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  #1  
Old 05-28-13, 02:25 PM
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End Of Grade Testing not going well.

We went to the school to take the 1st of 4 end of grade (EOG) tests. He was really anxious and when we got there, he broke down and couldn't push through it. We got there at 9:15 and left at nearly 11 without even starting the test.

He just got overwhelmed. He was supposed to take the reading test today which is reading passages and answering questions about each passage. The estimated time to complete each test (reading, math and science) is 3 hrs with a max of 4hrs. Social Studies is new this year and only lasts 90mins. He doesn't read quickly and gets lost in the passages so he freaked out. We tried switching to math but he was so upset at that point that he just couldn't do it.

I really thought he'd be ok. The EOGs don't "count" this year because we switched to Common Core this year so it's a transition year used to see how the program worked. It doesn't have any bearing on him passing his grade. He said the only way he could do it was to mark random answers and he wasn't going to do that. I'll give him a A+++++ for integrity!

Soooo...... We are now a test day behind. He is supposed to test again on Thursday, Monday and Tuesday. They will try to administer the test here at home on Thursday and see how that goes. He said it might be easier at home but I'm not convinced. I don't think it was the environment but the test itself.

Guess we'll have to find another day to take the test we missed today. I don't know what we'll do if he can't complete them. They said they'll have to consult with the testing office. He sees his Psychologist tomorrow so they will have to talk about this testing some.

Just gives me more stress about next year. I visited the private school that is based on homeschool curriculum last week and talked to one of the Program Administrators there. I laid it all out for her and she said they have several students just like him there and they are doing great because they take the time to work with student to get them through it. And a lot of the school work (like the long reading assignments and such) that overwhelms him, they don't do. She said they incorporate the teaching/learning into projects and experiences so they do little to none of the typical read it and regurgitate it you see in public school.

I'm just waiting for school to get out and hopefully have a calmer summer and get to a good place for him wherever he goes next year!
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Old 05-28-13, 04:23 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

I'm sorry to hear that he freaked over the tests but I was afraid that the
combination of being in that environment and being tested would be too
much.

It's too bad that you have to look to a private school with out-of-pocket
tuition. My g-daughter's local school sucked at working with her Autism
issues and we ended up moving her to the school for kids with behavior
problems because the classes were much smaller. It's been a trade off as
she reacts to the meltdowns she sees/hears other kids having, but has
really blossomed with the teaching and attention in a small class.

We have an autism specialist in our school district and she's been working
to get a class set up in the school that's most accomodating for these kids
for next year. But understandably my g-daughter is not wanting to switch
schools again. All we can do is ask her to give the new class a trial, maybe
a month? And if she's just miserable there she can switch back to the
special school.
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Old 05-28-13, 05:30 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Thanks Lunacie!

I was going through my Instagram tonight and found a photo of my smiling young man he took of himself this morning right before we left for school apparently. The caption said, "I'm going to take my EOG today". It honestly broke my heart to see that picture and I'm not sure why. I think it's because he seems so happy in it and confident but I can't shake that picture of him in the office cowaring in a corner crying and rocking because he just couldn't take the test. It's heart wrenching. And no, he wasn't manipulating me because he walked away from an entire day on Minecraft and a $10 iTunes card.

I'm just frustrated with my DH too. I guess I'm too soft and he's too hard. My heart aches and he seems to just get angry. I guess he just processes differently but it isn't helping DS who thinks his Dad is always angry with him and hates him.
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Old 05-28-13, 05:48 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Speaking as someone who has anxiety disorder, you don't sound "too soft"
at all. You sound like you're working to find answers and that you're not
blaming or being angry at your son for something that is not within his
control.

My dad didn't understand either - but there wasn't a name for it when I
was a kid. Has your husband talked to the doctors? Has he attended any
family therapy?
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Old 05-29-13, 02:10 AM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenE View Post
DS ... thinks his Dad is always angry with him and hates him.
What does your husband say about that?
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  #6  
Old 05-29-13, 08:23 AM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

He obviously doesn't hate his son but he is very angry with him because he thinks the anxiety is in his words "such a little thing" and doesn't understand why he can't just handle it. He is angry that I am taking unpaid leave and having to work crazy hours just to make enough to cover the insurance deductions. So he's partly angry with DS and partly angry with the situation it creates. He does get frustrated with DS and will yell which scares DS.

I've tried to get him to talk to someone about this and to come to DS's dr appts with me so he can talk to the drs about how he feels. I can tell him the dr says this is real major anxiety but he will just shake his head and say "I don't know".

He will still lean towards DS being ODD over being anxious. Dr says DS may be manipulative at times but most of those times are to get him out of an anxious situation. I offered DS the world to take the EOG yesterday and he couldn't do it so I don't see how DH can say he is being defiant and manipulative.

DS spent the entire day moping around. He never once complained that he had nothing to do because he knew he had made that choice. He moped around (IMO) because he knew we were disappointed. He's a super sweet kid and only wants to please everyone--well, except his sister! LOL!!
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Old 05-30-13, 02:02 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

I think we are done. Tried at home. He was anxious all morning and we didn't get to start until about 12:30. Opted to do the math because that is his best subject. He whined a little but sat to start the test. He actually answered 3 questions and then you could see it wash over him. I think he just gets overwhelmed and has no self confidence. He started sobbing for a few minutes while we all tried to encourage him. Then he ran to his room and is still there an hour later.

Guidance counselor said she'll have to talk to the testing office but will get back to me. As I understand her, we won't be trying any more tests. He still has some graded work to complete so we will work on that tomorrow and Monday and he should be done.

I'm partly relieved we don't have to try any more but mostly still upset that he couldn't do it. But onward! We'll have the whole summer to work on anxiety now.
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Old 05-30-13, 03:50 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

So glad to hear your done with it. I think it was ridiculous for him to have to try if it didn't count towards whether he continued to the next grade or not. Torture for torture sake has no place in this situation and that is exactly what the school was asking you to subject him to...mental torture.

After a year of "unschooling" I have to say that having a mentally stable 8/9 year old far, far outweighs having an emotionally crippled one who we somehow/sometimes medicated and cajoled into proving her worth on a piece of paper. I am SO over grades & tests as a measure of how my child's life can turn out. Last year she got overwhelmed by the simplest things, she cried about tiny problems, she had lost all perspective because to her NONE of the stuff mattered so she couldn't decipher what she SHOULD get upset about and what she shouldn't.

Your son won't be successful in life ( which is the ultimate aim of school isn't it ?) by being brought this stressful point over & over again. My daugher has written just a few sentences at school this year, taken zero tests, quizzes etc, but WOW has she matured and grown as a little person. Her depth of understanding has increased and eventually I am hoping she may be able to look at a piece of paper without it turning a switch in her head that creates painful flashbacks or whatever happens. For now her teachers have spent enough time with her to KNOW she gets the concepts they are putting out there and are amazed at her understanding and perceptiveness. It is an experience based school so she gets to show hands on knowledge. I don't think the teachers at her "paperbased" school knew much about her at all because that would have meant talking to her and really listening to her.

And I for one do not think you are soft. I think you are providing what your son needs right now, which is to feel safe. Keep up the good work.
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Old 05-30-13, 04:09 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Thank you mommytriz. It's great to hear how your daughter is doing at her school now. it sounds like the private school we are looking at for next year. They use homeschool curriculum and approaches. I told the school that reading is overwhelming to him and doing worksheets and such was just so hard especially right now. They said they do very little of that and that is the more experience based than read, process, regurgitate. Glad to hear that that works well for your daughter and hopefully it will for my son also.

Of course, I have DH to convince. When I called to tell him what happened today, he just sighed, said "I just don't understand" and acted all angry. I think honestly, he is going to have to talk to DS's psychologist (or probably more so, one of his OWN) to help him understand what is going on here.
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Old 05-31-13, 09:34 AM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Congrats on being "done" - this has been a hard road for the two of you. Hope the summer brings better things.

I think your idea of DH getting info from a third party is a good idea. I have a DH who used to be like that and 3rd party info always had a greater impact (as in he was more willing to listen, less defensive).
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Old 05-31-13, 10:40 AM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

Yes, he seems to see my opinions as the "emotional mom" response. It helps me when the drs confirm my thoughts so I think if he hears it from them, he might be more willing to accept it.
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Old 05-31-13, 10:51 AM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

I too am glad it's done, his distress just isn't worth it! You're doing great, and I hope you know that.
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Old 06-01-13, 04:08 PM
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Re: End Of Grade Testing not going well.

I hope the new school turns out to be a good fit. I can't begin to tell you what a difference the right school setting made for our son. We just had an end of year parent teacher conference, and even the staff is impressed by how much he has changed. We went from eloping, hitting, kicking, hour long meltdowns to a kid whose worst report in the last two months was "a bit whiny today". He originally needed 6 sensory breaks a day, and now only takes 3. Best money we ever spent.
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I highly recommend:
Lost at School and The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents -- video
Essential Ideas for Parents by Russell Barkley (video on youtube)

Parenting Children with ADHD by Vincent J. Monastra
Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson
Parenting Your Asperger Child by Alan Sohn
Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy by Peter Wright
Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz
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