Afraid of have children with my boyfriend

[tinytinis]

Well, We do want to have children, and soon, since we have been together for 4 years. I am diagnosed with SAD and recently ADD(on meds for dep) and my man is diagnosed ADHD, Tourette, Insomnia . We both have /had addiction problems and alcoholism on both sides of the family. I am worried that if we have a child it will be sooo mess up.... on the other hand, it will never be able to hide,lie and cheat to us, beacuse both of us have already been there, and done that, and can easily see if someone has a problem either with substances or mental issues...

what do u think?

[callmehats]

I think the fact that you are considering your hypothetical children's well-being might makes you better suited to be a parent than a lot of people. My feeling is that if you have your addiction and everything else under control, and you honestly feel that you can create a stable life for your child, there should be nothing stopping you. However, if you are going to be having relapses or crazy issues that lead to instability for the child, you might want to rethink it. Especially since there is a good chance your kids will have their own issues. In many ways this may make you more sympathetic in helping them, but it doesn't work if you are too busy trying to hold yourself together to deal with a special needs child. If you are going to do this, you have to go in with the understanding that you are going to have to be above-average parents.

I would give it some time. Maybe set some goals for yourself and your boyfriend to meet before you commit to being parents. (Personal, financial, emotional, etc.) Think long and hard about what a child will need, and how you can be prepared to meet those needs.

PS - I actually disagree with the lying thing. In my experience, the easiest people to lie to are people that do a lot of lying themselves. I'm not sure why that is, but it's something I've observed.

[Michiko74]

Callmehats really said it best.

I really can't speak to this issue at all. I would really encourage you guys to consult with some professional opinons. Each of you would really have to do a lot of work to have actual proof that you're able to weather the storm without turning to your prior addictions.

I don't want to discourage you from becoming parents. But given your history, you need to really do some serious consideration and prepare for what should happen if either of you were to become ill again.