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Men with ADD/ADHD This forum is for men to discuss issues related to being a man with AD/HD.

View Poll Results: Do you work out regularly?
Im a workout fanatic...Just call me Ahhhhnuld! 43 13.27%
I have a regular work out schedule 2 - 4 days a week 98 30.25%
I work out once a week 18 5.56%
I work out once every other week 11 3.40%
I cant seem to get motivated to work out, but I would love to 139 42.90%
I cant even spell wurk out...ermm woork out..nm 15 4.63%
Voters: 324. You may not vote on this poll

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  #106  
Old 03-08-04, 02:27 PM
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Ian,

These days, I am very like you in that I have had no patience at all. My wife is always angry with me, and her being able to yell now, while it is a good thing, has worn out it's charm in a big way.

My normal self is the gentle soul. I spend too much of the time overwhelmed these days though and that is from the fighting. Overwhelmed Dan is no patience Dan. No patience Dan is the guy who finds it to be near impossible to be good natured about the boys incessant arguing. The Dan who the five year old gets mad at for getting after him for being antsy (Five year olds ARE ansty). The Dan who gets into arguments with a 12 year old over household decisions the 12 year old has no say in (I catch myself and say "Why am I arguing with a 12 year old?"). I can be quite Cranky Ian. Though not the down right nasty Guy I was on that bad med mix (Wellbutrin and lexapro don't mix well). When I am not overwhelmed, on the other hand, Patience is something I have in spades. Easy going is the name of the game. I once had an angry gentleman punch me full in the face and didn't lose my temper ( I looked him in the eye and asked what his problem was. Turns out he'd been drinking This was in a bar, I'd just arrived in, so go figure. My reaction wasn't quite what he'd expected. He sort of changed colors and left in a hurry. ;-) Lucky for me he wasn't much of a puncher.). My wife used to say I had the patience of God. Heh. Guess I'd be the devil now...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not as bad as all that. I'm just very reactive. I think I'd fall under the category of not much fun, at my worst.
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  #107  
Old 03-08-04, 02:52 PM
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Smile selling/buying

Hi crew.
It looks like I'll be comfortable with a half hour now. That equals twelve logs.

I don't think I'm selling myself short at all Jim. I talked to PU (wife) last night after they all got home and the kids cleared out. Although she was sad to hear of my observations, she did not deny any of it. It was a calm discussion. She was sad.

For a week now I've had a clarity about my position and options that I have not had before. A selfish posture of sorts that leaves me quite focused. I'm not at all feeling like I'm headed off in unreasonable directions on impulse. I'm steady in my actions around the home through the internal roller coaster. This is unique for me.

Over the last month or more, I've taken up a lot more house hold duties and have begun to once again enjoy the kitchen. Work is comming along nicely and the cash flow is on a steady rise. PU has been quite exhausted over that same period and she's very appreciative about the extra efforts I'm making. I'm not doing it explicitly for her where once I would have as part of the "honeymoon" E-boy has spoken so well of elsewhere, but it's nice to be "part of" in what ever way I can be.

I told her about making it possible to leave if necessary and she isn't interested in that but I made the point that if it was ever deemed appropriate it would be much easier to do if I was in a position to actually make it happen myself. It's not that there isn't a bunch of things going well, it's just that my history has left things in such a position that even some of the small transgressions are not tolerated. I certainly feel like I'm losing my kids emotionally if in fact I ever had them. So really it's just a question of keeping the damage to a minimum.

I feel like if I can stay the course with the exercise that all will be well in the end. I have to hang on to something in order to feel like there is at least a rudder in the water. Whether the direction is true I can't tell but one thing is for sure. Without trying to head out on a path there is little chance of getting to making the dreams reality.

I got a lot of things done yesterday while the family was out. I got the new controller unit installed in the range hood and fixed the mini vac.. Mr. fixerupper.. Cleaned up some in the yard as the snow melts and set the repeating trap up in the basement for the spring rush if mice into the root cellar. I also took the time to partition and format a new hard drive so I can finally migrate from this old Redhat system and onto something new like Gentoo and Knoppix. I broke up the 80 gig drive (WD800JB) into twenty partitions for three separate operating systems.. ehhh oh how I love machines..

Gentoo I have built up before but finally found the drive was beginning to fail and causing the operating system to fail each time I got it within liveable configurations. The Gentoo is built entirely from source code against your specific hardware if you really want to play... and I do. It'll mean at least a month worth of downloads and compiling time but hey.. this machine is a hobby not a profession.

Cheers! Ian.
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  #108  
Old 03-08-04, 03:00 PM
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You guys sound so pratical and seem to see what is going on in your lives. It is something I hope to get to soon. I see what is going on around me and know that if I was advising me that I would tell myself that I am not going about it the right way. In a lot of situations I have taken the easiest road and not the high road all the time. Hopefully that will be the case. Good luck and good thoughts to both of you.
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  #109  
Old 03-08-04, 03:15 PM
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Dan is it ok to refer to you as Dan instead of "E-boy"?

I don't see others referring to your first name and I don't see you posting it in your signature but I'd look forward to talking to Dan..it's easier to type.. heh

I really appreciate the reality check on your patience. I'm not as hot as I made it sound I guess. I have made a lot of headway regarding my impulsive nature, but am still subject to :

HALT or
H = hungry
A = angry
L = lonely
T = tired

One of the things playing a large role in my frustration is the business of not commanding much respect from the kids. If PU isn't behind the idea, it has no teeth and I'm ignored for the most part. Not a good feeling. This is not beyond my understanding. I see how this has happened and this week-end I finally saw that my mistake was in expecting it to be different when nothing has changed on my part.

I don't know how I will or whether I can make inroads in this but I will stick to what I know and try to keep things moving ahead in hopes that things may change for the better. I do get very frustrated when I see that the girls are manipulating events with the knowledge that although I may be correct, without PU's sanction they won't have to submit to anything I might ask. My wife can't mediate all things and shouldn't have to but maybe this is a way for us to team up more intimately again in the parenting. I've quit asking much from the girls. I think this point is worth digging into a bit more with PU and I will.

This forum as a back board to sound out ideas is a very good thing for me. Thanks for hearing me out once again.

Cheers! Ian.

Quote:
Originally posted by E-boy
Ian,

These days, I am very like you in that I have had no patience at all. My wife is always angry with me, and her being able to yell now, while it is a good thing, has worn out it's charm in a big way.

My normal self is the gentle soul. I spend too much of the time overwhelmed these days though and that is from the fighting. Overwhelmed Dan is no patience Dan. No patience Dan is the guy who finds it to be near impossible to be good natured about the boys incessant arguing. The Dan who the five year old gets mad at for getting after him for being antsy (Five year olds ARE ansty). The Dan who gets into arguments with a 12 year old over household decisions the 12 year old has no say in (I catch myself and say "Why am I arguing with a 12 year old?"). I can be quite Cranky Ian. Though not the down right nasty Guy I was on that bad med mix (Wellbutrin and lexapro don't mix well). When I am not overwhelmed, on the other hand, Patience is something I have in spades. Easy going is the name of

the game. I once had an angry gentleman punch me full in the face and didn't lose my temper ( I looked him in the eye and asked what his problem was. Turns out he'd been drinking This was in a bar, I'd just arrived in, so go figure. My reaction wasn't quite what he'd expected. He sort of changed colors and left in a hurry. ;-) Lucky for me he wasn't much of a puncher.). My wife used to say I had the patience of God. Heh. Guess I'd be the devil now...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not as bad as all that. I'm just very reactive. I think I'd fall under the category of not much fun, at my worst.
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  #110  
Old 03-08-04, 03:19 PM
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Ian
That sounds like a good idea to me!
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  #111  
Old 03-08-04, 03:27 PM
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a day off hanging out at the garage therapy

Wow.. I'll have to print this out and staple it to my forehead so I can never forget that I've been called practical!!! Whooooohoooot!

Just kidding of course although it is true that "practical" is not my strong suit.

I do feel like I can see more clearly just now. I don't know why either although I do hope it lasts. It happened last week-end. Saturday afternoon to be specific. A shift... go figure. All these years and now I feel somehow empowered to look after my own interests. Not to the exclusion of others, just the contrary, but to include myself in the care I take with so many things. Really odd.. I like it very much but the feeling is new and frankly odd.

Thank-you Jim for putting me in the same paragraph with E-boy.. he's got a great rational mind that leads the way.

Until last week-end I felt exactly like you described in your post. It is not a pleasant feeling. Strength to you.

Cheers! Ian.

Quote:
Originally posted by biking guy
You guys sound so pratical and seem to see what is going on in your lives. It is something I hope to get to soon. I see what is going on around me and know that if I was advising me that I would tell myself that I am not going about it the right way. In a lot of situations I have taken the easiest road and not the high road all the time. Hopefully that will be the case. Good luck and good thoughts to both of you.
Jim
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Last edited by biker; 10-19-04 at 09:57 PM..
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  #112  
Old 03-08-04, 03:34 PM
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Thanks Ian,
I know I will get there I am still in a situation where as I grow I am forced to justify it and am still looking out for oncoming traffic that sometimes comes way to fasy. Hope I made that clear. You each inspire me in my own way to become a better person.
Thanks,
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  #113  
Old 03-08-04, 03:55 PM
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Me a great rationale mind?....... Have you been drinking Ian? By the way, Dan is fine.

I have the same issue with my children you do, for the record. It gets to the point where rather than ask me to do something for or with them they will ask their mother. After several go rounds with this I finally told both her and them that I am a person, not Mom's pet and I speak English so if they want something from me they have to ask me. If I say no, asking Mom if I'll do it doesn't trump me, it virtually garranties the answer is no and probably no the next time too. If you want to reason with me and you make good points my mind can be changed. If Mom comes to me independently, and makes good points, or makes the thundercloud face, my mind can be changed (or made up depending on the whys and hows). I am not an unreasonable man. For her part, my wife has the nasy habbit of complaining to the children about my shortcomings rather than just to me. I could see complaining to a close friend or confidante, or even to her counselor, or mother, but complaining to the children undermines my position in a big way and then she turns around and wonders why I have difficulties with them when she is not here. I tell her, "well it might have something to do with what you've been telling them about me" which she tries to deny. When I point out our middle son quoted one of her favorite gripes and rather than just send him out to the salt mines for life as I thought appropriate at the time, he was still in his room. Then she gets mad and asks me what I expect because everyone is angry with me. I tell her I expect her not to sabotage any attempt I make at doing better. Needless to say, it doesn't get substantially better after that. Sounds like you and PU at least are on the same page.
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  #114  
Old 03-08-04, 05:36 PM
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laughingly inspired

Indeed PU and I are for the most part on the same page. She's not beyond embracing change. The pendulum has swung back and forth during our 18 year tenure. I feel a change coming on. I expect her to see the wisdom of the merits of a united front to help alleviate some of my frustration with the girls. I'm excited about the prospects of what that might bring if I'm able to play my cards at all well.

You two are in a very tough spot in comparison. Funny that it is me who is coming to peace about leaving or at least doing without or something or something.

Jim if you feel inspired it's likely the fault of your willingness to remain open and searching. You offer up what you can, I draw strength from that too. Thanks to you bud. This whole thread is an inspiration for me. David's creating the board another... Andrew, Paul and Tara's wisdom too, along with all the regulars who tread before me, showing us the way. Dan's another story.. ;P~~~~~~ eheh (jk)

gratefully yours. Ian.


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Old 03-08-04, 06:04 PM
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Thanks Ian,
I am ready to learn new things and to come out from the problems in my life. I think I am open to leaving if that will make us both happier. I would not want to do that without saying I tried my hardest make it work. Yes and I agree with you on the others. Dan, I beleive you will be a very good pyschologist.
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  #116  
Old 03-08-04, 06:08 PM
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And try we do.. and laugh some too.. heh

Now what is that signature all about.. "Shoot low"?
Ian
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Old 03-08-04, 06:14 PM
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I love to laugh. It is supposed to be a joke. My brother always used to say that. I enjoyed it. I have a dry sense of humor, but I do have one. Also I love slapstick. Did you ever see the pink panther movies with peter sellers. They are very funny
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Old 03-08-04, 06:47 PM
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Yes Peter Sellers is a hoot.. I'll bet the kids could stand an introduction.. hmmm
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Old 03-09-04, 12:03 PM
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Dan is another story? Is it a scary one?! I love scary stories! Oooh! Tell me, tell me, tell me the scary Dan story! Is Dan a monster?! Is he scary?!

Sorry... What's all this about leaving Ian? Also, I am sorry about you being up all night on the dexidrine. There was the bit about "Fine tuning" the dosage first. You should be able to take a nap on it. You know Ian, too much stimulant can cause irritability and contribute to mood issues. Or you may well have co-morbid conditions you are unaware of. A full 50% of ADDers do. And a good many of those conditions are mood disorders HINT HINT. My point is Ian, before you go throwing in any towels, and before you accept the judgments passed on you your whole life, you may want to consider these items. Of course, I may be making a giant *rhymes with Bass* out of myself here. You may well have looked into this stuff already. Or you may have done what I initially did, which is to assume the docs would have looked for this stuff automatically. Don't count on it. Even some of the "specialists" seem woefully uniformed these days. The most recent studies are published though. You can arm yourself with information and find doctors who are familiar with it.

Don't mean to preach Ian. You are older and wiser than I. You may not believe that, but I do. I just hate to say anyone give in on the basis of percieved reality when, we, especially we here at the forum, know that what's percieved to be true, even by us, isn't necessarily the truth. The truth shall set you free Ian. Or make the guy with the negatives a little money on the side ;-) as the case may be. My point is, you have a neurological syndrome, that tends to have co-morbid conditions (you may not have been checked for), tends to be poorly medication managed, and the often undiagnosed co-morbid conditions tend not to be medicated at all. This syndrome deeply affects the very parts of your brain that regulate emotional responses, impulse control, and all sorts of other things. I just don't want you to look at this as necessarily this huge unsolvable character flaw. You'd be suprised what the tiniest little changes in the strangest places can do.
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Old 03-09-04, 12:11 PM
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A very well written, and well thought out response, E-Boy!
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