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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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  #1  
Old 05-12-11, 06:17 PM
nevermore nevermore is offline
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I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

People with Asperger's Syndrome are more dysfunctional than I am in many respects. I come across as a normal person in real life, which might explain why it took me so long to get diagnosed with ADHD. However, once women meet me and see how weird and unresponsive I am, they tend to lose interest very quickly. They probably figure that I am gay or not interested.

So the bottom line is that I know men who are weirder than I am and even they have girlfriends. It's weird that I don't have a girlfriend and never have had one. I wonder what's wrong with me? Am I asexual? Afraid of women? Do I lack sex drive?

This is not an ADHD thing, right?
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Old 05-12-11, 06:39 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

It may be your personality.
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  #3  
Old 05-12-11, 06:45 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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It may be your personality.
What could be wrong with it? I am not an extrovert but I am not an ***hole either.
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Old 05-12-11, 06:46 PM
ronball ronball is offline
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

Nope, it's a "you" thing.

For whatever reason you probably never had a girlfriend because:

-Lack of ambition/being too shy

Second reason is probably realistic too:

-trying to get girls that are beyond your reach.

Some people have two major problems when it comes to approaching the opposite sex:

1. They are too insecure with themselves to actually believe anyone is capable of forming a meaningful relationship with them. Even if an opportunity presents itself, they may even go as far as to consider going out on a date, but then back out before because they don't feel they're good enough for that person.

Consequently, the opposite is also true:

2. They have an inflated sense of their own ego and are unable to consider dating someone that doesn't classify as "being in their league". The problem is, the majority of the time, that person is actually more than "in their league". IE: A fat toothless guy who works at EB games expecting underwear models to be attracted to him. (Granted, that scenario is possible, just very unlikely)

Oh, and a side-note: some people don't know how to properly sculpt a relationship to show their actual intentions. So many times girls and guys don't make a move to bring them out of "friend" territory, and nothing ever sparks in their relationship. (Hollywood has made a lot of movies about this) The fact is, you usually have to make your intentions clear early in a relationship, otherwise it will just be a big waste of time.
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Old 05-12-11, 06:52 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Originally Posted by ronball View Post

Oh, and a side-note: some people don't know how to properly sculpt a relationship to show their actual intentions. So many times girls and guys don't make a move to bring them out of "friend" territory, and nothing ever sparks in their relationship. (Hollywood has made a lot of movies about this) The fact is, you usually have to make your intentions clear early in a relationship, otherwise it will just be a big waste of time.
Friend territory? I have never made it that far... Just an awkward introduction or greeting that doesn't lead anywhere.
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Old 05-12-11, 08:44 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

From your prior posts, I'd say its lack of ambition as well as lack of confidence in yourself. Everyone can find someone. Its not an undo-able failing.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:06 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Friend territory? I have never made it that far... Just an awkward introduction or greeting that doesn't lead anywhere.

Yep...got to put yourself out there. Just takes a bunch of practice and putting yourself in a social situation where females are predisposed to accepting your advances.

I can be charming as hell, but if it's not at the right place at the right time, it's not going to mean squat.

So all you can really do is try, fail, and try again. North American women are prudes.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:20 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Originally Posted by tipoo View Post
From your prior posts, I'd say its lack of ambition as well as lack of confidence in yourself. Everyone can find someone. Its not an undo-able failing.
Lack of ambition... as if wanting to be a big shot means that I am going to become one... I am not a genius, and that's not lack of confidence. As if making $x/hour instead of $x+y/hour where y is a few dollars makes such a huge difference in the large scheme of things? Am I not the same chump either way? Why try to be something I am not? Isn't it better to accept myself the way I am and try to be happy that way?

As for lack of confidence in myself, I can't think of anything to say to women. Maybe I just don't really care about them as persons? Some women on this forum have befriended me, and to be honest, I don't even care. (If you are reading this, it's nothing personal; I appreciate your desire to be friendly, but I really can't help the way I feel toward people.)

Maybe I am a misogynist?
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Old 05-12-11, 09:23 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Originally Posted by nevermore View Post
Lack of ambition... as if wanting to be a big shot means that I am going to become one... I am not a genius, and that's a fact, not lack of confidence. Why try to be something I am not? Isn't it better to accept yourself the way you are and try to be happy that way?

As for a lack of confident in myself, I can't think of anything to say to women. Maybe I just don't really care about them as persons. Maybe I am a misogynist?

Its hardly the same as becoming a millionaire, and your post demonstrates exactly what I was talking about. You rationalize yourself away from action.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:25 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Originally Posted by nevermore View Post
Friend territory? I have never made it that far... Just an awkward introduction or greeting that doesn't lead anywhere.
I thought you said in an earlier thread that you had gotten close with a woman (not sexually).
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Old 05-12-11, 09:36 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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Some women on this forum have befriended me, and to be honest, I don't even care. (If you are reading this, it's nothing personal; I appreciate your desire to be friendly, but I really can't help the way I feel toward people.)

Maybe I am a misogynist?
If you really don't care about the women on the forum who have befriended you, then why are you questioning how come you don't have a girlfriend??? If you don't care for and about others, women included, it is highly likely that you will not find a woman/girlfriend who cares about you. Having a girlfriend is not like buying a car--you don't just pick one out that you like--you develop a relationship by caring about the other person. You get to know someone by asking questions, not just to ask questions, but to care about the answers.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:38 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

you don't care that much ab women as people and you don't care about sex. That's why you haven't had a gf. you don't want one. Am I right?
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Old 05-12-11, 09:38 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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I thought you said in an earlier thread that you had gotten close with a woman (not sexually).
Well that's true. However, that was a "business" type of relationship, where avoiding interaction was not a choice.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:44 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

Stop focusing on yourself.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:49 PM
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Re: I know people with Asperger's Syndrome who have girlfriends. How come I don't?

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You rationalize yourself away from action.
I don't understand.
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