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Old 04-27-17, 01:53 PM
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How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Yes I know creepiosity isn't a word

When does something cross the line from mere harmless curiosity to being a complete creep?
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Old 04-27-17, 01:54 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

You can feel it in your gut.
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Old 04-27-17, 02:37 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Missy: Unfortunately, if people with anxiety disorders trusted their gut feelings about everything, they would be stuck in bed for the rest of their lives.
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Old 04-27-17, 05:30 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

What do you mean? Dlukd yoi give an example?

In general i think it's almost impossible to say. It not only depends on the situation but also I'm the particular people involved abd their relationship.
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Old 04-27-17, 08:25 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
Yes I know creepiosity isn't a word

When does something cross the line from mere harmless curiosity to being a complete creep?
When they continue and it makes you uncomfortable it crosses over into the creep zone to me. That's when you need to let them know it's getting creepy and set some boundaries.
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Old 04-28-17, 02:16 AM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

I'm not sure if "he doesn't stop when I want him to" is the only sign, but it's definitely an important one.

But communication is an issue too; he can't just know to stop. You have to tell him to stop, or take a definite action like shaking your head or turning away, not just wish he already knew.

Many MANY guys who are very kind and very non-creepy, have terrible social skills, so no, he should not be expected to already know everything.
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Old 04-28-17, 11:21 AM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
What do you mean? Dlukd yoi give an example?

In general i think it's almost impossible to say. It not only depends on the situation but also I'm the particular people involved abd their relationship.
I mean if I am curious about someone and show an interest wanting to be friends with them, is this being a creep? Or is it something that's okay to do? Am I overthinking this?
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Old 04-28-17, 12:31 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Midnight: You?? You're not creepy!! It's OK, show your interest. For you, here's how to not be creepy: Do your best to not do anything that's very unkind, that's all.
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Old 04-28-17, 12:54 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

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I mean if I am curious about someone and show an interest wanting to be friends with them, is this being a creep? Or is it something that's okay to do? Am I overthinking this?
If your daughter was curious about someone, would she be creepy to show interest in getting to know the person?

Yes. You are overthinking it, but who cares? You are allowed to think about it however much you'd like to.
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Old 04-29-17, 05:44 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Here is my understanding, and I learned this the hard way ...

Creepiness occurs when someone shows an intense interest in another person beyond what their interactions with the person would justify.

Let's say I see a woman that I find attractive. And let's say I haven't introduced myself to her. But from a distance and in my head, I form this deep connection--not just an appreciation for their attractiveness ... So I don't know that person, and yet I approach them and say I really like them ... The other person is likely to feel that I am being creepy.

Why?

Because my interest is disconnected from any real interaction with them. She and I have NOT sat down and talked ... She hasn't made me laugh. She and I haven't hung out. I have zero knowledge of her interests ... Zero sense that there is any chemistry between us.

And on the other end, she hasn't been given a chance to meet me and see if she likes me! I've acted as if my feelings are the only feelings that matter. I've treated the other person like a passive object. This is why some people draw a connection between creepiness and stalking. The stalker acts on fantasies without regard to the other person.

Contrast creepiness, with gradually meeting and getting to know someone. I share a goofy story. You laugh and you share a goofy story. We both feel the connection and we share more ... I embrace their dreams. They embrace my dreams ... and we keep gradually building affection and trust ... Let's say I eventually touch her hand. Well if she pulls away, that's indication to stop. If she grasps my hand, then she's comfortable. Note: even one-night stands involve a gradual--through rapid--back and forth and mutual sense of trust and connection.

BTW: I have been approached by people I didn't know who assumed they really liked me and let me tell you, it was quite weird. I didn't trust their "liking" me ... I knew the person had some fantasy image of me ... They certainly hadn't seen my messy, cluttered room or dealt with all my ADHD and mood stuff ... It actually felt a little scary ... and certainly not at all flattering or comfortable.

Them is my two cents. Painfully acquired through years of social ineptitude and trial and error.

Tone
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Old 04-29-17, 06:46 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

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I mean if I am curious about someone and show an interest wanting to be friends with them, is this being a creep? Or is it something that's okay to do? Am I overthinking this?
I always get that feeling as well...that people would think I'm creepy if I tried to make friends with them or if not creepy that at least they wouldn't welcome my interest in their friendship.
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Old 04-29-17, 06:47 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

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Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
Here is my understanding, and I learned this the hard way ...

Creepiness occurs when someone shows an intense interest in another person beyond what their interactions with the person would justify.

Let's say I see a woman that I find attractive. And let's say I haven't introduced myself to her. But from a distance and in my head, I form this deep connection--not just an appreciation for their attractiveness ... So I don't know that person, and yet I approach them and say I really like them ... The other person is likely to feel that I am being creepy.

Why?

Because my interest is disconnected from any real interaction with them. She and I have NOT sat down and talked ... She hasn't made me laugh. She and I haven't hung out. I have zero knowledge of her interests ... Zero sense that there is any chemistry between us.

And on the other end, she hasn't been given a chance to meet me and see if she likes me! I've acted as if my feelings are the only feelings that matter. I've treated the other person like a passive object. This is why some people draw a connection between creepiness and stalking. The stalker acts on fantasies without regard to the other person.

Contrast creepiness, with gradually meeting and getting to know someone. I share a goofy story. You laugh and you share a goofy story. We both feel the connection and we share more ... I embrace their dreams. They embrace my dreams ... and we keep gradually building affection and trust ... Let's say I eventually touch her hand. Well if she pulls away, that's indication to stop. If she grasps my hand, then she's comfortable. Note: even one-night stands involve a gradual--through rapid--back and forth and mutual sense of trust and connection.

BTW: I have been approached by people I didn't know who assumed they really liked me and let me tell you, it was quite weird. I didn't trust their "liking" me ... I knew the person had some fantasy image of me ... They certainly hadn't seen my messy, cluttered room or dealt with all my ADHD and mood stuff ... It actually felt a little scary ... and certainly not at all flattering or comfortable.

Them is my two cents. Painfully acquired through years of social ineptitude and trial and error.

Tone
This makes much sense!!! Thanks!!
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Old 04-30-17, 03:00 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a friend with someone. Making friends is a great life project.

All kinds of studies on happiness and life satisfaction have found that having meaningful relationships is one of the most fulfilling aspects of life ... and lots of people with money often say relationships are more important than money ... to which those of us without money often say ..."well, but I sure would love to have some more money!"

A good first step in making a friend is to find a way to give them a genuine compliment on something they did ... "I really liked what you said in the meeting." ... "I love your sense of humor." ... or "I like the way you responded to that situation the other day. You were really calm and poised ..." Offer the compliment without too much weight attached ... Then pause ... and notice their reaction. Sometimes a good compliment opens the door ... but stay away from "you are a great person." You don't really know them well enough to say that yet ...

After offering a compliment ... often the next time you see the person, you'll notice a difference in their energy towards you ... Often the opportunity is there to just share a funny story or open up about where you are with your life, etc ...

I notice that people who seem to want to be friends with me will say, "we should grab lunch/dinner/coffee sometime." That's a step. The person is saying, I'd like to spend time with you.

I don't know if this is an ADHD thing or a me thing or a social anxiety thing or an immaturity thing ... but I find that my mind can jump ahead ten steps into fantasy ... and I have to catch myself and go back to the step-by-step-invitation process ... Friendship is really just a process of gradual trust and connection.

We should never apologize or feel inadequate about wanting to make friends. It's just important to be open to the fact that an invitation may not be accepted ... someone might not immediately respond as we want ... so put the energy out there and let go ... and let them respond ... And often the response may come weeks, or months later ... Or you may learn based on the person's response that you actually do NOT want to be friends. In any case, you've offered an honest compliment which takes courage ... and that step is an accomplishment in and of itself.

Tone
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Old 04-30-17, 03:50 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
Here is my understanding, and I learned this the hard way ...

Creepiness occurs when someone shows an intense interest in another person beyond what their interactions with the person would justify.

Let's say I see a woman that I find attractive. And let's say I haven't introduced myself to her. But from a distance and in my head, I form this deep connection--not just an appreciation for their attractiveness ... So I don't know that person, and yet I approach them and say I really like them ... The other person is likely to feel that I am being creepy.

Why?

Because my interest is disconnected from any real interaction with them. She and I have NOT sat down and talked ... She hasn't made me laugh. She and I haven't hung out. I have zero knowledge of her interests ... Zero sense that there is any chemistry between us.
I don't agree with that. Body language in itself tells us most about the person, about 90%. So if you watch a woman walk in mini-skirt and high heels, the way she moves, the way her skirt undulates around her waist, the way she looks forward, a bit indifferent, with a superior air, bourgeoise, sophisticated, an ankle bracelet so provocateur...a sophisticated vulgarity, stepping lightly but firmly, her Extensor Digitorum Longus Tendons tightening as she takes a new step, eyes looking around with an impenetrable shine, inviting ways...

See, that's not you being a creep, that's a man interpreting reality. When she looks at you she sees something and when you look at her she sees something else. No one, man or woman, should feel sorry for his or her interpretation of reality. And there's also the part where, if she's not wearing UGGs it's obviously because she wants men to notice her Extensor Digitorum Longus Tendons, so where is the question of you being a creep if you gain exposure to something she wants you to be exposed to in the first place?
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Old 04-30-17, 08:28 PM
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Re: How can someone know if they crossed the line from curiosity to creepiosity?

Tone: Thank you SO much for your post outlining one of the primary sources of creepiness.

I once created exactly the problem you described, and I can see now (with the benefit of 15 years distance from the event) that you are right.

(I hope the remainder of my post hasn't veered too far off topic.)

And yet, at the same time, I feel... something. That person - who I think temporarily found me quite disturbing but who quite soon understood me - really has had an intense and lasting effect on me. She's a classical-music singer. I suspect that my own emotional dysregulation is in some way (a good, healthy way, I think) "fed" by the care and intensity she brings to performing. During those times, I am completely myself in a way that doesn't happen often.

When we meet in ordinary social settings outside of music, it sometimes strikes me how little we really have in common - I'm not even sure I could get to like the real person I meet at those times. Nice, friendly, ... and as some may say here "very NT" .

Does this kind of larger-than-life experience happen to people with intact emotional regulation too? Is this a common thing and I just never knew it?

(In a way it feels as though I have some small kind of kinship with that group of guys who were and are deeply affected by someone like Judy Garland )
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