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  #31  
Old 06-23-12, 07:46 AM
Candlewax Candlewax is offline
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by spunkysmum View Post
Whoa.

I can tell you as a woman, nothing would turn me on LESS than a guy who I know has hit on every single other woman that has crossed his path. How do you think ANY woman would feel about being just one of 10000 trees you've barked up in hopes of getting a bite (yes I am aware I am mixing metaphors)? How could she be expected to feel special?
You're completely right. On the other hand, if you're completely clueless on how to interact with women, I think it can be a good thing to just go out and hit up lots of girls just to gain experience.
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  #32  
Old 06-23-12, 09:55 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theras View Post
You don't know what "most women like" because you haven't really been socially engaged with "most women" long enough to draw any sort of real conclusion.
It's the truth. read evolutionary psychology books. That's what most if not all women like. Don't like it? Hate human nature, not the observer of human nature.

Quote:
People may not be mind readers, but it sure is easy as hell to tell when somebody has no confidence in themselves.
I have confidence in MYSELF. I don't have confidence in what women like because I don't control what women like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by spunkysmum View Post
Whoa.

I can tell you as a woman, nothing would turn me on LESS than a guy who I know has hit on every single other woman that has crossed his path. How do you think ANY woman would feel about being just one of 10000 trees you've barked up in hopes of getting a bite (yes I am aware I am mixing metaphors)? How could she be expected to feel special?
I agree.

But how else am I supposed to ever be successful with women if I don't hit on many of them? I am still waiting for the day when it's okay for the man to play the passive role. Hasn't happened yet. Probably will never happen.
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  #33  
Old 06-23-12, 11:22 AM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

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Originally Posted by gearcube View Post
It's the truth. read evolutionary psychology books. That's what most if not all women like. Don't like it? Hate human nature, not the observer of human nature.
If you believe evolutionary psychology is a good science then be prepared to be a wallet, afterall,these huge brains are slave to some biological imperative. It does make you wonder why men aren't always thrilled giddy to be a father, spreading their seed and all.

Quote:

But how else am I supposed to ever be successful with women if I don't hit on many of them? I am still waiting for the day when it's okay for the man to play the passive role. Hasn't happened yet. Probably will never happen.
That's costs extra
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  #34  
Old 06-23-12, 03:49 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Geartube,

Man, I feel ya. I really do. I'm 50 and I live in a house with other people. In other words, "I rent a room" from my landlord who also lives in the house. I came to this place 6 years ago after I got divorced. I was worried about isolation, so I wanted to live with people, and I also wanted to save money.

If I allowed my insecurities to rule, I could feel bad about living in a house-share, not having a huge salary, driving a 13-year-old car. And then kiss dating goodbye, because I will have dismissed myself, rejected myself, even before I've gone into the world.


Step 1:

Develop confidence right where you are.

You need to feel OK about what you are doing--and you need to not give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks!

For example, I read an interview with the executive producer and star of the HBO show "Girls." She also, until quite recently, lived at home. That's right, this major television producer/writer/actor was living at home with her parents. She's 25. She said it was a great place to live.

So your first task is to decide whether or not living where you live is a good thing. If it is a good thing, then you need to go out into the world and carry yourself with pride that you are doing a good thing.


Step 2:
Get clear on your life missions and ambitions and goals--and these are goals and ambitions besides dating.

What do you want out of life? To say you want relationships--that's an OK goal, but do you want marriage? Kids? What else? You have to start with these, because trust me, it's easier than you think to get a relationship and for it to be a terrible relationship.

Step 3:
Start aggressively pursuing those ambitions and goals.

There’s a phrase that I read from Neil Strauss, author of the book on pickup artists. The phrase goes something like this: THE BEST WAY TO MEET WOMEN IS TO HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO MEET WOMEN.

Living a great life (full of activities that are exciting and fun to you) is what makes you attractive. This is what all the evolutionary biology/pickup artist stuff misses. It's not just money that makes guys attractive, it's focus, it's passion. A woman notices when a guy is really pursuing his goals with focus--even if he's a long way from reaching them.

What are your strengths? What are your passions? What are your values? You've got know these, and frankly, sometimes it takes time to figure these out.

Step 4:
Enjoy pursuing your goals and interests PERIOD. (If you meet no women, fine.)

Here is the win-win.

Win 1: you are enjoying your life because you're doing all these things that are exciting to you ...

Win 2: because you are doing all these exciting activities, you are going to be more attractive to people (because passion and focus are attractive!) without even trying.

Step 5:
Just relax and talk .. the phone numbers will come.

When you find yourself in the company of people who share your values and passions, then just start to talk. If you enjoy the conversation, then continue to talk. It's that simple. If you have to break off, and you feel there's more to discuss and you feel like you had a good connection, then you ask the person out for coffee, etc.

Step 6:
Keep focusing on Tasks 1 through 4:

Pickup artists can meet people, but they don't have the capacity to sustain the relationship. It's steps 1 through 4-- developing yourself independent of dating, independent of women--that strengthen your capacity for a long term relationship. And the beauty is ... these steps make life fun and exciting regardless of dating or not dating.


Geartube, I'm trying to follow these as well.

Tone
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  #35  
Old 06-23-12, 06:50 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

There is a slippery slope a man can slide down when he has a hard time.attracting women. He can become bitter, angry, resentful and self.defeating. but worse of all, he can begin to see women as a broad generalization ... Not as individuals who vary in their needs, wants, desires and relationship styles. Falling down to a place where "all women want jerks or rich guys" will.destroy, utterly destroy, any chance of attracting a partner and having a healthy and loving relationship.
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  #36  
Old 06-23-12, 07:24 PM
gearcube gearcube is offline
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
Geartube,

Man, I feel ya. I really do. I'm 50 and I live in a house with other people. In other words, "I rent a room" from my landlord who also lives in the house. I came to this place 6 years ago after I got divorced. I was worried about isolation, so I wanted to live with people, and I also wanted to save money.

If I allowed my insecurities to rule, I could feel bad about living in a house-share, not having a huge salary, driving a 13-year-old car. And then kiss dating goodbye, because I will have dismissed myself, rejected myself, even before I've gone into the world.


Step 1:

Develop confidence right where you are.

You need to feel OK about what you are doing--and you need to not give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks!

For example, I read an interview with the executive producer and star of the HBO show "Girls." She also, until quite recently, lived at home. That's right, this major television producer/writer/actor was living at home with her parents. She's 25. She said it was a great place to live.

So your first task is to decide whether or not living where you live is a good thing. If it is a good thing, then you need to go out into the world and carry yourself with pride that you are doing a good thing.


Step 2:
Get clear on your life missions and ambitions and goals--and these are goals and ambitions besides dating.

What do you want out of life? To say you want relationships--that's an OK goal, but do you want marriage? Kids? What else? You have to start with these, because trust me, it's easier than you think to get a relationship and for it to be a terrible relationship.

Step 3:
Start aggressively pursuing those ambitions and goals.

There’s a phrase that I read from Neil Strauss, author of the book on pickup artists. The phrase goes something like this: THE BEST WAY TO MEET WOMEN IS TO HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO MEET WOMEN.

Living a great life (full of activities that are exciting and fun to you) is what makes you attractive. This is what all the evolutionary biology/pickup artist stuff misses. It's not just money that makes guys attractive, it's focus, it's passion. A woman notices when a guy is really pursuing his goals with focus--even if he's a long way from reaching them.

What are your strengths? What are your passions? What are your values? You've got know these, and frankly, sometimes it takes time to figure these out.

Step 4:
Enjoy pursuing your goals and interests PERIOD. (If you meet no women, fine.)

Here is the win-win.

Win 1: you are enjoying your life because you're doing all these things that are exciting to you ...

Win 2: because you are doing all these exciting activities, you are going to be more attractive to people (because passion and focus are attractive!) without even trying.

Step 5:
Just relax and talk .. the phone numbers will come.

When you find yourself in the company of people who share your values and passions, then just start to talk. If you enjoy the conversation, then continue to talk. It's that simple. If you have to break off, and you feel there's more to discuss and you feel like you had a good connection, then you ask the person out for coffee, etc.

Step 6:
Keep focusing on Tasks 1 through 4:

Pickup artists can meet people, but they don't have the capacity to sustain the relationship. It's steps 1 through 4-- developing yourself independent of dating, independent of women--that strengthen your capacity for a long term relationship. And the beauty is ... these steps make life fun and exciting regardless of dating or not dating.


Geartube, I'm trying to follow these as well.

Tone
You know what my problem is? I live a lifestyle where I have little to no interaction with women.

If I were a high school or college student, all of this good advice I have received would make sense.

But I don't meet women when I am:
  • at home
  • driving on the highway to work/home
  • at work
  • outside, enjoying nature.
I don't buy that talk about doing what you enjoy doing and then women will find you attractive, because I do what I enjoy and there are times when hours pass and I don't meet a single soul.


And the few times I meet women, it's like to them I am not even human. It's like I have zero traits that women find attractive.

I think the problem is that you need to be a decent conversationalist/joker if you want to win women with your personality, and I am not that kind of person.. If you are a person like me, a person who can sit on one spot, motionless, staring into space for minutes at a time, and whose conversational skills are limited to asking questions - if I can think of any - then not many women are going to find you attractive. At least that's what I have concluded based on my own experience.

It's sad, really, because I know I am not a bad person.
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  #37  
Old 06-23-12, 08:23 PM
Flounder41 Flounder41 is offline
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Gearcube lmagine this. You are attracted to women, Iike you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better.

That's what life is like to me.

I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love. So consider yourself lucky. We gave you advice, a lot. Not one thank you was seen. And why even start this thread if youre just going to combat us.
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  #38  
Old 06-23-12, 08:40 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

You can improve your chances by 50% if you go gay. 50% is alot.
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  #39  
Old 06-23-12, 09:14 PM
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Rebelyell Rebelyell is offline
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Boy if thats the case I might as well jump off the empire state building.50 percent jesus christ!
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  #40  
Old 06-23-12, 09:22 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
Boy if thats the case I might as well jump off the empire state building.50 percent jesus christ!
Yeh because the world has something 51% women and 49% men. So if youre only looking for females thats 51% but if your looking for men and women thats 100%.

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  #41  
Old 06-23-12, 09:25 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

I gotcha.I dont hate women I dont know I just dont go out its like im agorophobic or something.I know Im not gonna find a gal sitting in the house I have to go to them they arent coming to me but I just cant seem to force myself to get out.I wanna go out but for some reason I just dont.I dont know how to explain why I am like I am to my co workers,they just dont seem to get it or me.
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  #42  
Old 06-23-12, 09:31 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
I gotcha.I dont hate women I dont know I just dont go out its like im agorophobic or something.I know Im not gonna find a gal sitting in the house I have to go to them they arent coming to me but I just cant seem to force myself to get out.I wanna go out but for some reason I just dont.I dont know how to explain why I am like I am to my co workers,they just dont seem to get it or me.

Proximity is key when you dont go out alot. Office romance is a good thing. Almost all my relationships have been with people that work in the same place as me. I trust them more i suppose. I have 2 ex's at my job and we have no bad blood.I suppose it depends on the person. Im not very mushy or jealous so i can just move on.
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  #43  
Old 06-23-12, 09:41 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheChemicals View Post
Proximity is key when you dont go out alot. Office romance is a good thing. Almost all my relationships have been with people that work in the same place as me. I trust them more i suppose. I have 2 ex's at my job and we have no bad blood.I suppose it depends on the person. Im not very mushy or jealous so i can just move on.

Well, in fact you don't mind most of your coworkers knowing the details of your sex life...... This is why ofice romances aren't so good.
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  #44  
Old 06-23-12, 09:58 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

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Well, in fact you don't mind most of your coworkers knowing the details of your sex life...... This is why ofice romances aren't so good.

I suppose im loose like that. I dont care that they know my sex life. If one thing bothers me is that i still care about them after its over so its hard to not end up with them....again.
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  #45  
Old 06-23-12, 10:00 PM
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Re: Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

I stand by office romance. The professional ethics and rulesbooks might say its wrong but we are just human beings at the end of the day and the people we spend a large portion of our lives with are the ones we works with.
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