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  #16  
Old 06-22-12, 08:34 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

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Originally Posted by Candlewax View Post
lol really wondering what you said there
Even people that are not really very nice get married.
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  #17  
Old 06-22-12, 08:35 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

There are many reasons for a person to live with their parents.... in my case it's because my Dad needs looking after.

Yes... most women do a quick "CV scan" on guys... particularly when internet dating... but if you've ADD/ADHD you're looking for a pretty special kind of partner anyway.... and that person is unlikely to be a CV scanner.

The biggest thing is not to think you're a loser and never going to find a woman.... from what I have experienced/heard it's THAT way of thinking that's a MASSIVE turnoff to most women....

If the guy doesn't think he's any good then why should any woman?

There is also the danger of hooking up with a "rescuer"... a person who's raison d'etre is to "help" people.... unfortunately this isn't a good basis for a relationship because the helper can get tired of helping... or (worse still) subliminally conspire to stop the object of his/her help actually improving because it would remove the point of his/her life.

kilted
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  #18  
Old 06-22-12, 10:51 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
Of course not.

But because of my "lifestyle choices" it means that I must play the numbers game harder than almost everyone. I won't have to hit on 100 women before I get lucky, more like 10000.
If you don't want that, what's the problem then? With a different lifestyle you might be able to approach the more shallow type of girls easier, but would that make you happy? Even if you had a different lifestyle, the search for a good heart is just as difficult as it is now. But then again, it's not that difficult as you think, since, as mentioned before, women come in different colors and tastes, just like men!
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  #19  
Old 06-22-12, 10:52 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
... I wasn't crazy or delusional.

You see, today I read an article written by one of those dating "experts" and he admitted that there's little his teachings can do to help you if you have made poor lifestyle choices. The poor lifestyle choices he mentioned include:
  • being broke
  • being unemployed
  • living with your parents
  • not having friends
  • being overweight
Luckily, I'm neither broke, unemployed, nor overweight, but I live with my parents and essentially have no friends.

Years ago I argued before a psychologist that there was no point in my trying to attract women because sooner or later, as soon as they learned that I live with my parents and have no social life, they would likely reject me. The psychologist, of course, rather than admitting that I was right, made it seem like it was all in my head. But today I realized that it wasn't all in my head and that I was, in fact, right. Yes, of course I was right. Living with your parents is a HUGE turn off for women because it implies that you are a boy and financially unstable.

But you know what the problem is?

Living with my parents works for me, because while I'm not broke, I would not feel comfortable being in a situation where I have to spend half my salary on a full rent, so by living with my parents I have the opportunity to minimize my expenses while giving money to my parents rather than a third party. Also, since I essentially have no friends, I would feel very sad and lonely if I were to live on my own, completely isolated from people who care about me. Finally, my parents enjoy my company and have no desire to kick me out of the house, so the current arrangement works very well for all of us.

Since the current arrangement is not likely to change any time soon, and since I am not interested in having friends, that means that I will never be attractive to women, and there is little point in my bothering to attract women, because even if I succeed they will reject me when they discover my "poor lifestyle choices".

I was right.
Heya Gearcube, dont put the P on a pedestal.
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  #20  
Old 06-22-12, 11:40 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Plenty of women live with their parents and plenty of women are introverts with small social circles. Not all women want the same thing.

You're shooting yourself in the foot, man.

Guys who think they have nothing to offer never are not attractive. Guys who live with their parents can be attractive.

Are you smart? Funny? Loyal? Loving? Kind? A gentleman? Would you move heaven and earth for the right girl? A generous lover? These things are way more important than if you have lots of friends or where you live.
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  #21  
Old 06-22-12, 02:10 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Candlewax hit the nail on the head. But I like typing, so I'll say my version.

You seem to have convinced yourself that you are an unlovable loser. As long as you hold on to this mistaken belief, other people are going to have no choice but to believe it too. If the only thing you have to offer a girl is negativity and self-doubt, no sane woman is going to voluntarily feed you her positivity.

Your "I live at home so nobody will speak to me" crap is just that. Crap. It's wrong. You're wrong. My best friend recently moved back home to live with his parents. He's my age (31) and has no trouble AT ALL finding girls (beautiful girls, not Plenty of Fish trash) who are okay with him living at home. He's brought quite a few of them back there, actually, even when his parents are there.

Your biggest problem is you have no confidence in yourself. Nobody wants to be around a negative person. There are plenty of people in the world who will gladly talk crap about you, so you don't need to help them.

If you want to date (which it's pretty obvious that you don't, and are after attention more than anything) you will have to stop acting like a sad high school kid and grow up and be an adult. Where you live, what you make, what you look like.. these don't really matter all that much. Your personality is what will attract (or repulse) somebody. You should focus on that before worrying about the other things.
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  #22  
Old 06-22-12, 04:14 PM
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Talking Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

I see you've built some walls gearcube
The walls being the limitations
Knock the walls down.
Try a Dating website
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  #23  
Old 06-22-12, 04:22 PM
Flounder41 Flounder41 is offline
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Talking Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikhailTal View Post
Let's turn things around. Would you want to date a woman who judges a person on whether he lives with his parents and his social life? I know I wouldn't.
^^^this

And don't be talking down about yourself. People, at least me. Like to have positive people in their lives. And thoes people and my self build off of each other, in a positive direction.

Maybe start going to the gym. Maybe a boost in confidents is in order.
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  #24  
Old 06-22-12, 08:16 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kilted_scotsman View Post
. but if you've ADD/ADHD you're looking for a pretty special kind of partner anyway....
that doesn't sound good does it?

Quote:
The biggest thing is not to think you're a loser and never going to find a woman.... from what I have experienced/heard it's THAT way of thinking that's a MASSIVE turnoff to most women....

If the guy doesn't think he's any good then why should any woman?
Obviously that's not the reason why I have been overlooked, since nobody is a mind reader.

Quote:
There is also the danger of hooking up with a "rescuer"... a person who's raison d'etre is to "help" people.... unfortunately this isn't a good basis for a relationship because the helper can get tired of helping... or (worse still) subliminally conspire to stop the object of his/her help actually improving because it would remove the point of his/her life.

kilted
Those people exist. They have nothing to do with my post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch View Post
Plenty of women live with their parents and plenty of women are introverts with small social circles. Not all women want the same thing.

You're shooting yourself in the foot, man.

Guys who think they have nothing to offer never are not attractive.
I think I have things to offer but not status or resources or the things most women like. I don't apologize for that, since I know for a fact that pleasing people is not the point of life.

Quote:
Are you smart? Funny? Loyal? Loving? Kind? A gentleman? Would you move heaven and earth for the right girl? A generous lover? These things are way more important than if you have lots of friends or where you live.
who knows?
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  #25  
Old 06-22-12, 08:53 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Lettuce be real for a moment, this isnt why i came here to write this. Only in the company of men can we talk before sunrise. You must never forget its a wonderful life and this is the city of god. For its our performance in the big country that will decide our brief encounter. While I may rest unforgiven its the passion of christ that will save me, and eventually you too. Whilst true romance may save us on those boogie nights, there will be blood when we're dancing with wolves. GearCube, can i ask you a question? Do you know the rules of the game? I dont. The Hustler is lost in translation. We walk and walk, we walk east, we walk north, north by northwest, like resevoir dogs until we find that american beauty. And we will all find her one day GearCube, worry not. The shining light on the waterfront is what will guide us through the matrix of uncertainty, for the heat will be gone with the wind. Do you know what lies beneath? 12 Angry men, and the third man is a taxi driver. ITs a matter of life or death that we wait until superman returns.
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  #26  
Old 06-22-12, 09:06 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Gearcube, you have created your own self fulfilling prophecy.

I want you to think about this. Its a quote from Henry Ford.

"Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."

You should write it down, and look at it every day. Think about what you really want, because as much you would like to think this is outside of your control, I can assure you it most certainly isn't. You can change it. But you need to figure that one out for yourself. Seems you don't want to believe it coming from someone else.
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  #27  
Old 06-22-12, 10:29 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
... I wasn't crazy or delusional.

You see, today I read an article written by one of those dating "experts" and he admitted that there's little his teachings can do to help you if you have made poor lifestyle choices. The poor lifestyle choices he mentioned include:
  • being broke
  • being unemployed
  • living with your parents
  • not having friends
  • being overweight
Luckily, I'm neither broke, unemployed, nor overweight, but I live with my parents and essentially have no friends.

Years ago I argued before a psychologist that there was no point in my trying to attract women because sooner or later, as soon as they learned that I live with my parents and have no social life, they would likely reject me. The psychologist, of course, rather than admitting that I was right, made it seem like it was all in my head. But today I realized that it wasn't all in my head and that I was, in fact, right. Yes, of course I was right. Living with your parents is a HUGE turn off for women because it implies that you are a boy and financially unstable.

But you know what the problem is?

Living with my parents works for me, because while I'm not broke, I would not feel comfortable being in a situation where I have to spend half my salary on a full rent, so by living with my parents I have the opportunity to minimize my expenses while giving money to my parents rather than a third party. Also, since I essentially have no friends, I would feel very sad and lonely if I were to live on my own, completely isolated from people who care about me. Finally, my parents enjoy my company and have no desire to kick me out of the house, so the current arrangement works very well for all of us.

Since the current arrangement is not likely to change any time soon, and since I am not interested in having friends, that means that I will never be attractive to women, and there is little point in my bothering to attract women, because even if I succeed they will reject me when they discover my "poor lifestyle choices".

I was right.
Gearguy -- it seems important to you that you are proven right. You want certainty. I understand.

My situation is very different from yours but people continue to push me to date but I can not for "personal reasons."

Companionship is important to many people. They want what they want for themselves for me.

If I could change "my personal reasons" I would, then I would try to find companionship, but I can't change those "reasons." So, in my case, I am certain that I can not date. There is some comfort in that, in that I don't have to spend energies on finding and maintaining a relationship.

Maybe you should determine for yourself how important a relationship is to you. If it is important then, you may want to reexamine your certainty regarding your options for finding someone to share your life.

Finding and maintaining a relationship is work.

Many on the forum have given excellent advice.
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Old 06-23-12, 01:16 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

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Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
I think I have things to offer but not status or resources or the things most women like.
What makes you such an expert on what women like or don't like? Reading crappy stories on the internet and the Lifestyles section on CNN don't really give you any idea of how things like this work in reality.

You don't know what "most women like" because you haven't really been socially engaged with "most women" long enough to draw any sort of real conclusion. Just about every person responding to your post has said the only thing holding you back is your own view of yourself. Everybody except you. Everybody with experience in this area is telling you one thing, and you (the one person WITHOUT experience in it) is saying that everybody else is wrong.

People may not be mind readers, but it sure is easy as hell to tell when somebody has no confidence in themselves. People generally run from these people as fast as they can. There are no environmental factors hindering your progress. All of the issues are internal and can be fixed easily. Nothing will ever change unless you want them to change though.
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  #29  
Old 06-23-12, 01:46 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Another poster not so long ago had a similar issue, there were some good advice given in these posts for essentially the same topic.



http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100940

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101287

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102242

Hope that helps!
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Old 06-23-12, 02:39 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
Of course not.

But because of my "lifestyle choices" it means that I must play the numbers game harder than almost everyone. I won't have to hit on 100 women before I get lucky, more like 10000.
Whoa.

I can tell you as a woman, nothing would turn me on LESS than a guy who I know has hit on every single other woman that has crossed his path. How do you think ANY woman would feel about being just one of 10000 trees you've barked up in hopes of getting a bite (yes I am aware I am mixing metaphors)? How could she be expected to feel special?
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