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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

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Old 09-09-05, 12:37 PM
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Zippy Zippy is offline
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Originally Posted by Marmalade_man
I've been there done that often.

One female who was obviously frustrated with my lack of reponse said the following:
"Just shut up and kiss me stupid".
I've had similar occurences and often think, "why can't I have courage like that woman?". So, I start to (over)analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that the attraction doesn't stay as a main focal point in my mind for very long. Duh!! lol

Perhaps I'm just using that as an excuse for my cowardice behavior. It does seem as I'm attracted to a woman, perhaps I'll even engage in light conversation, then I don't really thing about it again unless I see her someplace again. The thought of pursuit never really crosses my mind.
Young, they threw me in a deep lake
to teach me to swim.
Now, older and stronger,
I think I'll throw them off a cliff
and teach them to fly.
I'm really getting the hang of this social thing.

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Old 09-30-05, 06:42 AM
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Slowpoke Slowpoke is offline

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I may not be "normal", I have ADHD (Inattentive apparently, but I can get the H to kick in when I want to party it up) and I'm of the XX type.

So the CSG (coffee shop girl) is in yoru class and MAKES THE BOLD MOVE TO CHOOSE A SEAT NEXT TO YOU....
so here is the big news for you boys:
in general, in university all girls have their SEATS and usually some friends to sit with. So if a girl all of a sudden CHOOSES to sit next to you, it most likely means that she has gone out of her way to do that, and that she is straying from her usual ritual of sitting in the same seat.

If you've always sat in the same seat and that day she sat beside you, that means she:
-recognized you
-felt that you are worthwhile to come and sit with
-and you are worth remembering

she was being just as oblivious about your cappucino move as you were about her hitting on you...
by the way, she might not have considered sitting beside you as hitting on you, but it's a definite GOOD sign.
my advice:
you have her attention! she feels comfortable approaching you - which is very good. you thought you made a total fool of yourself but she still came to you. good sign. very good. if she had thought you were a complete moron she wouldn't have bothered right?
so, now you have something in common... you go to the coffee shop and say something like
how are you finding the class so far?
ask her opinion
where do you usually sit?
what are you majoring in?
sorry about the other day, I was caught off guard to see you in class.. what do you think of the course so far?

if anything, girls usually really like self conscious boys/guys/men... and like it when guys are up front and say stuff like they're kinda shy when it comes to meeting people , but you think they're really cool and would like to hang out sometime.

Do you wanna hang out sometime after work and have something other than coffee... would be a good thing to say. She's already said she's sick of the food at work.
You can ask her if she'd like to check up on the competition and go have some coffee from the other place.

things that girls don't find creepy:
meeting for coffe/other food (bubble tea?)
go karts
movie with some of your friends and her friends (group dates are really cool)

other suggestions...
she's in your class, if you get a good conversation at the end of class, ask "wehre are you headed?" and walk her to the next class or whatever... or ask if she's been to someplace cool on campus that you know of... (nowhere secluded, but I went to UBC and there is a really nice japanese garden there, and cool place to study upstairs in the student union building near the fountain, also the museum of anthropology etc... you probalby know of some places on your own campus that are "safe"... start with ... "hey, have you ever been to...?"

you can always ask: "so what other courses are you taking?" and if she's taking something you've never heard of ask her if she liikes it or not.

I hope this helps...
if your foot is completely stuck in your mouth, just write a note saying you think she's cool and you would love to hang out... and give her your e-mail address.
my friend worked as a cashier at the UBC pool and she saw this guy she thought was cute... so next time the guy came by she said "here, this is for you" and handed him a scrap piece of paper with her name and phone number on it... they are still together 2 years later.

for guys, do the e-mail thing. ask her if it would be OK to get her e-mail in case you need to get notes from her or ask a question sometime.
e-mail is really non threatening b/c you have time to think of an answer.

hope this helps!!
"ADD?...yeah well, at least I'll never be accused of being BORING!!"
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Old 09-30-05, 12:25 PM
Shakedown1979 Shakedown1979 is offline

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Originally Posted by mccoffee
Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
Had this problem a lot when I was single. I used to find out after the fact that someone liked me, and friends were often shocked that I didn't pick up on it. Then, seeking instant gratification, I would confront the girl that allegedly liked me in at the wrong place and time, and have an uncomfortable conversation about whatever was sitting in my mind.

When I was in high school, my friends would joke about how many girls who never talked to me were into me, but those that knew me wouldn't date me no matter how I hard I tried.
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Old 09-30-05, 12:44 PM
dbr2 dbr2 is offline
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I wish one would hit on me so i could

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Old 10-15-05, 11:02 AM
Distraction Distraction is offline
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Thumbs up

This thread is great! I've always had this problem as well. The girl would always have to be the aggressive one or I would NEVER clue in. I never realized that might be the result of ADHD till I saw this.
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Old 10-15-05, 03:57 PM
bcaddkid bcaddkid is offline
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Great...I got played..she has a back together with the ex...the one she kept *****ing about...ugh...

Chicks suck, back to picking up ****s at the bar for me...

A real girlfriend just isn't for me.
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Old 11-03-05, 03:14 PM
eninac_DTS eninac_DTS is offline
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Originally Posted by Distraction
The girl would always have to be the aggressive one or I would NEVER clue in.
I always thought that, until a girl I really liked told me how much she liked me. I managed to convince myself that she was only fooling around and nothing came of it. Deep down I knew she was telling the truth, but I was too afraid of acting on it.
Another one, and this really disturbs me, was a friend of a friend that I got on great with. One night we were all out for a few drinks, and the end of the evening went like this:

Her: I'm going home now.

Me: OK!

Awkward silence

Her: Goodnight then.

Me: Goodnight.

And she goes home on her own. Well I just assumed she was going home, I never thought she wanted me to go with her! I never lived it down with my friends, they still ridicule me about it.
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Old 11-03-05, 11:58 PM
mccoffee mccoffee is offline

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i can't belive this thread is still going rofl
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Old 11-05-05, 01:02 PM
Russ723 Russ723 is offline

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Wow !!! You people know about everything!!!

I guess Dale Gribble has been publishing my phone conversations again

Unless a girl blows a fog horn, I won't notice.

I just lost one that I thought was the most beautiful girl ever.
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Old 11-06-05, 04:27 AM
Giant81 Giant81 is offline
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Completely oblivious

My problem is that before I've seen it there when it isn't... and not when it is. So when I do see it now... I pass it off as I'm not seeing it. And when I'm not seeing it... I'm disecting it trying to find out where it is.

For instance.

I'm 6'9" and people always come up to me to talk about my height.... I don't mind it and have gotten quite used to it. ITs a great conversation starter and I get to know alot of people with it.

I was a ca club when a very attractive short blonde came up to me and asked me 3 questions.

1) How tall are you? <--Typical question and started my mind in the wrong direction

2) Do you play backetball? <-- again typical question that pushed me further into oblivion

And the 3rd and final question that was just short of her stripping naked and jumping on me was...

3) Is it hard to have sex with women my height? <-- didn't see it until about 3 days later when I was talking with a friend... Now I'm hitting myself for not seeing it.

Thought you'd all get a laugh out of that one.
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Old 11-06-05, 07:53 PM
BCdude BCdude is offline

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You know, when i first saw this thread I started getting a bit depressed because at first I really didnt have many females openly flirt with me. Then I thought about it some more and realized that there were more than a few women that had tried to get my attention.

For instance about a year ago a friend of mine tried to set me up with this girl that lived in the city. She would mention her to me and me to her until one day I finally met her. Me, her and about four other girls ended up going to the bar, to chill out. Although her and I did talk a bit, it wasnt engaging conversation, but at near the end of the night we were talking about going clubbing and all of a sudden she flat out asked me if I wanted to go dancing with her sometime. Now logic would dictate that I say yes, ask her for her number and call her but I didnt do either of the above. I just said sorry, i dont dance. I never saw her again.

I talked to our mutual friend a few months later and found out that she did in fact like me, a lot. Its almost sad but every time I meet a girl that is interested in me, either I screw it up or I never see her again. Thats one reason my dating history is so...... blank
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Old 11-22-05, 12:57 AM
princecharles princecharles is offline

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I have been it that situation before, but as a very hyper person I usually would try to rush everything. The funny thing is it worked 90% of the time. It sounds like I just made a contradiction. But during my "calm" I go oblivous, but when I'm hyped there is no telling what will happen.
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Old 11-29-05, 05:45 PM
CollegeADHD CollegeADHD is offline

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Haha I hope thats me because I never seem to be "hit on" by any girls other than ones I'm not interested in.
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Old 12-16-05, 12:24 PM
Stranger Stranger is offline

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Same here-- when I was single I would figure out what was going on, about two weeks too late. By then she was off the radar screen, or hated my guts for blowing her off, or whatever. I, too, needed someone to throw herself in my path, but alas, that never happened.
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Old 12-24-05, 07:51 PM
william tell william tell is offline

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dudes stop,step out ,stop being afraid of rejection ,think of a time when you were the most comfortable,feeling self assured ,take a deep breath, live in that moment ,feel it,now ,go over and talk to her ,do not take no for an answer ,use humor ,we just want a ph. number and a dinner date ,then make sure she's actually someone you like
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