attention to that phone. If there are thirty other things like the phone in our world, we don't end up with much left over to actually do stuff.

And it doesn't have to be a physical object, either. For a child in class, there is a point at which s/he becomes aware that his/her performance is being compared to the performance of the other children in the class.

At that instant, the child takes on responsibility for monitoring how well fifteen or twenty other children are doing, and the whole thing begins to blow up. Some of us bail out, and go off into our own world; some try harder, and fail more dramatically.

And some of us luck out. It all depends on individual circumstance. Which is more often than not related to how those around us treat us as individuals.

That kind of changes the question, don't you think?
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  #26  
Old 11-10-04, 09:48 PM
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Stabile,
I like your perspective. I don't think it's the whole picture of ADHD, but it is true. The other part is things distracting us that are irrelevent. I think ADHD is more a sign of intellegence than anything. While "normals" are content to get what they need and move on, ADDers look into things deeper. It's not always enough to know that something works. We want to know why it works. Then we find out why and want to know why it was done this way instead of that. This continues without end until we find ourselves thinking about that time we were at the lake and a storm blew in or something else completely unrelated to what we were supposed to be doing..
That's not the rest of the picture either. It's just an example of the part that doesn't have to do with peformance anxiety. We're not always distracted because of being compared.
Then of course there are the problems of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and hyperfocusing.
James
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  #27  
Old 11-10-04, 11:06 PM
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Um, I read the original post, and skipped all the rest, because I felt the need to post.

We adders are not solely to blame for problems in relationships. First of all, it takes two people to create a relationship, and it takes two people to fight. Somebody has to do the other a perceived injustice for a hurt to happen. And we can be hurt by normies as much as we can cause them "problems".

Having said that, I think our good qualities are spontaneity and a child-like quality that keeps relationships with us more interesting.

It can't be any worse than being married to a recovering addict or a control freak.......

But those are just my thoughts on the matter.
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  #28  
Old 11-11-04, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My Life ADDs Up
Stabile,
I like your perspective. I don't think it's the whole picture of ADHD, but it is true. The other part is things distracting us that are irrelevent. I think ADHD is more a sign of intellegence than anything. While "normals" are content to get what they need and move on, ADDers look into things deeper. It's not always enough to know that something works. We want to know why it works. Then we find out why and want to know why it was done this way instead of that. This continues without end until we find ourselves thinking about that time we were at the lake and a storm blew in or something else completely unrelated to what we were supposed to be doing..
That's not the rest of the picture either. It's just an example of the part that doesn't have to do with peformance anxiety. We're not always distracted because of being compared.
Then of course there are the problems of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and hyperfocusing.
James
James, that's really good. You've nailed the most difficult parts of the puzzle, although I'll bet you don't exactly realize that yet.

And you're right, that's not the whole picture. The whole picture gets into some detailed and messy stuff. But it's not important to get it all like that, unless you’re doing research, like Kay and I are involved in.

The process you describe is how we build an alternative logical structure in our minds for storing and analyzing information. When we understand what it is and why we do it, we stop thinking of it as a distraction.

It becomes a necessity. Most of us know that already, without knowing why or how we know it. It comes out as behavior that we think we can't control.

The truth is, we're in control, and doing what we must. Sometimes, the conscious mind is the last to know.

So thinking about stuff like the storm at the lake doesn't seem random anymore, either. Instead, we have a puzzle to solve: what's the connection? We can assume it's valid, and learning to rely on that is useful and lots of fun.

Kay and I use it two ways. We try to listen to the almost subliminal cues our minds give us, what Kay calls whispers. And we've learned to 'program' ourselves to think about some specific problem out there where the whispers are generated.

We put the problem in and go away. We do this a lot while we're sleeping, but any other time works, too. Then a few hours, or days, or whatever later, the answer pops into our conscious awareness.

Or sometimes, we realize that we didn't characterize the problem correctly, which is an answer of sorts, too.

I didn't mean to characterize the classroom thing as performance anxiety. That's related, but it comes about as a result of not being able to match the performance of classmates. We do the multitasking thing first.

The other problems you mention are related to this, too. As I said, it can get complex, especially if we have to be able to explain it to others. But doing it the way you describe will get you there personally with no difficulty at all.

It can take a few years, though.
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  #29  
Old 11-11-04, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CryForHelp
Wow, that site misunderstood minds just about knocked me out of my chair! Is that really what my son experiences every day?? I didnt complete one test fully or correctly. I couldnt concentrate or understand a word of it. The more I tried to focus the harder it was to comprehend. Thanks for opening my eyes!!
Somebody fill me in as I didnt see anything there except advertising links for mind control and stuff

Am I stupid or just cant read

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  #30  
Old 11-11-04, 09:00 PM
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Garry - you're neither. here's the link http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoo...attention.html and look at the top where theres a pic of a little girl staring off. To your right, there are a couple of interactive exercises called "Experience Firsthand". Click on visual activity or auditory activity and it will take you into it.
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