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View Poll Results: which is worse? Emotional abuse, physical abuse or are they equally as bad?
emotional abuse 17 65.38%
physical abuse 1 3.85%
they are equally as bad 7 26.92%
Abuse is great. I'm a professional. 1 3.85%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 08-24-13, 06:56 AM
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The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

I stuck this in general because its not limited to just relationships. Emotional and physical abuse can happen in any relationship although my own experiences have limited it to parental abuse, and domestic abuse.

I could break your faces and make your eyes bleed with my wall of text and my long story but the abridged version:

Unthinkable emotional and physical abuse from my father.
emotional (unintentional) abuse from my mother
assorted emotional/physical abuse from an as*hole guy in a relationship

For years and years I have tried to decide if emotional abuse or physical abuse was worse ( not that it much matters, scars are scars) but it still interests me.

What do you all think? Healing from the physical abuse was brutal, understanding that I was not a *****, or piece of sh*t was tough too. The physical just seemed so much easier! The body heals but the mind is like a magnet and every sh*tty thing that ever happened is on a loop and constantly replayed. It took 15 years of therapy to get where I am today, which is kind of a joke because I am only s few steps up the staircase higher than i was years ago, but i guess I have more skills in dealing with it. In fact, I have such good skills at dealing with sh*t I should be a professional. Do they pay people for this?

It irritates me to no end, how shaped I am because of abuse. Sometimes I truly wonder if I would be the same person if I had not been exposed to this treatment.

Anyone who knows me, knows I take no sh*t. How I am on here is the exact same way I am in person + more foul language (I'm a picasso). I have no problem telling people to f**k off, and have been this way my whole life.

So How could I ever have been a victim???? I wonder about this often. I guess I should keep in mind that an innocent child is always a victim. I had no choice in that matter. As I grew into a teenager, I had to really work hard to keep the victim bullseye off my forehead so I would stop attracting victimizers. ( I swear they can smell a victim from a mile away!)

I have daddy issues, so thank god I met my husband. I dated nothing but dicks and sh*theads up until I met him. I told him he wasnt my type. Why? Because he treated me well and it felt weird. But my sixth sense got the better of me and ignored those ideas and dated him-the rest is history.

God, I am still so bruised. Married. Mother of 3. Great guy. And still, those old soul scars ache. Just when I think I have triumphed and finally, I am who I wanna be, BAM! something stupid and minor yanks me off of cloud 9 and reminds me that some serious sh*t happened, and it happened to me.

I have to remind myself I have a right to be happy and loved. I have found that for me, reminding others how awesome they are and deserving they are, is theraputic for me, it helps me love me, if I can extend that goodwill to others. That never prevents me from telling someone to go f**k themselves though because at some point or another in life, everyone must just go f**k themselves, and I want to make sure to point that out

So. Which is worse? Emotional abuse or physical abuse? Or both?
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  #2  
Old 08-24-13, 07:33 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

I've never been physically abused in relationships- just emotionally.

I was with my ex for about 4 years, and it's been 2 years since we've been apart. I won't go into everything he said specifically, but it was the classic emotional abuse case: name calling, swearing, being in control of everything, nothing I did was right, etc.

I accidently fell in love with someone else only a month after I left the SOB. He is a wonderful man who adores me. I sometimes feel as though I don't deserve him. I often find myself feeling he deserves better than me.

The scars from my ex do still arise from time to time, and I briefly get angry over the way he treated me. It's hard. I can't speak from the physical part, but I do know that the emotional abuse is very draining and sometimes think it will always be with me.
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Old 08-24-13, 08:57 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

sarah...i think you prolly can imagine my thoughts on this...

suffering is suffering.

i'm so sorry you suffer with this

what is worse?

i don't know
if figuring out which is worse for you helps you find some..resolution in yourself..ifithelps you at all...i'll map it out with you as best i can...but i really think...yuo've been traumatized...and the only useful thing i can think to say is taht i love you and maybe what's worse...what's worse is whatever you're struggling harder to heal...and maybe that changes with the day or the person or the mood or the circumstances that snap it into focus for you... it's hard for me to think about worse...because i hate ranking things...ranking seems like necessarily invalidating whatever isn't worst...you know what i mean? like...both seem just....both are suffering. i dont' konw that anything in life that's suffering is really better/worse/equal...it just is...and it's suffering...and it seems in limitless supply sometimes...so... what i know is better is this place with you in it...and i'm sorry i can't really answer your question as i dont'know that i'veever really suffered from physical abuse and...i prolly bring most of my emotional trauma on myself really... but you're an incredible friend and a truly good hearted lovely person...and YOU are also deserving of love and compassion and didnot deserve the abuse you've endured. x
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  #4  
Old 08-24-13, 09:08 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Physical scars lead to emotional scars anyway.

So i'd say physical scars were worse...
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Old 08-24-13, 09:44 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Is there such a thing as physical abuse that's unaccompanied by emotional abuse?
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Old 08-24-13, 11:13 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Quote:
It took 15 years of therapy to get where I am today, which is kind of a joke because I am only s few steps up the staircase higher than i was years ago, but i guess I have more skills in dealing with it. In fact, I have such good skills at dealing with sh*t I should be a professional. Do they pay people for this?
Yes, you could be a certified Life Coach.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2044740_become-life-coach.html

My daughter is a certified life coach and gets paid for her advice. She ran her
own business for several years before life with two special needs children and
a special needs aging mother became overwhelming. She closed the business
and took online courses to become a life coach.

She spends a few hours a week on the phone (or Skype) counseling other
mothers who want to run their own businesses. She also designs web sites
for others, and works part time in a pawn shop. I'm not sure when she sleeps.


I've only experienced emotional abuse myself (enough for two lifetimes) so I
can't honestly compare it with physical abuse.
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Old 08-24-13, 11:14 AM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

sarah , you are awesome. no one should ever have to make this kind of a poll in the first place!
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Old 08-24-13, 02:11 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

There both bad n often go hand in hand.Mental abuse eats you up inside cause the abuser gets in your head and it leaves no physical marks so its alot harder to prove.
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Old 08-24-13, 02:49 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Emotional abuse is worse - the scars from physical abuse do heal but the emotional abuse scars stay with you a lot longer.
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Old 08-24-13, 03:10 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

i just want to say that, especially becauas it would suck for someoen who suffered from one or the other to come away thinking...oh..well...the abuse i endured wasn't AS BAD as xyz... or to feel like they're less deserving of compassion and support because of the form theirsuffering took....

it wouldn't matter to me whether the abuse was emotional, sexual or physical. if someonesaid...i was abused... i would not be comparing them or ranking the level or signifiance or severity or anything else of what s/he was sharing. it wouldn't occur to me to, and i would like to think i'm not alone in that. sometimes i find threads...NOT THIS ONE SARAH...but there have been times where it's like...someone shares an experience... and is clearly seeking support/understanding...and it met with...a type of competition...a type of....oh...well i do that, but ten times worse...or...yeah....i have that AND five other things. and it looks dismissive to me. it looks invalidating because there cannot be competitive listening, understanding and support. i can kinda appreciate how many peole feel invalidated their whole lives...or ignored...or told they're fine...etc...and so they really really want to be taken seriously. and sometimes what happens is that pepole present posts that indicate THEY are legitimate...which would be fine in itself...but what's not cool and not fine at all is when one's quest for legitimacy and validation and support...is at the expense of invalidating or questioning the legitimacy and/or implicitly or explicitly indicating that the other...that others who are struggling...are less deserving of support.


i know sarah is trying to figure out how to make sense of her trauma. and maybe others here are as well. i also am confident those who've endured trauma who've posted on here and i know decently at least...defo would not want anyone suffering any abuse to feel like theirs was less important or legitimate...there have been dozens of guests reading this...and members ...and i hope anyone dealing with this would know they would receive support regardless of the type of abuse from a lot of people. x
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Old 08-24-13, 04:15 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Both are awful, but in my experience emotional abuse is just the worst. It haunts me just about everyday, and makes me sad that people can have that kind of power in a person's life that can make someone feel worthless just by opening there mouth.

Sara - That is so wonderful that you found someone to give you the love that you deserve. And yes, you do deserve it. I know what you mean by being a target, and it's a relief when you find that someone who can just love you and help you feel free from harm. We are all lovable.
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Old 08-24-13, 05:48 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

I don't think you can have physical abuse that isn't accompanied by emotional abuse, physical abuse by its very nature is designed to be emotionally abusive.

The psychological scars that result from physical abuse are just as damaging as those that result from verbal abuse. The physical scars may heal, but the emotional scars are especially salient, because of the violent nature of their cause.

I was yelled at plenty of times as a child- but the incidents where I was hit or physically restrained are the clearest in my mind, and the most upsetting when I think back on them.

But the most salient of all are school yard taunts, from children whose names I can't even remember. If you are trying to arrange some sort of abuse hierarchy, I suppose the worst abuse is that which happens to you when you feel the most vulnerable.

My dad lost his temper with me a lot (yay ADHD!) but the rest of the time he was awesome. On the whole I felt secure at home. So even when I was yelled at or hit, I had enough positive experiences to balance things out.

On the other hand, my interactions with other children tended to be wholly negative, and I never felt secure at school. It is those memories that I most wish I could vanquish, because when I think back on them I feel 100% helpless.

It's not the type of abuse that makes it so difficult to get over, it's how vulnerable I felt at the time.

Last edited by ana futura; 08-24-13 at 06:03 PM..
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Old 08-24-13, 06:16 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

(Layman, please leave room for error)

Physical and emotional pain are "felt" in the same area of the brain, the anterior cingulate cortex.


Emotional pain is also physical, and is not separate from neurology.



The OP asks very important questions.

As awareness grows that healthy emotional function is the foundation for healthy cognitive function.

Sarah, have you ever discussed these great questions with your doctor/therapist/husband or other support?

I wouldn't be surprised if these great questions, are new to many doctors/therapist.

I think your questions are on the right path.






Peripheral
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Old 08-24-13, 08:38 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peripheral View Post
Emotional pain is also physical, and is not separate from neurology.
That's a very good point. I was not able to understand this concept until recently, when I started doing exercises designed to help one link body sensations to emotional trauma.
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Old 08-24-13, 08:44 PM
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Re: The scars from physical and emotional abuse-which are worse?

I voted physical. I think physical abuse leads to emotional issues. I suppose emotional abuse could lead to physical issues, such as cutting behavior.
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