ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-12-12, 03:31 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Forgive, and Forget.

This saying has me all over the place in my mind. My girlfriend and I are currently in an arguement, and I feel so lost, deceived, and distressed. It's weird but I feel happy and depressed at the same time, a sense of accomplishment. So, my girlfriend, and I are sending mean and hurtful texts to each other, and if you guys know how this effects you, then I'm actually glad you people exist. I think of things that have been haunting me since we've been dating, like her ex, and parents for instance. This is the scenario, we've been thinking about getting an apartment together. We've talked about it before, but not in seriousness until now. Well, before she went on a vacation with her family, I deleted her ex boyfriend, and then the awkward part came to play. She texted her ex saying, "I thought we were going to be all cool, and mature about this". Basically she was getting on to him for it. Which was effed up, in my opinion. She should've came to me first about it, right? Which had me thinking, what is she holding on to? Some long-term agreement?

I'm just very upset because we've been in a relationship for 6 months, almost 7, and she doesn't realize what that did to me. Before that, she was talking about a teddy bear, that she gave to him, and she wanted it back. I know, childish, right? She cried and cried about that stuffed animal for 3 days, while I was sitting there comforting her, and trying to tell her that it's probably just lost, and joked about it "saying he might be keeping it to have sex with it, I wouldn't want it, but if he does send it back, I would burn it or wash it really really good", which seemed to make her feel better. I offered to get it for her, get her another one, everything. A week later she has to do that ****, text him. I really doubted my trust toward her. After, I told her it was okay, "I'm not mad", and told her "I probably shouldn't have done that." But this was after I told her "If he contacts you, let me know." This isn't the first time that she has made me doubt the trust between us. It was very close to her birthday at that time.

Proceeding with the point, literally 4 days after that situation, while she was on her vacation, she asked me if she wanted to get a place together because her parents are basically "cool", but seemingly "not cool" with the idea. So, they give her a deadline. At the end of the month she has to move out. They basically say "We don't care if you get married tomorrow, we'll still pay for your school." I try so hard to be the most supportive, and caring person in the world, I talk to her for 2 hours through text, about why I think her parents are acting like this, and she says "Well, you don't my parents, or what their purpose of doing this is." This set me, off! Plus, her pessimism ("What if this?", "What if that?") about getting an apartment, when we were searching for apartments, and the thing I'm worried about is "Where will we be more happy?", "The better deal.", "The application, and the waiting lists". Then, having to comfort her while her parents are giving her, hell. She says this!! Her parents don't like me by the way. It's probably because of my status and race, I'm not in school, I still live with my parents, and I'm half Filipino.

She has apologized, I can tell they're not real apologies, They're sort-of get off my back, sarcastic apologies. I'm trying to get her to grow-up, wake up, and show her, what her parents are doing, by telling her "It's tough love, and they're testing you" something of that nature. My parents are willing to help, I asked them if she could stay while we were looking for a place to stay, they said, yes, with extreme "welcomeness" and hospitality. You think someone would be grateful for that, but you know she says "that's going to be so uncomfortable though, I'll be a mooch", I said "You don't have much choice". Wow, way to be optimistic. Then she cries and cries about wanting to move-out on good-terms with her family. Her family consists of all "dicks", and that's where she gets her attitude from. Before she continuously "bit-ched" about her mom being one, and then states she isn't one. Just alot of bull ****.

Long-story short, "Is forgiving, forgiving, if you forget?" or "Is forgiving, forgiving, if you don't forget?" The more I struggle with this problem, the more it seems that I don't forgive, I just try to ignore it ever happened because everytime she asks me to talk about it, she doesn't understand, she doesn't try to understand, and then becomes condescending. Am I the same? Does she forgive? What the hell is her problem? She takes her hurtful actions toward me seemingly "too lightly". Do you find it a little weird that she asked me to "get a place" literally 4 after deleting her ex from facebook? It's just frustrating, and is making me very emotional.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-12-12, 03:55 PM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 27,667
Thanks: 5,707
Thanked 31,958 Times in 14,772 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

DONT GET AN APARTMENT TOGETHER! Whatever you do, or she says do not do it. Neither of you are ready for this. She cant let go, and you cant let her go. Honestly if she wants to contact her ex, there isnt much to say about it other than reevaluating your own relationship. Text messages are for teenagers. I love to text, but if it is important I call. She has to be at peace with her parents, her ex and you or your sh*t out of luck.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
CheekyMonkey (08-12-12), phantasm (08-13-12), Spacemaster (08-12-12), Unmanagable (08-13-12)
  #3  
Old 08-12-12, 04:01 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Wow.

If I was in your position I would cut my losses and find someone who I trust and treats me with respect.

She seems like she has a lot of things to work through before she is ready for an adult relationship.
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CheekyMonkey For This Useful Post:
Unmanagable (08-13-12)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 08-12-12, 04:08 PM
Spacemaster's Avatar
Spacemaster Spacemaster is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 2,141
Thanks: 5,885
Thanked 3,651 Times in 1,494 Posts
Spacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

What Sarah says. Don't do it. This is "tough love" from a gal that has lived with a few fellas that she shouldn't have. We were NOT ready! These issues you are having will not magically go away when y'all "play house" together.

I think if you two live together, you'll both end up miserable, sooner or later. If it doesn't work out with her, it will be much much harder for you to assess the relationship clearly if you have a lease over your head.

This girl sounds very emotionally immature. She doesn't sound ready for an apartment, and perhaps she just wants to get out of her parents' home. Are you ready for that kind of headache?

I advise you rethink this apartment thing, very seriously.
__________________
Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to”

Here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do -Space Oddity
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Spacemaster For This Useful Post:
BR549 (08-12-12), phantasm (08-13-12), sarahsweets (08-12-12), Unmanagable (08-13-12)
  #5  
Old 08-12-12, 10:07 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

It's just weird, you know? I love the girl to death. I'm 20, and she is my first, first date, love, and hopefully only. I just don't know what to do. I've tried being nice earlier in the relationship, and it seemed like she got her way everytime, and she talked without really caring for me, she was mean, and acted carelessly to what I thought, like keeping her prom pictures up on her facebook after dating for 3 months, and continuous things that just get under my skin. I mean, I've done mean things too, don't get me wrong. It seems the meaner I am the more she listens. The more I started becoming like her, the better I get my point across, and I can tell this is not healthy. I just don't how to solve this problem without threatening the relationship. It's so meaningless, and unnecessary to act this way, I feel guilty for acting like this, but it seems to work. Is it how she was raised? Could she be realizing that, and she finds me as an exit? Her parents aren't exactly supportive of her ideas, ever. I'm confused, is this all my fault? Why does she treat me like I'm oblivious to everything she and her family do? I've experienced that too. I know, it was hard. Her parents, also are not making this easy. They've made it obvious for her, the 2 options: Pick me, or pick us. Is this the fault of the parents? I just need someone that understands where I'm coming from, and I'm not in the condition to talk to anyone I'm close to, especially her.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-12-12, 10:13 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Oh man. You are me when I was 20.

My first love, first real boyfriend, etc. We decided to move in together my sophmore year in college.

It was a DISASTER.

We broke up after 3 months, and once you live together then you have the headache of who pays rent, who owns what furniture, etc. The breakup is bad enough, then you have to deal with the business end of things. Horrible.

I still care about him and hope he is doing well. First loves rarely last. We all change and grow, but can still have good memories of our first love.

If things are rocky for you now, then I doubt they will get any better living together.
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-12-12, 10:16 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

I just feel like communicating is my enemy, we connect so well on a different level, but we get caught up with the stupid stuff. I feel like if we had a brain cord we could understand each other exactly. I just want to explore her mind, as she explores mine, and verbal communication isn't working. Is that too much to ask? Why don't the tools I have, not work? How do I make my point clear, and how something affects me negatively, that she does, without being angry all the time? I feel helpless. I wish I could go no where.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-12-12, 10:18 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

What if it isn't that she doesn't hear you, but she doesn't care about what you say?
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-12-12, 10:19 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

I have to be the strong one, I just can't deal with this anymore, I just want to escape.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-12-12, 10:21 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Quote:
Originally Posted by perfectchronic View Post
I have to be the strong one, I just can't deal with this anymore, I just want to escape.
I'm sorry you are hurting. I hope I'm not coming off harsh.

Having been in similar situations, it is hard to watch someone make the same mistakes.

There is life beyond this moment. There are laughs, hugs, and love beyond this moment.

Hang in there.
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CheekyMonkey For This Useful Post:
perfectchronic (08-12-12), Unmanagable (08-13-12)
  #11  
Old 08-12-12, 10:34 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CheekyMonkey View Post
I'm sorry you are hurting. I hope I'm not coming off harsh.

Having been in similar situations, it is hard to watch someone make the same mistakes.

There is life beyond this moment. There are laughs, hugs, and love beyond this moment.

Hang in there.
Thanks Cheeky, you are a help. I'm just a little agitated, and confused about the whole thing. I just started out feeling so strong about it, like saying to her "Everything is going to be okay, babe", but now it's like everytime I try to help her she just doesn't appreciate, or respect my help. She's really confusing me. Which I can't really blame her for that because we're in the same boat, right? It seems like she just doesn't know what she wants. How am I supposed to help, if she doesn't know what she wants?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-12-12, 10:36 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Quote:
Originally Posted by perfectchronic View Post
Thanks Cheeky, you are a help. I'm just a little agitated, and confused about the whole thing. I just started out feeling so strong about it, like saying to her "Everything is going to be okay, babe", but now it's like everytime I try to help her she just doesn't appreciate, or respect my help. She's really confusing me. Which I can't really blame her for that because we're in the same boat, right?
She does not seem as interested in coming together as a team to solve the problems. Why should it be left to you. If she valued you and the relationship, wouldn't she be fighting for it?
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-12-12, 10:50 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CheekyMonkey View Post
She does not seem as interested in coming together as a team to solve the problems. Why should it be left to you. If she valued you and the relationship, wouldn't she be fighting for it?
I mean, she has, by sending me a text that says "Please, just come talk to me. I want to work this out. Just please sit down." But just being so angry by going at it for 2 days, and constantly at work. I replied "I'm repeating the same information over and over, the only thing different is, the information is worded differently. I basically wrote the Illiad and the f*****g Oddessy, about how I felt, and what I thought, should I put it in rhyme scheme? If you can't understand yet where I'm coming, I would be a person who doesn't make great decisions, by sitting down, and talking to you." I know harsh, right? I've been extremely stressed out by this, by worrying about moving in, wondering if she's going to do the same things, stay straight with me, and what her parents are yapping in her ears about me, and verbally abusing her. I just can't trust her anymore, I've given her enough time to stop treating me like I'm stupid. She just knows what to do to make me "snap". I guess that's what I get for being so gullible to the idea of "love". Plus, I have this test coming up that I haven't even been studying for because of this particular situation. I'm trying to stay focused. What does she expect me to reply by insulting me, and telling me I'm a horrible boyfriend? Please Cheeky, help me with this, any advice right now will be helpful, I promise.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-12-12, 10:56 PM
perfectchronic perfectchronic is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 57
Thanks: 33
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
perfectchronic is on a distinguished road
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

And having ADHD just makes much worse. Taking my medication helps me think clearly, but as soon as I'm coming down, I kind of freak out.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-12-12, 10:56 PM
CheekyMonkey's Avatar
CheekyMonkey CheekyMonkey is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,482
Thanks: 1,287
Thanked 2,451 Times in 1,333 Posts
CheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud ofCheekyMonkey has much to be proud of
Re: Forgive, and Forget.

Quote:
Originally Posted by perfectchronic View Post
I mean, she has, by sending me a text that says "Please, just come talk to me. I want to work this out. Just please sit down." But just being so angry by going at it for 2 days, and constantly at work. I replied "I'm repeating the same information over and over, the only thing different is, the information is worded differently. I basically wrote the Illiad and the f*****g Oddessy, about how I felt, and what I thought, should I put it in rhyme scheme? If you can't understand yet where I'm coming, I would be a person who doesn't make great decisions, by sitting down, and talking to you." I know harsh, right? I've been extremely stressed out by this, by worrying about moving in, wondering if she's going to do the same things, stay straight with me. I just can't trust her anymore, I've given her enough time to stop treating me like I'm stupid. She just knows what to do to make me "snap". I guess that's what I get for being so gullible for the idea of "love". Plus, I have this test coming up that I haven't even been studying for because of this particular situation. I'm trying to stay focused. What does she expect me to reply by insulting me, and telling me I'm a horrible boyfriend? Please Cheeky, help me with this, any advice right now will be helpful, I promise.

It seems apparent that she does not make you happy. You may love her, but that doesn't mean you should stay together. Everything you've said indicates that you are not happy. She might be acting desperate now, but how soon will it be before she starts with her usual habits?

You can find someone who loves you, supports you, and would never say anything to hurt you. You don't have to settle for this.

Change is hard, but when staying in a relationship is harder than breaking up...it is time to move on.
__________________
O.W.L.

[0,0]
|)__)
-”-”-
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CheekyMonkey For This Useful Post:
perfectchronic (08-12-12), Unmanagable (08-13-12)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Are people with ADD drawn to marriage with perfectionists? moxee33 Relationships & Social Issues 41 11-27-13 03:06 PM
How has ADD affected your relationship w/ your parents? EYEFORGOT Relationships & Social Issues 32 02-23-12 06:27 PM
A Collection Of Prayers by Rose Bluerose Creative Writing 1 09-28-08 02:09 AM
Question About Triggers for those with PTSD Draga Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD 27 10-20-04 06:20 AM
Can not hate the man! Draga Short Stories 23 03-19-04 09:51 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:33 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums