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  #76  
Old 09-27-13, 06:02 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Great question... So both of my parents have unusual traits... I should have made a post about this as early in my treatment ( the first 1 - 3 sessions ) I considered this question alot.


Mother
____________________________________________

-House always messy ( with a biannual spring clean )
-In her own world / rythmn most of the time
-Not very physical
-Intelligent but rarely applies it ( studied nursing )
-Negative externally focussed loops
-Rarely socialised


Father
____________________________________

-Got through medical + specialist training ( how i'm not sure - this was 30 years ago )
-Highly impulsive - introvert
-Watches TV and smokes most days but has drive to do one or two things
-Depression ( treated ),
-Isolated lifestyle... ( lives in his mind )




So, they both have traits... intelligence, sloppyness... Mum is ok with money but I think she had to be growing up with 7 brothers and sisters being the oldest...

I keep switching between who I think has the stronger traits...

My brother is smart, went through medical school... He is very "picky" as a person and I think he had some mild depression in his mid 20's there are few obvious ADD traits in him.

A couple of my uncles and aunties on my ,mom's side are quite "hyper", jumpy bodies or activities.... and I don't really know many uncles or aunties on my dads side, the one I do is quite "dreamy" / psychotic...


Real mixed bag i'm afraid... The fact that all of them had educational successes makes it harder...
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  #77  
Old 09-29-13, 11:22 PM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Sitting in a park...1pm.

Got a psychologist appt@5...pm...

This morning at 5:30 on the way to work on the bike I decided to check the maps to pinpoint the job. I've done this heaps... Today tho' was riding a bike I haven't ridden I. A while....

Well you can guess what happened... Looks up, see's barrier, bumps it, goes into quick wobble then onto left shoulder with a bit of a smacking roll.

Call ambulance... Two people walk past me... Ambi's were super nice, got the green whistle ... Hospital guys were heaps good... Thankfully no breaks or fractures... Some sort of translocation thing 50% or something but got to wait a week to see the specailist.

In comms with the boss telling him I'm off, I'm pretty sure I get paid under workers insurance as I was on the way to work but these things get dicey...


Thing is, kinda got nobody to help.. not winging just real stark when your vulnerable... Bike is locked on the street where it happened... Well I suppose I can walk it home tonight...

Wonder what my therapist is gonna say
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  #78  
Old 10-01-13, 03:28 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

So, I managed to sleep surprisingly ok... today was a little crappy. My back grazes did not stick to the bedsheets either which was an added bonus.

I walked for 2hours last night with my ^$%$%$'ed up shoulder to go get my bike before someone cannibalised it. Thankfully it was still there.

Therapy

At the therapist we talked about how my lack of communication / withdrawnness is interpreted by many as anger or lack of interest. How my boss and others form incorrect opinions.

We talked about showing vulnerability but this quickly highlighted how in the past when I percieve unfairness or being treated poorly I quickly flair up and get emotional or combative....which never ends well... So I gotta work at getting my needs across clearly, early and factually. No problem in text, face to face tho I quickly lose control.

Apparently my boss may have formed the opinion that i'm a management burden. Despite not harassing him and going about my work letting it speak for itself.

So it seems much needs to be done with me "anticipating" NT needs and filling gaps that form. My nature makes this feel a little manipulative. But I do get that this is what is required.

Apparently if I spoke out a few weeks ago and demanded answers this would make me a good worker..... hmmmmm .... practically it makes sense, logically tho.... EDIT: "requested clarification"

Anyways, I got two weeks at home with my damage to go slow and rejuvinate. Tried some quinoa for breakfast.....was pretty good....
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  #79  
Old 10-05-13, 11:20 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

My Mate and his cleaning mission

So I've posted on here and some other threads that I did some study this year. I did not follow this up so much but two of the people from that course have kept in touch... Obviously their communication skills are a little better than mine, tho some change i've made have made it me more approachable I guess.

So, my friend has been to my place to hep me clean the gutters on my roof. He's really down to earth and patiently minded. He prides himself on doing a good job. He's also really accepting.

I know he's had some struggles earlier in life. But he has obviously found his own peace and often steers our conversations back to action and momentum. ( In a practical, not so much philosophical sense )...

I've been to his house three or four times... We chat a bit... ask each other about our jobs etc.

So i've told him about some handy work I have had planned. Today he offered to help me out. He brought his tools over and started showing me how to replace a tap washer / check valves etc. etc. Now, I'm not exactly mechanically incompetent, it's more the methodical approach he takes and directness + focus on "doing it right" which I benefit from. I think he also likes to get out of the house so it's not all work...

Mate turns life coach

So, at some point when he's fixing my taps, I believe a switch must have gone off in his brain about the state of my house...

He started giving me advice ( Was quite firm, but also not bossy );

-You will buy a laundry basket
-You will eat breakfast
-You will then feed the dog
-About 30 more!!!

He then vacuumed my room and directed me to box all the piles of things up.

This went on for 4 hours...


Now, I know that mostly his actions were based out of compassion. Trying to instill good housekeeping habits and responsibilities, actions within me.

It a point, I started to feel quite defensive / mad... I felt that he didn't fully apprieciate my capacity... But I held off.... Reminded myself of his motives.... Sometime later I did try to help him to comprehend there are only a limited amount of tasks per day I can do. And building habits takes time.

I also pondered how much of what was occuring were "his standards"... and whether it is truly necissary for me to do all these things on an ongoing basis...

The net result? Well my room is very clean My ego took a little bit of a beating as I fully absorbed my chaos. I felt inadequate for a while. But some of his actions did help alot... The way he had a clear goal and path to get there. The way that the end result can serve to add to energies... and self respect.

I don't think I like the way he rearranged my bedroom furniture!

So, I guess I let him impose a little... I held back some rebuttals and alternate methods because they had not been applied as yet. He mean't well, and I learn't something.

But, having someone tell you you have to do these extra 20 things every week made me feel a little bit like he didn't understand how I function...

So as with most things, I guess there s never only one path. And there can be truths in various methods. I may need to go back to him at a later stage and tell him some of his suggestions just won't work for me. Or, that i'm comfortable with a lesser level of cleanliness than he is....


Email to Schools

So, I got thinking about this ADHD awareness month thing...

At first I thought of wearing a ribbon ( Purple? Orange? ) but couldn;t find much on that, then I though I might print 20 info flyers and stickem in schools in my area... But I knew that perhaps this would not be so effective.

So, I wrote an email to the office of the state education minister. Seeings as outside of my house, It was teachers who played the largest role in my development... Had opportunities ( gazillions ) to catch on to something being not up to speed and take action... Yet often the reverse was offered... criticism and insult...

So, I asked the education minister to send a blanket email to every single teacher in my state... Particularly primary ( 5 - 11 ) school teachers. Informing them about ADD awareness and to be alert for individuals whose output does not match their obvious abilities or have sporadic application etc. If that they picked up on this, they should take action and refer their "possible" need for consult to caregivers and school counsellors for follow up.

I was only a few days ago... but I sincerely hope he does it or at least sees my email in person so it sits at the back of his mind.


Going to Court

My initial appeal ( basic leniancy request out of court ) against the fine I got was denied... So i'm off to court to fight the rough security pair that insulted me then sent me a fine post mortem. Gonna try get some free legal advice as to which argument os stronger... Kinds of evidence I need and stuff...

If I lose they will whack me with maybe $500 costs on top of the $300 fine... I will smile knowing that I stood up against bullies and voiced my story...
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  #80  
Old 10-11-13, 08:02 PM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

On one side of my family is a bunch of lawyers and judges and there's a few things you can do when going to court.

1) Dress nice, always wear at least a button shirt + tie
2) Go with family, judges like to see that a person has people there to support them
3) Find out if it's a male or female judge, then try and get an attractive free lawyer. 9/10 times if you can find a hot female lawyer, the cops and the judge will be more focused on checking out her rack then the actual case, and most likely let you off with a warning. It sounds sketchy, but TRUST ME IT WORKS!

Good luck with that, court can suck.

If you actually hear back from the state education minister I'd be shocked. People in positions like that either mass delete their email, or send auto-responses. If you want results, you gotta do it in person.
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  #81  
Old 10-12-13, 09:00 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Thankyou very very much Matt_NY

My deep appreciation

In the last week;

-I have laughed more than I have in years
-I have hugged more people than I have in years
-I have made inroads in embracing and valuing my vulnerabilities and strengths
-I have driven a car again for the first time in years
-I have been invited out by a girl well almost two
-I have approached strangers with an open mind

It has been an odd culmination of many many factors... strangely all popping into reality when I thought those persuits were idle / past.

For the most part, these last couple of days have been an awakening within me to the power of partnership, sharing and non-censorship / challenge. And the truth in something must be sewn to be reaped.


Thankyou Ocy to the Forums and to every single brother and sister out there who lends a hand to their brethren

I need to send out a huuuuuuuuuuuge message of gratitude to Mr Ocyan.

Also an apology. The energy and creativeness of his posts has, in the past led me to on occasion skim over them a little. I fell into the trap of making false assumptions based on my perceptions of his style of writing and thinking.

I need to say that I drew the conclusion that he was possibly manic or delusional... That his spirited and out of the box expression was a little..... well...... (partly) nuts... I did see a lot of value in what he was saying, that he was capable of extremely abstract and observant deep thought and connection, although I felt he was somewhat "undigested" and "reaching" with some of the more colourful relationships and connections.

I was wrong ( duh!!! ) I'm sorry that I doubted you occy, and that I let my benefit of the doubt worthiness slip. Meeting this man in person has been a revelation.

This gentleman is an extremely intelligent, brilliantly sociable and observant, progressive connector and initiator ( like coming to visit me )... Who's ideas are well connected, based on real life broad knowledge of the topic area. I should have in fact been admiring his ability to expand concepts into alternate modes and realms.

When he says he will make a good criminologist... He is not joking. His capacity to "read" behaviours and people in the real world is astonishing. Not only that, he is proactive in engaging and modifying his relational mode to adapt to various peoples dispositions and test his assumptions.

All of this done with the pure intent of understanding and expansion.

He has superhuman intuition/understanding with people. He could teach Sherlock a thing or two and that is not an exaggeration.

Meeting this man in real life ( as well as some other Adders this week ) has drilled home a powerful, deep, reinforcing support network of connection and belonging.


Despite how this sounds, this is not a butt-kissing exercise.

It is an apology and a statement of facts. If I can underestimate the potential of one person... It is MIND BOGGLING how much raw capacity is on here. Incomprehensible. Truly.



I felt it when I initially joined here... and I allowed myself to lose sight of how truly remarkable, comforting and empowering it is.


I love you guys. I love you for being caring. For being smart. For accepting and valuing.

Words cannot express how appreciative I am of every single one of you.


Facilitators of change

In particular, I want to recognise those who devote their energy into helping others and facilitating change in society and peers. Your ongoing efforts to bring about outcomes, your passion and your resilience.

Your pursuits are truly remarkable.

THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU


As I move forward and actualise myself and my dreams. I not only validate myself, I champion all that is great about us. And this makes me immensly proud.
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Last edited by someothertime; 10-12-13 at 09:26 AM..
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  #82  
Old 10-12-13, 09:56 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

wow!
so happy for you!!!!
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  #83  
Old 10-13-13, 03:44 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

hey did O. see that you wrote this???
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  #84  
Old 10-13-13, 07:41 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

I showed him around the Sydney today, tried to inspire his imagination! I kind of explained what I wrote to him. He was keen to downplay his role in all my experience hehehe.
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Old 11-01-13, 09:13 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Short story... Still distracted / impulsive ( routines - tools absent ). Not much control past an hour or so. Get back to regular work, healthy lifestyle and on with the social work - mindfullness


Work

Started back at work for a half day. Despite alot of signs indicating that I need to make some sort of affirmation/clarity/clear needs talk with the Boss it's really difficult to catch him ( get him to turn up ).

Hopefully soon I can explain to him with no over emotional involvement that I love the job and need to be treated equally to the other staff. Taken off trial. Given a uniform. Accepted.


People

I bumped into a very cute lady in the elevator and we were both obviously "feeling" each other, yet I froze and became infantile Got to my car 10 mins later and I knew exactly what I wanted to say. So more work chopping impulse behaviors.

Apparently, i'm extremely intense. I use all sorts of "psarchasm" when I talk to people. Thing is, I just throw in all these little connected references between things they've said. I'm trying to be pleasing. Trying to be unique. It's not psarcasm in a derogatory way.... It's actually really deeply intended to stimulate them / express my interest.... I know it's too much and it's not clear enough.

So I gotta work on this. Learn to turn it off most of the time or pick out the intention before I speak and maybe not throw so much "abstraction" in. Obviously it's not so conscious. Oh well... Let's try a few things and see what works. Wanna do some work with speech too. I might try an accent or something. I do them well and might be a hell of a lot easier than changing my native elocution.

But of conflict between Ocyan and I. Alot of brotherhood too. It's positive and really highlights how much of what we do is not intentional. He's a very forgiving guy. He's got me out of the house heaps. As I don't plan social things / go out much it's given me some youth full spark. Also a few lifestyle difficulties tho' it's been great anyways.

It's pretty shocking, i've been to over 30 "events" this year ( dinner, meetings, bars etc. ), not saying it's all been productive but compared to below 10 most years... Good to be part of the world again.


Output

Ups and downs here... a couple of smooth hours then a couple of rushy ones / distractions. Still little medium long term planning.

I got some big poster paper... Room has been reordered a bit so looking forward to tracking some habits again similar to what Jacksper is doing.


Ecigarettes

Thanks to Salleh, and some other helpful people here. I've got me some ecig gear.

Also got some for my Dad who is getting quite old / effected from years of smoking.

So far, I've used it a little bit at home ( maybe replacing between 2 - 5 ) cigarettes a day. Have to devise a set of guidelines to wean me off the real stuff but compared to the other options it's looking promising.



Goals

Thankfully my therapist has "made" me select a health point i'm gonna devote action to for the next month. It's sleep. I stayed up for 32 hours two days ago...... Hmmmmmm..... Haven't done that since being a teenager. Not so healthy.
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Old 11-01-13, 10:07 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by someothertime View Post
Where i'm at

It's been six months since I was diagnosed. Progress has been slow, i know.... this is normal.

-I need to improve / find a new counsellor
-I need to improve my meds ( currently on 80 Strattera )
-I need a coach / new friends

I have had 7 sessions with a psycologist, but i'm looking for a new one now ( in Sydney AUS ). I found that the one I had was "ok" but we weren't communicating very well. He did little follow up in things he had advised me to do, and every session he would give me new advice. I know that ultimately it's my responsibility to implement / work on his advice but I need someone who is clearer and more consistent.

Discovery

I have read some good books ( about 10 in total)....something I never would have done before the meds......;

-Hanging by a twig
-the emotionally abusive relationship
-the brain mechanic
-the 10min todo list

I will add some of the other in a later post then update my sig. These have led to a good deal of clarity between what was unrealistic in my thought processes, implementing change is another story.

Change

I've left an emotionally abusive partner. This now gives me room to grow but it is very daunting being alone at present with very few people around me. She was very unsupportive, mocking my diagnosis and criticizing me daily.

I've started a course of study thanks to a disability employment provider I sought out by myself. I realise that a good stable job will go a hell of a long way in improving a lot about my life before I was aware of the ADD I had given up and sat at home in my room thinking I was lazy and unmotivated. This is one of the biggest and positive changes to come from my diagnosis. Now i'm aware of my limitations and positive traits, i'm really optimistic about professional development and find a job I can be happy with

I'm working on my life organisation skills, keeping lists of what I need to accomplish every day, I'm doing pretty good with small things but struggling with social change and building new relationships.


What I have discovered about myself.................

1. Withdrawl has been very harmful to my social skills / life / friendships
2. Negative/unbenificial thought loops have consumed a large portion my life with little or no benefit to me
3. I have largely blamed others for my unhappiness ( yes there is some small truth in that, but as an asbolute way of thinking it's extremely harmful )
4. Low self esteem is one of my major barriers, I have always wanted others to like me and I now know that this is not rational.

I think I have a lot of narcissistic traits that I have developed through a combination of emotional neglectful upbringing + add.
Wow, someothertime -- great idea and you are quite observant.

You write well with good detail.

You are also introspective which I think is a valuable "skill."

You say you learn alot from the forums, now others will learn alot from you.

Take care, good luck.
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  #87  
Old 11-01-13, 10:12 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Gee cheers MX...

I certainly appreciate your comments, in particular pointing out valuable aspects of my personality, I often don't have the presence to dissect and pinpoint things like that, so it will help a lot!
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Old 11-09-13, 03:37 PM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Thursday was a challenge...

At my course we were given a large binder with 6 months of very well constructed notes in it. Alas, as I travel by pushbike it way to heavy to go riding km's with it strapped to my back. So, I took out only the worksheets i thought I needed for each class.

Whaddaya know? The pages are not numbered So from August to November this A4 binder gets more and more out of whack. I thought I'd be able to reassemble it but after 3 x 2hour sessions it just wasn't happening. So I;

-Visit a learning support center at my college

They gave me some great advice with other things, like memorising a few names a day at mealtimes ( so I remember )... Asking my teacher stuff nd taking photos at THE START of class so he's fresh and I don't forget the photo's later.

-With the notes they said I should ask someone else in class..... to borrow their notes to fix mine...... I've been too inhibited to to this...... I mean....... they already treat me like an alien...... Soooooooooo...... I go through the Learning Support lady at the college. I arrange for a special one on one tutorial session with a teacher form the section so that I can get these things that have let fester back on track...

( NB: While in a lot of ways I'm either embarrassed or feel I don't deserve this kind of support - I felt it would perhaps be good to ask for it, in particular cause I've never had these types of concessions in the past - Also..... I felt by me leveraging it, that the beaurocrat's would have more "Data"/Usage sot hat the services continue to be available for others in the future )


-So I turn up... I tell the guy I know he's busy so I've worked out exactly what I need.

a) Borrow a course folder from them so I can use it to re-order ( and NUMBER! ) mine.

b) A list of plants we've covered so I have in writing what I need to study... ( a book full of 200 is WAY TMI for me... + in class when others have written them down..... I tried but my notes got messy and/or the teacher + us rush off at the end of class.


So...... This guy who's getting paid to help me for an hour or two says;

"Can't help you"........ WTF? I try to be practical.....

"I really need this to get back on track is there any other thing you can think of?"

"GO BUY ANOTHER ONE"....

So I get the ****s.... this has triggered me.... I go looking for the head teacher.....lucky I find this truly amazing angel of a woman in the reception..... She has in the past offered to phone people immediately when I come looking for them.... She is just pure majic.


She takes me upstairs looking for the head teacher.... and we stumble across the guy who was supposed to be tutoring / helping me..... "THese guys can help you" ( oh yeah.... he felt it would be good if another teacher got in the act to tell me to go buy another one )....

Um no Tina they can't...... What does she do?

Right then and there..... on their phone.... she arranges a copy of the notes I can borrow, calling the bookshop, the head teachers...... whatever it took. She's an absolute marvel.

Then I ask for the plant list. The guy prints three incorrect lists ( the one with the 200 plants that I already have ) then has to edit a master list for 15 minutes to get to an exact list of what we've done... All while Tina makes sure it's what I need.


Anyway..... she takes me downstairs....

-Makes me a cup of coffee gives me two pastries that were in the fridge for the teachers party the next day ( I sheepishly tried not to accept but she persisted )....


I began crying in front of her. Part of it was that I was in awe with how wonderful and helpful she was. Part of it was that this was the exact thing I was trying to avoid. I wanted to resolve this myself as much as possible.


End result > Yeah I got the folder ( thanks to Tina ), I told my teacher I was going home early cause I didn't feel well. I skipped class on Saturday and went to the beach with Ocyan which was amazing ..... But avoidance is probably not the best solution but boy did I need the R&R...


Learnings

-Try not to let stuff fester
-Do NOT expect things from people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-There are angels in the world ( I'm gonna take her flowers )
-Develop better record keeping skills
*-Work on noticing when I'm triggered and do better at channelling the emotions



Ocyan and I get Social

So that night, we go to a local pub. Yes, yes.... the exact same thing that was "boring" to me for so many years....

Having the great conversation and company sure helped to make it a comfortable experience.

The next day ( yesterday ) we go to Bondi Beach SItting there in the sand..... Great day....... great place...... great company..........

I feel amazing when I get home. When he leaves I truly need to make more effort to find some people I can do similar things with. I've learn't a lot from him. Tolerance....... behaviour not being choice.... communication / presence skills...... ( and the need for )...... But most of all he's shown me that I need people......


The Book of Understanding by OSHO

I've also started reading The Book of Understanding by OSHO...... I swear this guy must be an ADDer..... Championing the rebel....... I've only read a bit...... but what he is saying about just honouring your needs ( evolution ) is a stark addition to the CBT I've been doing. It really has helped me to be less inhibited.
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Old 11-09-13, 08:46 PM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Hello I'm new to this forum. I was recently diagnosed with adhd and an anxiety disorder. It's nice to know I'm not alone and looking to develope positive friendships here as well as support.
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Old 11-10-13, 02:08 AM
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Re: Turning my life around - A diary of a 35 year old new diagnosed ADDer

Hey Barkley42! Your very welcome here Make sure you introduce yourself in the New Member Introductions.... Just click on the top left.

I'm heaps verbose about my struggles in this thread... Truth is there is a lot of wonderment and discovery that comes with learning more about myself/yourself!
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