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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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  #76  
Old 07-06-05, 03:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79
ADD/Other relationships and friendships can work well too providing the "Other" KNOWS and WANTS TO KNOW about ADD/ADHD...so I'm not really looking for a "relationship" as such but just fun...lol
It can work out occasionally... but most of the time that person who is "normal" but is fascinated with your ADD is "ADD themselves" and just not dx'd. ADDers can put up a good front

And "relationship" what the "H" is one? I have a relationship with every person in my life, lol!

I do not get what a relationship is at all.

Fun IS the operative word here!
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  #77  
Old 07-06-05, 03:39 PM
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Perhaps it's where we live? I have met many definite "normals" who are sincerely interested in my adult perspective on ADHD. I have to disclose meds. to health professionals and have lost count of the number of extended appointments because I, somewhat reluctantly, took advantage of a teachable moment.

My "normal" friends like me because of, not in spite of, my ADHD and upon my diagnosis, the comment, "Well, we knew it was something, we just didn't know what." was uttered frequently, even by my own "normal" husband.
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  #78  
Old 07-06-05, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imnapl
Perhaps it's where we live? I have met many definite "normals" who are sincerely interested in my adult perspective on ADHD. I have to disclose meds. to health professionals and have lost count of the number of extended appointments because I, somewhat reluctantly, took advantage of a teachable moment.

My "normal" friends like me because of, not in spite of, my ADHD and upon my diagnosis, the comment, "Well, we knew it was something, we just didn't know what." was uttered frequently, even by my own "normal" husband.
Point well taken... I offered a very subjective point of view. It is not gospel...there are many cases where it can work and does.

Also...it is very geographical...in culturally conservative areas it is much more difficult to pick out ADDers (they are most likely the very anxious ones )

My region is culturally more open...but in that this allows me to be myself more...it distances me from "normals" more. They accept me... but close friendships are rarely formed.

I have just had horrible luck in forming friendships with "normals" (with the exception of long term friendships from childhood)...The term "normal" is really problematic as well. There is a group of "normals" that are not exactly "normal". They are very contextual people.... I call the type "ERCM"...(I know using these type description is disconcerting but unfortunately language works this way and I have no other way to describe this sub-type of "normal" or ER)

ERCM is usually very creative and has ADD-like qualities but does not have issues with joining groups (although they are questioners).

Regardless...I think you would be surprised to find out who you regard as a "normal" close friend is actually ADHD. I have had this happen before... Often before we know the nature of our "issues", we seem very "normal". I could hide all "symptoms"...I lost my wallet every so often but nobody was told. (I was dx'd in the 4th grade but thought that I had grown out of it)

Then again...I define ADHD as CM+ and there are plenty of people that are functional CM+ and would be considered "normal" (as in undx'd)

These are just my ideas... and I do care dearly about my "normal" friends but in ways that they only seem to appreciate during one on one time...I am still teased in social situations...cool with me though.

Being myself means being fully age role and gender role unattached. This does not mean immature and feminine...although I can be at times.

Not having role attachments is very confusing to most people...but I cannot fake it anymore and I do not want to take antidepressents to help me fake it.

So... It is much easier for me to form relationships with ADDers these days
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  #79  
Old 08-04-05, 07:50 PM
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I feel all of your pain. I know I can recall so many girls letting me know they wanted to be more than just friends. It still happens, and I always end up thinking to myself 10 different things at once. Usually the worst things that hit my mind in the short time it takes an ADDer' to think of 10 seperate things, are the ones that stick and I get all red in the face and change the subject.

I had a rough child hood growing up, I was always "The Stupid One". It kills your self esteem, and it really makes you feel insignificant. I only now at 22 have started seriously dating women. Even now with a college degree and one year until another, hear the comments and name calling of my youth. Sometimes I dont know If I will ever be able to have a realtionship.

I get the hint, but then think I'm kidding myself.
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  #80  
Old 08-04-05, 08:16 PM
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Just saw this topic for the first time and I'm laughing my ***** off because it hit so close to home. I've talked about, and been teased about this many, many times. I was the absolute, most cluless guy ever. I feel so bad looking back at all the girls that tried to get something going with me now that I realize how rejected and humiliated they must have felt. I can't wait to read the rest of this thread so I don't have to feel alone in this.

Hell, I had been going out with my now-wife for two weeks before I knew we were dating. I just thought she was friendly.
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  #81  
Old 08-04-05, 10:58 PM
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i met this guirl at the dog park rofl now i'm not sure if she is intreasted or not instreasted when i first starting talking to her i thought i was just boaring hear i dunno it's sad rofl...

Another girl that has been going up there for awhile i think she did like me but i missed it since i didn't pick up on it or i think i kinda knew i could be wrong it wouldn't work otu i don't think...
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  #82  
Old 08-07-05, 01:58 PM
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Thank god I found this thread...

I've thought I was socially inept since grade 6. I'm now in my third year of university. I always kinda thought that it was simply that girls didn't like me...Looking back, there's some pretty obvious times that I completely missed out on.

On the flipside, there have been random times (2-3) where I've been so ridiculously smooth that I could have said/done anything to these girls and have them eat it up like it was candy. I wish I could recreate those circumstances repeatedly, but I have no idea why those times worked so well. Those were fun because it wasn't forced, wasn't bad, and it was genuine.

And yes, it literally does take a slap in the face for me to see it, and I always see it too late. There have been too many "holy **** she was so hitting on me" moments hours, even days later for me.

Of course, there is such a thing as a girl that comes on too strong. Remember: Safety first!

What we need is a "normal" non add female to come in here and educate us. Maybe call it the "How to tell if girls are hitting you, even if you're oblivious" seminar. We can do it as a question/answer thing, with situational examples. It could be fun.
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  #83  
Old 08-07-05, 05:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bcaddkid
Thank god I found this thread...

I've thought I was socially inept since grade 6. I'm now in my third year of university. I always kinda thought that it was simply that girls didn't like me...Looking back, there's some pretty obvious times that I completely missed out on.

On the flipside, there have been random times (2-3) where I've been so ridiculously smooth that I could have said/done anything to these girls and have them eat it up like it was candy. I wish I could recreate those circumstances repeatedly, but I have no idea why those times worked so well. Those were fun because it wasn't forced, wasn't bad, and it was genuine.

And yes, it literally does take a slap in the face for me to see it, and I always see it too late. There have been too many "holy **** she was so hitting on me" moments hours, even days later for me.

Of course, there is such a thing as a girl that comes on too strong. Remember: Safety first!

What we need is a "normal" non add female to come in here and educate us. Maybe call it the "How to tell if girls are hitting you, even if you're oblivious" seminar. We can do it as a question/answer thing, with situational examples. It could be fun.
i could for sure use the ecuation rofl
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  #84  
Old 08-07-05, 06:30 PM
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Do any of us know a "normal" non add female?

Wait, nevermind...of course we don't...we're too damn oblivious when they talk to us, so they move on to the jock next door....

Since I found this thread this morning, I've kicked myself 100000 times, each one after remembering another "getting hit on" incident that I was oblivious to.
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  #85  
Old 08-14-05, 12:44 PM
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HAHAHAHA.....OK, so I'm a girl, but I came across this, and it's completely true for me as well---and it's only when a friend says, are you kidding??? He was so hitting on you, and I still can't believe it---I usually just assume people are nice and friendly.

Or sometimes, when I'll just be thinking back, it dawns on me.... why would he remember my birthday every year? Or why would he spend hours talking with me, and then stay at work till 3 am finishing off his own work? LOL--I've even had someone come up and just say "I like you," to which I answered, me too--lol--but I just thought it was like, you're a good friend!
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  #86  
Old 08-27-05, 09:33 PM
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Ok, so...update...

I have a thing for baristas...coffeeshop girls...It could be a problem...anyhow.

I've met another coffee shop girl. I talk to her. She likes talking to me. I spent $10 there today on coffee and bottled water, more or less just to talk to her, and she's great.

How do I give her my number without looking like a complete fool? Or do I just ask for hers? I figure if I give her my number, she can use it if she wants, or just, well, "lose it". It's less threatening, or something...gah what do I do?
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  #87  
Old 08-27-05, 09:34 PM
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ask her if she wants to go someplace to drink something other than coffee one night
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  #88  
Old 08-27-05, 10:15 PM
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Girls like ice cream right? Can we do that? I'd think it's easier to agree to than drinks at first...

Or maybe dinner so we can talk and really get to know each other? Chocolate fondue night at a restaurant?

Movie? ooohhh how about a hike? AHHHHHHH I dunno...I'm so worried about it..and I have to see her at school, seeing as how she has the SAME MAJOR at the SAME school as me...oddly we had never seen each other at school...


I hate dealing with this junk..why can't girls just ask me out?? Wait, I wouldn't notice...ARGHHHHHH
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  #89  
Old 08-27-05, 10:17 PM
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Maybe ask her to meet you at some public place...like a restaurant...someplace she'll feel safe, and you'll get some time to get to know one another

Hey...you could even go for a walk in the park!
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  #90  
Old 08-27-05, 10:23 PM
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Ice cream and a walk around town it is...assuming she's down with it.
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