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  #16  
Old 08-17-11, 07:41 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

as i said in general, put yourself out there. be confident.
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  #17  
Old 08-19-11, 12:42 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

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Originally Posted by pedalpounder View Post
Okay, this is totally serious. Call it face-your-fears therapy or what have you.

Go up to a woman and say "Hey, I think you look stunning!" Then walk away. Do it 10 times. Because you do this as an experiment / a dare, you won't be all stupid anxious over it as you would if you were actually truly interested in her. I think you'll come out of that knowing more what to expect of a woman's reaction, and you'll find out that most women are not the praying mantises we often make ourselves believe they are.
+1

Don't try. Seriously stop trying. Wherever you are - online, in a bar, restaurant, wherever... Pick out an attractive woman, one that is out of your league. Go in with the attitude of you are just going to practice having a nice conversation and try to leave her in a better mood.

And I mean seriously, do not try to pick her up. Your main goal is to practice having a conversation with someone you might have been too intimidated to approach for a date. You want to practice your conversation skills under duress. Keep reminding yourself you are not speaking with her to hook up, you are there so that when she leaves she will be happier, feel more confident, interesting, and that whatever bad thing happened in her day is washed away.

Choose a goal... Such as - I will have 3 conversations this week with females, my goal is to make them feel better about themselves, or to have them feel more confident, or happier. I will not ask for phone numbers, and I am not trying to pick her up.

Do not overanalyze yourself or the conversation, your only thought should be, how can I make this person happier before my time limit (mentioned below) is up. Once you are at home you can see if there are any lessons to be learned from the conversation.

First week set a conversation time of a maximum of 2 minuets. You can exit the conversation earlier if you would like, but no more than 2 mins.

Next week up the max limit to 5. Third week 10. Fourth week 15. And then keep it at 15, unless she ask you to stay, or says something letting you know that she would like to continue the conversation. (i.e., do you really have to go)

One of 2 things will happen... You will start feeling very comfortable with these conversations and will be able to read females very well, and thus help you on your journey. Or (and it will happen, given time) they will ask for your phone number, email, or ask you to hang out longer.

When exiting the conversation use an excuse you can always back out of... Just in case she asks you if you could hang out longer. "Thanks, I have had a great time. Ahhh, but I need to run to (call my friend, run to the pet store, whatever)." (side note, do not just leave her, and stay in the same establishment and move to the next girl... The only exception would be if you are in a gym, and the excuse was you needed to finish your workout, so you can get home to feed the dog/fish/whatever)

Important note: know your "exit line" before you approach. If you fumble it, it may make them feel that you were put off from them and that would kill your goal of making her feel good about herself.

But remember you are not there to pick her up, nor are you there to make her pick you up. You are there to have an X minute long conversation where you make her day. If she takes it further great, you are only there to gain experience points. The rest will take care of itself, and you will feel great about yourself for making someone's day.

Bonus effect: You will be able to use these skills on anyone to make them feel good, and when you do that, you will feel great.

Now go make someone happy, the world needs it,
Travis
Level 23 conversational ninja

P.S. You can also do this with guys to practice as well. Learning to make someone happy via conversation works on any sex, age, etc... And the skills are transferable.
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  #18  
Old 08-19-11, 01:04 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

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Now go make someone happy, the world needs it,
Thank you. I'm going to make a note of this and hang it on my bathroom mirror.
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Old 08-19-11, 01:58 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Oh yeah, one more thing my wife reminded me of. There is a service here called "Events and Adventures" they take a group of singles out to do things like Volleyball, sporting events, rope courses, camping, travel....

If I was single I would so do that, at least that way I have something fun to do at the same time. I almost wish there was something like that for married couples.... I don't know if they service where you live, but there maybe something like that where you live.

Travis
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  #20  
Old 08-19-11, 12:53 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

The Dance:

1) The look. I see an attractive guy and am checking him out. He catches me doing it. I immediately avert my gaze, I am a little embarrassed and put on the spot ... hehe oops, that guy caught me looking at him.

2) The glance. Shortly after, I will sneak a second look at the guy, to see if he shows interest. I am hoping that he is looking at me, if he catches my second glance I hope he gives me a small friendly, welcoming smile. Casual, laid back, no pressure, just looking and liking that you're looking at me ma'am. This is a quick glance to gauge his interest and decide if I want to encourage him to try to "pick me up". One or both of us will look away, probably me first.

3) The invitation. If I decide that I'd like this guy to approach me, I will now make a point of making eye contact. A shy smile, touch my hair or play with my necklace. A subtle invitation. Then I will look away again. I may shuffle my feet or fiddle with my hands in nervousness. I will make a point of looking away.

4) The chase begins. I might look in the complete opposite direction, even turn my back to him. I don't want to seem too eager, to bold, come on too strong. I have been conditioned all my life so. I encourage the man to chase me, to come to me. By turning away or looking away I offer a chance for him to approach "undetected". Come and chase me.

5) The wait. He will move closer to me. I may glance at him but pretend I don't notice his approach. I might fiddle with my purse, look at the books on the shelf, stir my coffee as he approaches. Another quick glance a tiny smile. Will he speak to me? What does his voice sound like?

6) The introduction. Hi there I'm Allan. Hi I'm Red. Eye contact, a smile. A gauge of his self confidence. I look away again. It can be hard to maintain eye contact with a strange man who you find attractive, just as we may look away when a date leans in for a kiss.

7) Chit chat. Idle talk about whatever. Safe topics, some laughter. Getting to know you. Gauging each other. If I don't try to get away, such as make excuses and try to leave, he has me. If I do try to leave, I have changed my mind about him, maybe he smells bad or is kinda creepy.

8) Departure. If I must leave, or if I don't want to risk getting taken home that very night, I will have to make my excuses to leave. I'm sorry, I have to go meet a friend (or whatever). My gaze will linger, a smile, I make no move to leave though I say that I must. I am waiting for him to ask for my phone number before I go.

9) Bye. Numbers traded more smiles some flirting. I really must go now, showing only the slightest reluctance to leave. A touch maybe, on the arm, or a gentle shaking of hands. Now I leave and wait for him to call me, hopefully the next day.
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  #21  
Old 08-22-11, 05:53 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

It's not an ADD thing. You're just shy. So am I.

Biggest key is to understand that women are people too. They love a good lay as much as anyone. It's just the societal thing we have going where men have to do all the work up front.

never put the ***** on a pedestal, a wise man once said.

Here's how I started:

I started with dating websites. Okcupid and plentyoffish. Met a couple interesting people, mostly just had a lot of sex. Made a few good friends though, and learned a lot about the female anatomy by banging everything from models to asians with 32G's to amazonians with brain tumors that made them lactate

Then I found the foolproof way of making the leap into the real world (where let's face it, women with far fewer daddy issues tend to dwell) was through methods where I didn't have to talk to 'em. Go to a stores you likely don't frequent. If there's a hot girl at the register, be friendly and say a -little- more than usual to put yourself in her mind. pay with your credit card, and return there once or twice a week (if it's a jamba juice or starbucks, two or three is fine.) after a couple weeks, write on the back of the reciept "Would you like to get a coffee sometime? here's my number..."

And then leave. If she doesn't call, it's a no. I would avoid frequenting said business for a while. Personally, being a good looking guy as well, I've actually had 100% success with this getting at least a date, the longest lasting about eight months and ending because she was moving across the country.

Only look for women in venues that you are interested in. Do you want to date a hollaback girl? if not, don't go clubbing. Do you want a girl who wants to save it until marriage? If not, don't try church (church is kind of skeezy for picking up babes anyways)

Contrary to popular belief, being friends with a chick is always good too. You can easily stop being friend zoned by maintaining some level of sexual tension at all times. If she doesn't resist this, slowly make your move.

And above all else, don't worry about getting shot down. They're just people. They come, they go. Just make a general rule not to ask out people that you see every day, such as coworkers or friends/siblings of friends you value. That can be awkward.

If you're asking for directions, ask them if they know more about various related things in the area. Then ask them if they'd be interested in showing you around.

Odds are, unless you projectile vomit on her at the outset, being a little awkward won't put her off. Just smile and be friendly, and avoid wearing a trenchcoat.

If you read the post above mine, you'll see the thought process of 90% of women. Lots of deception mandated by the culture we live in. Learn the cues and look for them.
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  #22  
Old 08-22-11, 07:13 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeybadger View Post
It's not an ADD thing. You're just shy. So am I.

Biggest key is to understand that women are people too. They love a good lay as much as anyone. It's just the societal thing we have going where men have to do all the work up front.

never put the ***** on a pedestal, a wise man once said.

Here's how I started:

I started with dating websites. Okcupid and plentyoffish. Met a couple interesting people, mostly just had a lot of sex. Made a few good friends though, and learned a lot about the female anatomy by banging everything from models to asians with 32G's to amazonians with brain tumors that made them lactate

Then I found the foolproof way of making the leap into the real world (where let's face it, women with far fewer daddy issues tend to dwell) was through methods where I didn't have to talk to 'em. Go to a stores you likely don't frequent. If there's a hot girl at the register, be friendly and say a -little- more than usual to put yourself in her mind. pay with your credit card, and return there once or twice a week (if it's a jamba juice or starbucks, two or three is fine.) after a couple weeks, write on the back of the reciept "Would you like to get a coffee sometime? here's my number..."

And then leave. If she doesn't call, it's a no. I would avoid frequenting said business for a while. Personally, being a good looking guy as well, I've actually had 100% success with this getting at least a date, the longest lasting about eight months and ending because she was moving across the country.

Only look for women in venues that you are interested in. Do you want to date a hollaback girl? if not, don't go clubbing. Do you want a girl who wants to save it until marriage? If not, don't try church (church is kind of skeezy for picking up babes anyways)

Contrary to popular belief, being friends with a chick is always good too. You can easily stop being friend zoned by maintaining some level of sexual tension at all times. If she doesn't resist this, slowly make your move.

And above all else, don't worry about getting shot down. They're just people. They come, they go. Just make a general rule not to ask out people that you see every day, such as coworkers or friends/siblings of friends you value. That can be awkward.

If you're asking for directions, ask them if they know more about various related things in the area. Then ask them if they'd be interested in showing you around.

Odds are, unless you projectile vomit on her at the outset, being a little awkward won't put her off. Just smile and be friendly, and avoid wearing a trenchcoat.

If you read the post above mine, you'll see the thought process of 90% of women. Lots of deception mandated by the culture we live in. Learn the cues and look for them.
What do you mean by deception and culture?
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Old 08-22-11, 07:15 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch View Post
The Dance:

1) The look. I see an attractive guy and am checking him out. He catches me doing it. I immediately avert my gaze, I am a little embarrassed and put on the spot ... hehe oops, that guy caught me looking at him.

2) The glance. Shortly after, I will sneak a second look at the guy, to see if he shows interest. I am hoping that he is looking at me, if he catches my second glance I hope he gives me a small friendly, welcoming smile. Casual, laid back, no pressure, just looking and liking that you're looking at me ma'am. This is a quick glance to gauge his interest and decide if I want to encourage him to try to "pick me up". One or both of us will look away, probably me first.

3) The invitation. If I decide that I'd like this guy to approach me, I will now make a point of making eye contact. A shy smile, touch my hair or play with my necklace. A subtle invitation. Then I will look away again. I may shuffle my feet or fiddle with my hands in nervousness. I will make a point of looking away.

4) The chase begins. I might look in the complete opposite direction, even turn my back to him. I don't want to seem too eager, to bold, come on too strong. I have been conditioned all my life so. I encourage the man to chase me, to come to me. By turning away or looking away I offer a chance for him to approach "undetected". Come and chase me.

5) The wait. He will move closer to me. I may glance at him but pretend I don't notice his approach. I might fiddle with my purse, look at the books on the shelf, stir my coffee as he approaches. Another quick glance a tiny smile. Will he speak to me? What does his voice sound like?

6) The introduction. Hi there I'm Allan. Hi I'm Red. Eye contact, a smile. A gauge of his self confidence. I look away again. It can be hard to maintain eye contact with a strange man who you find attractive, just as we may look away when a date leans in for a kiss.

7) Chit chat. Idle talk about whatever. Safe topics, some laughter. Getting to know you. Gauging each other. If I don't try to get away, such as make excuses and try to leave, he has me. If I do try to leave, I have changed my mind about him, maybe he smells bad or is kinda creepy.

8) Departure. If I must leave, or if I don't want to risk getting taken home that very night, I will have to make my excuses to leave. I'm sorry, I have to go meet a friend (or whatever). My gaze will linger, a smile, I make no move to leave though I say that I must. I am waiting for him to ask for my phone number before I go.

9) Bye. Numbers traded more smiles some flirting. I really must go now, showing only the slightest reluctance to leave. A touch maybe, on the arm, or a gentle shaking of hands. Now I leave and wait for him to call me, hopefully the next day.
Do you have any idea how horrible this game is for someone like myself who can't read a clue if it hit me in the face?
This is how millions of men all over the world end up feeling like losers because they are just not able to understand all this subtle subversive manoeuvring.
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Old 08-22-11, 07:26 AM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
What do you mean by deception and culture?
We raise girls to not be forward with how they really feel, and raise men to pander to what has been beaten into them through hollywood films and the twilight novels.

It's a game of cat and mouse, when "Hey, I think you're rather attractive and would like to get to know you. would you like to get a coffee sometime?" should be all that needs saying. And this can work for men. But if the girl does it (this isn't as true as we get older) then it's labelled as her being too easy. I don't know where the notion of "hard to get" originated, but it's crap, and we shouldn't encourage it.

Ironically, in the gay scene (having lots of gay and lesbian friends. This is seattle after all!) it's much more honest and up-front, seeing as it can come from either side. Though with lesbians, if there's a butchy/girly match, the butchy one seems to be expected to go about it like a man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek View Post
Do you have any idea how horrible this game is for someone like myself who can't read a clue if it hit me in the face?
This is how millions of men all over the world end up feeling like losers because they are just not able to understand all this subtle subversive manoeuvring.
It's easier than it sounds. If you make eye contact and she smiles, that's an open invitation.

Even if she doesn't, it won't hurt to go say hello, ask her name, what she thinks of her surroundings, etc.

Or, you could skip the annoying world of finding people in "where's waldo: relationship edition," hunting for whether or not the woman is even single, and join a singles group (events and adventures) or a dating website (plentyoffish, craigslist personals, OKcupid.) As you get older, the dating sites actually get better. Younger men/women online tend to be insecure or have "problems" that keep them from the very young-person oriented dating scene in the real world. But older men/women (30+ish) tend to congregate there because it just makes more sense.

The reason why men feel like losers isn't because they can't understand the game, it's because they've got a built up fear of failure. In the movies, it always works. But what if it doesn't work for me? Better not even try.

Not trying at all is worse than trying and failing. Because at least you know. Who cares if you don't even play the game by the rules? The ancient phrase "just be yourself" really is still the most important. The more you play, the better you get at the game. That's how every single thing on earth works. Funnily enough, it's the biggest problem my adult students have in the swim lessons I teach. They expect things to work from minute one, and as a result, make a lot more mistakes than kids, who just don't give a crap and try it anyways. Trial and error is an important component of learning that we sadly beat out of children with our educational system.

The biggest concept I stress to my adult students is to dick around and try new things without being told. And practice.

Last edited by Honeybadger; 08-22-11 at 07:45 AM..
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Old 08-22-11, 01:40 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek View Post
Do you have any idea how horrible this game is for someone like myself who can't read a clue if it hit me in the face?
This is how millions of men all over the world end up feeling like losers because they are just not able to understand all this subtle subversive manoeuvring.

Agreed. It is an agonizingly painful way to go about the mating dance. It's NOT fair. But it is what it is.

Honestly I don't know why our society and culture seem to think this is the best way to go about it. It IS changing thanks to feminism and men not being so easily threatened by a forward woman etc ... hopefully it will continue to change.

But the fact of the matter is that the majority of women out there, especially the NT women, expect the dance to go this way. We have been socialized to do it thus. The majority of men as well.

I do on occasion go after the guy. But I have to be careful. As most men are socialized to think that any woman who chases them, rather than the other way around, is "easy" and unworthy of respect.

In my experince, most of the guys who I chase are the ones who I never hear from again after the first night of sex. It's the guys who chase me that cook me breakfast and make plans to get together the next weekend.

If I had a dime for every time I saw a guy realize how into him I was turn into a strutting peacock who treated me like an easy lay ... *sigh*

I have to protect myself. One of the easiest ways to do so is to make a man give chase as it shows me his level of interest, it slows things down and decreases the chances that I will be treated like as loose woman.

It also acts as a process of elimination. It shows me a man's courage. A man with the guts to approach little red haired me gets respect points.

It also shows me how un-senstaive a man is. There's a difference between a man who is insensitive and unsensative, but the results are often the same.

While the unsesnative man does not deliberately ignore my needs, my emotions and such, they are ignored none the less.
It is painful to be with a man who cannot see the sadness on my face when I am feeling down.
Who does not realize what it means when I have a hand over my belly in pain and am digging through the kitchen for chocolate.
Who cannot read my body well enough to give me an orgasm without so much instruction that I can't come anyways because the moment is ruined.

A man who cannot read me flirting well enough to know when I am flirting is probably not going to see or notice when I come home sad and stressed from a bad day at work.

It sucks to be the guy who can't understand/read the social cues. I know that. But Red has the right to be with a man who can tell the difference between when Red is having a good day or a bad day, because Red has the right to be happy in her relationships.

Maybe I am bitter because I just ended a relationship with such a man. Who usually meant well and had good intentions but needed things so clearly spelled out for him that I wanted to beat his head in with a frying pan. Who was so lost in his own little world that he could not see the despair and loneliness clearly written on my face and upon my body language. Could not see all the quiet little sweet things that I did for him.

I chased him. I was the first woman ever to do so. And now that he is single again he is strutting around expecting women to fall into his lap. And he looks at women without the appreciation that he once did.

Why buy the cow when she is offering the milk for free?

The OP wanted to know why women looked at him and then looked away. I answered his question to the best of my abilities.
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  #26  
Old 08-22-11, 04:31 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Some of this will change as you get older. In your 30s and 40s, I think it gets a little easier to meet women if you stay in good shape and sane.

I don't think this is just because you mature and learn to read women better. I think a lot of women are simply a little more "forward" or "open" as they start to get older. They let you read them easier. They drop more hints. I think the "good shape and sane" ratio of men to women at those ages also might be better than it is for men in their 20s.
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Old 08-22-11, 05:03 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

The older a guy is, the more care he tends to put into relationships and his presentation. Having worked as a hairdresser and barber, my first thought when a great guy can't get a date is: did you shower today? It's something that I saw a lot when I was barbering, guys who think they don't need to wear deodorant or brush thier teeth or wear clothing that fits. A woman will spend hours getting ready to go out only to be hit on by a guy in wrinkled dirty clothes. You don't have to look like you just stepped out of GQ magazine, but looking like you showered and combed your hair helps.
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Old 08-22-11, 06:48 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Go get a blow up doll?
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Old 08-22-11, 08:30 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

No. actually try for a real girl Rebel.

Be funny and confident, according to my sources, being funny and confident are the sexiest non-physical qualities a guy can have.
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Old 08-22-11, 08:35 PM
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Re: I am a good looking guy and still have no girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conman View Post
No. actually try for a real girl Rebel.

Be funny and confident, according to my sources, being funny and confident are the sexiest non-physical qualities a guy can have.
Confidence makes a huge difference. A confident, average-looking guy will get more girls than a good-looking guy who lacks confidence.

Not that I've been having much success lately
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