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  #16  
Old 02-25-16, 01:42 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

I'm so thankful I wasn't bullied much in school, my brother got bullied and called names lots though and that really hurt to watch....he was on prednisone to treat his Crohn's and it made him gain weight, so lots of people called him "fat" and other nasty things.. (I was more "invisible"/girl who didn't talk much more than anything.)

One time though(middle school), a guy called me the b-word, and I then took all of my strength and courage and slapped him across the face. He didn't call me any names after that.
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  #17  
Old 02-25-16, 10:10 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by aeon View Post
Based on my own experience, after trying everything else and not having any of it work, strong violence achieved results and stopped the bullying for good.

I donít like saying that, but thatís my truth.

---



Thatís one of two times I have been violent in my life.

The other time was in stopping a rape.


Namaste,
Ian
When I was a kid I don't think I could have won in a fist fight.

My little sister could beat me up, and she was 5 years younger.

All she had to do was knock my glasses off and then I couldn't aim properly.
---
Bravo to you for stopping a rape. I don't know how I would do that, but I would certainly try.
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  #18  
Old 02-25-16, 09:10 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Bravo to you for stopping a rape. I don't know how I would do that, but I would certainly try.
Thank you. I used a piece of rebar combined with a stealthy approach so as to have a chance to strike both men. I was able to, and this allowed the young woman to run away. Neither of the men ever saw me.

Taking action, and violent action at that, when triggered and seeing red, is a terrible, terrible thing.


Namaste,
Ian
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Old 02-25-16, 09:25 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by aeon View Post
Thank you. I used a piece of rebar combined with a stealthy approach so as to have a chance to strike both men. I was able to, and this allowed the young woman to run away. Neither of the men ever saw me.

Taking action, and violent action at that, when triggered and seeing red, is a terrible, terrible thing.


Namaste,
Ian
No doubt both you and the young woman had some PTSD from that.
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  #20  
Old 02-25-16, 09:39 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
No doubt both you and the young woman had some PTSD from that.
Her, I am sure...and I feel sad when I think about that.

Me, not so much from the external experience, but absolutely from my internal experience of the things I felt, which were very, very dark.


Blessťd Be,
Ian
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  #21  
Old 02-26-16, 09:44 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

Often (though hardly always) a bully learns the behaviour from others... That's how they learn to react to situations, to deal with any issue that comes their way. So you're right; they don't know how to communicate on a higher level.

Bullies can be taught about their behaviour, but it can't be the person being bullied to do it using a "higher" level of communication.

My experience was the same; I was bullied for years in the "blame the victim" era, where I kept being told I just needed to stop reacting and they'd stop targetting me. What utter BS that was! All my stopping reacting did was to convey my silent consent for the treatment they were giving me. It also caused me to retreat farther and farther into myself and wind myself so tight with emotion that I considered suicide.

The day I finally had enough and decked one of my bullies was the last day I was bullied.
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  #22  
Old 02-26-16, 10:11 AM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

I was bullied by kids in school because of my weight. I hated school because of it. All of my struggles were looked at as me simply being a hard headed and rebellious child, so I was forever being told to "straighten up and fly right", and all the other nauseating and demeaning cliches that built up a massive wall of shame and rejection.

Then when I hit 13, I experienced sexual abuse, and again in my later teens. I feel being bullied all those earlier years made me fearful of speaking out because I felt I'd get blamed for that, too, and never told anyone. I held it ALL in for decades, until just recently, actually, and the abusive cycle continued up into my early 30's.

I finally found some of my self-worth that had been buried so long, with the help of some very generous and kind souls who taught me how to love myself again and how to ask for and accept meaningful help.

I responded violently on many occasions during those years, depending on the occasion. My life was on the line in more incidents than I'd like to remember, and I was quick to jump to the aid of another, regardless of the consequences.

The first violent response was in high school when a girl who liked to pick on others just to get a rise out of them came up to me accusing me of looking at her boyfriend in the cafeteria.

I ignored her and kept walking away from her, until she shoved me. Then I grabbed her up by her hair (it was down to her waist), wrapped it around my wrist, and flung her over my back somehow. She never said another word. Ran into her a couple years ago and she had really short hair, and she's a hair stylist. I had to chuckle a little.

The bully mentality I encountered in the workplace, a state owned facility, was off the hook, too. Most especially when I spoke up about ethical wrongdoing, with concrete proof in hand and a very determined spirit. They get vicious and squash souls and stuff, but no one ever believes the victim. That was why I had to resign. Power speaks and hushes all others.

They sent me to my four free sessions of counseling provided by the insurance plan, "To get our key employee back in the game, because there's clearly something not right, and we want to support you in all the ways we can."

Had I snapped instead of resigning, they would have said, "She was seeking mental health services, we don't know what was wrong." Think about that next time you see a headline of someone "going postal", etc. Headlines are made to sell media, stories rarely get accurately reflected, especially in tragedy.

Many days, it feels like society as a whole is one big bully to me. Grateful to be able to still hold onto some hope amongst the BS. Grateful for those who bring the uncomfortable things into the light.
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  #23  
Old 02-26-16, 03:03 PM
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Re: Happy Pink Shirt Day!

So, further to my comment above about the bad old advice "don't stoop to the bully's level"...

Since then, there have been several examples that (in a twisted sort of way) actually end up proving the truth of that old misinformation. I know this is extreme use of anecdotal reports, but I find it interesting. In each of the cases where the bullying was ended satisfactorily, what the victim (or helper of the victim) did was indeed exactly that - not stooping to the bully's level. What all the successful ones did was temporarily stoop below the bully's level ("below" in the strategic sense only - for example, sneak attack from behind with a weapon is strategically a pretty nasty move), take definitive action at that level, and then resume being themselves. The ones who only stooped just as low as the bully was, and those who kept to "the high road", had less success in changing the circumstances.
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