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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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  #46  
Old 03-25-05, 03:48 PM
SFlaPierRat79 SFlaPierRat79 is offline
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I've had friends tell me I'm not paying attention to the ladies on purpose. And I naturally respond by saying what girl? Is she still around? But of course the opportunity came and went. I thought I just didn't know how to pick up social cues, but maybe, just maybe, it's the ADHD. Or my friends are complete liars and I'm a dork.
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  #47  
Old 05-10-05, 10:02 PM
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I do it all the time. I never realize it until later.

Usually I realize it hours or days later, or when one of my friends gives me the "hey stupid! Why did you ignore her?" lecture.

Me

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Originally Posted by mccoffee
Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
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  #48  
Old 05-22-05, 07:27 PM
Nondual Nondual is offline
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ABSOLUTELY. From childhood, if you're constantly being criticized or rejected by others for idiosyncratic things about you, you learn and practice not to trust your initial judgements and that things that almost seem too good to be true (such as a great girl being interested in you despite your faults), then you would feel almost certain that following your gut that says "This woman really likes you, I'll tell her how I feel" will result in her actually NOT having feelings for you, just because it seems she should.
Oh my God, that is EXACTLY what I do.
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  #49  
Old 05-22-05, 07:34 PM
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Some guys like blondes, some like redheads or brunettes. Some guys are "breast" men and some look at legs... Me? I like a woman with a non-linear cognitive structure

Look for the tomboys with lots of confused guy friends
Yes! Exactly! Art school type girls who have short hair that everyone thinks are 'weird'. I'm instantly attracted to them, and I almost always have the most fascinating conversations with these girls. Sometimes I even have the presence of mind to make a tentative move....because even if they're not into me or have boyfriends, they know what it's like to be the 'odd duck' and they're unlikely to humiliate you. Also, their attention moves onto the next thing they were thinking and they don't have time to let the 'mis-hit' affect what could otherwise be a cool budding friendship....AND they might introduce you to their cute, also weird girlfriends.
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  #50  
Old 05-22-05, 07:47 PM
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I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...
People can SEE if you are physically disabled. All people see when you have an 'invisible disorder' like ADHD is that you aren't doing well..and because we sometimes shine when we're really interested, our lack of making good on our potential is seen as obvious laziness or self-centeredness. I learned growing up that I was narcissistic, tactless, and difficult to be around.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 28 years old. That means I had twenty-eight years to absorb and believe all the reasons everyone thought that I was the way I was. People who knew me knew I had a good heart, but I was so tactless, so impatient, so spacey and always late. They figured that I didn't care that my lateness affected them, or that forgetting an important appointment signaled lack of interest.

I have finally given up. I will never get it across to non-ADHD'ers that I am not intentionally trying to annoy, anger, or hurt them. It is futile.
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  #51  
Old 05-24-05, 06:36 PM
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Interesting topic. It applies to me too, especially the denial "nah, she CAN'T be interested in ME, I'm imagining things" part.

But does this really stem from ADHD? Or is it our personalities? (or is that a result of ADHD?)
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  #52  
Old 05-24-05, 09:12 PM
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Well, yah. I do thta a little, but what I do is , I just don't pick up on it until after I've had the time to think about it..
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nondual
Oh my God, that is EXACTLY what I do.
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ADHD.... It's not just for kids anymore...
It all seems impressive when you don't know what it means. (H. Rickey, 1987)
"Aye yam what aye yam." (Popeye)
"Sig personnas illegitum non carborundum." (unknown)
The computer lets you make more mistakes faster, with the exception of tequila and a handgun. (M. Radcliffe)
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  #53  
Old 05-25-05, 11:58 AM
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SFLa; quote;"I've had friends tell me I'm not paying attention to the ladies on purpose. And I naturally respond by saying what girl? Is she still around? But of course the opportunity came and went. I thought I just didn't know how to pick up social cues, but maybe, just maybe, it's the ADHD. Or my friends are complete liars and I'm a dork."


Been their ; But after I got married the looks were more obvious, who knows, But having a devotion to my wife and kids I never looked back, Their were times when ladys became so pushie that I had to slip under an arm and past a beautifull thing in a noughty nighty looking for pleasures , but I would just mutter, I need to get back to work. See I worked in some of the most expensive home's in the DC area and the wive's are very lonely either that or I'm atractive to them. I perfer the latter. LOL But getting hit on was an accurance which happened often. I would get hit on it seems at each referial job in this one group of Jewish lady's and it was a large group ! LOL I would telll my wife about the lady's and she would ask me, "Your not tempted ? " I would give the correct answer "No" LOL, but we all know I was sometimes working with a stiffie and looking forward to getting home. I hate to admit it but it wasn't ladys just hitting on me. I would act very respectfull towards gays and I would kindly turn them down, boy dose that turn them guys on worse than the girls. LOL.
I think my wife is the most beautifull sexy woman in my life and as long as I am wairing these rose colored glasses I will see her that way till the day I die.
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  #54  
Old 05-26-05, 08:51 AM
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Talking

Oh my, you have a brother Dave ??

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveHawk
I think my wife is the most beautifull sexy woman in my life and as long as I am wairing these rose colored glasses I will see her that way till the day I die.
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Lise

I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
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  #55  
Old 05-26-05, 01:05 PM
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ya, he's in the process of a devorice. 8 years my younger. Girls eat him up, something about being a "Good Old Boy" LOL
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  #56  
Old 06-05-05, 09:53 PM
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I've had these screw up's more than once. In the past when I was 18, 19yrs old just when I was starting to date I will admit I was shy and scared.

So I blew opportunities.

Now I'm much more open, but I don't always know what to say to females who I suspect are attracted to me so that I don't sound boring or say something stupid.

I've been suggested the term "Keep it simple stupid". The Stupid stands for something I can't exactly remember what. But I know that it means simple conversations. Try to find out what they're into, hobbies, goals and so on.

I think I've met a few ppl who were interested in me, but I was a nervous to ask them out as I had just ended a relationship.

Then there were a couple of situations I totally misinterpreted b/c they were playing games and giving mixed signals.

Not too mention now a days everyone has a boy friend so that's where I'm at now.
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  #57  
Old 06-08-05, 03:26 PM
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I think I've had this problem. I never really had a girlfriend through high-school developed a monster-crush on a girl in college. We became really good friends, hiking buddies, but she wasn't interested in me, despite the fact that she would tell me she was jealous when she saw me talking with other girls, which of course just fed the crush, but that's another topic.

I see now that there were a lot of girls who may have gone out with me, and even had pursued me, that I hadn't noticed. This was ponted out to me several years later by my (female) best friend. Anyway, it wasn't until I moved to Northern California, and was forcibly introduced by someone to my wife over the phone (he worked where she did, she'd expressed interest in my file in the teacher-credential admissions office, and he transferred me to her without warning) we talked or hours every day for a week, then went out, and the rest was history. If someone else hadn't forced it, I would never have know. So, thanks Ed! (I, of course, made him one of my groomsmen)

I was standing in line with my students at Disneyland while on a field trip several months ago, and a couple of the kids (8th grade girls) said "Oh, my gosh, Mr. G--that woman is totally checking you out!" I was incredulous, but they insisted it was true and described the behavior, which, I guess, was accurate. I turned around and the woman blushed and looked away. I was flabbergasted, but, of course, married and not interested. I made sure I scatched my head with my ring finger just to get that out there, which felt wierd.

Anway, because I am stupid, I was laughing as I told this story to my wife later. She was not amused. What's that again about not reading social cues....?
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  #58  
Old 06-08-05, 10:39 PM
FightingBoredom FightingBoredom is offline
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I was in the doctors office last week and there was this pretty pharma-sales-rep in the waiting room. If it wasn't for reading a post here about body language and "signals" I would never have realized that she was about to hit on me. Pointing her feet at me and shifting her body in my direction....playing with her hair and adjusting her sweater. Like I said, I usually wouldn't have even noticed the signals. I would have thought she saw someone else...even if we were the only people in the room..
Lucky for me they called me in to see the doctor before I could find out..and she was gone when I left....so I'll never know...

Like I said....lucky for me I never found out. Otherwise, I would be writing this from a hospital bed wondering if I should post bail for my wife after she cut off my.....well, you get the picture, right?
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I realized that
we exist in human form
purely to amuse
our "higher" selves.
I just hope I can remember that I came to this realization!



And I'm sick of giving people advice. They don't listen. They don't really want to deal with their issues. They just want to whine and complain and have someone else listen and tell them everything is going to be OK!


Well, everything is NOT going to be OK unless you learn to handle whatever comes your way.
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  #59  
Old 06-10-05, 10:59 AM
justcharlie justcharlie is offline
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Unhappy

Don't know if ADD is to blame but I can think of lotsa women who were hitting on me a long time ago........Yeah I realize it NOW! I'm sure I'll be permanently bruised from kicking myself. Oh,and I am getting better at recognizing it NOW THAT I'M MARRIED! lol
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  #60  
Old 06-28-05, 10:00 PM
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With me its worked both ways, i suppose it's all about social cues, and us missing them.
Because in the past i've hit on girls who i misinterpreted as being interested and fallen flat on my face, because they were not.
At the same time (and its only with hindsight i've realised this)i've missed out because I couldn't read the signs. like one girl was totally macking on me once, i'm sure of it in hindsight, she was telling me how I look like a professional footballer (soccer player) and was really toned like one etc and I started talking about the games i'd been to, my favourite players, blah blah; when she obviously wasn't really into the sport in the slightest. The funny thing is at the time I walked away from that conversation pretty pleased, in hindsight I just bang my head against the wall repeatedly.
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