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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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  #31  
Old 03-09-05, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainraven
I have been confused from fifth grade on this issue.
Never could tell if guys liked me or not.
Missed lots of cues.
And I guess if I liked a guy with ADD, which would be likely...
He'd miss all my cues!
Cueless! lol
Nope, The connection happens... I never miss the cues with ADD women. It may start off with a friendship... but that is cool too. I have talked with several ADD women friends and the connection haappens with them and ADD boys too. It is pretty strange.

Anyway, most ADD women are very obvious... most of them don't do the nuancy stuff. Unfortunately that tends to attract the creepy males too... Hate that!
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  #32  
Old 03-09-05, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

On the other hand, there's also a downside....sometimes, I'm too sensitive and excessively sefl-conscious. I'm working on keeping the positive side effect and 'neutralising' the negative....it might take some time though since I've only discovered the world of ADHD about 2 weeks ago
It is really strange... I am the same way except for the attraction stuff. It is not based on a separate feeling that is noticeable. It is a mix of things for most people. It always involves socially learned cues. I simply did not learn these. I have had men friends say... "dude, that chick is hot for you" and I am always thinking she just seems a bit nervous... like I am scaring her. Nuts, huh ?
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  #33  
Old 03-10-05, 01:27 AM
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[quote=nu2add]I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

(quote digitl)I am the same way you are nu2add. I can sense people's energy ect.
But when it comes to men, i dont notice if they are interested in me, for a date, or just to talk for a friend. I still can sense men's energy...but not about that specific thing.


Yus, what they said.
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  #34  
Old 03-10-05, 03:30 AM
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Smooth operator

I find I'm better with the ladies when I'm myself (i.e. nothing is forced and everything is natural). I've never had trouble picking up cues but whenever I start thinking and analyzing too much, I run into trouble. Being suave takes a lot of practice

I don't really have problems with things like small talk, flirting, etc. Where I do run into trouble is in relationships. It's like I'm there, but not really there. Symptoms like restlessness and inattentiveness were problematic for me and gave the impression that I wasn't interested in the person, even though that wasn't the case.

At the time though, I didn't know I had ADHD. Perhaps then, I could have done more to control the uncontrollable
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  #35  
Old 03-10-05, 05:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

On the other hand, there's also a downside....sometimes, I'm too sensitive and excessively sefl-conscious. I'm working on keeping the positive side effect and 'neutralising' the negative....it might take some time though since I've only discovered the world of ADHD about 2 weeks ago
I agree, I'm the same

But when it comes to being hit on, for me thats more about self-esteem, I don't believe anyone could ever be attracted for me. If I do sense any kind of sexual tension, I usually put it down to wishful thinking.
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  #36  
Old 03-10-05, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coral Rhedd
I always know. But I don't always respond the way I want to darn it! Something seems to hold me back. I spend too much time trying to analyse motives, that I never give them proper encouragement. I suspect that I am pretty hard to read.

Sometimes, I turn shy. It's like I am in high school again. All that awkwardness.
You know i did not know how to put it into words...but i think that is why i dont get or sense that from men..
Maybe it's because if i am interested in them, i go back to that 15 yrs old mentality for the first minutes. And blush, giggle and say silly stuff

No wonder i am still single .
It only last the first few minutes tho....
I am very outgoing usually so that takes over really fast, and then i can actually act like ''normal'' again lets say !!
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  #37  
Old 03-10-05, 02:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digitl
You know i did not know how to put it into words...but i think that is why i dont get or sense that from men..
Maybe it's because if i am interested in them, i go back to that 15 yrs old mentality for the first minutes. And blush, giggle and say silly stuff

No wonder i am still single .
It only last the first few minutes tho....
I am very outgoing usually so that takes over really fast, and then i can actually act like ''normal'' again lets say !!
I think that is ADORABLE in women! I do the same thing too
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  #38  
Old 03-11-05, 12:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toby
I agree, I'm the same

But when it comes to being hit on, for me thats more about self-esteem, I don't believe anyone could ever be attracted for me. If I do sense any kind of sexual tension, I usually put it down to wishful thinking.
That sounds way too negative. You have to change your self-perception and general outlook on things. One of the golden rules I've learned is that you attract in life whatever you send forth. If you send out a negative vibe, that's what you'll get in return. If you have a big smile on your face and your thoughts are positive, life will greet with open arms. Karma....it's all around you
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  #39  
Old 03-11-05, 01:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
That sounds way too negative. You have to change your self-perception and general outlook on things. One of the golden rules I've learned is that you attract in life whatever you send forth. If you send out a negative vibe, that's what you'll get in return. If you have a big smile on your face and your thoughts are positive, life will greet with open arms. Karma....it's all around you
This is undoubtedly true. Hard to fake though. But when it feels genuine -- look out for the power of it! I was in a really good mood today and went to a business seminar and my mood must have showed because everyone took my business cards and wanted to talk to me and I booked two new client meetings. And three men there were really friendly, and when I went to the grocery store afterward, the old woman in line behind me said she had so much enjoyed chatting with me that she insisted I take some of her flowers. So I did. Beautiful orange flowers freckles. Alstomarias, or some such name.

If only everyday could be this way.
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  #40  
Old 03-11-05, 02:40 PM
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ADHD and perception on life...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coral Rhedd
This is undoubtedly true. Hard to fake though. But when it feels genuine -- look out for the power of it! I was in a really good mood today and went to a business seminar and my mood must have showed because everyone took my business cards and wanted to talk to me and I booked two new client meetings. And three men there were really friendly, and when I went to the grocery store afterward, the old woman in line behind me said she had so much enjoyed chatting with me that she insisted I take some of her flowers. So I did. Beautiful orange flowers freckles. Alstomarias, or some such name.

If only everyday could be this way.
You make a valid point. I've experienced similar highs that just draws people to me.

I think what I was trying to emphasize in my last post to Toby was that in the end, things like self-perception and 'outlook on life' really comes down to the individual. I'm aware that ADHD can and does have negative effects on self-perception. But to say that it determines who we are and what we can achieve in life is simply not true. It presents challenges. But these challenges can be overcome or atleast controlled so we can go on with our lives.

Looking back at my own experiences, I've gone through periods of 'ups' and 'downs' and still do. But regardless of how bad things have gone, my outlook on life has remained positive. My self-perception varies from day to day but I don't let this volatility affect my overall outlook that life is beautiful and worth fighting for. If it isn't, then what's the point of getting up in the morning?

I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...

Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.

If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?

Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.
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  #41  
Old 03-11-05, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...
This does not surprise me because I work with people with disabilities. Physical disabilities are not perceived by people who have them to be an insurmountable obstacles. In my experience, pity is sometimes wasted upon people with physical disabilities. They cope amazingly well.

Quote:
Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.
For children this is most often parent. For instance, with the problem of school bullying, my experience is that proactive parents can make school sit up and take notice.

About mood: To me the up and down of it is just the way my brain is made. Overall I am more of a realist than either positive or negative about life.

Learning, exploring, questioning, and self-expression bring me pleasure. I don't really care if what I learn is either negative or positive just as long as everyday I use my brain.
If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?

Quote:
Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.
I think this is an excellent point. I have found that a secure sense of who I am is essential to my well-being.
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  #42  
Old 03-12-05, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
I'm aware that ADHD can and does have negative effects on self-perception. But to say that it determines who we are and what we can achieve in life is simply not true. It presents challenges. But these challenges can be overcome or atleast controlled so we can go on with our lives.
awsum! kudos to u!!!
i loved that, inspired me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
Looking back at my own experiences, I've gone through periods of 'ups' and 'downs' and still do. But regardless of how bad things have gone, my outlook on life has remained positive. My self-perception varies from day to day but I don't let this volatility affect my overall outlook that life is beautiful and worth fighting for. If it isn't, then what's the point of getting up in the morning?
Makes a LOT OF SENSE


Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...
U know I always thought that if I had a physical disability, I could have handled it better than having add! I guess i'm not that wrong perhaps.....
I hate the fact in life that "what people see if what they believe the most" I mean COME ON, if you don't see something, doesn't necessarily mean that it doesn't exist!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nu2add
Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.

If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?

Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.
I couldn't be more in agreement with you!!!
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  #43  
Old 03-23-05, 02:01 AM
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I have the double curse of ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. It got to the point where I would only pay attention to women that came on to me strong. Most of them were psycho-chicks with serious issues. At this stage I've sort of given up on dating.
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Old 03-24-05, 09:49 PM
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HEY MCCOFFEE I don't know but I have two quick stories that will make you fill better.
I was friends with my wife's before we started dating I was dating one of her friends.
But I had more fun going with her. I took her everywear after I got off work. I broke it off with her friend. We still hung out all the time. A friend of mine made a comment one night she was with me. Take it easy, Me being a meathead said Ill take it any way I could get it. I took her home right after this. IT WAS ON.To cut it short. She threw my jacket in the dirt and said, I can't believe that I put up with your worthless#$#@
friends and thats how you think of me. (she is laughing right now) I got the hint. Maybe she likes me. We have been together for 15 years.

My wife's mom and step dad live in Vegas. I was sitting at a bar in the Casino having a beer with her step dad. My wife was playing a slot machine straight across from us.
A very nice looking lady sat down next to me. She ask me,( They say playing with her hair and flurting) Can I by you a beer? I replied.No thank you I already have one.
Turned back and started talking to her step dad . He gave me a strange look.
My wife came up right after that, laughing like crazy. They took me aside. They both said, That lady was trying to pick you. I replied, No she was just being nice.

Hey: I hope it could be at least part of my problem. Cause looking back. Ive got alot more.
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  #45  
Old 03-25-05, 03:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by domo-kun
I have the double curse of ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. It got to the point where I would only pay attention to women that came on to me strong. Most of them were psycho-chicks with serious issues. At this stage I've sort of given up on dating.
That's what i've usually do my case is the women were crazy or some odd resaon bi or a combo of both.
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