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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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  #61  
Old 06-29-05, 05:34 AM
FightingBoredom FightingBoredom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zulu
The funny thing is at the time I walked away from that conversation pretty pleased, in hindsight I just bang my head against the wall repeatedly.
Zulu, just make sure you bang the back of your head against the wall. For two reasons, 1. your Prefrontal Cortax has enough issues already, 2. The next time a woman starts talking to you it won't be to ask you if you've run your face into a wall.
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And I'm sick of giving people advice. They don't listen. They don't really want to deal with their issues. They just want to whine and complain and have someone else listen and tell them everything is going to be OK!


Well, everything is NOT going to be OK unless you learn to handle whatever comes your way.
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  #62  
Old 06-29-05, 11:00 AM
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I am realizing again how amazingly difficult it is for me to understand women and how that whole thing is supposed to work. Personally, I am really most comfortable having women friends. I get intimacy and non-intimate all mixed up in my brain. Time is another thing.

Here is what I think is happening:

1. In order to understand what a women is interested in, I need to hear her say it in words

2. Women and men are not trained to do that...there is subtle communication involving face, eye, language and stance that I am unaware of

3. Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus.

4. Time is problematic. There is a time period that involves "getting to know a person". It has a culturally dictated speed. I either move too fast or too slow.
5. Feelings... I am very fast with what I feel. Feelings are supposed to grow between two people. They are all there or not at all for me (usually there...I like people)

The "mating" dance (or friendship dance) is a delicate and mostly culturally defined thing. Since I have "dyslexia of time" I can not time it. Since I live in the emotional sphere...my feelings do not grow, they explode.

On top of that...I can not "read" things right away. I do not know what the culture is telling me I should do...I have "dyslexia" of culture as well.


Frustrating because I am such a good and caring friend...not clingy or desperate...but I come off that way because I do not get the "unspoken timing and rules". It does not help that I have my own personal view on relationships (take the relationship to the most mutually beneficial place you can)
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  #63  
Old 06-29-05, 06:26 PM
Gourmet Gourmet is offline
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". Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus."
~chain quote

Chain, if she wants you to explain your models, she is interested. LOL

~gourmet~
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  #64  
Old 07-01-05, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gourmet
". Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus."
~chain quote

Chain, if she wants you to explain your models, she is interested. LOL

~gourmet~
Lots of girls seem to want that...I am wondering if they are not just being polite....

I am really bad at small talk. It is funny because I understand the purpose and could "fake it" but....I am also too darned honest to "fake it". Dishonesty actually "hurts"...It feels like sludge on my soul.
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  #65  
Old 07-02-05, 04:19 AM
DRANSWORLD DRANSWORLD is offline
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I think if you are not interested in a gal, its harder to notice when shes comin on to you. I have had girls i was interested in give me some pretty telltale signs, and not noticed. After the initial embarrasment and regret for not paying attention to thier body language.... i think anyone would be quick not to make the same mistake twice. Now just remember once you've mastered the art of female mystique-(read my mind NOW!) Make sure you pay ATTENTION when it comes to... umm how to put this... safety?
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  #66  
Old 07-03-05, 08:44 AM
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Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.
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  #67  
Old 07-03-05, 10:55 AM
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I think I am even a bit worse off than most ADDers, lol! I do not think I have good face reading capability...I get it all messed up...when I think they like me...they don't and vice versa. (I have lots of Asperger's on my father's side)

And yes... I do know women hide it...that makes it even worse. They do have some signs though. I can see them on some level...but I question whether I am "reading" them correctly.



Quote:
Originally Posted by DRANSWORLD
I think if you are not interested in a gal, its harder to notice when shes comin on to you. I have had girls i was interested in give me some pretty telltale signs, and not noticed. After the initial embarrasment and regret for not paying attention to thier body language.... i think anyone would be quick not to make the same mistake twice. Now just remember once you've mastered the art of female mystique-(read my mind NOW!) Make sure you pay ATTENTION when it comes to... umm how to put this... safety?
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  #68  
Old 07-03-05, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi-S
Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.
What happens when he is noticing everything! LOL!
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  #69  
Old 07-03-05, 11:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi-S
Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.
It becomes obvious when a friend notices it and you don't.
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  #70  
Old 07-03-05, 02:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFunctioning
It becomes obvious when a friend notices it and you don't.
I have that happen all the time...but I say "no...way!". It seems so unreal when it is second hand!
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  #71  
Old 07-05-05, 03:17 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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Re: Romance

Hey
I'm a female ADDer and I'm just as stupid when it comes to knowing whether I'm being hit on by a girl/guy......it's just an ADD thing
Sel
Quote:
Originally Posted by mccoffee
Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
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  #72  
Old 07-05-05, 10:34 AM
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There must be something to this. The oppourtunities I missed,the same way over and over again with young women with whom I just could not see their attraction to me,but later it was pointed out to me when it was too late. But this might be real common generally too.
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  #73  
Old 07-05-05, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79
Hey
I'm a female ADDer and I'm just as stupid when it comes to knowing whether I'm being hit on by a girl/guy......it's just an ADD thing
Sel
Yup! Sure is....

I love ADD women and it is so frustrating because unless they are "proud to be" ADD it is awfully difficult to assert myself to the level at which they understand my interest and vice versa.

I personally think ADD/ADD relationship can be the most functional if both people are "proud ADDers".(ADD/Other *tends* not to work so well)
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  #74  
Old 07-05-05, 09:18 PM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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Re: Romance!

HA HA HA!! I have people telling me when someone likes me and I'm like "Huh??" with this numb look about me...I can relate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Digitl
I am a womyn and i dont notice men looking at me. My friend will say , wow this guy was really looking at you..and i will be....really LOL..where is he??
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  #75  
Old 07-05-05, 09:24 PM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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Re: Romance

I'm just trying to get my head around being SOOOOOO "different" to the rest of the so called "normal" society and I agree ADD/ADD relationships and friendships work well but ADD/Other relationships and friendships can work well too providing the "Other" KNOWS and WANTS TO KNOW about ADD/ADHD...so I'm not really looking for a "relationship" as such but just fun...lol and I can also relate to the part where someone on here said that they find themselves reflecting on the past and then they realize that someone was hitting on them...but hey thats life we ADDer's are just no good at playing the dating game and we're not too crach hot on picking up on when someone's after us...lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by chain
Yup! Sure is....

I love ADD women and it is so frustrating because unless they are "proud to be" ADD it is awfully difficult to assert myself to the level at which they understand my interest and vice versa.

I personally think ADD/ADD relationship can be the most functional if both people are "proud ADDers".(ADD/Other *tends* not to work so well)
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